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Anorak News | Getting to the bottom of Princess Eugenie and Pippa Middleton’s weddings

Getting to the bottom of Princess Eugenie and Pippa Middleton’s weddings

by | 9th, December 2016

Is Princess Eugenie engaged to be married to a “very posh barman” called Jacks Brooksbank? The Daily Mail wants to know so it’s asking its readers. Rumours of wedding bells, says the paper, have taken on  “unstoppable force”.

One way to ascertain the fact would be to ask Eugenie’s mother, Sarah Ferguson, who can be summoned by pressing f9 on any TV producer’s keyboard. Sarah is full of knowledge, not least of all when In Finding Sarah – A Duchess’s Journey To Find Herself she told usFree your mind and your bottom will follow”.

 

Sarah ferguson

You shall go to the ball!

 

Which brings us to the Mail’s other Page 3 Gel, Pippa Middleton. In May, Pippa will walk down the aisle with “wealthy hedge fund trader” (WHFT)  James Matthews. Indeed, wealthy hedge fund trader is the title given to people who invest large amounts of cash in things other people do and make. It has been reduced of late to “hedge fund trader” but good to see the Mail giving the job the full billing and the respect it warrants.

 

St Mark's parish church, Englefield, Berkshire

St Mark’s parish church, Englefield, Berkshire

 

By marriage, Pippa will thus become a wealthy hedge fund manager’s wife. But until she has that enviable job title Pippa is, as the Mail notes, “the Duchess of Cambridge’s little sister who shot to public attention when she wore a bottom-hugging bridesmaid’s dress at the royal wedding in 2011”. You almost pity Pippa writing that down in the ‘Occupation’ part of her passport. But she’s ever keen to forge her own way and the Mail tells readers, “Pippa is said to have wanted a smaller, more intimate family wedding” than he sister’s televised do.

Westminster Abbey is out, then, so Pippa and WHFT James will marry at St Mark’s Church in Englefield, Berskshire, a venue every bit as cosy as Pippa’s dress.



Posted: 9th, December 2016 | In: Key Posts, Royal Family, Tabloids Comments (3) | TrackBack | Permalink