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Christmas Is Cancelled: every time the media said Xmas was dead

by | 14th, December 2016

Christmas cancelled

 

Every season the media tells readers “Christmas is cancelled”. Here’s a list of Christmases cancelled this season of cheer.

Nottingham Post, Novembers 18: “Christmas has effectively been cancelled for dozens of young children after thieves ransacked a nursery in Stapleford.” Thieves broke in and stole computers.

Stoke Sentinel, November 21: “Christmas is cancelled in Tunstall.” Why? Because there aren’t enough volunteers to help with a council-run do.

Daily Express, November 23: “‘We are a Muslim business’ Woolworths store cancels Christmas over Islamic customers.” A Woollies in Dortmund has stopped selling Christmas decorations and seasonal tat because it’s Muslim? No. “Branch manager Seda Capakcur, 25, confirmed Christmas products had been withdrawn from sale. She said: ‘The Christmas articles are hardly in demand here. Already last year, everything remained unsold.'”

Spokeswoman Diana Preisert said: “Woolworth is, of course, not a Muslim company. Christmas merchandise is available from September onwards and should be sold out by the end of December. In this branch, however, demand was too low. Therefore the goods were distributed to other branches.”

December 2, Morning News USA: “Christmas Cancelled? Santa Banned In This Part Of Oregon.” Bah! “An Oregon school district on Tuesday decided to ban Santa and other religious-themed decorations within the classroom.” Santa is religious?

December 4, USA Today: “Christmas is cancelled: Santa breaks leg.” (Psst! He’s not the real Santa.)

Daily Mail, December 4: “Cowell tells his harem that ‘Christmas is cancelled’ as he plays happily families in the Caribbean with his girlfriend and son.” Simon Cowell has cancelled Christmas for “old flames Sinitta, model Jackie St Clair and make-up artist Mezhgan Hussainy”, who will not be joining him on his family hols in the sun.

Hull Daily Mail, December 8: “Christmas is cancelled for Hull thief Stewart Firth.” Crook told to spend Christmas thinking about his crimes.

Derby Telegraph, December 8: “Parents fear Christmas could be cancelled in Derby schools because of strike action.” Teaching assistants are thinking of going on strike. Elves union watching events closely.

Irish Independent, December 12: ““Everyone is seriously p***** off” – Jose Mourinho reported to have cancelled Christmas.” Instead of training on Christmas Day morning, Manchester United will be training on Christmas Day afternoon.

News.au, December 13: “Christmas is cancelled: Shortage of all your favourite festive treats.” Yep, the Hatchimal toy is selling out fast!

Daily Star, December 14: “Christmas is cancelled.” It’s been cancelled by striking Southern Railways staff and looming strikes by workers of Argos and the Post Office.

More to follow…



Posted: 14th, December 2016 | In: Reviews Comment | TrackBack | Permalink