Anorak News | Professor Ferguson tests the theory: can sex with a married blonde cure coronavirus and end lockdown?

Professor Ferguson tests the theory: can sex with a married blonde cure coronavirus and end lockdown?

by | 6th, May 2020

Prof Neil Ferguson

Prof Neil Ferguson was a government adviser on coronavirus. He helped the Prime Minister work out the coronavirus-controlling lockdown campaign. The Sun calls him the “scientist who sent Britain into lockdown”. Unless we adhered to the lockdown rules, his warning was that as many as 500,000 (Telegraph) or 250,000 (BBC) of us could die from Covid-19. Drastic action was needed. And we were all in it together. But then the expert who judged it all fell victim to an “error of judgement”. What did he do? The headlines tell us all:

Prof Neil Ferguson

Prof Ferguson regrets “undermining” the messages on social distancing by reportedly hooking up with a married woman called – get this for nominative determinism – Antonia Staats. Indeed, what maths bod can resist Staats?

The Sun says, “Ms Staats and her husband live together with their two children in a £1.9million home but are understood to be in an open marriage”. She reportedly visited her lover twice during lockdown:

Her first visit, on March 30, coincided with a public warning by Prof Ferguson the lockdown measures would need to stay in place until June.

She made a second trip on April 8 despite telling friends she suspected her husband – an academic in his thirties – had coronavirus symptoms.

“I accept I made an error of judgement and took the wrong course of action,” says the expert who told us all to stay on or else, and was listened to by a PM who has a history of extra-marital shagging. “I have therefore stepped back from my involvement in Sage [Scientific Advisory Group for Emergencies – do they think of the acronym then find the words?]. I acted in the belief that I was immune, having tested positive for coronavirus and completely isolated myself for almost two weeks after developing symptoms. I deeply regret any undermining of the clear messages around the continued need for social distancing.”

Focus on the blonde Antonia Staats in the Mail – Prof gets second billing in his own story
Antonia Staats
Ferguson and Antonia ‘Vital’ Staats

Prof Neil added that the government advice on social distancing is “unequivocal”, adding that it was there “to protect all of us”.

Unless, of course, you fancy a shag, in which case, wear full PPE.

Posted: 6th, May 2020 | In: News Comment | TrackBack | Permalink