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Paul Sorene | Anorak - Part 1873

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Look Out For The Transvestite Terrorists

RUN! Don’t walk!

If you thought Omar Bakri was mad and Abu Hamza a hook handed one-eyed purple people eater, then prepare to be terrorised out of your mind.

Here comes the … (read more)

Posted: 21st, February 2007 | In: Broadsheets | Comment


In The Orange Corner – Big Brother’s Jade Goody & Danielle Lloyd Fight

“IT’S clear that Jade still needs her anger management therapy. Dani looked shell-shocked.”

Looking shell-shocked is what Danielle Lloyd, for it is she, does well, what with her being a mo-del … (read more)

Posted: 21st, February 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Nunny Shall Sleep – Big Brother Michelle Bass’s Eurovision

BIG Brother housemate emeritus Michelle Bass can’t talk for long. She’s off out. “It’s a transvestite karaoke party.”

Oh? “But this thing is I think I have a fear of transvestites. … (read more)

Posted: 21st, February 2007 | In: Reviews | Comment


Croft Original – Kerry Katona’s Wedding

PICK the crabsticks from your teeth and crack open another bottle of Iceland’s premier champagne – Kerry Katona is married.

Kerry, who was once Kerry McPadding, is now Kerry Croft, wife … (read more)

Posted: 21st, February 2007 | In: Reviews | Comment (1)


Princess Diana – The Second Coming

PRINCESS Diana remains embalmed on the Express’s front page.

But darken and lengthen the hair, airbrush the thread lines and reshape the face. Look again. Diana’s resemblance to Kate Middleton is … (read more)

Posted: 20th, February 2007 | In: Royal Family | Comment


Jade Goody’s Old Habits

“JADE’S back in rehab.”

So says the Star’s front page. And reading on we learn that “Big Brother bully” Jade Goody – rebranded Jade Hoody – is within the cushioned walls … (read more)

Posted: 20th, February 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Tom Cruise & Katie Homes Go Back To School

TOM Cruise and Katie Holmes match.

Clad in what fashion watchers are calling Star Trek chic, Tom and Katie wear matching silver helmets, matching moon boots and matching spandex ankle socks … (read more)

Posted: 20th, February 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


The Virtual War On Terror

SEE the motorway driver parking his car. His shoulders slump. His neck winds back in. He craves relaxation. Such are the strains of life on the road.

So he walks into … (read more)

Posted: 20th, February 2007 | In: Broadsheets | Comment


You Say, You Pay

“BECAUSE of a technical problem with our telephone supplier” You Say We Pay, mainstay of teatimes with Richard & Judy, has been axed.

It was Judy Finnegan’s job to make that … (read more)

Posted: 19th, February 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment (1)


Prince Harry – Bullet Magnet

FRESH from manoeuvres in drinking dens throughout London’s Mayfair zone, Prince Harry is battle hardened and ready to fight in Iraq.

But concerned voices are talking loudly. The Mail reports on … (read more)

Posted: 19th, February 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Coleen McLoughlin Relives The Auld Days

MORE exerts from Wayne Rooney’s February 19 2007 autobiography as girlfriend Coleen McLoughlin tells all.

The Mirror has given over its cover and two pages to Coleen. These are … (read more)

Posted: 19th, February 2007 | In: Back pages | Comment


Danielle Lloyd’s Dark Side

IT’S Big Brother’s Danielle Lloyd.

For those of you unversed in Danielle’s work, she is dressed for the job in a pair of white hotpants and little else. Danielle … (read more)

Posted: 19th, February 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Britney Spears’ Merkin

DID Britney Spears have lice? Had she slept with a Nazi in occupied Holland? Is it a fashion statement, Britney giving her head a rest from so much peroxide … (read more)

Posted: 19th, February 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Britney Shears

Why did Britney shave her head:

For attention?

To remove lice?

To look like K-Ferret?

… (read more)

Posted: 18th, February 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Bald Britney

… (read more)

Posted: 18th, February 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Nut Bags! – Royal Lessons With Dame Helen Mirren, Robbie Williams & Sharon Osbourne

THE week brought a question: What odds Her Majesty the Queen abdicating in favour of Dame Helen Mirren?

Make that two questions: And what odds that any of the … (read more)

Posted: 18th, February 2007 | In: Broadsheets | Comment (1)


Selling A Rounded Brand – Edgy Brits Need Manning & Sadowitz

RUSSELL Brand everybody.

“He was an edgy host for an edgy live event. It worked well,” says an ITV spokesman.

“Edgy” is marketing speak for “likely to swear on the telly”. And … (read more)

Posted: 17th, February 2007 | In: Reviews | Comment


Lindsay Lohan’s Wonderland

LINDSAY Lohan is out of rehab.

This much we know.

But did she realise what she was getting into?

Lohan was staying at California’s Wonderland clinic.

We who are versed in rest homes for … (read more)

Posted: 17th, February 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Civil War

EVERY day of every week the Mail thinks up imaginative ways to remind you that life is cruel and you are going to experience pain and die.

And if … (read more)

Posted: 17th, February 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


When The Queen Meets Sharon Osbourne

“GO on,” says Her Majesty the Queen. “Pull it. Pull my hand.”

It is good to know that the Queen is sensitive to the cultural mood and knows what to … (read more)

Posted: 16th, February 2007 | In: Uncategorized | Comment


Teddy In Bed – Big Brother’s Danielle Is Out

IT’S a Danielle from Big Brother “exclusive”.

Given the popular reaction to her time in the Big Brother house, any interview with Danielle Lloyd is bound to be laced … (read more)

Posted: 16th, February 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Victoria Beckham, Emma Bunton, Take That & Noel Gallagher’s Message To Robbie Williams

“GET well, Robbie, from Posh and pals xxx.”

In case Robbie Williams doesn’t get the Sun delivered to his padded suite at The Meadows clinic in Arizona, we relay … (read more)

Posted: 16th, February 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Dance, Heather Mills, Dance!

IT’S Heather Mills. Or, more precisely, it’s Heather Mills’ appendage.

“Mucca signs up for celeb dance show,” announces the Star. “FALSE LEG IN..RIGHT LEG OUT.”

Oh, such fun it is to … (read more)

Posted: 16th, February 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Brits Out – Amy Winehouse Wins, Lily Allen Loses, Joss Stone Comes Up Short

“BRITS out for the lads,” commands the Star’s front page. “ALL THE STUFF YOU DIDN’T SEE ON THE TELLY.”

There promises to be quite some feast of talent and happening for … (read more)

Posted: 15th, February 2007 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment


Love Is…Gemma Atkinson’s Thong

“TV Gemma bares all – My Valentine’s With Ronaldo.”

While ten Wags dress themselves and others on TV’s Wags Boutique, Gemma Atkinson, Wag to Manchester United footballer Ronaldo, is carving out … (read more)

Posted: 14th, February 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment