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Anorak | Anorak - Part 1874

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Jennifer Lopez Is Jennfier Lopez

“HOW do I love?” asks Jennifer Lopez of herself. “Very strong,” she answers, passionately, without any barriers or regrets. When I love, I really do love intensely.”

This promises to be … (read more)

Posted: 12th, April 2007 | In: Reviews | Comment


Comic Relief – Tara-Palmer Tomkinson Is Kooked Up

“TARA-Palmer Tomkinson is “reassuringly crazed”.
So says OK!, which catches up “kooky, wild and unpredictable” T P-T as she wears a succession of clothes at the Mayfair Hotel.

As OK! arrives, whacky … (read more)

Posted: 12th, April 2007 | In: Reviews | Comment


Kerry Katona’s Dogs, Stags And Kids

KERRY Katona is at Chester Zoo.

Forgoing Iceland, her favoured hang out, for so many lions and tigers, Katona is with her three daughters, Eenie, Meenie and Mo.

“Now, you don’t see … (read more)

Posted: 12th, April 2007 | In: Celebrities, OK! | Comment (1)


Victoria Beckham’s Coffee Mourning

“VICTORIA SPEAKS OUT”.

Finally, after so many long silences, Victoria Beckham opens the toothy grill at the front of her face and begins to tell us what life is like being … (read more)

Posted: 12th, April 2007 | In: Reviews | Comments (14)


Big Brother Jade Goody Wears A Wee Nappy On Her Face

“JADE‘S SICK WEE SECRET – Big Bro star’s face wiped clean with dirty nappies.”

Reports of Jade Good’s celebrity death have been greatly exaggerated and once more the bullying bigot is … (read more)

Posted: 12th, April 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)


Hillary Clinton Makes A Stand Against Don Imus – Literally

HILLARY Clinton has waded into the debate on Don Imus.

Says Hillary: “Don Imus’ comments about them were nothing more than small-minded bigotry and coarse sexism. They showed a disregard for … (read more)

Posted: 12th, April 2007 | In: Reviews | Comments (3)


Prime Minister’s Petitions – Rejections

Anorak begins a regular look at those petitions appearing on the Prime Minister’s website.

Submit your petition to Anorak and we will champion the best one. It will be a group … (read more)

Posted: 11th, April 2007 | In: Reviews | Comments (5)


Kathy Sierra’s Antanaclasis

TO recap: Kathy Sierra, internet blogger, has received vile abuse from readers. Editors of newsprint organs would not prints such rubbish but on the Internet there is far less contol, … (read more)

Posted: 11th, April 2007 | In: Reviews | Comment


Kirsten Dunst Little Weed

SAYS Kirsten Dunst in the Sun: “I drink moderately, I’ve tried drugs. I do like weed. I have a different outlook on marijuana than America does…I’ve never been a major … (read more)

Posted: 11th, April 2007 | In: Reviews | Comments (3)


Rat Dies In OAPs Mouth

“Staffing was so inadequate at a California senior center that a rat crawled into an Alzheimer’s patient’s mouth and died there before staff noticed, a lawsuit claims…” … (read more)

Posted: 11th, April 2007 | In: Reviews | Comment


White House Uses A Second System

A secondary email system exists in the White House? It’s bene reported that officials have been caught discussing Goevrnment business on it.

As Dizzy notes, unlike any secondary email system that … (read more)

Posted: 11th, April 2007 | In: Reviews | Comment


Sun, Shopping And Sales

NOTHING improves your mood like a bit of good weather, particularly if you are a retailer.

According to figures from the British Retail Consortium, the good weather in March helped to … (read more)

Posted: 11th, April 2007 | In: Money | Comment


Rung up Debt – The Sixfold Mortgage

THE sea of debt threatening to submerge the whole of the country continues to rise with news that lenders are now offering mortgages equal to six times the salary to … (read more)

Posted: 11th, April 2007 | In: Money | Comment


Sickness Benefits – Back To Work

FEELING a bit hungover? Can’t seem to get out of bed? Considering taking the day off? Well think again you lazy selfish oaf, and hop in that shower. Your economy … (read more)

Posted: 11th, April 2007 | In: Money | Comment


Anna Nicole Smith’s A Slapper

“ANNA Nicole Loved KINKY SEX!” says the Enquirer.

Las Vegas illusionist Steve Wyrick says he met Anna Nicole at one of his shows. “After the show ended she came on stage, … (read more)

Posted: 11th, April 2007 | In: Reviews | Comment (1)


Headline of The Day – Pamela Anderson

“PAM LOOKS Lumpy” – National Enquirer spots Pamela Anderson on the beach. … (read more)

Posted: 11th, April 2007 | In: Reviews | Comment


Sanjaya Malakar Holds An Indian Sign Over American Idol

IS SANJAYA Malaka, American Idol’s song whisperer, is at the centre of a plot.

As the Enquirer asks: “Is Simon behind a conspiracy to keep the clownish contestant on the show.”

Sanjaya’s … (read more)

Posted: 11th, April 2007 | In: TV & Radio | Comments (5)


Jennifer Aniston’s Juggles Sam Rockwell, Ryan Kavanagh And Orlando Bloom

“JENNIFER Aniston is “juggling 3 men”.

Has her career in light entertainment come to this? And how long before Aniston’s dreams of Oscar glory are dealt a deadly blow by a … (read more)

Posted: 11th, April 2007 | In: Reviews | Comments (14)


Big Brother Becomes Big Sister

“SEX FACTOR – Shock new show on trannies who want to be Dani!”

The Star brings news of Channel 4’s new show Mr Miss World. And how “fella-in-a-frock” Gavin Beales wants … (read more)

Posted: 11th, April 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Suits You – Your Chance To Dress Like A President Ahmadinejad Hostage

ANYONE who can answer the Sun’s puzzler – “What is the capital of Iran?” – can win one of those jackets President Ahmadinejad gave the hostages.

All we need are Turney’s … (read more)

Posted: 11th, April 2007 | In: Reviews | Comment


Navy Knickers To Faye Turney’s Crictics Says Iraq Hostage John Nichol

LIKE President Ahmadinejad, the Mirror wants it both ways. It is both affronted and complicit in a spin.

Having paid money to Iranian hostage Arthur Batchelor for his story, it now … (read more)

Posted: 11th, April 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comments (28)


The Navy’s Batchelor Boy Empties Ahmadinejad’s Pockets

“I ONLY got enough money for a few driving lessons,” says Able Seaman Arthur Batchelor, now free from his Iran ordeal.

While blonde Faye Turney’s tale of missing her daughter and … (read more)

Posted: 11th, April 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment (1)


iPods In Class For A Dog Of An Education

“AN IPOD BRIBE FOR BAD PUPILS,” announces the Mail’s front page.

Readers learn that in a climate of “soaring indiscipline”, teachers are to “reward” pupils with “prizes and privileges”.

The formula for … (read more)

Posted: 11th, April 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment (1)


Larry Birkhead Is Father Of Anna Nicole Smith’s Danielynn

LARRY Birkhead is Dannielynn’s paternal father. The DNA results for the deceased son of the deceased Anna Nicole Smith are in.

And they are, reportedly, 99.99% accurate.

Wow indeed. Anyone else feel … (read more)

Posted: 10th, April 2007 | In: Reviews | Comment (1)


Don Imus Shoots And…

DON Imus, American radion host, has called the mainly black Rutgers basketball team a bunch of “nappy-headed hos”.

Imus chose to make his view known while broadcasting his nationally syndicated and … (read more)

Posted: 10th, April 2007 | In: Reviews | Comment (1)