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Paul Sorene | Anorak - Part 1875

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Strip Or No Strip – Deal Or No Deal’s Kelly Kay & Mum

“I GOT into topless modelling when I as 19,” says Kelly Kershaw, familiar to men of a certain disposition, Sun readers and her mum Jane as Kelly Kay.

Kelly first came … (read more)

Posted: 9th, February 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comments (3)


Hillary Clinton’s Evil and Bad Men

QUOTE: “What, in my background, equips me to deal with evil and bad men?” Hillary Clinton, repeating a reporter’s question.

Figure of Speech: innuendo, the winking figure. From the Latin, meaning … (read more)

Posted: 9th, February 2007 | In: Uncategorized | Comment


Shilpa’s Just Desserts – Big Brother Winner Meets Tony Blair

“SHILPA’S IN THE HOUSE,” announces the Sun.

And so it is that Big Brother’s Shilpa Shetty pulls on a white sari, a garland of flowers and heads to the Houses of … (read more)

Posted: 8th, February 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Britney Spears’ Naked News

BRITNEY SPEARS is in the bath.

Britney Spears is waiting for her accountant. Her manager. Her publicist. Britney Spears is waiting for her people to arrive.

According to Britney’s former nanny, the … (read more)

Posted: 8th, February 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Prince Harry’s Retreat

PRINCE Harry Baseball Cap’s preparations for the front line are progressing well.

Young Harry knows that there are bigger fights to fight than the brawl at London’s Mahiki Club.

As Dirk Tourette, … (read more)

Posted: 8th, February 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Michael Barrymore Pie In Elton John Syrup

ANYONE for “Barrymore Pie”?

In PIES AND PREJUDICE”, the Sun looks over the fare on offer at Mad O’Rourke’s Pie Factory.

Why anyone should want to dine at an eatery where the … (read more)

Posted: 7th, February 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Lust In Space

“SHUTTLE astronaut wore nappy in bizarre mission to kidnap love rival.”

The Express’s introduces the “astronaut avenger”. Named Captain Lisa Nowak, this space ranger can be seen in her orange flight … (read more)

Posted: 7th, February 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Jemima Khan Won’t Dance To Hugh Grant’s Music And Lyrics

“GRANT’S girl Khan do better.”

So says the Mail’s Allison Pearson, who has, like the rest of us, been observing Hugh Grant and Jemima Khan.

Allison says Grant looks more like the … (read more)

Posted: 7th, February 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Kylie Minogue – From T&A to V&A

“KYLIE’S revenge on her cheating lover,” promises the Mail’s front page.

Kylie’s now ex-lover is French actor Olivier Martinez. And Kylie revenge is to have… Well, can you guess?

Did Kylie: a) … (read more)

Posted: 7th, February 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Big Brother’s Jade, Danielle & Shilpa Confess

“DANIELLE DUMPED – Distraught over love-split from boyfriend Teddy.”

“SHILPA DELIGHTED – Ready to meet the Queen and Prime Minister.”

“JADE DESTROYED – Jack’s flirting with Danielle sends her to rehab.”

So goes … (read more)

Posted: 7th, February 2007 | In: Reviews | Comment


Dusky Maidens – Big Brother’s Russell Brand On Women & Danielle’s Inner Shlipa

“BRAND’S BIG BROTHER CELEB SEX BOOK – star tries to ban seedy biog.”

The Star’s front-page news is supported by a shot of Danielle’s Lloyd, the woman who is in Dubai … (read more)

Posted: 6th, February 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Hugh Grant Flops

HUGH Grant is in conversation with the BBC Breakfast show host Kate Silverton.

Silverton, all lip gloss and eye-catching bad fashion, is too routinely awful to escape the suspicion that it … (read more)

Posted: 6th, February 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Down(load) With The Beatles

IT’S “BEATLEMANiA”.

The Mirror, ever tuned in to the zeitgeist, uses its front page to trumpet the band that will conquer the world.

With their uniform mop top hair-dos and simple catchy … (read more)

Posted: 6th, February 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Kelly Osbourne Nose

KELLY Osbourne’s eyes are half closed.

This is “wildchild” Kelly Osbourne, the mushroom-shaped daughter of vibrating rocker Ozzy and Pixie-voiced discount food shopper Sharon.

Kelly is “wild-eyed”, says the Star. And we … (read more)

Posted: 6th, February 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Kate Moss – Where Are My Lines?

“THESE pictures of Kate Moss come as bit of a shock, don’t they?”

The Mail is not wrong. The nine stills of Kate Moss are nothing short of shocking. And the … (read more)

Posted: 6th, February 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


War On Terror – Paying The Price

“HAMZA’S lawyer is paid £506,466 and it’s all from legal aid in just 7 months.”

If ever there was a tale to inspire and show that the UK is a land … (read more)

Posted: 6th, February 2007 | In: Broadsheets | Comment


Goody Riddance – Big Brother Jade Kicks The Habit

“JADE GETS BOOT FROM CLINIC.”

Big Brother’s Jade Goody continues to make front-page news in the Star.

“Troubled Big Brother star too angry for anger management sessions”,” comes the teaser.

Is this possible? … (read more)

Posted: 5th, February 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Salad Days – Ad-Dressing Education With Roy Keane

“ALL change as schools rip up the timetable.”

So says the Times’s front page. And we read of “Ten-minute lessons” and “week-long projects”.

Such are the plans to restructure the Key Stage … (read more)

Posted: 5th, February 2007 | In: Uncategorized | Comment


Muslim Smart Cops

“MUSLIM COP WHO SNUBBED IAN BLAIR.”

So says the Sun, which “FINDS HANDAKE ROW WPC”.

In truth, the paper might not have had to look all that hard for the Muslim copper … (read more)

Posted: 5th, February 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Faria Alam Exposed

IT takes a certain kind of woman to standby for love while her man empties the dishwasher.

Its takes Faria Alam, the former Football Association secretary, whose games of keep-uppy in … (read more)

Posted: 5th, February 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment (1)


Olivier’s Army – Kylie Minogue’s Lover On Penelope Cruz

KYLIE Minogue, look away now. These are the pictures that will break your heart, says the Mirror.

“KYLIE CAD CRUZ SCHMOOZE,” announces the Mirror’s front page.

There’s a picture of Olivier Martinez. … (read more)

Posted: 5th, February 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


“BRITNEY FORCED INTO REHAB”

“BRITNEY FORCED INTO REHAB.”

What’s this? Britney Spears, pop tart, estranged wife to rapping rodent K-Ferret and baby juggler par excellence is in rehab, that refuge for the tired and emotional … (read more)

Posted: 3rd, February 2007 | In: Reviews | Comment


Shhhh! – Shilpa Shetty Jade Goody & Victoria Beckham’s Big Fat Zero

SHHHH!

ON Monday we listened as millions and more Britishers tried to pronounce the name Shilpa Shetty, the Big Brother Bollywood babe.

And it is important that you try to say it … (read more)

Posted: 2nd, February 2007 | In: Broadsheets | Comment


2+2=5 – Big Brother’s Jade Goody Is The Real Victim

IT was a bright day in January and Big Brother’s Danielle Lloyd is telling the police the “TRUTH” about the “P*KI JIBE”.

We all know how Big Brother begins, but how … (read more)

Posted: 2nd, February 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Paris Hilton, Linsday Lohan & The Tumour – Who’s Better In Bed?

PARIS Hilton is better in bed than Lindsay Lohan.

In “Paris is best for romps’”, the Sun gets to work compiling a list of the best celebrity shags.

To aid the Sun’s … (read more)

Posted: 2nd, February 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment