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Platt’s Yer Lot – Tina O’Brien Quits Coronation Street

“TINA goes out with bang,” says the Star, and readers are greeted to the site of banging soap babe Tina O’Brien.

As the 9th rule of soap law dictates, the starlet’s … (read more)

Posted: 10th, April 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Des Browne Tells All

IT’S Iran hostage day at Anorak Towers. And to mark the occassion we, in partnership with The Spine, are giving readers who can complete the following sentence in twelve words … (read more)

Posted: 10th, April 2007 | In: Uncategorized | Comments (2)

New MoD Army Can Balance The Books

THE Ministry of Defence paid out £78million in compensation and legal fees for the year 2005-06.

The Telegraph says the money settled claims persued by civilian staff and service personnel injured … (read more)

Posted: 10th, April 2007 | In: Reviews | Comment

Up With The Lark – Vaughan Williams Is No. 1

EVERY day produces another survey and in honour of National Dead White Man Week we reveal that the piece of classical music Britons like best is Vaughan Williams’ the Lark … (read more)

Posted: 10th, April 2007 | In: Reviews | Comment

Where Are The Iranian Captives Now?

NEW media careers await those military personnel freed from Iranian captivity. Wathing daytime TV we were delighted to see Royal Marine Capt Chris Air, one of the 15 held, … (read more)

Posted: 10th, April 2007 | In: Uncategorized | Comments (3)

President Ahmadinejad Is Brought To Book

WITH the world watching, President Ahmadinejad has something to say: “With great honour, I declare that as of today our dear country has joined the nuclear club of nations can … (read more)

Posted: 10th, April 2007 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

Kate Moss, Beth Ditto And One – Caption It

KATE Moss, Beth Ditto and one other are in Troubador club, Los Angeles. Capton it… Click on the pic for a bigger pic. … (read more)

Posted: 10th, April 2007 | In: Caption Competition | Comments (65)

Britons Love Soft Pawn

FACED with high-interest credit cards, greedy banks and high-risk loan sharks, large sections of the public are returning to the traditional pawnbroker to give them a helping hand with their … (read more)

Posted: 10th, April 2007 | In: Money | Comment

Heather Mills’ Lover in his 70s

DENYS Karmal, brother to Heather Mills’ ex-husband Alfi Karmal, tells Closer magazine about how the one-stepper had eyes for Mick Jagger.

Mick had arrived at a London club where a young … (read more)

Posted: 10th, April 2007 | In: Reviews | Comment

Coronation Street’s Crackhead Craig Charles Is Saved

HARD luck on Faye Turney that her account of so much knickers, cigarettes and tears in Iran should coincide with Coronation Street actor Craig Charles’s story of drugs and sex.

The … (read more)

Posted: 10th, April 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comments (4)

Meet The NEETs

WHAT with the education system in disarray, and young people, demonised and always in danger of a copping an ASBO, should it really come as a surprise that a “lost … (read more)

Posted: 10th, April 2007 | In: Money | Comment

Open Your Old Bank Accounts

CLEVERLY linking Easter with the idea of a ‘nest-egg’, the Mirror urges us all to “dig around your old bank books” in order to find sums of money that you … (read more)

Posted: 10th, April 2007 | In: Money | Comment

Patricia Hewitt Is Politically Incorrect On Smoking Turney

Health Secretary Patricia Hewitt’s splenetic take on the Iran hostage situation and Faye Turney is now a matter of record – “It was deplorable that the woman hostage should be … (read more)

Posted: 10th, April 2007 | In: Reviews | Comment (1)

She’s A Doll – Faye Turney Makes President Ahmadinejad Squirm

“HOW I MADE TYRANT AHMADINEJAD SQUIRM,” says the Sun as readers move into day two of the Faye Turney story.

One day the Sun will let Turney go, put an end … (read more)

Posted: 10th, April 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment (1)

Faye Turney And The Mummy Of All Hostages

IRAN HOSTAGE EXCLUSIVE,” ANNOUNCES The Sun. “Tears as Faye holds little Molly again.”

To borrow from the language of Saddam Hussein, this is the Mother of all Hostage Stories. “MUMMY MUMMY,” … (read more)

Posted: 10th, April 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment

The Party Line – American Idol Sanjaya Malakar Is Not A Rat

ARE India and Indians responsible for the success of Sanjaya Malakar on American Idol? There are many questions on the matter of Sanjaya.

Is Sanjaya worthy of comment primarily because he … (read more)

Posted: 9th, April 2007 | In: TV & Radio | Comments (7)

Nun Shall Sleep – An Extremist View Of Heaven

TWO religions in one joke. If anyone can find a Jew or a Hindu we can champion equality. Click the image for a bigger version.

Spotter: Cheryl … (read more)

Posted: 9th, April 2007 | In: Reviews | Comment

Perfect Orgasms Every Time And A Great Butty

FOUR researchers at the Department of Food Science, Leeds university, have created the formula for the perfect bacon butty is: N = C + {fb (cm) . fb (tc)} + … (read more)

Posted: 9th, April 2007 | In: Reviews | Comment (1)

Nicole Kidman’s Nappy Talk

NICOLE Kidman’s representative tells the world: “She is about to get on a horse in the outback and breaking brumbies [free-roaming Australian horse]. I hardly think she will be able … (read more)

Posted: 9th, April 2007 | In: Reviews | Comment (1)

Pssst! Wanna See Paris Hilton’s Backside?

PARIS Hilton livens up a slow news day by showing everyone her backside. You can see it here. In yer face, Faye Turney. Topsy That! … (read more)

Posted: 9th, April 2007 | In: Reviews | Comment

Iran’s Boss Goodie Bag – Suits For Guns

IRAN got:
2 Pacific 22 Mark II rigid in flatables – £200,000 each
1 Navy GPS system -£2,000
14 SA80 rifles -£500 each
Two 9mm pistols -£200 each
Personal radios -£80 each
440 cigarettes (Marlboro Lights … (read more)

Posted: 9th, April 2007 | In: Reviews | Comment

Arnold Schwarzenegger Bombs

ARNOLD Schwarzenegger is to address this year’s Tory party conference. Arnie, governor of California, will tells the Blues how a breed of superior robots will kills us all. And talk … (read more)

Posted: 9th, April 2007 | In: Reviews | Comment

Keeping Mum In Iran – Captive Batchelor Tells Of Turney’s Hugs

IRAN hostage veteran Arthur Batchelor ,20, is speakling to the Mirror. It’s an interesting read for those wondering about and the role of women in the military.

Says Batchelor: “Topsy kept … (read more)

Posted: 9th, April 2007 | In: Reviews | Comments (2)

Faye Turney On Iran, Ahmadinejad, Knickers And Freedom

FRESH from an audience with President Ahmadinejad of Iran, Faye Turney looks out at Sun readers.

Pictured with an Ahmadinejad own brand headscarf in her hand, Turney strikes a defiant blow … (read more)

Posted: 9th, April 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comments (14)

Fashion Crimes – LibDems Follow Ahmadinejad and Hindmarsh’s Lines

“SET ME FREE – Or I’ll go the papers!” runs the threatening message on the Royal Marine’s new range of baseball caps, T-shirts and key fobs.

Official merchandise comes in a … (read more)

Posted: 9th, April 2007 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

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