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Liz Hurley’s On Fire

WHAT is it about Liz Hurley that is so utterly sexless?

It’s a problem recognised by the Sun which realises Hurley is a woman less than the sum of her … (read more)

Posted: 6th, March 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Uno More Time – Princess Diana’s Back

PRINCESS DIANA looks out the window of the fabled sixth floor of Harvey Nichols, tilts her head and smiles.

Down at ground level the people are reading about her. And … (read more)

Posted: 5th, March 2007 | In: Royal Family | Comment


Danielle Lloyds’s Nightmare

BIG Brother’s Danielle’s Lloyd – but no longer Teddy Sheringham’s Danielle Lloyd – is ready to tell us more.

In customary position on the Star’s front page, and in traditional … (read more)

Posted: 5th, March 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Olivier Martinez On Wolves & Kylie Minogue

OLIVIER Martinez, the man who would have been Mr Kylie Minogue, is in conversation with OK!.

Before Martinez can speak, the French actor’s dad Robert tells us: “Kylie wants Olivier … (read more)

Posted: 5th, March 2007 | In: Reviews | Comment


Red Alert As Prince Harry Is Kidnapped

“AL-QAEDA TARGET HARRY.”

So says the Sun on its front page.

As scoops go this one’s right up there with “Jordan Sleeps On Back” and “Bin Laden Finds Soup In … (read more)

Posted: 5th, March 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Idol Rich – Simon Cowell On Britney Spears & Robbie Williams

SIMON Cowell, American Idol’s resident English baddie – a shorter Alan Rickman in high-waisted trousers – is talking over matters Robbie Williams and Britney Spears.

“It’s very fashionable to be … (read more)

Posted: 5th, March 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment (1)


Jim Carey On

“I don’t want to pick scripts to keep me in the statusphere.” Actor Jim Carrey in Time.

Figure of Speech: portmanteau (port-man-TOW), the hybrid word.

Jim Carrey no longer makes $20 … (read more)

Posted: 4th, March 2007 | In: Uncategorized | Comment (1)


Exit: Pursued By Pig – David Beckham & Victoria Beckham Come Back

DAVID Beckham hugs the Sun.

On the front page, Becks tells us: “Being left out by England was gut-wrenching. I want to thank Sun readers for backing me.”

Indeed, while readers of … (read more)

Posted: 4th, March 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment (1)


The Second Coming – David Beckham, Victoria Beckham & Jesus

DAVID Beckham. And much debate. Is Beckham losing his hair?

How long will it be before the trimmings from David’s sack, crack and back are woven into his scalp? How long … (read more)

Posted: 4th, March 2007 | In: Broadsheets | Comment (1)


An Office Romance – Liz Hurley Marriezzzz

LIZ Hurley’s wedding to a simpering Arun Nayer promisezzz…

It truly is hard work turning this sexless romance into something more.

There is nothing to tell. There is nothing to see. Indeed, … (read more)

Posted: 3rd, March 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Tony Blair’s One Man Band Takes On Cameron’s Ensemble

TONY Blair’s gesture politics is all over the papers.

Here’s Tony wearing a straw boater atop his fluffy hair. He is surround by a group of the kind of men whose … (read more)

Posted: 3rd, March 2007 | In: Uncategorized | Comment


Jade Goody’s Delhi Belly

JADE Goody and Shilpa Shetty are at war.

This is, as the Sun says, “DELHI DING-DONG”.

Jade, in India on a charm offensive – with a heavy emphasis on the offensive – … (read more)

Posted: 2nd, March 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Off Her Doodle – Britney Spears No PUSH Over

BRITNEY Spears has scribbled on the back of her hand.
No, scratch that.
Britney Spears has a hand with scribble on the back of it. This is more accurate. We cannot be … (read more)

Posted: 2nd, March 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


The NME within – Robbie Williams Hears Voices

ROBBIE Williams is smiling.

Williams’ is not a vapid cow-eyed smile. Williams is smiling because, as the Sun reports, he has been receiving messages of support from Sun readers.

Having won a … (read more)

Posted: 2nd, March 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Tuck Box – Tormenting Fat Children

ANOTHER day and another fat kid is rolled out.

The Sun’s campaign to name and shame all fat children in the land is moving on as quickly as these roly-polys are … (read more)

Posted: 2nd, March 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


David Cameron’s Young Ones

Tories Finance Election Campaign With Release Of New DVD – the good old days of The Bullingdon Club. BBDO … (read more)

Posted: 1st, March 2007 | In: Uncategorized | Comment


Nikki Grahame’s Guy

BIG Brother fans will recall the screeching half-person known as Nikki Grahame.

But what has Nikkkkkkki been up to since she left the house and fell out of Big Brother winner … (read more)

Posted: 1st, March 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Lizzie Come Home – Liz Taylor Comes Out

LIZ Taylor is alive.

Who among us does not see the image of the Hollywood icon on the Express’s front page and think that Taylor has exited stage left?

There she is … (read more)

Posted: 1st, March 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


LA Posh – Victoria Beckham Gets David’s Hair

VICTORIA Beckham is blonde.

Vicky now looks like what you’d get if you bred Duran Duran keyboardist Nick Rhodes, Ralph Maccio and a pot of lemon curd.

It’s “GOLDEN CURLS,” says the … (read more)

Posted: 1st, March 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment (1)


Robbie Williams’ Finger Of Hate

ROBBIE Williams is a winner.

It is our proud duty to announce that Williams is to receive an award for his Rudebox album.

A little hand clap for some funk faces and … (read more)

Posted: 1st, March 2007 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment


I Had A Dream – Justin Hawkins’ Eurovision

I have a dream, a song to sing
To help me cope with anything

JUSTIN Hawkins, former Darkness front man, had a dream.

In “Why I had to sing up for Eurovision”, Justin … (read more)

Posted: 1st, March 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Britney Spears Suicide Watch – Come See

MORE on our Britney Spears suicide special.

Staying with the Enquirer, a source tells us: “He [K-Ferret] fears Britney’s continued downward plunge into erratic behaviour could lead her to become suicidal.”

And … (read more)

Posted: 1st, March 2007 | In: Reviews | Comment


Kevin Federline Saves Britney Justin Time

“BRITNEY SUICIDE WATCH.”

And you can keep a vigil at Britney Spears’ door over a “6-PAGE SPECIAL REPORT” in the Enquirer. And you will not be alone. Because here comes Kevin … (read more)

Posted: 1st, March 2007 | In: Reviews | Comments (2)


Out Of Bounds – Victoria Beckham Meets Tom Hanks & Ford

“POSH & BECKS ‘LIVING APART’,” announces the Star’s front page.

The Beckhams, described as “stressed-out”, are said to have spent “just 25 days” together under the same roof since New Year’s … (read more)

Posted: 28th, February 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comments (3)


India’s Crush On Jade Goody

JADE Goody is in India.

And this is what the locals are saying: “My baby is hurt..who is this awful person? She’s not welcome.”

Jade is proving to be every bit as … (read more)

Posted: 28th, February 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment