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Paul Sorene | Anorak - Part 1878

Paul Sorene - Author Archive

Nuclear War Looms

“WE stand on the brink of second nuclear age.”

It should not go unmentioned that both the UK and India have nuclear weapons.

And before any missiles are fired in what the … (read more)

Posted: 18th, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Street-Porter House News

JANET Street–Porter is innocent. Or not.

In matters of a criminal nature, we try not to take sides. And instead deliver the facts that the journalist and reality TV star emeritus … (read more)

Posted: 18th, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Aunty Big Brother’s Car Crash Telly

IT’S car crash telly.

“ you have ever seen,” promises the Mirror. This is the “TV CRASH” you will never forget.

In terms of career-ending moments caught on camera this surpasses the … (read more)

Posted: 18th, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Celebrity Big Brother’s Crawl Joke

“SHE makes me feel sick. She makes my skin crawl.”

The thought of Jade Goody’s skin crawling is not a pleasant one. But one person happy with Jade’s mobile skin is … (read more)

Posted: 17th, January 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)


Sing While You’re Losing

School breaks up, school breaks down, we don’t care if the school falls down, no more media studies, no more French, no more giving birth on the old school bench…”

Ah, … (read more)

Posted: 17th, January 2007 | In: Uncategorized | Comment (1)


Keeley Over There

SO long, Keeley Hazell.

You came, you showed us your breasts and you went to…America.

Posh gone. Beckham going. Mirren feted. And Campbell embarking on a new career as a New York … (read more)

Posted: 17th, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Campbell’s In The Soup

BEFORE Helen Mirren and Victoria Beckham there was Naomi Campbell.

The British are less coming as they are leaving these shores for a new life of opportunity in the US of … (read more)

Posted: 17th, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Golden Years

“THE award for lifetime achievement goes to…”

So begins the Mail’s encomium to Her Majesty the Queen, saviour of the British film and television industry.

Shout it from the rooftops that British … (read more)

Posted: 17th, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Big Brother Uncut, Or Cut

PSST! Wanna buy a dirty DVD?

It’s got the lot, this one.

There’s this bald Brummie getting a blow-job, a black lesbian bodybuilder picking her nose in bed, a fat red-faced sweaty … (read more)

Posted: 16th, January 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Britney’s New Musical Wave

BRITNEY Spears sucks on a red lollypop.

Who loves you baby, might read the caption as we learn of lovelorn Britney’s latest exploits.

“Pukes I did it again..on my boyfriend,” says the … (read more)

Posted: 16th, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


French Bulldog

“ALLO, HELLO,” says the headline.

The Sun wonders what life would have been like had Great Britain and France been united under a common crown.

It could have happened. Records in the … (read more)

Posted: 16th, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Beckhams’ Retreat

ON a recent tour of America, Real Madrid players David Beckham and Roberto Carlos, the Brazilian footballer, marvelled at how they could walk about the place unmolested.

Perhaps America would offer … (read more)

Posted: 15th, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Kelly (Osbourne’s) Hero

EVER since The Osbournes vibrated onto our screens, the family has been as exclusive as teenage acne.

But still the Sun boats of an “EXCLUSIVE” interview with Kelly Osbourne.

“Mum said, ‘I … (read more)

Posted: 15th, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Water Logged

KATE Moss should not be too hard on her lover.
When they’re not ensuring a good night out for young royalty, the boys in blue love to chase a soft target … (read more)

Posted: 15th, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comments (2)


Ugly Truths

EVERY day of every week the Mail thinks up imaginative ways to remind you that life is cruel and you are going to experience pain and die.

And if it can’t … (read more)

Posted: 14th, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Sayer’s Rotten Underpants

“I’VE always been a tilter of lances against authority,” says Celebrity Big Brother escapee Leo Sayer.

Though not obvious at the time, Sayer’s immortal lyric “I wanna dance the night away” … (read more)

Posted: 14th, January 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Urban’s Tub Of Love

“KEITH CHEATED ON NICOLE WITH ME.”

More Urban myths – or truths – as the Enquirer catches up with Amanda Wyatt, a 23-year-old blonde.

“I feel sorry for Nicole,” says Amanda, who … (read more)

Posted: 14th, January 2007 | In: Reviews | Comment


Britney & Beckham

DAVID Beckham confessed that he sought advice from his girlfriend, Tom Cruise, before accepting the $1 million a week to play for the Los Angeles Galaxy.

Becks said, “I was on … (read more)

Posted: 14th, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


David Beckham Saves Us All

EVERY new musical age pushes the boundaries back a little further.

And for punk rockers gobbing at their fans, we introduce the popstar vomit.

The Mirror raised an umbrella and looked on … (read more)

Posted: 13th, January 2007 | In: Broadsheets | Comment


Pete Doherty’s Scrambled Eggs

PETE Doherty is no longer under arrest. But he has been.

With Prince Harry and his blonde safely restored to the palace, police are able to turn their attention to the … (read more)

Posted: 13th, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Chelsy Davy – We Have You Surrounded

ROBBERS, burglars and Pete Doherty take note – if you want to avoid arrest best check the Royals’ social diary before going out.

Having already spotted Prince William’s paramour Kate Middleton … (read more)

Posted: 13th, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment (1)


Distend It Like Beckham

DAVID Beckham explains why he has signed a £128million deal that will see him end his playing days in the United States.

Says Day-vid in the Sun: “Soccer in America is … (read more)

Posted: 12th, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Balance Of Payments

AS David and the Beckhams head to the United States, their departure creates some space in the UK.

Not that the Beckhams are the only Brits seeking their fortunes out West. … (read more)

Posted: 12th, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Spooks In Your Inbox

War on terror – SMS alert…

FROM tomorrow (Tuesday), MI5 is offering a new service.

MI5 is to send emails alerting the public to the prospect of an imminent terror attack. From tomorrow, … (read more)

Posted: 11th, January 2007 | In: Reviews | Comment (1)


(White) Trashing Jade

Trashing Celebrity Big Brother

GOODBYE Jackiey.

You came to pick up your daughter from a friend’s house party, embarrassed her and left. Many parents have done it.

But why did Jackiey leave so … (read more)

Posted: 11th, January 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comment