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Anorak | Anorak - Part 1879

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Robbie Williams’ Finger Of Hate

ROBBIE Williams is a winner.

It is our proud duty to announce that Williams is to receive an award for his Rudebox album.

A little hand clap for some funk faces and … (read more)

Posted: 1st, March 2007 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment


I Had A Dream – Justin Hawkins’ Eurovision

I have a dream, a song to sing
To help me cope with anything

JUSTIN Hawkins, former Darkness front man, had a dream.

In “Why I had to sing up for Eurovision”, Justin … (read more)

Posted: 1st, March 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Britney Spears Suicide Watch – Come See

MORE on our Britney Spears suicide special.

Staying with the Enquirer, a source tells us: “He [K-Ferret] fears Britney’s continued downward plunge into erratic behaviour could lead her to become suicidal.”

And … (read more)

Posted: 1st, March 2007 | In: Reviews | Comment


Kevin Federline Saves Britney Justin Time

“BRITNEY SUICIDE WATCH.”

And you can keep a vigil at Britney Spears’ door over a “6-PAGE SPECIAL REPORT” in the Enquirer. And you will not be alone. Because here comes Kevin … (read more)

Posted: 1st, March 2007 | In: Reviews | Comments (2)


Out Of Bounds – Victoria Beckham Meets Tom Hanks & Ford

“POSH & BECKS ‘LIVING APART’,” announces the Star’s front page.

The Beckhams, described as “stressed-out”, are said to have spent “just 25 days” together under the same roof since New Year’s … (read more)

Posted: 28th, February 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comments (3)


India’s Crush On Jade Goody

JADE Goody is in India.

And this is what the locals are saying: “My baby is hurt..who is this awful person? She’s not welcome.”

Jade is proving to be every bit as … (read more)

Posted: 28th, February 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Kerry Katona’s Oven Ready Chicken

“MY baby’s like a frozen chicken from Iceland,” says Kerry Katona, now Kerry Croft.

Kerry is on the cover of OK!.

Pictured with her baby, new husband Mark Croft, we can neither … (read more)

Posted: 28th, February 2007 | In: Celebrities, OK! | Comment


No Khan Do – Why Hugh Grant & Jemima Split

WANT to know the “REAL REASONS” Hugh Grant and Jemima Khan are no longer stepping out together?

So firm are these real reason that Hello! tempers hopes of a reconciliation by … (read more)

Posted: 28th, February 2007 | In: Reviews | Comment


Mac Attack – Prince Charles Chews The Fat

HELEN Mirren, Queen of Hollywood, eats a burger and now Prince Charles is heard to say that McDonald’s should be banned.

“BURGER OFF!” commands the Mirror’s front page. “Storm as Charles … (read more)

Posted: 28th, February 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Wanted: Fat Children

AS Prince Charles talks gut rot, the Sun looks at the fat kid.

Look at her. Isn’t she big! Isn’t she fat! Waddling around with a waggle and a quack.

Samantha Hames … (read more)

Posted: 28th, February 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment (1)


James Cameron’s Jesus Goes Down Like Mel Gibson On The Titanic

“IS THIS JESUS’ COFFIN?”

From just looking at the slap of limestone found in Jerusalem it’s hard to tell. And we, like the Sun, are unsure how to answer.

But one man … (read more)

Posted: 28th, February 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment (1)


Badges Baiting – Girl Guides Want It All

I PROMISE that I will do my best:
To love my God,
To serve the Queen and my country,
To help other people
and
To keep the Guide Law.

But the Girl Guides are changing. As … (read more)

Posted: 27th, February 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


(Mariah) Carey Street

IT’S Mariah Carey. She’s here to prove once more that so much Glitter does not equate to so much gold.

Carey is opening up her heart and the doors to her … (read more)

Posted: 27th, February 2007 | In: Reviews | Comment (1)


Caprice Does Dallas, Courchevel & South Africa

CAPRICE is not standing in a wind tunnel.

It’s the model’s fast-paced life that causes the skin to pull back, the hair to billow and sway about her shoulders.

Caprice is pictured … (read more)

Posted: 27th, February 2007 | In: Reviews | Comment (1)


Sophie Anderton Walks

High maintenance mo-del Sophie Anderton was all set to embark on a two-week trek across the Arctic.

Sophie would walk 140 miles in temperatures of minus 40 degrees.

Her efforts would raise … (read more)

Posted: 27th, February 2007 | In: Money | Comment (1)


Home From Home – Abu Qatada’s Jail Time

NO, it’s not Omar Bakri or Abu Hamza. It’s Abu Qatada.

As the Express’s front page says, this is “one of the world’s most dangerous suspects”.

Qatada is billed as “Osama Bin … (read more)

Posted: 27th, February 2007 | In: Broadsheets | Comment


Jade Goody Loves An Indian

JADE Goody is going to India.

But this is no gap year excursion. Jade loves her kiddies too much to leave them for an entire year.

This is Jade heading to the … (read more)

Posted: 27th, February 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comment


The Queen II – Helen Mirren Does Camilla

DAME Helen Mirren, Queen of Hollywood, is eating.

Few of us have ever seen the real Queen put anything in her mouth, it being her right to dine exclusively before tables … (read more)

Posted: 27th, February 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Fighting The Germans – A Fawlty Hotel

GOLDEN rule of tabloid reporting No. 231b: all miserabilist hotel proprietors shall run a Fawlty Towers-style operation.

So here is the Mail’s story (“Fawlty of Weymouth”) of Joe Doyle, the owner … (read more)

Posted: 27th, February 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment (1)


Nicole Richie’s Sage Advice

Reforming celebrity stick insect Nicole Richie is worried.

Nicole is concerned that there are bad spirits infecting her flat in West Hollywood.

So she has hired a witch doctor to … (read more)

Posted: 26th, February 2007 | In: Money | Comment (1)


Big Brother’s Danielle Lloyd In A Spin Without Teddy

WHAT odds that Big Brother’s Danielle Lloyd will soon be dating Coronation Street actor Jimmi Harkishin, Princess Diana Martin Bashir or England cricketer Mudhsuden Singh Panesar?

Danielle is single again. And … (read more)

Posted: 26th, February 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Go Figurine – Queen Gets Princess Diana

“NEMO me impune lacessit,” mutters Her Majesty as Princess Diana divorces her eldest boy and tells the subjects of affairs and so much tumbling down stairs.

Diana had given Her Majesty … (read more)

Posted: 26th, February 2007 | In: Royal Family | Comment


To Baldly Go – Is David Beckham Going Britney?

“IS David Beckham going bald?”

The Start asks this question on its front page. And before Beckham hair watchers have a chance to ascertain the footballer’s head, the paper screams: “HE’S … (read more)

Posted: 26th, February 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment (1)


Off To A Tea – Mirren Meets The Queen

LAST night Helen Mirren became the Queen of Hollywood when she won as Oscar for her portrayal of The Queen on film.

This news is something that will escape Sun readers … (read more)

Posted: 26th, February 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Bill Clinton Wears Thongs

Quote: “We aren’t going to get in the middle of a disagreement between the Clintons and someone who was once one of their biggest supporters.” Robert Gibbs, Barack Obama’s campaign … (read more)

Posted: 25th, February 2007 | In: Uncategorized | Comment