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Beckhams Wax Lyrical

THE Beckhams are in the Sun.

In itself, this is no big news. In time to come, when David is married to a pig inseminator and Posh has been rendered down … (read more)

Posted: 25th, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Timing Is Everything

QUOTE: “Hi, I’m Art Buchwald and I just died!” Humorist Art Buchwald, who just died.

Figure of Speech: kairos (KIE-ros), rhetorical mastery of the occasion. From the Greek, meaning “occasion.”

Kairos, the … (read more)

Posted: 25th, January 2007 | In: Uncategorized | Comment


Brits & Oscars

HELEN Mirren. Judi Dench. Kate Winslet.

Which of these three will bring home an Oscar, the epitome of acting excellence, the award that as much guarantees box office success as rewards … (read more)

Posted: 24th, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Ganging Up On Music

THEY are watching. They are listening.

Caroline Bishop is in the bath. The 39-year-old mother of two is giving full throat to a medley of hits. Gary Glitter hits.

And this will … (read more)

Posted: 24th, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


The Smell Of Victory

SMELL that, America?

Forget waking up and smelling the coffee and so much frying fat, meat and petrol, this is the smell of victory. British victory.

The British are coming. And it … (read more)

Posted: 24th, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Keep Britain Tidy

PSST! Anyone want a dolphin?

If you go down to Branscombe beach, Devon, you may just arrive in time to get your hands on one.

The Mirror has a picture of the … (read more)

Posted: 24th, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Big Brother Is Shipwrecked

“THE NEW JADE.”

That Jade Goody is contrite is beyond doubt. No-one likes to be exposed as a pig-thick bully on national telly. But this new Jade is not the old … (read more)

Posted: 23rd, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Jay Walking

TACKLE the cancer of crime at its source, before it can fester. Prevention not cure. That’s the way.

And so we study of the case of the “HOODLUM”. For reasons that … (read more)

Posted: 23rd, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment (1)


Loony For George Clooney

“IS the world ready for another Clinton in the White House?”

The Express asks the questions. And it presses on: “Unlike her husband, Hillary’s only lust is for power. But Bill’s … (read more)

Posted: 22nd, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Lucky Heather

HEATHER Mills McCartney has won. Or lost.

Heather can put on her leg, which she wields about our hearts and minds like a prosthetic claymore. The War of Mills v McCartney … (read more)

Posted: 22nd, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Model Children

“GUESS whose little girl’s on the catwalk?”

That question to you, dear Mail readers.

Given the truth that Keith Richards’ daughter is now working as a model, and so too are the … (read more)

Posted: 22nd, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Chelsy Blue

CHELSY Davy wears a blue-and-white long-sleeved tunic dress.

This is “Blue Monday”, the unhappiest day of the year. But, as the Mail says, if anyone can cope with the anguish of … (read more)

Posted: 22nd, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


To Sheikh Or Not To Sheikh?

“SHOULD Muslim police officers get special treatment?”

The Express cannot decide without the help of its readers. It shows and does not tell. The readers must always decide.

And to the story. … (read more)

Posted: 22nd, January 2007 | In: Broadsheets | Comment


Angelina Jolie’s Twelth Man

THE interview with Angelina Jolie promises to be “EXPLOSIVE”.

Jolie, sex bomb, is in conversation about “her pregnancy, moving back to England and eating crickets with Brad”.

It’s clear that if Angelina … (read more)

Posted: 21st, January 2007 | In: Reviews | Comment


Enough Is Never Enough

“I DIDN’T know what to do,” trills Vanessa Feltz, “crying wouldn’t be enough, laughing wouldn’t be enough, jumping up and down wouldn’t be enough, not even shouting or screaming would … (read more)

Posted: 21st, January 2007 | In: Reviews | Comment


Ticking Towards Doomesday

EVERY day of every week the Mail thinks up imaginative ways to remind you that life is cruel and you are going to experience pain and die.

And if it can’t … (read more)

Posted: 21st, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Celebrity Big Brother – Culture

CELEBRITY Big Brother on culture.

Danielle Lloyd on Celebrity Big Brother : “They eat with their hands in India, don’t they — or is that China? You don’t know where her … (read more)

Posted: 20th, January 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comment


The Filthy Rich

“WE’RE all dirty and idle,” says Princess Anne.

The Princess is on an “official” visit to Antarctica.

Anne has been staying at the British Antarctic Survey’s Rothera Research station.

As the Mail reports, … (read more)

Posted: 19th, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


The Full Robbie Williams

“ELTON JOHN ON THE RUN.”

What’s this? Elton John, patron saint of Funeral Rock, is on the run. Why? Has some fool seen John’s snub nose, fringe and foul mouth and … (read more)

Posted: 19th, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


21/7 – Eyes Down

MORE Jihad Bingo, anyone?

After 9/11 and 7/7, the Mail focuses on what, allegedly, would have been 21/7 had a gang of suspected bombers detonated devices on British public transport.

The Mail … (read more)

Posted: 19th, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Big Brother Storms It

IT was a dark and stormy night…

Or at least it will be when pantomime poppadom villain Jade Goody is released from the Big Brother house.

Until the booing and hissing can … (read more)

Posted: 19th, January 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)


33’s A Crowd

KATE Moss is 33. And she has had a row with boyfriend Pete Doherty.

So reports the Star.

Were Doherty of Asian extraction, chances are high that this spat would have led … (read more)

Posted: 18th, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Nuclear War Looms

“WE stand on the brink of second nuclear age.”

It should not go unmentioned that both the UK and India have nuclear weapons.

And before any missiles are fired in what the … (read more)

Posted: 18th, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Street-Porter House News

JANET Street–Porter is innocent. Or not.

In matters of a criminal nature, we try not to take sides. And instead deliver the facts that the journalist and reality TV star emeritus … (read more)

Posted: 18th, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Aunty Big Brother’s Car Crash Telly

IT’S car crash telly.

“ you have ever seen,” promises the Mirror. This is the “TV CRASH” you will never forget.

In terms of career-ending moments caught on camera this surpasses the … (read more)

Posted: 18th, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment