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Big Brother Danielle Lloyd Is A Bloody Mess

BIG BROTHER bully emeritus and “Wag wannabe” Danielle Lloyd is bleeding.

In “DANI PAINTS THE TOWN BLOOD RED,” the Star spots Dani blowing £5,000 on a night out to celebrate “dumping” … (read more)

Posted: 8th, May 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Phil Mitchell Is Our Greatest Living Briton

“VOTE for the Greatest living Briton,” calls the Sun.
Is it Julie Andrews, David Beckham, Billy Connolly, Stephen Hawking, Trevor McDonald, Kate Moss, the Queen or Margaret Thatcher (she’s alive!)?

It is … (read more)

Posted: 8th, May 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment

The Virginia Queen: Bringing You Slavery, Genocide And Tobacco

Her Majesty the Queen in on a tour of the old colonies in the United States. She’s in Jamestown, Virginia, the site of England’s first permanent colony in North America.

There … (read more)

Posted: 8th, May 2007 | In: Reviews | Comment

The Real Reason Paul Wolfowitz Is Wanted Out Of World Bank

The story so far: Paul Wolfowitz, President of the World Bank, and US deputy defence secretary during the invasion of Iraq, arranged for his girlfriend to move from the World … (read more)

Posted: 8th, May 2007 | In: Reviews | Comments (3)

Sienna Miller And Keira Knightley Are Barnacle-Breasted Fishwives

IT can’t be long before we are reading about Sienna Miller’s flirtatious relationship with Keira Knightley.

How if Keira were to go the gay way then Sienna would be the girl … (read more)

Posted: 8th, May 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment (1)

Wal-Mart, Thieves And Rotten Tomatoes

“I AM A THIEF I STOLE FROM WALMART.”

On reading that, readers half expect to hear another voice pop up to declare: “No. I am a thief I stole from Walmart”. … (read more)

Posted: 8th, May 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comments (4)

Hell’s Belles: Big Brother’s Wedding

“B.BRO BED & WED PLOT,” screams the Star’s headline.

Grab a hat, or failing that a condom and inflate it over your head, as we trip along to the first Big … (read more)

Posted: 8th, May 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Colour Blind: Big Brother’s New Testcard

SO keen is Big Brother to appear even handed and not in the least bit bigoted that this year’s logo will be multi-coloured eye.

In “THE BIG EYE-DEA” the Mirror hears … (read more)

Posted: 8th, May 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Royals Ban Princess Diana

NOT once during President Bush’s speech to welcome Queen Elizabeth to America did he invoke the spirit of Princess Diana.

Manchester United did not dedicate their winning of the Premier League … (read more)

Posted: 8th, May 2007 | In: Royal Family | Comments (2)

Capital Gains: London Property Most Expensive in World

LISTEN closely and you’ll probably hear the joyous sound of champagne corks popping across London today, as property developers celebrate the news that the nations’ capital now houses the most … (read more)

Posted: 8th, May 2007 | In: Money | Comment

Repossession, Repossession, Repossession

ACCORDING to new official figures released yesterday, it now costs a ridiculous seven times the average yearly wage to afford an average home.

It has also emerged that house prices are … (read more)

Posted: 8th, May 2007 | In: Money | Comment

Paypass And Go

WE have already seen that the humble chequebook is about to get the heave-ho, but now it appears that even the existence of cash is under threat.

A new swipe-and-go pay … (read more)

Posted: 8th, May 2007 | In: Money | Comment

Pizza Off: David Hasselhoff Can’t See His Children

DAVID Hasselhoff is drunk and eating pizza at home. Chuck in some smokes and a polystyrene pot of curry sauce and it’s a normal night in for most of … (read more)

Posted: 7th, May 2007 | In: Reviews | Comment

Hamas Uses Mickey Mouse Farfur To Teach Hatred

HAMAS teaches Palestinian children to grow up to hate and feel superior to everyone else, with Farfur the mouse.

This mouse – who looks not a lot unlike Mickey Mouse, you … (read more)

Posted: 7th, May 2007 | In: Reviews | Comment (1)

Oprah Winfrey Throws Her Weight Behind Obama

HER seal of approval turns books into bestsellers. Can Oprah’s political recommendation translate into a seat in the White House for Barack Obama?The senator from Illinois must hope so after … (read more)

Posted: 7th, May 2007 | In: Reviews | Comment (1)

I’m The Gaffer: Queen Elizabeth Meets George Bush in 17…

IS President Bush a natural born comedian? We ask in light of his recent performance when in the company of Queen Elizabeth, Bush declared:

President Bush: “You helped our nation celebrate … (read more)

Posted: 7th, May 2007 | In: Reviews | Comment

Paris Hilton Planned To Go To Jail?

“CAN pampered Paris survive jail?” asks the Express.

Unusually for the Express, readers are not invited to respond via a phone poll.

(Today’s burning issue is: “Should be the veil be banned … (read more)

Posted: 7th, May 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comments (5)

Shoulder Charge: Muslim And Christians Cry Foul In Football Match

WELCOME to the Shoulder to shoulder conference in Stockhlom, designed to promote good relations and harmony between Christians and Muslims. And they are limbering up for a ecumenical game of … (read more)

Posted: 7th, May 2007 | In: Reviews | Comment

Why Israel Fights In The Summer: General Staff Minutes

WHY did Israel go to war in Lebanon? Because it was the summertime, dummy. The university professors are on holiday. As Sandbox writes:

“Gentleman C: On the table before each of … (read more)

Posted: 7th, May 2007 | In: Reviews | Comment

Exodus: Scots Move To London

FROM the Forums:

THERE will be thousands of column centimetres written in the next few days or weeks over the shenanigans about to start as the devolved Scottish Parliament members wriggle, … (read more)

Posted: 7th, May 2007 | In: Reviews | Comment

Les be Having You: Big Brother’s Nikki Kisses Up

REMEMBER Nikki Grahame, the shrill half-person from last year’s Big Brother who looked like a boil washed Vanessa Feltz?

If you had forgotten her, we apologise for reminding you of her.

The … (read more)

Posted: 7th, May 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Smoke And Mirrors: Big Brother’s Illegal Acts

BIG Brother 8 will have LOADSA shagging. Loadsa fighting. But not loadsa fagging.

As reported, Big Brother housemates who dare to light up a cigarette in the house will be hit … (read more)

Posted: 7th, May 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Too Fat, Vanishing Sparrows, Mad Joints, London Gangs And Diabetes

EVERY day of every week the Mail thinks up imaginative ways to remind you that life is cruel and you are going to experience pain and die.

And if it can’t … (read more)

Posted: 7th, May 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Manchester United: Alex Ferguson Going Nowhere

NINE Premiership titles in 15 seasons is something even Chelsea’s self-anointed ‘Special One’ would be proud of, but triumphant red-faced Sir Alex of Ferguson has no plans to quit while … (read more)

Posted: 7th, May 2007 | In: Back pages | Comment

John Reid And Gordon Brown’s Coronation Chickens

WITH John Reid resigning as Home Secretary and ruling himself out of the leadership race, it now seems that, surprise surprise, Gordon Brown’s ascension to the Prime Ministerial throne is … (read more)

Posted: 7th, May 2007 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

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