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Mac Attack – Prince Charles Chews The Fat

HELEN Mirren, Queen of Hollywood, eats a burger and now Prince Charles is heard to say that McDonald’s should be banned.

“BURGER OFF!” commands the Mirror’s front page. “Storm as Charles … (read more)

Posted: 28th, February 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Wanted: Fat Children

AS Prince Charles talks gut rot, the Sun looks at the fat kid.

Look at her. Isn’t she big! Isn’t she fat! Waddling around with a waggle and a quack.

Samantha Hames … (read more)

Posted: 28th, February 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment (1)


James Cameron’s Jesus Goes Down Like Mel Gibson On The Titanic

“IS THIS JESUS’ COFFIN?”

From just looking at the slap of limestone found in Jerusalem it’s hard to tell. And we, like the Sun, are unsure how to answer.

But one man … (read more)

Posted: 28th, February 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment (1)


Badges Baiting – Girl Guides Want It All

I PROMISE that I will do my best:
To love my God,
To serve the Queen and my country,
To help other people
and
To keep the Guide Law.

But the Girl Guides are changing. As … (read more)

Posted: 27th, February 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


(Mariah) Carey Street

IT’S Mariah Carey. She’s here to prove once more that so much Glitter does not equate to so much gold.

Carey is opening up her heart and the doors to her … (read more)

Posted: 27th, February 2007 | In: Reviews | Comment (1)


Caprice Does Dallas, Courchevel & South Africa

CAPRICE is not standing in a wind tunnel.

It’s the model’s fast-paced life that causes the skin to pull back, the hair to billow and sway about her shoulders.

Caprice is pictured … (read more)

Posted: 27th, February 2007 | In: Reviews | Comment (1)


Sophie Anderton Walks

High maintenance mo-del Sophie Anderton was all set to embark on a two-week trek across the Arctic.

Sophie would walk 140 miles in temperatures of minus 40 degrees.

Her efforts would raise … (read more)

Posted: 27th, February 2007 | In: Money | Comment (1)


Home From Home – Abu Qatada’s Jail Time

NO, it’s not Omar Bakri or Abu Hamza. It’s Abu Qatada.

As the Express’s front page says, this is “one of the world’s most dangerous suspects”.

Qatada is billed as “Osama Bin … (read more)

Posted: 27th, February 2007 | In: Broadsheets | Comment


Jade Goody Loves An Indian

JADE Goody is going to India.

But this is no gap year excursion. Jade loves her kiddies too much to leave them for an entire year.

This is Jade heading to the … (read more)

Posted: 27th, February 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comment


The Queen II – Helen Mirren Does Camilla

DAME Helen Mirren, Queen of Hollywood, is eating.

Few of us have ever seen the real Queen put anything in her mouth, it being her right to dine exclusively before tables … (read more)

Posted: 27th, February 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Fighting The Germans – A Fawlty Hotel

GOLDEN rule of tabloid reporting No. 231b: all miserabilist hotel proprietors shall run a Fawlty Towers-style operation.

So here is the Mail’s story (“Fawlty of Weymouth”) of Joe Doyle, the owner … (read more)

Posted: 27th, February 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment (1)


Nicole Richie’s Sage Advice

Reforming celebrity stick insect Nicole Richie is worried.

Nicole is concerned that there are bad spirits infecting her flat in West Hollywood.

So she has hired a witch doctor to … (read more)

Posted: 26th, February 2007 | In: Money | Comment (1)


Big Brother’s Danielle Lloyd In A Spin Without Teddy

WHAT odds that Big Brother’s Danielle Lloyd will soon be dating Coronation Street actor Jimmi Harkishin, Princess Diana Martin Bashir or England cricketer Mudhsuden Singh Panesar?

Danielle is single again. And … (read more)

Posted: 26th, February 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Go Figurine – Queen Gets Princess Diana

“NEMO me impune lacessit,” mutters Her Majesty as Princess Diana divorces her eldest boy and tells the subjects of affairs and so much tumbling down stairs.

Diana had given Her Majesty … (read more)

Posted: 26th, February 2007 | In: Royal Family | Comment


To Baldly Go – Is David Beckham Going Britney?

“IS David Beckham going bald?”

The Start asks this question on its front page. And before Beckham hair watchers have a chance to ascertain the footballer’s head, the paper screams: “HE’S … (read more)

Posted: 26th, February 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment (1)


Off To A Tea – Mirren Meets The Queen

LAST night Helen Mirren became the Queen of Hollywood when she won as Oscar for her portrayal of The Queen on film.

This news is something that will escape Sun readers … (read more)

Posted: 26th, February 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Bill Clinton Wears Thongs

Quote: “We aren’t going to get in the middle of a disagreement between the Clintons and someone who was once one of their biggest supporters.” Robert Gibbs, Barack Obama’s campaign … (read more)

Posted: 25th, February 2007 | In: Uncategorized | Comment


Shear Madness – Britney Spears’ Hair, Jade Goody’s Nose & Prince Harry’s Salute

BRITNEY Spears has done for bald men what Victoria Beckham has done for thin women: she has made people question their motives.

Reasons why Britney took up the clippers and shaved … (read more)

Posted: 24th, February 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comments (2)


Gun & Dusted – David Cameron’s Killer

INTRODUCING Ryan Florence – the man who would kill David Cameron.

Had David Cameron turned around and seen 17-year-old Florence firing at him with an imaginary pistol, the Tory leader would … (read more)

Posted: 24th, February 2007 | In: Uncategorized | Comment


Is Britney Spears Next?

“IS Britney the next Nicole?”

No sooner has Anna Nicole Smith shuffled away from the VIP area than the Enquirer is looking for her replacement. And it is looking at Britney … (read more)

Posted: 24th, February 2007 | In: Reviews | Comment


Daily Wail

EVERY day of every week the Mail thinks up imaginative ways to remind you that life is cruel and you are going to experience pain and die.

And if it can’t … (read more)

Posted: 24th, February 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Porn Idol Antonella Barba’s Past

OH well. We can’t say we’re surprised, but it looks like the scandal over American Idol contestant Antonella Barba’s photographic past has come to a head even quicker than we’d … (read more)

Posted: 24th, February 2007 | In: TV & Radio | Comment


Wag & Bob’s Tale

“WHEN you’re sat in Row Z and the ball hits your head that’s Zamora…”

Bobby Zamora may not be the Premier League’s sharpest shooter but that doesn’t stop Nicola T pinning … (read more)

Posted: 24th, February 2007 | In: Back pages | Comment


Black & White – Big Brother Danielle Lloyd’s Colour Blind

“BIG BROTHER DANI SEXIEST PICS EVER.”

Further proof that the Star believed the charmless Danielle Lloyd would be a hit on Big Brother as it once more leads with a picture … (read more)

Posted: 23rd, February 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Not On His Nelly – Gazza Upsets Furtado

PAUL Gascoigne is in West End club Mo*vida. So too is Nelly Furtado.

There eyes meet. “Who is that idiot?” asks Nelly.

He is, of course, Paul ‘Gazza’ Gascoigne, the man who … (read more)

Posted: 23rd, February 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment (1)