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Paul Sorene | Anorak - Part 1882

Paul Sorene - Author Archive

Michael Jackson’s Return

GRAB your crotch and squeal like a girl, it’s Michael Jackson.

The Sun says that “pop weirdo” Jacko has agreed to appear at something called The World Music Awards.

Like you, we … (read more)

Posted: 8th, November 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Madonna Confesses

THERE are only a few things we do not know about Madonna.

And if she would be so good as to tell us a) the number of hairs on her head, … (read more)

Posted: 7th, November 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


The Fab Fours

THE Brian Epstein of tribute groups is back in a big way, as Jerry Peluso’s Beatles experience, Fab Forever, premieres tomorrow night on the Las Vegas Strip with what will … (read more)

Posted: 6th, November 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment


Tony Blair Remembers

MONDAY and Tony Blair was writing in the Sun. He was issuing an ultimatum: “Pay up or the planet gets it.”

The madman would destroy us all! Tony’s weather machine can … (read more)

Posted: 4th, November 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Rooney’s Dream Team

Everytime’s A Winner

Psssst! Wanna win the lottery? It’s easier than you think.

A group of university types have come up with a winning formula. The syndicate from Bradford University ensure that … (read more)

Posted: 3rd, November 2006 | In: Money | Comment


Miss Out

“MISS CHEAT BRITAIN,” announces the Mirror’s front page. “Miss GB sacked for fibbing about fling with judge Teddy.”

Teddy is Teddy Sheringham, forty-year-old Premiership footballer. Fitness fanatic Teddy is lover to … (read more)

Posted: 3rd, November 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Life & Art

ELISABETH Hasselbeck, who started out as a Survivor: Australian Outback cutie and wound up as the dim conservative prig and now Rosie O’Donnell’s whipping girl on The View, got herself … (read more)

Posted: 31st, October 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Park & Ride

“FEDRWCH chji ddeud writhai faint mae’r maes parcio yn gostio, os gwelch yn dda?”

That question to you, the car park attendant at the Royal Victoria Hotel in Llanberis, Snowdonia.

The answer … (read more)

Posted: 31st, October 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Cheryl Cole’s Goal

IMPRESSED by her husband Ashley Cole’s literary efforts (as of Saturday Ashley Cole: My Defence: Winning, Losing, Scandals and the Drama of Germany 2006 was 3,968th in Amazon’s ranking of … (read more)

Posted: 30th, October 2006 | In: Back pages | Comments (7)


Get Em Hoff!

WHEN Richard Hammond attempted to drive from Elvington airfield, near York, to Australia the hard way, the papers looked on with furrowed brows.

Would Richard make it? Would Top Gear, the … (read more)

Posted: 27th, October 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


One From The Top

“HOW do you feel?” asks the doctor peering over the bed of his recovering patient.

“I don’t normally do requests, unless I’m asked to,” comes the reply. “Have you seen the … (read more)

Posted: 26th, October 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Tom Tum

TOM Cruise may soon be as wide as he is tall.

The Enquirer (“Tom gets FATTER as Katie get FITTER”) says that “TomKat” has mutated into “Tom FAT”.

Where he was once … (read more)

Posted: 21st, October 2006 | In: Reviews | Comments (2)


McCartney Will Not Shrink

THE curly hair. The white skin. The aura of untamed sexual energy.

Can it be that the man seen in the Mail riding a bicycle along the Hove seafront with little … (read more)

Posted: 20th, October 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Beckham’s Webisode

“LIKE me new watch?” asks the Wag, in Switzerland for the 2008 European Championships. “It’s got a gold-plated cuckoo what pops out and tells the time and everything.”

The other girls … (read more)

Posted: 20th, October 2006 | In: Back pages | Comment


Fruity Bets

King’s Ransom

Alex King bet his pal Lord Edward Davenport £100,000 that he could gatecrash the premier of The History Boys movie and shake hands with Prince Charles and the very … (read more)

Posted: 18th, October 2006 | In: Money | Comment


Haves & Have Nots

“ALL men will have big willies,” announces the Sun.

No, it’s not an election pledge from John Prescott. It’s the findings of Dr Oliver Curry of the Darwin@LSE Research Centre.

Dr Curry … (read more)

Posted: 17th, October 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


We Can be Great

“TALLY-Ban Harry!” went the cry over Windsor. Into the valley. Once more into the breach!

But on Monday we learnt that Prince Harry Baseball Cap might not get to do any … (read more)

Posted: 13th, October 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment (1)


Lindsay Lohan’s Dad from Hell

It was two years ago that our friends at Frozen Pictures were running around the Sunset Strip with video cameras, following Lindsay Lohan’s father Michael for a TV series pilot … (read more)

Posted: 12th, October 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment


Michael Jackson’s Sex Change

“YOU’LL NEVER GUESS SHOE THIS IS,” challenges the Sun’s front page.

And we wonder if the feminine figure in black trousers, high-heel shoes and floppy dark blue hat is Paul Robinson, … (read more)

Posted: 12th, October 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Oranges For Lemons

“THEY’RE TAKING THE PITH,” screams the Star’s front page. The Government has gone bananas”. It’s “Nanny State madness”. The Government wants “fatties” to eat “scary food…such as peppers and berries.”

And … (read more)

Posted: 11th, October 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Britney Spears’ Evolution

THESE are some old pics of Britney Spears that I’ve never seen, but they are classic.

The tits, the hair, the acne…I love it all.

She should’ve just gotten white yarn and … (read more)

Posted: 10th, October 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment


Party’s Over

The Poker Party is over. The US Congress passed legislation on Sept. 30 making it unlawful for credit-card companies to collect payments for transactions with online-gaming sites.

PartyGaming, the world’s largest … (read more)

Posted: 10th, October 2006 | In: Money | Comment


Kate & See

HAVING dated for what feels like an eternity, and not dated for what felt like longer, Kate Moss and Pete Doherty are to marry.

That’s if they haven’t done so already. … (read more)

Posted: 9th, October 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Americana Is Over

Miceage.com has a spectacular scoop: Disneyland’s Burbank braintrust is planning to close Tom Sawyer’s Island and turn it into another Pirates of the Caribbean-themed attraction.

Some of the reasons given are … (read more)

Posted: 7th, October 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment


Keeping A Clean Council

THE chat forum on Yatton Parish Council’s website has been closed for mentioning gambling.

Parish council chair, Faith Moulin, says: “People have been clicking on the links and have found something … (read more)

Posted: 6th, October 2006 | In: Money | Comment