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Anorak | Anorak - Part 9

Anorak - Author Archive

Uefa pause from flogging junk food, debt and gambling to investigate Neymar for swearing in private

We like footballers to be on-message when they talk, to speak about knife crime (against), isotonic drinks and potato crisps – two of your five a day, kids! – (for) … (read more)

Posted: 14th, March 2019 | In: Key Posts, News | Comment


Josh Stone plays North Korea

Joss Stone has sang at a bar in North Korea, as part of her Total World Tour. Stone intends to perform in every one of the worlds country’s. She’s ticked … (read more)

Posted: 14th, March 2019 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts, News | Comment


Brexit: cats bark in the House of Fools

All tabloids bar the Daily Star lead with Brexit. The Star begins its take on world affairs with news that a thug has glassed “EastEnders Girl” Katie Jarvis. The actress … (read more)

Posted: 13th, March 2019 | In: Key Posts, News, Tabloids | Comment


Transfer balls: Manchester United in for Sancho, Coutinho; Arsenal want Tagliafico; can Liverpool rescue unpaid Karius?

Manchester United are all set to invest up to £100m in Borussia Dortmund’s 18-year-old English winger Jadon Sancho. Formerly of Watford and Manchester City, Sancho will not be the only … (read more)

Posted: 13th, March 2019 | In: News | Comment


Brexit: ‘traitor’ Tony Blair readies France to invade the UK in 45 minutes

“Et Voila! There’s your withdrawal agreement, Britishers!”

Look out for the air and sea invasion. Tony Blair has been advising France’s President Macron on ways to beat the Brits in Brexit … (read more)

Posted: 12th, March 2019 | In: Key Posts, News, Politicians | Comment


After the Jack Grealish attack: it’s time all footballers were armed

Fire at will!

After Aston Villa’s Jack Grealish was attacked by a Birmingham City fan during Sunday’s derby at St. Andrew’s, reaction was swift. The idiot was jailed for 14 weeks.

Sky Sports … (read more)

Posted: 12th, March 2019 | In: Key Posts, News, Sports | Comment


Manchester City: how much compensation can a club owned by trillionaires afford to pay victims of sexual abuse?

The star maker – Barry Bennell

Former Manchester City youth coach Barry Bennell abused children at the club and at Crewe Alexandra between 1979 and 1990. He is serving a 31-year … (read more)

Posted: 12th, March 2019 | In: Key Posts, Manchester City, News, Sports | Comment


Michael Jackson: beat him and burn him but don’t miss the Wacko Jacko exhibition at The Tate

Michael Jackson fan Seany O’Kane displays a message of support

No-one’s dug Michael Jackson up and beaten the corpse with sticks. Nor have they set his remains alight – and given … (read more)

Posted: 11th, March 2019 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts, News, TV & Radio | Comment


Transfer balls: Zidane to Real Madrid, but Spurs boss on shortlist

The big football news on the BBC’s website is that Zinedine Zidane “is set to return as Real Madrid manager just 10 months after leaving the Spanish giants”. Wowzer! That … (read more)

Posted: 11th, March 2019 | In: Back pages, Sports, Spurs | Comment


Preparing for Cheltenham with Kayley Woollacott

Kayley Woollacott became a National Hunt trainer after her husband, Richard, who took his own life in January 2018. She guided Lalor to a debut win over fences in their … (read more)

Posted: 11th, March 2019 | In: Sports | Comment


Woman offers umbrella to Python eating a wallaby

“I was driving back up the drive and glanced back across the paddock and saw something big and thought ‘oh no, I don’t like the look of this’,” says Miss … (read more)

Posted: 11th, March 2019 | In: Key Posts, News, Strange But True | Comment


Found: the first recorded use of the word ‘Fuck’

“It would be impossible to imagine going through life without swearing, and without enjoying swearing,” says Stephen Fry.  What’s good for him was good, too, for a 1528 monk., whose … (read more)

Posted: 11th, March 2019 | In: Key Posts, Strange But True | Comment


Biased BBC: John McDonnell is Fleabag on BBC News

More questions over the dreaded mainstream media’s treatment of Jeremy Corbyn and his comrades after last night’s BBC News at Ten used an image of shadow chancellor John McDonnell to … (read more)

Posted: 11th, March 2019 | In: Key Posts, Politicians, TV & Radio | Comment


Corbyn’s Blue Period: Laura Murray, Minted Aristocrats and a £50m Picasso

Gabriel Pogrund has huge news. A scoop! “EXCLUSIVE: The mystery of who sold Picasso’s “Child with a Dove” for £50M in 2013, one of the most expensive artworks ever, is … (read more)

Posted: 10th, March 2019 | In: Money, Politicians, The Consumer | Comment


Spurs balls: Son on marriage and a childhood of marathon keepy-uppy sessions

No running a pub in the New Forest or stints sat on the Sky Sports sofas for Tottenham and South Korea forward Son Heung-min, 26, after he hangs up his … (read more)

Posted: 9th, March 2019 | In: Sports, Spurs | Comment


Shamima Begum to get Duke of Edinburgh gold award

Aid workers and refugees were in mourning today at the news that a child has died in a refugee camp. “We’re inconsolable,” says Farida Agha, a Yazidi woman living in … (read more)

Posted: 9th, March 2019 | In: Key Posts, News | Comment


Shamima Begum: the baby is alive, dead and possibly British

Facts: zero. News: lots

Shamima Begum is back in the news because her lawyer, Tasnime Akunjee, has “told the Guardian”: “We have strong but as yet unconfirmed reports that Shamima Begum’s … (read more)

Posted: 8th, March 2019 | In: Key Posts, News | Comment


Chelsea balls: Sarri not sacked (day 236)

If you get your news from the Daily Mirror, the shocking realisation is that Maurizio Sarri is still the Chelsea manager. He was not sacked when Chelsea lost the Carabao … (read more)

Posted: 7th, March 2019 | In: Back pages, Sports, Tabloids | Comment


Billionaire with Short Man Syndrome dies in penis enlargement operation

Sometimes enough is enough. He was 65. What a schmuck. Not a big one – well, not as big as he wanted to be. But rest well Ehud Arye Laniado, … (read more)

Posted: 7th, March 2019 | In: Key Posts, News, Strange But True | Comment


Watch Donald Trump call Apple CEO Tim Cook ‘Tim Apple’

Donald Trump capped a meeting with Apple CEO Tim Cook by referring him as “Tim Apple”. And nobody in the room – not one person – laughed.

Nobody in the room … (read more)

Posted: 7th, March 2019 | In: News, Politicians, Technology | Comment


Spurs and Liverpool fans: Klopp, Pochettino and Mourinho ‘almost 100%’ certain to get Real Madrid job

The BBC says former Chelsea and Manchester United manager Jose Mourinho is “almost 100% certain” to rejoin Real Madrid this summer. In 2013, Mourinho left Real to return to Chelsea. … (read more)

Posted: 7th, March 2019 | In: Back pages, Liverpool, Sports, Spurs | Comment


Jeremy Corbyn ally accused of defending blatant anti-Semitism

More on Jeremy Corbyn and his problem with Jews and anti-semitism in his version of the Labour Party. The Times says an ally of the Labour leader’s blocked the suspension … (read more)

Posted: 6th, March 2019 | In: News, Politicians | Comment


Madeleine McCann: Netflix and Maddie Podcast in ratings battle

Netflix and chill to the Maddie McCann documentary soon-to-be streamed to your living rooms. It’ll be a show that tugs hard on the single-thread story: child vanishes. What light it … (read more)

Posted: 6th, March 2019 | In: Key Posts, Madeleine McCann, News | Comment


TSA stops man with rocket-propelled grenade launcher in bags

To Pennsylvania airport, where a traveller is being met by the traditional refrain “Anything to declare, sir?” Yes and no. He does have a rocket-propelled grenade launcher in his bags. … (read more)

Posted: 6th, March 2019 | In: Key Posts, Strange But True | Comment


Man escapes guilty verdict by not swearing an oath on the Bible

Flashbak to a courtroom in Camden County, New Jersey. It’s 2011. Dr. Abbas Husain is being found guilty of sexual harassment. He’s a Hindu and didn’t place his hand on … (read more)

Posted: 6th, March 2019 | In: News, Strange But True | Comment