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Madame Arcati

Madame Arcati - Author Archive

Can’s Tago Mago Is 40 This Week: Duncan Fallowell Enlarges

LOVERS of krautrock awake! Spoon Records and Mute are bringing out a 40th anniversary edition of the classic, ‘genre-defying’ Can album Tago Mago this week.

As it happens, leading Arcatiste Duncan Fallowell provided … (read more)

Posted: 15th, November 2011 | In: Music | Comment

Chris Huhne’s Terrible Tweet: The Fingerprints And The Story

WELL, we’ve all done it. Sent an indiscreet or faintly embarrassing message to an unintended destination.

Embattled MP Chris Huhne today tweeted an intriguing message into the public domain and then … (read more)

Posted: 7th, October 2011 | In: Politicians | Comment

Jonathan King’s Autobiography 65 My Life So Far Defies Censorship

I AM  delighted to see that Jonathan King’s autobiography 65 My Life So Far hit No1 on the Amazon Kindle pop culture chart. This is amazing given the near-universal attempt to … (read more)

Posted: 30th, September 2011 | In: Books | Comment

Cynical Johann Hari Is The Celebrity Plagiarist: His Fame Keeps Him Working In The Profession He Cheapens

AS I wrote on June 28, the fuss over columnist Johann Hari will do him no harm whatsoever. So I told you so. Many privately assured me that he would lose … (read more)

Posted: 16th, September 2011 | In: Reviews | Comment

A Brief Chat With Angelina Jolie And Brad Pitt In London’s Ad Hoc – WIth Molly Parkin

MADAME Arcati recalls Molly Parkin’s meeting with Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt in a London setting. If Hello! doesn’t piks up Parkin after this, they will have missed a rare … (read more)

Posted: 10th, September 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

BBC Edits Jonathan King Out Of Top Of The Pops

THE BBC’s vacuous decision to edit out an appearance of Jonathan King on a 1976 edition of Top of the Pops for a BBC4 rerun sets an intriguing precedent. We all … (read more)

Posted: 7th, September 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment (1)

David Starkey Sees A Jamaican Armada: Henry VIII Was A Black Homicidal Maniac

I’M sorry to see that ‘historian’ Dr David Starkey is in the Twitter stocks for his metaphorisation of black skin for criminality. His problem is that he has never to … (read more)

Posted: 15th, August 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (8)

Given The News of The World The World And Save Us From Dire Rivals

ONE of the joys of being me is that I can change my mind without shame. So while it is true I rarely ever had a good word to say … (read more)

Posted: 3rd, August 2011 | In: Reviews | Comment

Phone Hacking At ‘Lupert’ Murdoch’s Sunday Times: The AA Gill – Jeremy Clarkson Laugh In

I BOUGHT the Sunday Times for the first time in ages yesterday, thinking I might find contrition over Hackgate on every page. And how wrong I was! Chortles, chortles … (read more)

Posted: 25th, July 2011 | In: Reviews | Comment

Jonnie Marbles And The Young Mr Rupert Murdoch Tweets

AFTER Murdoch R’s marvellous Young Mr Grace act (of Are You being Served? fame) at the select committee hearing today, it was entirely in keeping with the theatrical atmosphere … (read more)

Posted: 19th, July 2011 | In: Reviews | Comments (6)

Who Is @ExNOTWjourno2 The News Of The World Whistleblower?

WHO is the mysterious @ExNOTWjourno2 who has been dropping prophetic cryptic clues on Twitter about the phone hacking scandal? I have no idea. But having once been myself an anonymous supplier of … (read more)

Posted: 18th, July 2011 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comments (6)

SOS: The Sun On Sunday Should Not Save Murdoch From The Cops

THE end of the News of the World: let me savour those beautiful words. Allow me to roll those delicious vowels and consonants over my tongue. Never did I … (read more)

Posted: 8th, July 2011 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comment (1)

Will Rebekah Brooks Apply The Same Standards She Demanded Of Sharon Shoesmith To Herself?

THE matter of Rebekah Brooks, chief executive of News International’s UK ops, and what as editor of The News of the World in 2002 she may or may not, or ought to, have … (read more)

Posted: 5th, July 2011 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comment (1)

Old Moore’s Tory Stargazer Predicts Prime Minister Nick Clegg For 2012

NICK Clegg could become Prime Minister one day, claims the astrologer in the new edition of Old Moore’s Almanack 2012. Oh, but hang on a minute. There’s also Theresa May to consider. She, … (read more)

Posted: 1st, July 2011 | In: Politicians | Comment

‘Joaquin Phoenix Is Possessed,’ Claims 14th Century Saint

AS some of you know, I am most interested in the thoughts of the 14th Century St Catherine of Siena, presently channelled through the US medium Elizabeth Baron. Several weeks ago … (read more)

Posted: 6th, October 2010 | In: Reviews | Comment (1)

Andy Coulson: The ‘Illegal Phone Tap Transcripts’

I HAVE a feeling that David Cameron’s chief spinner, Andy Coulson, will be soon exiting Number 10.

He resiliently continues to claim that as a one-time News of the World editor he knew … (read more)

Posted: 4th, October 2010 | In: Key Posts | Comments (3)

But, John, Aren’t We All Scientologists Now?

ISN’T John Sweeney a poppet? I just loved his BBC1 Panorama documentary The Secrets of Scientology last night. Gamely, he used his sensational screaming ab-dabs rant from his last TV visit to the … (read more)

Posted: 29th, September 2010 | In: Key Posts | Comments (10)

Oscar Wilde Cock-Cockery And Other Media Fictions

SO it’s autumn now and I’m back. Haven’t you heard of people taking summer off? I can highly recommend the Carmel Mountain Health Spa (prison close by), Israel, where luxury … (read more)

Posted: 24th, September 2010 | In: Key Posts | Comments (11)

Pope Ignored 700-Year-Old Saint Over His Priestly Child Sex Pervs!

ONE of the joys of being an intermediary between this world and the next (Sat Navs for the latter not yet available) is that each month Madame Arcati receives an email bulletin from … (read more)

Posted: 24th, July 2010 | In: Key Posts | Comments (15)

The Dark Suit Is The Burka Of Western Cock And Balls

BBC1’s Question Time debated the Burka last night and whether it should be banned. Various types of tut-tut were expressed for the Islamic garment that shrouds the female form, turning … (read more)

Posted: 23rd, July 2010 | In: Reviews | Comments (4)

Let’s Spell It Out, The Times Paywall Is A Disaster

THE Times website has lost 66% of its audience since the online paywall went up the other week – disastrous news I’d have thought, but not according to the Guardian.

It’s “a … (read more)

Posted: 19th, July 2010 | In: Key Posts | Comments (6)

Tesco Beautifies Mel Gibson’s Horrible Harangues!

MY head rings with Mel Gibson’s potty-mouthed profanities. I have not heard such things, at least not since I was a choir boy (before the gender realignment op, that is). … (read more)

Posted: 17th, July 2010 | In: Key Posts | Comments (9)

What’s It REALLY Like To Have Sex With Hugh Hefner?

QUITE  frankly I’d rather have sex with a portable TV aerial than Hugh Hefner. But be honest: haven’t you ever wondered what it’s like to be fucked by this Methuselah of Meaningless Mountings? … (read more)

Posted: 12th, July 2010 | In: Key Posts | Comments (21)

‘Have You Ever Had A Shower With A Queer?’ Asks Pentagon

FOUR hundred thousand US soldiers have this week been sent a $4.5m Pentagon questionnaire asking them whether they’ve ever taken a shower with a homosexual. What a fascinating queeeeery.

There are other lifestyle … (read more)

Posted: 10th, July 2010 | In: Key Posts | Comments (11)

Please Duchess Fergie, Suck Out My Fat (Again)!

I NEVER tire of news of Fergie, the Duchess of York. Now I learn that Her Grace has a new champion – the wonderfully named American novelist Laura van Wormer who … (read more)

Posted: 8th, July 2010 | In: Key Posts | Comments (3)

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