Mof Gimmers - Author Archive

Men who do housework get less sex

SEX. It is, unfathomably, still something of a thorny issue despite the fact it is as natural as (and only marginally less satisfying than) sneezing. Yet, people get funny talking … (read more)

Posted: 30th, January 2013 | In: Reviews | Comment

PETA don’t like monkeys in space

IRAN have announced that they are going to send a monkey into space, and despite the fact half the celebrity world is fighting for a place on Richard Branson’s spaceflights, … (read more)

Posted: 29th, January 2013 | In: Reviews | Comment

Katie Price is bored of being married… AGAIN

WHEN straight people talk about gay-marriage, they’re often keen to bring up how marriage is a sacred thing. The sanctity of marriage shouldn’t be sullied by those gay people. They … (read more)

Posted: 29th, January 2013 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)

Specsavers mock Chelea’s Eden Hazard for ballboy incident

WHEN Eden Hazard kicked a ballboy in the ribs, it was… and let us all be perfectly clear on this… really funny. No-one got hurt, both looked like berks and, … (read more)

Posted: 28th, January 2013 | In: Sports, The Consumer | Comment (1)

MPs consider ‘Don’t Come To Britain’ advertising campaign

IMMIGRATION is still a super hot topic amongst politicians and racists. And so, in a big to discourage migrants coming to Britain, some ministers have had a rather barking idea, … (read more)

Posted: 28th, January 2013 | In: Politicians, Reviews | Comment

Newsreader falls into canal while texting… and it’s on video!

CCTV footage has emerged, capturing a local newsreader falling arse-over-tit into a frozen canal after being distracted by her phone.

Laura Safe (raises eyebrows at the nominative determinism) works for Capital … (read more)

Posted: 25th, January 2013 | In: Reviews, TV & Radio | Comment

Simon Cowell and other celebs read out Twitter insults on video

WHILE Mary Beard boo-hoos about some people being tasteless and puerile about her, other famous people are taking online insults in their stride and turning it into laughter!

Jimmy Kimmel has … (read more)

Posted: 25th, January 2013 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Cats to be culled in New Zealand?

ANYONE who has ever used Instagram or Facebook, will be thoroughly sick of the sight of people’s stupid cats. They’re everywhere at the moment, with childless hipster couples treating the … (read more)

Posted: 25th, January 2013 | In: Reviews | Comment

German army to defeat the enemy with man-boobs

THE German army could be known as ‘simply the breast’ after they found they had a surprise development with their male soldiers – weapons of mass seduction.

Apparently, thanks to a … (read more)

Posted: 24th, January 2013 | In: Strange But True | Comment

The worst ski-jump in the world

>NOW it turns out that Eddie ‘The Eagle’ Edwards (above) is a half-decent diver (yes, we’ve seen some of ITV’s Splash and no, we haven’t stopped crying), it turns out he … (read more)

Posted: 23rd, January 2013 | In: Sports | Comment

Arsenal ‘fine sheet’ leaks online: Mertesacker plays the German banker

ARSENAL aren’t known as the strictest, toughest of football clubs, which may or may not be underlined by the leaking of a sheet of fines and penalties from the club.

Gary … (read more)

Posted: 23rd, January 2013 | In: Sports | Comment

Pigeons to be tinkered with so they defecate soap

THERE’S an experiment afoot in London which will attempt to turn pigeon poo into soap, which is obviously not weird or cruel at all.

In a video explaining the project, it … (read more)

Posted: 22nd, January 2013 | In: Strange But True, The Consumer | Comment

Bono gets a spider named after him, which is good news for spider-haters

ONLY insane people like spiders. People are rightly terrified of them. They’ve got too many eyes, too many legs, fart out indestructible silk and probably lay eggs in your tear-ducts … (read more)

Posted: 21st, January 2013 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)

Buckethead Man robs a shop

BREAKING and entering shops, so you can steal things, is hardly the most noble of pursuits, but god bless criminals who do things the old-fashioned way by donning a disguise.

Just … (read more)

Posted: 19th, January 2013 | In: Reviews | Comment

Man rants as Subway ‘footlong’ is an inch short

WE’VE all been needlessly pernickerty about things in our time, but one Subway customer really has gone the extra mile.

This chap, called Matt Corby, found himself apoplectic with rage when … (read more)

Posted: 18th, January 2013 | In: Reviews, The Consumer | Comment

Irish grandpa steals from dead HMV when it refuses his gift voucher

TALK about kicking someone while they’re down! An old man shoplifted from HMV because the €40 gift voucher he had bought was not accepted by the shop on Dublin’s Henry … (read more)

Posted: 18th, January 2013 | In: Reviews, The Consumer | Comment

5ive canvas for new member… on Facebook

IT must be depressing being in a 90s boyband these days. Who remembers you? Barely no-one. If they do, they’re invariably crazed old fans, ravaged by time and still lustily … (read more)

Posted: 17th, January 2013 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Teacher who is afraid of children, to sue

CHILDREN are terrifying things, with their snotty little faces, gurgling traps and little accusatory fists. It is little wonder we treat them with such contempt.

One person who is really frightened … (read more)

Posted: 16th, January 2013 | In: Reviews | Comment

£62 linesman punished by stupid idiots running football

FOOTBALL these days, brings more misery and frustration than cheer. So when something brilliant and remarkable happens, you cherish it. And then, inevitably, a footballing body ruins it for everyone. … (read more)

Posted: 15th, January 2013 | In: Sports | Comments (2)

Don’t laugh, but Coca Cola have made this video about obesity

THOSE scamps at Coca-Cola have decided to make a little film about obesity. Why are you laughing and snorting in derision? What’s that? Because Coke could well be responsible for … (read more)

Posted: 15th, January 2013 | In: The Consumer | Comment (1)

Behold/Kill the dubstep singing parrot!

WE’VE written extensively about the animal kingdom try to kill humans, and now we’re faced with a beast so irritating that it must be killed. Or praised. Whatever takes your … (read more)

Posted: 14th, January 2013 | In: Strange But True | Comment

Boobs on sale for advertising!

REMEMBER when Homer Simpson sold off bits of his body for advertisements? Everyone bought blue pants and remembered to chow down on Maine potatoes.

Well, one mysterious individual has decided to … (read more)

Posted: 10th, January 2013 | In: Reviews | Comment (1)

Brilliant man gets solid-gold shirt

THROWING your money around, no matter how large or small the amount is, is one of the greatest pleasures a human can have. Wasting money on crisps instead of supposedly … (read more)

Posted: 9th, January 2013 | In: Strange But True | Comments (3)

What are the most irritating words on the planet?

THERE are scores of people out there who just say anything that comes out of their mouths without thinking about it. This leads to people repeating annoying words and phrases … (read more)

Posted: 8th, January 2013 | In: Reviews | Comments (4)

Brazilian cat gets arrested with a saw and phone strapped to it

BRAZIL is, quite frankly, the most brilliantly ludicrous country on Earth. Away from the obviously mental Amazon rainforest, there’s the most corrupt football league on Earth, a fanatical belief in … (read more)

Posted: 7th, January 2013 | In: Strange But True | Comment

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