Anorak

Mof Gimmers | Anorak - Part 37

Mof Gimmers - Author Archive

Cheryl Cole likes sex and Prince Harry – but both at the same time?

CHERYL COLE was once the people’s princess (whatever that means) but, since America broke her (instead of Cheryl breaking America), she’s dropped off the radar, save for a few column … (read more)

Posted: 30th, April 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)


Mel Gibson handed BA Hons in Stating The Insultingly Obvious as he confesses to having a bit of a temper

HOLLYWOOD’S prime mentalist shaker, Mel Gibson, has had a busy private life. He’s spat out anti-Semitic insults (allegedly), threatened to kill his ex (allegedly), swore and moaned like a cow … (read more)

Posted: 30th, April 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Look at Taylor Swift’s boobs and decide if they’ve magically grown

HAVE you seen Taylor Swift lately? Did you look at her chest? Of course you didn’t. She’s so interminably beige that you probably forgot you were looking at a human … (read more)

Posted: 27th, April 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)


The Smiths to reform aka Morrissey’s mortgage payments must be getting tight

THERE is a rumour that never goes out. That’s right, it is that time again to talk about the reforming of The Smiths. Apparently, the furiously overrated band are going to … (read more)

Posted: 26th, April 2012 | In: Music | Comments (15)


Kim Kardashian holds hands with Kanye West for publicity

WHEN Kim Kardashian dumped Kris Humphries after 72 days of marriage, everyone howled that she was taking the sanctity of marriage and stuffing it down a promotion hole. It was … (read more)

Posted: 25th, April 2012 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment


The government are spying on Susan Sarandon

SPIES! They’re everywhere! Sometimes, they’re found rotting in a holdall in their house, just waiting for someone to make a really exciting film about them! However, some spies are invariably … (read more)

Posted: 25th, April 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Former glamour model says she had sex with Simon Cowell 11 times in one night, which she didn’t?

THERE is a huge “unofficial” media story that makes Simon Cowell look like a veritable stud at the minute, which of course, sends alarm bells ringing with anyone who has … (read more)

Posted: 24th, April 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Tim Lovejoy tweets his ballbag to the world by accident through Twitter

CHANCES are, you have witnessed the horror that is Tim Lovejoy, gurning his way through Something For The Weekend and Sunday Brunch. He’s tested the patience of Simon Rimmer and … (read more)

Posted: 24th, April 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)


Rihanna: going to die like Whitney Houston?

RIHANNA has been a gigantic pain in the posterior lately, flaunting herself to the point of apathy. We’ve had vague allusions to drug use, side-boob, bikini shots and of course, … (read more)

Posted: 23rd, April 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Justin Bieber uses rape and Borat to taunt ‘baby-momma’ Mariah Yeeter

PERHAPS it shouldn’t be surprising that Justin Bieber is acting like a giant baby lately, what with him being a professional gyrating toddler. However, that’s exactly what he’s doing, shouting … (read more)

Posted: 23rd, April 2012 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment (1)


Kim Kardashian to be president of the United States Of America?

YOU may think of Kim Kardashian as little more than a sex-tape reject who can’t keep hold of a marriage for as long, but you’ve had her wrong all this … (read more)

Posted: 20th, April 2012 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment


Dappy fights in petrol station because he’s a gigantic pillock

IDIOTS? The world is teeming with them. One of the best examples of a complete and utter simpleton idiot, is Dappy, the Lord of N-Dubz. Away from the silly hats, … (read more)

Posted: 20th, April 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment


More Mel Gibson lunacy caught on tape! Still not keen on Jews, murder plot and thrilled at the death of Lennon

OKAY. Where do you start with Mel Gibson? His formerly glittering Hollywood career would be as good as anywhere, but all that’s been knocked into a cocked hat as he’s … (read more)

Posted: 19th, April 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Grown bearded man arrested for impersonating Justin Bieber

INFANT pop superstar, Justin Bieber, has barely been alive long enough to develop his fingernails and fontanelle, let alone a hair on his nuts… so the news coming in that … (read more)

Posted: 19th, April 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Caroline Flack ‘still on’ with One Direction’s Harry Styles (Also: Legal action)

DESPITE being one of the most unsettling celebrity relationships in recent history (still nowhere near the levels of mind meltery that is The Krankies), not many people seemed to really … (read more)

Posted: 18th, April 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)


Simon Cowell walks on water and turns his turds into Milk Tray chocolates

WOMEN have loomed large in Simon Cowell’s legend this week, provoking cries of “Oh shut up!” and “I think the lady doth protest too much!” There’s talk of him bedding … (read more)

Posted: 18th, April 2012 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment


Alexa Chung and Amy Childs show off their very different bodies online

CELEBRITIES are always posting pictures of themselves on twitter and such. They love it. They love to show off their glamorous lives and harvest all that attention we needily throw … (read more)

Posted: 17th, April 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Courtney Love says sorry to daughter, not that anyone believes she’s any less mental (Dave Grohl tweets)

COURTNEY LOVE is, without doubt, the most insane person on planet Earth right now. More insane than an attic filled with Robert Mugabe’s self-portrait pyjamas.

If you missed it, Courtney has … (read more)

Posted: 17th, April 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Brad Pitt & Angelina to get married and move their 30,000 children into British schools

AFTER spending their whole relationship sneering about marriage, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are going to get hitched. They obviously love each other so much that, now, the only thing … (read more)

Posted: 16th, April 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Kurt Cobain recorded inevitably awful solo album before he blew his brains up

KURT COBAIN committed suicide and, for many, it was awful. The people who felt it most are those who are in their early thirties now because they were not only … (read more)

Posted: 16th, April 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Courtney Love hated by her daughter and Kurt’s best friends

THIS might surprise you, but Courtney Love has been going mad again. You may think that her wild ramblings, ‘accidental’ nude leaks of herself via her own twitter account, bizarre … (read more)

Posted: 13th, April 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comments (6)


Zombie Tupac and Nate Dogg to rise from the dead at Coachella Festival!

ONE of the best ways to maximise the money you make from your music is to die. John Lennon, Elvis and Janis Joplin all sold a million more records as … (read more)

Posted: 13th, April 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)


Guns ‘n’ Roses refused Hall Of Fame by Axl Rose

DESPITE being one of the lousiest rock bands in the history of human ears, Guns ‘n’ Roses had been invited to be part of the Rock ‘N’ Roll Hall Of … (read more)

Posted: 12th, April 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)


Cowell bags Britney for $15m to be mental on X Factor

IS Britney Spears heading to the X Factor?

A big part of the X Factor’s charm is that, away from the crooning and contestant back-stories being forcibly rammed down your gullet, … (read more)

Posted: 12th, April 2012 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (4)


Alec Baldwin had dinner with his ‘stalker’ Genevieve Sabourin, which is nice (photos)

IMAGINE having a stalker. Horrible eh? Someone pestering you all the time like a toddler with a rapacious sexual appetite and a bag filled with your shaving scum. Well, Alec … (read more)

Posted: 11th, April 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comments (11)