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Mof Gimmers

Mof Gimmers - Author Archive

Charlie Sheen Tweets His Phone Number To Everyone, Like A Fool

SINCE Charlie Sheen went boring (aka looking like he was going to live healthily for the foreseeable future rather than do loads of coke and die), we’ve had to rely … (read more)

Posted: 13th, December 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Are Agents To Blame For Lack Of Openly Gay Footballers?

GAYS. They’re everywhere. Seriously. There are literally LOADS of gay people on the planet. Some people take great interest in a person’s sexual preferences whilst others couldn’t care less. The … (read more)

Posted: 12th, December 2011 | In: Sports | Comment

Shaun Ryder Drops Happy Mondays Reunion Hint

BALDING, shuffling, pink-faced thirtysomethings REJOICE! Not only are The Stone Roses hauling their ample arses out to relive your youth in sweaty fields, but so are the Happy Mondays! Stella … (read more)

Posted: 12th, December 2011 | In: Music | Comment (1)

Hulk Hogan Files Defamation Suit Against Ex-Wife, Which Is Nice

DIVORCE and break-ups are always tricky things. Splitting up the CD collection. Trying to not punch each other on the nose. The whole trying to have a conversation with someone … (read more)

Posted: 9th, December 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Porn Job ‘Terrifies’ Amanda Seyfried: The Linda Lovelace Crymax

WHEN Lindsay Lohan got the chop from the Linda Lovelace biopic for being a big, tragic mess, everyone wondered who would take her gig. That’s because everyone wants to watch … (read more)

Posted: 9th, December 2011 | In: Film | Comment

Tom Cruise Drops Top Gun 2 Rumour Bomb

SCIENTOLOGY may well be making everyone dislike Tom Cruise, but he’s still a big celebrity noisemaker. And now, while touting his latest Mission: Impossible film, he’s decided to make everyone … (read more)

Posted: 8th, December 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Charlie Sheen Says Ex Isn’t A Drug Dealer And He’s A Very Trustworthy Source

TIGERBLOOD! Remember when everyone thought it was very funny to say that? It was like those Budweiser toads all over again. Effectively, wearisome after five minutes.

That said, through that period, … (read more)

Posted: 8th, December 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Michael Barrymore, shockingly, admits to cocaine possession

MICHAEL Barrymore is a cad isn’t he? He ruled the light-entertainment world with his long, long legs, bug-eyed stared, AWIGHT and of course, his obvious hatred for the general public. … (read more)

Posted: 7th, December 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

Lewis Hamilton May Be Wealthy, But He’s Still Depressingly Desperate When It Comes To Nicole Scherzinger

IMAGINE. You’re one of the most respected Formula One drivers on the planet. You’re reasonably good looking. You’re wealthy. You’ve got a number of lucrative advertising contracts. The world is … (read more)

Posted: 7th, December 2011 | In: Sports | Comment

Amanda Knox: Going Down The Book Route, Rather Than The Nuts Magazine One

GETTING acquitted of murdering someone must be brilliant. Firstly, it means you didn’t kill someone. Secondly, you don’t have to spend the rest of your life in prison. Thirdly, if … (read more)

Posted: 6th, December 2011 | In: Reviews | Comments (2)

Kardashian Getting Sued Over Alleged Attack On Transgender Woman Chantal Spears (Photos)

HATE crime or equality? You’re about to decide whether or not you can go around lamping people who are transgender. Okay?

So, Khloe Kardashian is apparently being sued for assault in … (read more)

Posted: 6th, December 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Madonna To Play In Superbowl, Quite Possibly As A Wide Receiver

MADONNA’S appearance at the next Super Bowl has been one of the worst kept secrets in sports-entertainment. Just like [Whoa there Mr Libel! Name removed by Ed.] being a quite … (read more)

Posted: 5th, December 2011 | In: Sports | Comment

John Lennon ‘To Do’ List Up For Auction (Beatles For Sale)

BEATLES junk always sells, regardless of how dull or menial it is. Remember John Lennon’s tooth getting purchased by some bozo? George Harrison’s Vox amp will soon be on the … (read more)

Posted: 2nd, December 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Brad Pitt Helps Suicidal Fan At Screening Of His Film By Quoting The Little Book Of Calm

HOLLYWOOD is full of idiots and simpletons, but Brad Pitt seems like a good enough chap. And that idea was only furthered when he had some supportive words for a … (read more)

Posted: 2nd, December 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Tulisa Blames Everything On Her Being Poor On X Factor Apart From Lack Of Knowledge

FOR those who saw the fly-on-the-wall documentary series that followed N-Dubz around (all ten of us then, great), you will have seen Tulisa Contostavlos as a rather canny young woman … (read more)

Posted: 1st, December 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

Scarlett Johansson Hates Ryan Reynolds Dirty New Celebrity Girlfriend

YOU may think of Scarlett Johansson as little more than That Actress In That Thing You Dis/Liked or That Woman Who Showed Her Boobs To Everyone By Accident, but she’s … (read more)

Posted: 1st, December 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Italian FA Advises Gay Players ‘Don’t Come Out’: Damiano Tommasi Say Homosexuals Not Welcome In Changing Rooms

COMING out in football isn’t ever going to be easy. Thus far, the only player to be out and proud is Swedish footballer Anton Hysen. He came out earlier this … (read more)

Posted: 30th, November 2011 | In: Sports | Comments (8)

1%er Doesn’t Make Much Of The Working Classes, Unsurprisingly: A Banker Speaks

OCCUPY Everywhere (it feels like ‘everywhere’ at the minute) continues, there’s not been too many words coming from the bankers. It seems they’ve been reluctant to speak.

That is, until now. … (read more)

Posted: 30th, November 2011 | In: Money | Comment

Miley Cyrus Is The New Bob Dylan: Singer Worth $120m Patronises The 99% With Liberty Walk

THE Occupy Movement has created a huge amount of interest around the world. People are protesting against the super wealthy and getting pepper-sprayed right in the eye for their trouble. … (read more)

Posted: 29th, November 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Iron Mike Tyson Sings The Girl From Ipanema While Dressed In A Bad White Suit

That’s right! Iron Mike has been on TV singing The Girl From Ipanema. You know the song don’t you? It goes like this:
“Tall and tan and young and lovely, the … (read more)

Posted: 29th, November 2011 | In: Sports | Comment

Charlize Theron Was Bullied At School By People Probably Masturbating Over Her Right Now

BULLYING is no laughing matter, unless of course, someone you hate is being bullied like a racist or a sexist. Bullying is really great then because it’s righteous.

Of course, celebrities … (read more)

Posted: 28th, November 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Gigantically Ungrateful Janet Devlin Slams X Factor As ‘Karaoke’: Amelia Lily

X FACTOR reject Janet Devlin is the new Amelia Lily:

IMAGINE this. You’re an average, unknown singer who posted a couple of dreary songs up to your own YouTube channel. Internet … (read more)

Posted: 28th, November 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comments (14)

What Does Lady GaGa Want In Her Dream partner?

WHEN you’re famous, you can demand what you like from a potential suitor. And with Lady GaGa being not-ugly and not-at-all-poor, she can totally decide what she wants from a … (read more)

Posted: 25th, November 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment

The Magical Crisp Making Vending Machine!

CRISPS! Everyone loves crisps. Just reading the word makes you want to stuff as many lovely, greasy crisps into your gaping crisphole as inhumanely possible. If you choked to death … (read more)

Posted: 24th, November 2011 | In: The Consumer | Comment

Jimmy Carr Takes Shots At Down Syndrome Sufferers

COMEDIANS love tackling taboo subjects. Many stand-ups see their job as mirth maker, coupled with freedom of speech activists. In the case of the latter, many use their freedom to … (read more)

Posted: 24th, November 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comments (4)

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