Madonna’s Twist

Oliver’s pillow was smoothed by gentle hands that night; and loveliness and virtue watched him as he slept – Oliver Twist by Charles Dickens
IT’S the Dickensian story of the … (read more)

Posted: 17th, October 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Beckham & Holmes – Friends Of A Fashion

THE generous-heels, the just-so brown bobbed hair and the interesting nose suggest Tom Cruise. But when we look again we realise that it’s not Tom with Katie Holmes but Victoria … (read more)

Posted: 17th, October 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment

Robbie Williams Uncovered

“ROBBIE: Liam is an ugly inbred.” When they are not making terrible music, taking drugs and drink, staying in rehab or banging on about their self-diagnosed clinical/bi-polar/manic depression, our popstars … (read more)

Posted: 17th, October 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Prince Harry’s Chedda Cheese

“CHELSY UNCOVERED,” announces the Sun’s front page. “Amazing secrets reveal why Harry loves dizzy blonde.” Prince Harry Baseball Cap is in Cape Town, South Africa, for his girlfriend Chelsy Davy’s … (read more)

Posted: 16th, October 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Jennifer Aniston Asks

WHEN Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston were dating, they starred in the movie called The Break Up. Now they are no longer stepping out, how long it will be before … (read more)

Posted: 16th, October 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment

Questions Of Faith

SO what did you learn at school today, Armani? The little love’s eyes shine. “Well,” she says, “I learnt that non-believers are infidels who should be forcibly converted lest they … (read more)

Posted: 16th, October 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

Madonna Fights Like A Trojan

HAS Madonna hatched a classic plot to smuggle young David Banda from his native Malawi and into a new life in London? As the Sun reports, Madonna has spent £5,000 … (read more)

Posted: 16th, October 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Dear Elton…

YOU know you’ve made it when…Elton John offers to help you wrestle your demons. Having waxed lyrical on matters George Michael, Robbie Williams, Pete Doherty, Madonna and Posh ‘n’ Becks, … (read more)

Posted: 16th, October 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Hamza The Estate Agent

“STUMP DUTY,” says the Mirror’s headline. It’s one-eyed, hook-handed purple people eater Abu Hamza. He’s back. And he’s in the property game. The report says that Hamza has paid £220,000 … (read more)

Posted: 16th, October 2006 | In: Broadsheets | Comment

Faking The Michael

BENEATH the Mirror’s pressing news that the next series of Prime Suspect will feature any one of three filmed endings is an installment from the life and times of Michael … (read more)

Posted: 13th, October 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Angelina Jolie’s Indian Sign

“JOLIE car drama,” says the Sun, and we are gripped. As reported on Anorak, Angelina Jolie is in India filming a new movie, A Mighty Heart. The film tells the … (read more)

Posted: 13th, October 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Beckham Is Back

DAVID Beckham is back. “I’LL be BECK,” says the Star’s front page, and so it will be. Dave might not be able to run all that fast, beat a decent … (read more)

Posted: 13th, October 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

One Sad Day

IS it time we started to love Darren Day? The man who’s been engaged more times than the toilet at a cystitis convention is broke. As the Sun reports, the … (read more)

Posted: 13th, October 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment (1)

Smoke & Mirrors

OF course the woman in the giant 4×4 already knows. As she engages the urban tank’s ‘minefield’ mode and mounts the kerbs, manhole covers and cyclists around Chelsea with enviable … (read more)

Posted: 13th, October 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

Trick Or Treat

WHAT you doing on October 31st? Knocking on doors and extracting money with menaces as you bawl “trick or treat!” through some old lady’s letter box? Wondering what the hell … (read more)

Posted: 12th, October 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Cheryl & Ashley’sChavtastic Life

WE’VE checked. But when OK! says Cheryl Cole, wife of humourist and footballer Ashley Cole, is “making the front pages of every newspaper and magazine in her own right”, we … (read more)

Posted: 12th, October 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment

Madonna’s Into Africa

DOES Africa work on a rota system, each country getting a little time in the limelight before the bell is rung and another takes its place? We no longer read … (read more)

Posted: 12th, October 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

All I Want…

ALL I want for Christmas are my two front teeth, a Barbie Cosmetic Surgery, an adopted African baby and gift vouchers to The Priory. It’s that time of year when … (read more)

Posted: 12th, October 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

David Beckham Exposed

LIKE David Beckham, we too smell of “a blend of orange, mandarin and Italian Bergamot, with the middle notes of cardamom, pimento and star anise. Finishing off with vetiver, white … (read more)

Posted: 12th, October 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Madonna’ Baby David

IT was a long search but after a gruelling selection process Madonna has adopted a year-old child. He is, as the Sun’s front page announces, “MADONNA’S RAY OF LIGHT.” Ever … (read more)

Posted: 11th, October 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

X Ratings

MOVE over Pete Doherty, or just loll the other way, there’s a new cocaine crackpot tearing up the British music scene. It’s not Justin Hawkins, The Darkness’ frontman, who tells … (read more)

Posted: 11th, October 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Beyond The Veil

“THE being who opened the door was like nothing I had ever seen. Swathed from head to toe in black cloth, she looked like a huge crow and had a … (read more)

Posted: 11th, October 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment (1)

Kidd & Play

Women On Top Madonna is now the highest paid female performer on the planet. According to the Guinness Book of Records 2007, Madonna earned £26.6million in 2004. J K Rowling … (read more)

Posted: 11th, October 2006 | In: Royal Family | Comment

The Sting

ONE problem with executing a sting on Italian politics is that the cast changes so often. Over the last decade, the country has endured seven Prime Ministers. No sooner have … (read more)

Posted: 11th, October 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

Whipping Up Interest

Goodbye (Yellow) Bricks & Mortar The cottage in Ealby, near Market Rasen, Lincolnshire, where Elton John and Bernie Taupin wrote some of their biggest hits, is on the market for … (read more)

Posted: 10th, October 2006 | In: Royal Family | Comment

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