Anorak

| Anorak - Part 18

- Author Archive

Chips Off The Old Stones

“FRESH from taking New York’s Fashion Week by storm – where the glamorous babe strutted down the catwalk drinking a big milkshake…” Fashion moves on apace. And no sooner have … (read more)

Posted: 18th, September 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Phone A Lawyer

“TARRANT’S 10-YEAR AFFAIR,” says the front page of the Mirror. What began as an illicit kiss in a Surrey bar nicknamed ‘Divorce Central’, a venue packed with bare-arsed desperate housewives, … (read more)

Posted: 18th, September 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


There Be Penguins

IF you go down to the woods today, you’re sure of a big surprise. What with Muslim fundamentalists in cagoules trying to win cub-scout badges in jihad and orienteering the … (read more)

Posted: 18th, September 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment


Lohan Gets Plastered

LINDSAY Lohan is back. Not that the freckly actress ever leaves the Mirror. And we look forward to the paper being printed on Lindsay-style paper, with readers invited to join … (read more)

Posted: 18th, September 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


The Pope Must Die

“THE Pope must die.” It’s the title of the new film playing in the Daily Mail. The Pope (played by Mel Gibson, who wasn’t in the Hitler Youth) will take … (read more)

Posted: 18th, September 2006 | In: Broadsheets | Comment


We Ate Jamie Oliver

“THIS is all down to Jamie,” says Sam Walker in the Mirror. “I just don’t like him and what he stands for. He’s forcing our kids to become more picky … (read more)

Posted: 17th, September 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment (1)


Celebrity Sharking

THE week began on September 11, 2006. There could be only one story. “TARRANT & THE BIMBOS,” announced the Mirror on its front page. Chris, 59, and married, was said … (read more)

Posted: 16th, September 2006 | In: Broadsheets | Comment


Beckham’s New Pout

DOES Victoria Beckham ever tire of wearing clothes? One of the world’s foremost dressers is pictured on the Mirror’s Page 3 (“GLOSS SPICE”) wearing some of her trademark clothes. The … (read more)

Posted: 15th, September 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Man Overboard

JOAN Rivers once said that when Donatella Versace opens her mouth she doesn’t know whether to listen or throw her keys in it. It is indeed true that the sun … (read more)

Posted: 15th, September 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment


Elton John’s Dead Good Pals

ELTON John has buried more showbiz friends than most of us can ever hope to meet alive. In the Sun’s “ELTON JOHN EXCLUSIVE” (to rival the Mirror’s “EXCLUSIVE”), Elton tells … (read more)

Posted: 15th, September 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


George Clooney ER

“AFTER September 30, you won’t need the UN," said the actor. "You will simply need men with shovels and bleached white linen and headstones." Cut! George Clooney has entered the … (read more)

Posted: 15th, September 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment


Marry Like Madonna

Castle Rackrent Not just anyone will be able to marry at Skibo Castle where Madonna married Guy Ritchie is 2000. From now on only members of the Carnegie Club will … (read more)

Posted: 15th, September 2006 | In: Royal Family | Comment


Kate Moss’s Shot In The Arm

“HOW £15m Moss is cashing in on drug scandal,” says the Mail. The paper says that a year after being “photographed snorting cocaine”, Kate Moss’s career has grown in potency. … (read more)

Posted: 15th, September 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


The Tories’ Den

THIS year’s Conservative Party conference will be staged in Bournemouth – at the end of the pier. It won’t be a farce – lots of half-naked bodies zipping in out … (read more)

Posted: 14th, September 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment


His Whit’s End

“WE’VE gone our separate ways and I’m looking for new tenderloin.” And so it was that with those, er, tender words, Bobby Brown announces that he and Whitney Houston are … (read more)

Posted: 14th, September 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Angelina Jolie & Brad Pitt Marry

STUFF the vol-au-vents, unfreeze the crabsticks and get the Tennent’s Super on ice – Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are getting married. The Enquirer says that over dinner at their … (read more)

Posted: 14th, September 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment


Just(ice) 19

“IN jeans and T–shirt, she looks like a typical teenager!” writes the Mail. The paper has a picture of one Lucy Tate and invites readers to study her form. We … (read more)

Posted: 14th, September 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


The Daily Lohan

IN today’s “The Daily LOHAN”, the renamed Daily Mirror has a picture of Lindsay Lohan holding a mobile phone to one ear, her right one. Why? We can only guess. … (read more)

Posted: 14th, September 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Load Of Yap

“ON the Sharon Osbourne Show, it’s just me and I’ve got to time everything right down to the last second,” says Sharon Osbourne in the Sun. And we stop the … (read more)

Posted: 14th, September 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Hilter’s Write On

A 1,000 Year Writing Desk A chair and a desk that once belonged to German leader Adolph Hitler are on sale. Anyone who wants the oak pieces should expect to … (read more)

Posted: 14th, September 2006 | In: Royal Family | Comment


Pay For Bill Clinton

Paying For Bill Bill Clinton, former President of the USA and friend to interns, will earn £700,000 for a series of three speeches he will deliver in London and Dublin. … (read more)

Posted: 13th, September 2006 | In: Royal Family | Comment


Out Of Fashion

FOR someone so very thin, Victoria Beckham takes up an awful lot of space. There’s a shot of Her Poshness on the front of the Express. “POSH TAKES THE PLUNGE,” … (read more)

Posted: 13th, September 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Hav-ana A nice Day

BEINVENIDO to London. Twinned with Caracas. “Hav-ana a nice day.” Ok. Ok. We realise that Caracas is in Venezuela, but like Cuba it is a socialist haven and we could … (read more)

Posted: 13th, September 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment


Jay Kay’s ‘Ell

WHILE Lindsay Lohan sunk vodka inside London’s Kabaret Prophecy club, and photographers vied to look up her skirt, outside on the pavement singer Jay Kay was defending her honour. The … (read more)

Posted: 13th, September 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Lindsay Lohan Grins And Bares It

WHAT began in jest is now fact as we turn to the Mirror and read “The Daily LOHAN”. Just yesterday we at Anorak noted that the Mirror’s 3am Girls now … (read more)

Posted: 13th, September 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment