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Jade Goody’s PA System

IT must be hard work being as thick as Jade Goody. Or “dippy” as the Sun says. Jade operates as some council estate Bertie Wooster, a mentally negligible sort who, … (read more)

Posted: 13th, September 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Pay For Bill Clinton

Paying For Bill Bill Clinton, former President of the USA and friend to interns, will earn £700,000 for a series of three speeches he will deliver in London and Dublin. … (read more)

Posted: 13th, September 2006 | In: Royal Family | Comment

Lindsay Lohan’s Diary

“HEY guys, i’m soooo sooo sorry i haven’t written in a while!!” writes Lindsay Lohan in the journal on her official website. And she has been busy. So busy that … (read more)

Posted: 12th, September 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Hasselhoff’s Belt Tightening

The Godfather With Soul While being driven though a rundown area of Atlanta, Georgia, Godfather of Soul James Brown told his chauffeur to pull over. He then handed out $2,000 … (read more)

Posted: 12th, September 2006 | In: Royal Family | Comment

Trees Have Ears

ARE we taking the War on Terror seriously? This is not meant as an insult to the soldiers fighting a very real enemy in Iraq and Afghanistan. It’s just that … (read more)

Posted: 12th, September 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

Harry & Willy

THAT Prince Harry’s his father’s son all right. Just get a load of him sticking his hand down his trousers in public and rearranging his tampon, or whatever it is … (read more)

Posted: 12th, September 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Jordan & Osama

JORDAN should take care. When we read in OK! that she’s singing Whitney Houston a capella (and we take this to mean Whitney Houston’s songs and not the singer’s name … (read more)

Posted: 12th, September 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment

Pony Tale

UNLESS you are a wealthy Royal or a four-foot-tall Irishman, chances are that you will never know the thrill of competitive equestrianism. The only way you can gain entry to … (read more)

Posted: 12th, September 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Who Wants To Be Mrs Tarrant?

IT’S September 11, 2006, and there can be only one story: “TARRANT & THE BIMBOS,” announces the Mirror on its front page. In the style of the Who Wants To … (read more)

Posted: 11th, September 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment (1)

Bakri To The Front

IT looked promising. Abu Abdullah, 42, had taken over from jailed Abu Hamza as head of the Supporters of Shariah focus group. Abu’s credentials to be the new face of … (read more)

Posted: 11th, September 2006 | In: Broadsheets | Comment

Anyone Seen Osama?

ANYONE seen Osama bin Laden? We’ve looked. We’ve journeyed to the Tora Bora caves. We’ve scanned the faces of people at airports. We’ve even checked the boxes at Arsenal’s new … (read more)

Posted: 11th, September 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

Catching Peaches

“WE’RE still playing everywhere all the time, we just can’t post out gigs on this site. So if you want to know where our next gig is, contact our booking … (read more)

Posted: 11th, September 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Church Banns Pete Doherty

IT’S September 11 2006. And the Star leads with news that Pete Doherty loves Kate Moss. So much does Pete love Kate that he is prepared to marry her. This … (read more)

Posted: 11th, September 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Oliver’s Cooks Army

MONDAY and it was back to school. After the thrills of summer, children were returning to the classroom. There they went, showing off their new Prada schoolbags packed with the … (read more)

Posted: 10th, September 2006 | In: Broadsheets | Comment

K-Ferret Puts Britney To Shame

“I’M straight outta Trumpton. Booyakasha. Innit. Damn.” Give it up for Kevin Federline, ladies and gentlemen. K-Ferret is in da house. And here he is performing at the Teen Choice … (read more)

Posted: 10th, September 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment

To Hell In A Dustcart

EVERY day of every week the Mail thinks up imaginative ways to remind you that life is cruel and you are going to experience pain and die. And if it … (read more)

Posted: 10th, September 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Lindsay Lohan’s Lake Of Fire

“I CAN show her that redemption is possible through God’s love.” Don’t panic. This isn’t Mel Gibson talking about his new movie: The Passion of the Christ: The Rehab Years … (read more)

Posted: 8th, September 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment

Back On Track

“PEOPLE keep asking when I’m having the next one,” says Victoria Beckham, “but it’s tricky having three young boys.” Indeed it must be. And we wish Vicky well, and hope … (read more)

Posted: 8th, September 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Wayne Rooney – Dancer

“ROO DECKS PREM STAR IN CLUB.” So says the front page of the Sun. It could never be long in the coming. As soon as Wayne Rooney, for it is … (read more)

Posted: 8th, September 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

The Gascoigne-Bests

AWAY from the arc lights, the sound booms and the cameras of Fiji, Bianca Gascoigne and Calum Best might just have a chance. Bianca, step-daughter of Paul ‘Gazza’ Gascoigne, and … (read more)

Posted: 8th, September 2006 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

Are You Paris Hilton?

IS this the Paris Hilton sex tape sequel so many have been waiting for? Ever since Paris was filmed in a steamy canoodle with a certain Rick Solomon, film buffs … (read more)

Posted: 8th, September 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Ben Affleck Speakzzzzz

HAVING endured the most sexless romance in Hollywood history (and we include David Gest’s marriage to Liza Minnelli), Ben Affleck is a changed man. His wedding to Jennifer Lopez was … (read more)

Posted: 7th, September 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment

The Making Of A (Russell) Brand

IT’S the making of a Brand… Russell Brand. From being a gauche presenter on yoof telly, Brand has become a gauche presenter on yoof telly who makes a quotidian appearance … (read more)

Posted: 7th, September 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

God Speed

CAN you be baptised with Cherryade? What about Lilt? Pernod? We only ask because we are about to board the school bus to Townsend Church of England School, St Albans, … (read more)

Posted: 7th, September 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Civil War

DID he fall or was he putsched? Plans to defenestrate Tony Blair appear to be far advanced and things are getting messy. As the front page of the Times says: … (read more)

Posted: 7th, September 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

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