Anorak

- Author Archive

We’re Under Attack!

FORGET the Rogarians, that shadowy band of Bulgarians and Romanians the media have been warning us about. The Rogarians are hardly arriving in massed ranks. Simona Tatulescu, a Romanian tax … (read more)

Posted: 5th, January 2007 | In: Uncategorized | Comment


Richard Hammond’s Been Framed

BBC’s Top Gear frames Richard Hammond…
THE good news is that the footage of TV presenter Richard Hammond pile-driving his car into the mud should earn more money for good causes. … (read more)

Posted: 5th, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


More Dark Satanic Mills

WITH Saddam Hussein caught on camera, the suspected Suffolk Stranger awaiting trial and Anthea Turner in Surrey, attention turns to that other enemy of the people – Heather Mills McCartney. … (read more)

Posted: 4th, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Trafficking Food

“MANY people want to eat British whenever possible,” says David Cameron in an address to the Oxford Farming Conference. And this is not just “out of a sense of solidarity … (read more)

Posted: 4th, January 2007 | In: Uncategorized | Comment


Jennifer Aniston’s Son Comes Out

Jennifer Aniston’s son comes out…
WHEN the film Annie: The Tomorrow Years premiers, Madonna, Jennifer Aniston, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie will be in the front row seats. All three know … (read more)

Posted: 4th, January 2007 | In: Reviews | Comment


Beckhams: Leaning To Fly

ANOTHER day and another chance to see what David Beckham and Victoria have been up to. The Sun operates as the Beckhams’ news agency, tracking each dinner, each outing and … (read more)

Posted: 3rd, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


I’m An Biographer…

MATT Willis, he of the crocodile penis entrée, has been offered £1million to pen his memoirs. The winner of TV‘s I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here! will surely … (read more)

Posted: 3rd, January 2007 | In: Royal Family | Comment


Sienna Loves…

PROFESSIONAL girlfriend Sienna Miller is in conversation with Hello!. Sienna is in between boyfriends just now, but wants us to know that she is happy being single. Sienna could easily … (read more)

Posted: 3rd, January 2007 | In: Reviews | Comment (1)


4p Or Not 4p

WITH the Rogarians now among us, it is time to appraise their value to the mixture of Celts, Anglo Saxons, and other immigrant stock that make up the vast bulk … (read more)

Posted: 3rd, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


I Knew You Were Paying

WERE you there? Not you. This question is addressed to George Michael. We are informed of the effects of smoking cannabis on the short-term memory. And we wonder is George … (read more)

Posted: 3rd, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


2006 – Binge & Gone

THE ninth rule of journalism dictates that tales of alcoholic excess must be illustrated by pictures of young women in short skirts. The Express meets this obligation with commendable ease. … (read more)

Posted: 2nd, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment (1)


Wills Of Fire

FOR you, Prince Harry, the smoking is over. The Mail tells us that in light of the impending Ministry of Defence ban on smoking in Army barracks, Harry has reportedly … (read more)

Posted: 2nd, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Pete & Kate Thai The Knot

KATE Moss and Pete Doherty have said “High do”. With 2007 in its infancy, the Sun draws readers’ attention to an early contender for celebrity wedding of the year. Not … (read more)

Posted: 2nd, January 2007 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Business As Usual, With Added Tinsel

THERE are two reasons that people call the police: 1. We are open 24 hours a day. 2. We have a telephone number that’s really easy for people to remember. … (read more)

Posted: 1st, January 2007 | In: Reviews | Comment


Just Say No Tar

HOW can we be certain that “9 per cent of children aged between 11 and 15 smoke – down from 13 per cent in 1996”? Granted, the Independent is often … (read more)

Posted: 1st, January 2007 | In: Uncategorized | Comment (1)


Ice & A Spice

“HAVE David and Victoria Beckham swapped clothes with their hired help for a day?” The Sun asks the questions that matter. And looking at the lead pictures of Vicky and … (read more)

Posted: 30th, December 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


A Message

OLD Mr Anorak writes to assure us that he remains alive and is doing as well as can be expected. Coaching the Thai ladies’ ping-pong team at their annual winter training … (read more)

Posted: 28th, December 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment (1)


See You In Court

CHRIS Evert, former darling of tennis’s silent era – the age before the grunting began – is now divorced from Andy Mill, her husband of 18 years. Evert, 51, winner … (read more)

Posted: 26th, December 2006 | In: Royal Family | Comment


Man Arrested

THERE’S a point, shortly after you hear the announcement that, “A man’s been locked up in Trimley” when news becomes speculation.
Still, it’s amazing to hear reporters talking for hour … (read more)

Posted: 26th, December 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment


Smells Like Christmas

Following Britney Spears’ star… 
MONDAY and Victoria Beckham “opens with the pure fresh notes of bergamot and rose petals”. In the face of much evidence to the contrary, Her Poshness can … (read more)

Posted: 23rd, December 2006 | In: Broadsheets | Comment


Britney’s Old Tat

BRITNEY Spears is busy, busy, busy. When she is not drinking and being estranged from her husband, the rapping rodent Kevin Federline, she is getting a tattoo. Never one to … (read more)

Posted: 21st, December 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Suffolk Strangler Uncovered

“MY HELL AS WIFE OF RIPPER SUSPECT.” The Mirror’s front page features Diane Cole, ex-wife of Steve Wright, Suspect No. 2 in the Suffolk Stranger murder hunt. That headline threatens … (read more)

Posted: 21st, December 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Fat & Fast

“FATTEST children dodge scales in obesity survey.” So says the Express. It seems incredible that the larger elements of the younger generation are able to dodge anything other than salad. … (read more)

Posted: 21st, December 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Turn Away The Other Cheeky

“LEMBIT acted with total propriety. He did what any MP would do.” So says the Liberal Democrat’s spokesman in the Express. And we move on. Lembit Opik, LibDem MP, has … (read more)

Posted: 21st, December 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


If The Shoe Fits

“ALL I want is a proper cup of coffee made in a proper copper coffee pot, I may be off my dot but I want a cup of coffee in … (read more)

Posted: 20th, December 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment