Anorak

| Anorak - Part 20

- Author Archive

God Speed

CAN you be baptised with Cherryade? What about Lilt? Pernod? We only ask because we are about to board the school bus to Townsend Church of England School, St Albans, … (read more)

Posted: 7th, September 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


The Cod Father

PSSSST! Wanna get some pills? The Mail is full of them. If you shake the paper upside down – taking care to avoid the falling inserts for Tim Henman memorabilia, … (read more)

Posted: 6th, September 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


The Look Of Love

“A MUM and son have blown £5,000 on plastic surgery – to make them look like twin sisters.” That’s the Star’s story. And we are impressed. Keen to discover the … (read more)

Posted: 6th, September 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Steve Irwin Is Princess Diana

“AUSTRALIA’S DIANA,” says the Sun’s headline, and we sit up and take notice. Can it be that the land Down Under no longer wants to be a republic and has … (read more)

Posted: 6th, September 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment


David And Victoria Beckham Are Expecting

“EL partido con Atléti was mucho major para todos. Siete puntos es mucho mejor para jugadores.” Who can forget the first words in Spanish littered by David Beckham? For those … (read more)

Posted: 6th, September 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Pete’s Retreat

“DOHERTY SEX DEN,” announces the front page of the Star. “Inside the squalid crack house where junkie Pete romped with BB Nikki.” And right away we need to clear up … (read more)

Posted: 6th, September 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


The Accidental Tourist

LOOK out! Ooops. Too late. It was meant to be chance for David Cameron to look good, worthy even. But it turned out to be something else. Sure, the Times … (read more)

Posted: 6th, September 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment


Dear Paris Hilton

Money For Nothing Sven Goran Eriksson is still being paid £13,000 a day by the Football Association – despite losing his job as England football manager over two months ago. … (read more)

Posted: 5th, September 2006 | In: Royal Family | Comment


Bra-vo Kate Moss

KATE Moss is versatile. She’s as at home in a London recording studio as she is in pair of sheer black stockings, black knickers and matching bra. The Mirror has … (read more)

Posted: 5th, September 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Irwin Croc-ed

“SHOW my death on TV,” announces the front page of the Star. “Even if a big old alligator is chewing me up I want to go down and go, ‘Crikey!’ … (read more)

Posted: 5th, September 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Rooney, Ronaldo & Referee!

 REPEAT after me. “Referee! Your constant whistle blowing is causing us no end of grievance. Verily we say, desist and permit the game to flow as the waters beside the … (read more)

Posted: 5th, September 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment


Breast Of British

SADLY for Steve Irwin, his death did not come in time for this year’s TV Quick and TV Choice Awards. However we are optimistic that next year’s TV awards show … (read more)

Posted: 5th, September 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


The Terrible Two

“PLEASE LET IT BEA…FOR ME,” says the Star’s headline. This is the latest update on the divorce of Paul McCartney and Heather Mills McCartney, aka Lady Mucca. And the news … (read more)

Posted: 4th, September 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Silent Killers

EVERY day of every week the Mail thinks up imaginative ways to remind you that life is cruel and you are going to experience pain and die. And if it … (read more)

Posted: 4th, September 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Jamie Says

IT’S back to school. After the thrills of summer, children are returning to the classroom. There they go, showing off their new Prada schoolbags packed with the latest electronic aids … (read more)

Posted: 4th, September 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Tony Blair’s In Law

“WHEN women such as [Kirstie] Alley, 51, lose so much weight so publicly, women like me (size 16, her former size, most often described as ‘huge’) feel a turbulent mix … (read more)

Posted: 4th, September 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Winning The War

“THE War on terror, five years on.” What with this being the front page of the Independent, readers half expect this story to focus on how the war has impacted … (read more)

Posted: 4th, September 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment


I See Jews

“I SEE JEWS.” Just our little joke there. When Haley Joel Osment was taken to Huntington Memorial hospital in Pasadena, California, he did not see Jews. This is not to … (read more)

Posted: 4th, September 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment


Penelope Cruz Sees Suri

“YES, I finally met Suri. She’s absolutely adorable, she’s one of the most beautiful babies I’ve seen, she’s really, really beautiful.” We will have to take the word of Penelope … (read more)

Posted: 2nd, September 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment


Getting The Horns

“MICK’S girl makes a striking Viking,” says the Mail’s front page. And there’s a picture of mo-del Elizabeth Jagger wearing a “Wagner-inspired” smock on her lithe body and a hat … (read more)

Posted: 1st, September 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Museum Of Pete Doherty

“AS well as not paying his rent, there’s both graffiti and blood on the wall, and goodness knows that else. We have never known anyone like him.” Andreas Panayiotou should … (read more)

Posted: 1st, September 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Coffee Table Music

IN a cryptic move worthy of his hero Bob Dylan, David Gray has devised a stage set that will have his fans’ heads wobblng in bafflement. David will deliver an … (read more)

Posted: 1st, September 2006 | In: Broadsheets | Comment


The Revolution Will Be Televised

IT was a week of the best and the worst of British television. For we Brits, TV may be all dire soap operas (BBC), tatty celebrity vehicles (ITV) and American … (read more)

Posted: 1st, September 2006 | In: Broadsheets | Comment


Brad Pitt, Jennifer Aniston & Angelina Jolie Do Dynasty

“BRAD’S FAMILY CAN’T STAND ANGELINA!” This is the big shocker on the Enquirer’s front page. Here’s the story of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, but where’s the one about Jennifer … (read more)

Posted: 1st, September 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment


I See Nazis

“I SEE Nazis.” That should be the title of London mayor Ken Livingstone’s memoirs. Not that Ken’s career in public life is finished. There are more chapters to write. To … (read more)

Posted: 1st, September 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment