Anorak

| Anorak - Part 21

- Author Archive

Museum Of Pete Doherty

“AS well as not paying his rent, there’s both graffiti and blood on the wall, and goodness knows that else. We have never known anyone like him.” Andreas Panayiotou should … (read more)

Posted: 1st, September 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Do Yer Ken?

“WORLD wide capitalism kills more people everyday then Hitler did. And he was crazy.” Don’t worry, intrepid travellers, not everyone in London sounds as miserable, pathetic and up himself as … (read more)

Posted: 31st, August 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Clooney’s Loony

HANG onto your surgical support stockings girls – George Clooney has a new lover. “Clooney mad for Birkin,” says the headline in the Mirror. And we take umbrage at the … (read more)

Posted: 31st, August 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Flogging A Dying Dog

EVEN since perma-tanned David Dickinson reintroduced us to whipped hair, polishing up tired old bit of mahogany has been a mainstay of the TV schedules. Dickinson has not been on … (read more)

Posted: 31st, August 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment


George Bush Loos Talk

EVER wondered what newsreaders do when they’re not on screen? Apply more make-up? Sit motionless and unblinking as they wait for the autocue to jump back into life? Smoke a … (read more)

Posted: 31st, August 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment


Brand New Love

ONE celebrity on the up is Russell Brand. The gauche presenter of Big Brother spin-off shows is in the Sun, appearing under the headline: “THE SWINE, WOMEN..AND SONG.” Earlier in … (read more)

Posted: 31st, August 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Robbie Williams Quits

“THE music industry won’t be the same without him,” sobs one fan in the Star. “I am devastated – he is the king of the charts and he’ll always be … (read more)

Posted: 31st, August 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Sharon Osbourne Asks

FOR anyone on Hillbilly Heroin, or indeed any kind of medication, TV’s new The Sharon Osbourne show is required daytime viewing. The demented-Pixie-voiced professional mum was on telly in conversation … (read more)

Posted: 30th, August 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


A Rock & A Hard Place

THE highlighted hair. The tears. The big cars and bigger yachts. The signs were there. And now we know – David Beckham is having a mid-life crisis. The Express’s Day … (read more)

Posted: 30th, August 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Deer Pay The Price

“IT is very important that deer are not simply regarded as pests,” says the man from the RSPCA in the Times. Indeed. We note that they are a source of … (read more)

Posted: 30th, August 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment


Chantelle Houghton Marries Preston

FOR those of you not invited to the wedding of Chantelle Houghton and Samuell Preston, OK! invites you to gaze at the splendour. And there is much to behold. There … (read more)

Posted: 30th, August 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment


Junk Mail

YOU are the vanguard revolutionaries who will make this nation great again. Shake out your newspapers, throw off your inserts and join the “great junk mail revolt”. it’s revolution now. … (read more)

Posted: 30th, August 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


No Business Like Shoebusiness

THE British are coming – and they’re wearing period costume and stripper’s shoes. The Sun brings news of the Emmy’s, the “US telly ‘Oscars’”. It’s the AGM for the American … (read more)

Posted: 29th, August 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Down Payment

THE cartoon in the Times has a woman eyeing a huge bag. “Thanks mum,” says the card attached to it. A man to her side speaks. Says he: “Aah! He’s … (read more)

Posted: 29th, August 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment


As Years Go By

“GOOD evening…” A pause. Mick Jagger, for it is he, disappears from view behind the microphone stand. He consults an autocue screen hidden in speakers on stage. He re-emerges. “…London!” … (read more)

Posted: 29th, August 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Vial Music

IT’S Pete Doherty. And he’s got a syringe shaped like a guitar. But before you impressionable kids dash out to get a customised syringe of your own, know that we … (read more)

Posted: 29th, August 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Tall Stories

EVERY day of every week the Mail thinks up imaginative ways to remind you that life is cruel and you are going to experience pain and die. And if it … (read more)

Posted: 28th, August 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Tom Cruise – Suri: The Sequels

“HEY Tom, this is the dad of the conjoined twins that were separated on Monday.” Real Madrid are playing football in Salt Lake City. And Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes … (read more)

Posted: 28th, August 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment


Local News

Big things are planned for Anorak. But we cannot do it alone. This is your chance to get involved. We are looking for new contributors. Anorak needs you to send … (read more)

Posted: 28th, August 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment


Life’s A Dodel

WAGS, Sloane Rangers and Anorak’s very own Reaple. We are always excited to see a new set emerge from the celebrity froth. And wonder what we should call Kimberly Stewart. … (read more)

Posted: 27th, August 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment


It’s In The Bag

THE special souvenir edition had been planned. Each copy of Monday’s Star was to come with a free syringe-shaped kazoo on which readers could play “Here Comes The Bride” and … (read more)

Posted: 26th, August 2006 | In: Broadsheets | Comment


Jennifer Aniston’s Frozen In Time

WILL tall actor Vince Vaughn and hairy Jennifer Aniston get it on? Just last week, the Enquirer was wondering if the couple involved in the most sexless romance since Jennifer … (read more)

Posted: 25th, August 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment


The Treatment’s Not Working

“IF I hadn’t f***ed things up we’d be married by now. I thought you were going to leave me,” says Pete Doherty. That’s Peter Doherty talking on the phone to … (read more)

Posted: 25th, August 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


It’s A Gas, Gas, Gas

THE golden rule when reporting on the Rolling Stones dictates that early in the piece the writer must mention the band members’ combined age. And so it is that “with … (read more)

Posted: 25th, August 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Victoria Beckham’s New Show

AS soon as Victoria Beckham put a bag on her head we knew it could not be long before her name would feature again in the news. How long could … (read more)

Posted: 25th, August 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment