Anorak

| Anorak - Part 22

- Author Archive

Dear God…

DEAR God. Will you fix it for me to be a Roman Catholic so that I can attend our Lady of the Sacred Heart School and not be made to … (read more)

Posted: 25th, August 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


A League Of Our Own

DOES anyone really understand education league tables? The Times publishes one. This table deals with the results of this year’s GCSEs. Looking down the list of subjects we see lots … (read more)

Posted: 25th, August 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment


Tom Cruise Is Out There

THERE was a time when the worst thing a Hollywood superstar could be was gay or a communist. Now they’re being outed for being anti-Semitic (or outing themselves, as is … (read more)

Posted: 24th, August 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


The Bag Lady

VERY soon everybody will be doing it. As soon as Victoria Beckham used her handbag as a hat, we knew we were witnessing the birth of a trend. Of course … (read more)

Posted: 24th, August 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Old Smokies

“I HAVE not met a single person who wants to turn the clock back and reintroduce smoking in restaurants and pubs. Indeed, feedback has been quite the opposite,” says Andy … (read more)

Posted: 24th, August 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment


Pete Doherty Is Band

LAYDEES and gent-all-men. Please give it up for the band. On smack, Pete Do-her-ty! In need of a rest and feeling tired and emotional, The Darkness frontman Jus-tin Haw-knessss! And … (read more)

Posted: 24th, August 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Tie & Tide

OK! W*****S! It’s the “FIRST” and “ONLY” interview with Peter Bennett, Big Brother’s latest winner. There’s Pete on the cover. He’s wearing a black suit and seems to be preparing … (read more)

Posted: 24th, August 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment


The Scouse House

SHOCK news. Scousers have been seen doing a Cockney accent. Just as Londoners believe that Harry Enfield’s Scousers skit was a fly-on-the-wall documentary on life by the Mersey, Scousers view … (read more)

Posted: 23rd, August 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Dons & Dont’s

“IF you thought the hallowed quadrangles of Cambridge University echoed to nothing louder than earnest debate, think again.” Sadly, we do not think that. For as long as Anorak can … (read more)

Posted: 23rd, August 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


La Caprice

“I COULD see a white female of scrawny build with bare shoulders in her late 30s wearing heavy make-up and she had a reddened spot on the right centre of … (read more)

Posted: 23rd, August 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Rock My World

WE just happened upon an episode of Rock Star Supernova, the talent show that seeks a singer for a rock group called Supernova. It’s Pop Idol for people who can’t … (read more)

Posted: 23rd, August 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment


Beheaders & Volleys

ONLY the few can have failed to notice that the football season is upon us once more. And the few are those without access to Sky television on which the … (read more)

Posted: 23rd, August 2006 | In: Back pages | Comment


Part & Parcel

NEWS that post is not priced by weight alone but also by size is encouraging. We are assured that if we can crush out package down to its smallest we … (read more)

Posted: 22nd, August 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment


Osama And Whitney

“IN his briefcase, I’d come across photos of the star, as well as copies of soft-porn magazines.” The words of Kola Boof, who claims to have been Osama bin Laden’s … (read more)

Posted: 22nd, August 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Jennifer Aniston’s On Top

AFTER the debate, its turns out that Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn are an item. They have just scooped the prestigious Teen Choice Movie Chemistry Award (it says here) for … (read more)

Posted: 22nd, August 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


The Other Woman

WHEN she discovered her boy was taking drugs, Jackie Doherty “wanted to be sick, to be deaf, to be struck down, to hold him, to cry out to God”. If … (read more)

Posted: 22nd, August 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Smells Like Beckham

“BOT A LOT SHE’S GOT,” announces the Mirror’s front page. “Victoria gets a sexy bum.” Day-vid Beckham may no longer be captain of the England football team, but we assure … (read more)

Posted: 22nd, August 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Marry In Waste

THE special souvenir edition had been planned. Each copy of the Star was to come with a free syringe-shaped kazoo on which readers could play “Here Comes The Bride” and … (read more)

Posted: 21st, August 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Madonna Don’t Preach

“IT was like a crank call . . . the scientific mechanisms and principles were just bollocks, basically,” says one official at British Nuclear Fuels. That might be so. But … (read more)

Posted: 21st, August 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Cricket In A Bad Light

THERE’S a picture of three men looking at a cricket ball on the cover of today’s Times. Is this a British take on America’s Magic 8 Ball, the sporting device … (read more)

Posted: 21st, August 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment


Buying The Dream

THERE you are in isolated splendour. The remote Mediterranean island of Pantelleria is yours for the roaming. And on its pristine soil you have constructed a sumptuous hideaway. A crystalline … (read more)

Posted: 21st, August 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment


Booze & Boobs

MY name is Katie Andre and “I’m no alcoholic”. You join us at the Sun drop-in centre where the glamour mo-del is telling the world that she NOT addicted to … (read more)

Posted: 21st, August 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


An Ulrika Moment

“CHILDREN, even tiny ones, have an uncanny ability to tune into bad atmospheres.” If Professor Robert Winston ever thinks about giving up his job as the media face of science, … (read more)

Posted: 20th, August 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Keeping Mums

EVERY day of every week the Mail thinks up imaginative ways to remind you that life is cruel and you are going to experience pain and die. And if it … (read more)

Posted: 20th, August 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Kerry’s Pregnancy “CHLOE”

THE death of a high brand can be traced to the moment it appears writ across a T-shirt on a Z-lister’s chest. But at first glance the doyens of the … (read more)

Posted: 19th, August 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment