Anorak

| Anorak - Part 29

- Author Archive

Big Brother Jobs For The Girls

JaYne is a recruitment consultant. For whom? “’Harlo! JaYne ‘ere,” says JaYne on the phone to one of her clients. “I got me a candi-dert for that persishon. He’s rearlly … (read more)

Posted: 20th, July 2006 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Jennifer Aniston Slides Off

“JEN’S Big Fat Greek wedding.” Is there anything about Jennifer Aniston’s life that is not linked to a movie or a TV show? We can trace the branding of Jen … (read more)

Posted: 20th, July 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment


Princess Michael Is No Cheetah

WHAT thoughts are passing through the Botox-laced head of Princess Michael of Kent as she cradles a cheetah’s face in her hands? Unkind voices who misunderstand the Princess, the types … (read more)

Posted: 20th, July 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment


Victoria Beckham & Cheryl Tweedy Bond

HAVING experienced the lamb shashlik skewers marinated with Chinese honey sesame and Szechwan peppercorns, tiger prawns wrapped in Serrano ham and Thai beef salad on tempura coconut fritters, it is … (read more)

Posted: 20th, July 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment


Colin Farrell & Vice

“HELLRAISER” is a much abused term. In Hollywood you can raise Hell by smoking a cigarette, even a menthol one. So we have always been little unsure what to make … (read more)

Posted: 19th, July 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comments (3)


Run Mikey! Run!

RUN Mikey! Run! It’s no good, he might not understand what we’re saying. All we know how to say in the language of Mikey is “Calm Down!” and “This is … (read more)

Posted: 19th, July 2006 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Victoria Beckham & David Camp It Up

THE Beckhams’ holiday venue features many rooms with en-suite bathrooms, two dining rooms, a big games room with a full-size snooker table and a cinema. There are two swimming pools, … (read more)

Posted: 19th, July 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Mel B & Eddie Murphy Make Plans

DID you know that singer Sean Paul “visited Blighty to celebrate the launch of the new Vauxhall Corsa”? It’s the kind of news that makes you sit up and pay … (read more)

Posted: 19th, July 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Express Yourself

“YOU’LL remember my dad,” says Jon Gaunt in the Sun. Er… “…a former police officer, died eight weeks ago.” Oh, him. We’re sorry to hear of your loss, Jon… “He … (read more)

Posted: 19th, July 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Britney Spears & Kevin Federline Duet

BURIED under the story of Coconut Kate Moss – forget cocaine, this new-look Kate is a fan of coconut rubs – is news that should be on the front page. … (read more)

Posted: 19th, July 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Tom Crusie & Katie Holmes

SOME say she has a full beard and a constantly winking third eye. Others say she is has claws and talks in Medieval Dutch. Dad Tom Cruise says his daughter … (read more)

Posted: 19th, July 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment


War On Terror

WE live in a world of borderless war. This war has been joined by those who feel uncomfortable with a world at peace. The threat of perpetual conflict spreading across … (read more)

Posted: 19th, July 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment


Heatwave Hits UK

HOT isn’t it? We don’t know how if happened but there it is. The weather is hot. Perhaps it’s evidence of global warming. We can’t be sure. All we do … (read more)

Posted: 19th, July 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment


Prince Harry’s Royal Wee

SHOULD the next war be settled by a game of polo, Britain will surely fair well. Barely a week goes by without news of how Officer Prince Harry Wales has … (read more)

Posted: 18th, July 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Bob Geldof Worries About Pete Doherty

THE Ibiza Rocks festival sounds innocent enough. But when you learn that ‘rock’ is a nickname for crack cocaine and that Pete Doherty is on the bill, you worry. And … (read more)

Posted: 18th, July 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Tony Blair & George Bush In Private

“YO BLAIR!” Former public schoolboys like Tony Blair, for it is he, know that hearing someone shout your surname out is often a prelude to receiving a darn good thrashing. … (read more)

Posted: 18th, July 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment


Hot Off The Press

HOT isn’t it. It’s so hot that the weather is front page news. The Star had wanted to tell its readers about the troubles in the Middle East but it … (read more)

Posted: 18th, July 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Rod Stewart & Penny Lancaster’s Matching Hair

DOES rock music make your hair grow? We only wonder because while the face caves in and the body falls down, an ageing rocker’s hair remains as proud and excited … (read more)

Posted: 18th, July 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Who Voted for Nikki?

CAN it be true that 37.7 per cent of us voted Nikkkkki out? Of course, it can be argued that 62.3 of the electorate wanted Nikkki to stay. It might … (read more)

Posted: 18th, July 2006 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Wayne Rooney Tells All

“FORSOOTH! I eyed him narrowly…” The opening line to Wayne Rooney’s autobiography The Story So Far promises to show us the real Wayne. Of course, Wayne is only 20 years … (read more)

Posted: 17th, July 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Princess Beatrice Parties And Prince Harry Pulls

“WHAT really went on at Beatrice’s ball?” That’s the burning question on the front page of the Mail. And that it is illustrated with a shot of Princess Beatrice looking … (read more)

Posted: 17th, July 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Why JaYne?

JaYne with a why? Why is JaYne there? "I think JaYne is on a secret mission," said Spiral. A secret mission? JaYne? A secret mission to do what? Fill the … (read more)

Posted: 17th, July 2006 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Coronation Street’s Tracy Shaw Is Big

TRACY Shaw has been engaged more times than the toilet at the Raj Poot curry house in downtown Delhi. Tracy is now unmarried, and living with commercial business manager Ashley … (read more)

Posted: 17th, July 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment


Cheryl Tweedy Marries Ashley Cole

HARD cheese, a harder bed and bullet-hard breakfast rolls to all you who rocked up at the Chieveley Travelodge for Cheryl Tweedy’s wedding to her footballer. As the Mirror reports, … (read more)

Posted: 17th, July 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Putin The Boot In Tony Blair At G8

AFTER Wags, the Times introduces the Swags (“Summit wives and girlfriends). While Laura Bush and Cherie Blair go larging it in St Petersburg, dancing on tables and ask the excited … (read more)

Posted: 17th, July 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment