Anorak

| Anorak - Part 34

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Barton Fink

Gossip
Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho will launch a £20million bid for Arsenal’s Ashley Cole (Sun)
Real Madrid’s new president Ramon Calderon says Arsenal’s Cesc Fabregas and Chelsea winger Arjen Robben are … (read more)

Posted: 4th, July 2006 | In: Back pages | Comment


Seasons To Be Cheerful

IT’S hot. It’s that week of the year we Britishers call “summer”. As the Star says: “IT’S HOTTER THAN RIO.” Over here temperatures have soared to 91.4 degrees Fahrenheit, while … (read more)

Posted: 4th, July 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Load Of Bollocks

IT has happened before. A quick look at Anorak’s embossed back issues to Horse And Hound magazine tells us that back in September 2005, Charlotte Denis, 20, a gamekeeper from … (read more)

Posted: 4th, July 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment


After The Ball

THE World Cup is a party to which we are all invited – and that includes Britain’s paedophiles.
On Saturday night they will have headed to south-west London to join … (read more)

Posted: 3rd, July 2006 | In: Back pages | Comment


Forty Years Of Hurt

Winners Frank Skinner and David Baddiel can now sing about 40 years of hurt as England fail once more to recapture the spirit of 1966 and all that. A poll … (read more)

Posted: 3rd, July 2006 | In: Back pages | Comment


Later, Ron

Cristiano Ronaldo will be sold by Manchester United, probably to Real Madrid (Sun) Middlesbrough still want Fulham’s Steed Malbranque (Mirror) Glenn Hoddle has resigned as manager of Wolves (Guardian) Paul … (read more)

Posted: 3rd, July 2006 | In: Back pages | Comment


Unwanted Baggage

WITH the team defeated, it is only right that the Wags should bid farewell to Germany. Having painted the town red, and themselves orange, the girls have been sent packing. … (read more)

Posted: 3rd, July 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Wayne On Our Parade

Quotes Of The Day “Is it impossible for one nation to have so much bad luck, so many poor decisions, so many obstacles thrown in their way?” – Sam Allardyce … (read more)

Posted: 3rd, July 2006 | In: Back pages | Comment


Celebrity Big Brother 5

Is Aisleyne’s new house like Celebrity Big Brother? Is Aisleyne the Michael Barrymore of the group and the rest, the unknowns, a bunch of Chantelle Houghtons? So successful was Celebrity … (read more)

Posted: 3rd, July 2006 | In: Celebrities | Comment


The Pain Of Wayne

“WAYNE: I’LL SPLIT HIM IN TWO.” The target of Wayne Rooney’s anger is Portugal’s Cristiano Ronaldo, who had the temerity to a) play in a team that beat England; b) … (read more)

Posted: 3rd, July 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


A Tale Of Two Parises

PARIS Hilton is still in London. And Paris is looking for love. As the Mirror’s advert runs: “Heiress, 25, likes cosy dinners and walking on beach, WLTM cute sporty guy … (read more)

Posted: 3rd, July 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Death Under The Sun

EVERY day of every week the Mail thinks up imaginative ways to remind you that life is cruel and you are going to experience pain and die. Here is a … (read more)

Posted: 3rd, July 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


The Joke

IN this time of gloom, we seek to lighten the mood. England are out of the World Cup and we need something to cheer us up. And aiding us in … (read more)

Posted: 3rd, July 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment


Goodbye England’s Dream

SHOW us a tragedy and we’ll show you Elton John. He was there when Princess Diana died. He was there again when George Michael was caught napping at the wheel … (read more)

Posted: 3rd, July 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Cheerios All Round

Winners James Hunt famously said that the breakfast of champions was sex. Times have changed and now we learn that for breakfast Wayne Rooney eats Frosties, Peter Crouch Weetabix and … (read more)

Posted: 2nd, July 2006 | In: Back pages | Comment


Ref Off

Quotes Of The Day “Germany: momentum, support, feel good” – ITV commentator Peter Drury brings his esoteric brand of English to the Germany v Argentina game “Argentina: poise and pattern … (read more)

Posted: 2nd, July 2006 | In: Back pages | Comment


Cole’s The Goal

Manchester United assistant coach Carlos Queiroz is trying to convince Cristiano Ronaldo to stay at the club (News of the World) Wayne Rooney will never play with Ronaldo again (Mirror) … (read more)

Posted: 2nd, July 2006 | In: Back pages | Comment


Roo-in The Day

“SORRY!” So says the headline in the News Of The World. “Sven apologises after penalty heartbreak.” But what is Sven apologising for? Surely penalties are in the laps of the … (read more)

Posted: 2nd, July 2006 | In: Back pages | Comment


Five Star

Let’s go through the keyhole and take a look at the new housemates. Jonathan is a bisexual bouncer from Keswick, Cumbria. He says he is “too sexual at times”. He … (read more)

Posted: 2nd, July 2006 | In: Celebrities | Comment


To Be Blunt

THE week began with joy. Nicole Kidman had M.A.R.R.I.E.D country music singer Keith Urban. And that the D.I.V.O.R.C.E.E had done so in a Catholic church was no less wonderful. “We … (read more)

Posted: 1st, July 2006 | In: Broadsheets | Comment


Germany Defeated!

HAS a football supplement carried a more suitable name than the Mirror’s “FOOTBALL MANIA”? We think not. A look at the front page shows a picture of Portugal coach Luiz … (read more)

Posted: 1st, July 2006 | In: Back pages | Comment


Testing Testing

Tonight Aisleyne will surely go into the house next door, and Snoozie will go to sit on a chair before Davina and tell us about life in the Big Brother … (read more)

Posted: 1st, July 2006 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Winning Ugly

Quotes Of The Day “I am unconcerned. If they play poorly all the way to the semi-final and final nobody will give a damn if they finish up winning the … (read more)

Posted: 1st, July 2006 | In: Back pages | Comment (1)


The Didier Man

Wigan have offered Blackburn Rovers a player and money for Robbie Savage (Times) Tottenham have signed Ivory Coast midfielder Didier Zakora (Mirror) No sooner had Argentina been knocked out of … (read more)

Posted: 1st, July 2006 | In: Back pages | Comment


This Is War

Winners This isn’t football, this is war. Portugal is England’s oldest ally but it counts for nothing in the World Cup. Squaddies based at a British military base have been … (read more)

Posted: 1st, July 2006 | In: Back pages | Comment