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Mother Me Baby One More Time

SHE’S got the money. She’s got the fame. She’s got the looks. Ok, two out of three ain’t bad. And for most of us it would be more than enough … (read more)

Posted: 28th, June 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Belly Laughs

FROM the vapid weltschmerz of Victoria Beckham and those Wags, we take a look at David Beckham, and notably those shots of the England skipper yawning in vivid technicolour over … (read more)

Posted: 28th, June 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Off His Noodle

Quotes Of The Day “We nullified Ecuador” – Steve McClaren scores null points for style, entertainment and passion “I’m, sorry, but entertainment has got to go out of the window … (read more)

Posted: 28th, June 2006 | In: Back pages | Comment


Getting Up Her Nose

JOIN us now for a look at Tara Palmer-Tomkinson’s nose. Being a “telly toff”, Tara has, naturally, got her nose pushed high into the air, enabling her to look down … (read more)

Posted: 28th, June 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


A Family United

The Glazer family wants Sir Alex Ferguson to kiss and make up with striker Ruud van Nistelrooy (Sun)
Middlesbrough are ready to sell their Australian striker Mark Viduka (Mirror)
West … (read more)

Posted: 28th, June 2006 | In: Back pages | Comment


The F-Word Secretary

PREZZA shags and fights. Tony and Gordon bitch about each other. And Charles Clarke gets evicted, moans about it to the press and says who he thinks will win. Who … (read more)

Posted: 28th, June 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment


Flat-Pack Bullies

Winners Germany supporters displayed something approaching comedy when they taunted their Swedish opponents when the teams met. “You’re just a furniture supplier,” they chimed. The Swedish reply is not known, … (read more)

Posted: 28th, June 2006 | In: Back pages | Comment


Dai Beckham

While Mikey celebrated England beating Ecuador 1-0 – security guards listening to the game on their radios had told him the score (or had they?) – Beckham threw up over … (read more)

Posted: 28th, June 2006 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Urs And Them

Winners David Beckham has come under fire for his performances. But the statistics suggest that he is a potent attacking force. Thus far Becks has played 356 minutes of football. … (read more)

Posted: 27th, June 2006 | In: Back pages | Comment


Get It To Rooney

Quotes Of The Day “Quito is 1,439 Peter Crouches above sea level” – BBC pundit Adrian Chiles “If we give him [Rooney] the ball he will create chances or score himself … (read more)

Posted: 27th, June 2006 | In: Back pages | Comment


Metal Nikki

What’s that under Nikki’s bed? No, not the mass of hair and knickers, that other thing. No, not the bottle of beer she snaffled from Glyn, something else. Yes, that … (read more)

Posted: 27th, June 2006 | In: Celebrities | Comment


The Second Coming

NO sooner has Shiloh Nouvelle Jolie-Pitt (may her name live long in the pages of showbiz magazines) been given to the world, then we read that Tom Cruise wants another … (read more)

Posted: 27th, June 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment


Going Dutch

Middlesbrough have offered £5m offer to Fulham for their French star Steed Malbranque (Times) West Bromwich have signed John Hartson from Celtic for £500,000 (Mail) Arsenal are interested in signing … (read more)

Posted: 27th, June 2006 | In: Back pages | Comment


No Defence

“I AM absolutely delighted England beat Ecuador and hope they stay in the competition as long as possible.” So says Tortora Carmine, owner of Garibaldi’s bar and spit roast. He … (read more)

Posted: 27th, June 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


An Officer & A Gentle Woman

“WE started kissing but he was quite a bit shorter than I am so I dragged him over to a beer crate and he popped himself on top.” Natalie Loddo … (read more)

Posted: 27th, June 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


A Clean Sweep

“WELL, I’ve always been a scrubber,” says Boy George as he leaves a Manhattan court. Last year, the singer was arrested for making a false report to police. He said … (read more)

Posted: 27th, June 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Home (Secretary) Truths

“TONY has lost his sense of purpose and direction,” says the Times’s front-page headline. These are the words of former Home Secretary Chares Clarke, who tells the paper his thoughts … (read more)

Posted: 27th, June 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment


Silly Billie

“BILLIE MY BOOZE & COCAINE BINGE HELL.” Why, it’s actress Billie Piper telling the world about her experiences with drink and drugs. Yes, we know. It’s as if celebrities are … (read more)

Posted: 27th, June 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Suitable For Miners

GELSENKIRCHEN is a mining centre in the heart of the Ruhr Valley – a “football-mad town” according to the Guardian, but one which “has never witnessed the kind of scenes … (read more)

Posted: 27th, June 2006 | In: Back pages | Comment


The Dope

YOUR writer is minded of an incident he witnessed at Amsterdam Airport. A young stoner wandered up to the armed border guard and asked where the coffee shop was. He … (read more)

Posted: 27th, June 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Making It Legal

AFTER the disappointment of Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez’s cancelled wedding, and Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn’s protracted will-they-won’t-they nuptials, finally we get to see a top Hollywood actress marry. … (read more)

Posted: 26th, June 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Four & Five

It’s just no good. No amount of careful editing can make this bunch appealing. Take Pete out of the house and you have the dullest bunch of wannabes since Big … (read more)

Posted: 26th, June 2006 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Desperately Yours

JESSE Metcalfe. It’s hard to place the man. We look at his face but nothing comes to mind. The more we look, the less we know. Jesse seems nice enough, … (read more)

Posted: 26th, June 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment


Goer Cart

CAN you hear that? That’s the buzz Paris Hilton has been creating ever since she set foot in Blighty. As the Sun reports, Paris touched down on our gilded land … (read more)

Posted: 26th, June 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Sporting Chances

Portsmouth plan to offer £12m to bring back Yakubu from Middlesbrough (Mirror) Harry Redknapp also wants Celtic’s Stilian Petrov (Sun) West Brom will pay £2m for Wigan’s Jason Roberts (Sun) … (read more)

Posted: 26th, June 2006 | In: Back pages | Comment