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Weighty Issues

Winners

Holland coach Marco van Basten wants to repeat the performances that won the Dutch the 1988 European Championship. Back then, the Dutch team attended a Whitney Houston gig. If they … (read more)

Posted: 16th, June 2006 | In: Back pages | Comment


Kit ‘N’ Heels

ENGLAND football fans are not all shaven headed and overweight. Really they are not.

The Mirror has photographic evidence to support our theory.

There’s the supporter on the paper’s Page … (read more)

Posted: 16th, June 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Toe To Toe

“JUDGMENT AT NUREMBERG,” intones the Sun. What’s this? A sober recapitulation of Abby Mann’s indictment of Nazi atrocities?

No, something much more important. This is “OWEN ON TRIAL”, not Eichmann. … (read more)

Posted: 15th, June 2006 | In: Back pages | Comment


Fortune Hunting

Benfica’s Portugal midfielder Armando Petit says he has been contacted by Manchester United (Mail)

Eidur Gudjohnsen says he was told he “had to leave” Chelsea – he has moved to … (read more)

Posted: 15th, June 2006 | In: Back pages | Comment


A Fixed Grin

Want to know how Snoozie got into the house? Golden ticket holder Danielle James tells the Star she feels cheated by the whole thing.

She says that during the day … (read more)

Posted: 15th, June 2006 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Boning Up On art

IT is art.

To you it might look like a bone-shaped piece of wood, a mere fixing on which David Hensel’s sculpture of a laughing head was meant to sit … (read more)

Posted: 15th, June 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment


Fashion Lines

THE First Law of Kate Moss says that hacks must include in their reports a full list of what the model is wearing.

And the Mirror does not disappoint. The paper’s … (read more)

Posted: 15th, June 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Swings & Roundabouts

THE advice to wear clean underwear when you left the house in case you were hit by a bus was right for its day.

Of course, in the terrifying moments leading … (read more)

Posted: 15th, June 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment


Hawking The Moon

YESTERDAY Steven Hawking told us that we should think about moving to the moon or Mars.

Hawking had done his sums and realised that planet Earth is in danger.

Of course, … (read more)

Posted: 15th, June 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Ministry Of Funny Walks

Quotes Of The Day

“As captain you have to notice things like that. I think I just said to Crouchie, ‘You don’t have to put your arms up to jump’ – … (read more)

Posted: 15th, June 2006 | In: Back pages | Comment


Separated By Birth

TALK about being linked. No sooner does Angelina Jolie fall pregnant then Jennifer Aniston feels sick.

And the links between Mrs Pitt No.1 and Mrs Pitt the sequel do not end … (read more)

Posted: 15th, June 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment


Honour Among Thieves

WHO says good manners are dead?

Not us. And certainly not the “yob” who has been robbing shops of their takings in the Greater Manchester area.

Pictured in the Sun wearing … (read more)

Posted: 15th, June 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Shout Of Order

Winners

England fans are now able to turn off the commentary on the BBC by pressing the red button on their remote controls. Viewers can replace John Motson with Alan Green … (read more)

Posted: 15th, June 2006 | In: Back pages | Comment


Swim For Your Life!

WHAT does the Government know that we do not?

The Times says that children who cannot swim are to be “thrown in at the deep end”.

What horror is this? Are non-swimmers … (read more)

Posted: 14th, June 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment


Oldest Swingers In Town

“CONSIDER life insurance.”

It’s good advice. For anyone thinking of dying, life insurance is a neat way of ensuring your survivors have enough money to bury you in something other than … (read more)

Posted: 14th, June 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Rio Or Bust

Winners

Coleen McLoughlin’s brother has taught his pet parrot to squawk “Rooney…Goal!”

West Ham fan Gary Marling received a free ticket after his flag was mistaken for a Nazi symbol and seized.

According … (read more)

Posted: 14th, June 2006 | In: Back pages | Comment


Jack & The Union

“NO, I will not. Scotland is not there and that’s disappointing. And there are people who think that as First Minister I should automatically support England instead. But football is … (read more)

Posted: 14th, June 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment


Oz & Them

Quotes Of The Day

“The start of 32 years of bad luck, missed opportunities, and false dawns for a team and sport considered by many Australians as suitable only for Sheilas, … (read more)

Posted: 14th, June 2006 | In: Back pages | Comment


Sue & Cry

HEATHER Mills McCartney will “sue all parties who are intent on damaging her reputation”.

And to avoid any confusion, let us say this is Heather’s reputation for being a really good … (read more)

Posted: 14th, June 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Moving Up

LOOK beyond that compact and bijou starter home on the fringes of Slough. Look to the moon.

That’s where Stephen Hawking, the astrophysicist, and just about the most famous scientist around, … (read more)

Posted: 14th, June 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Owen’s Goal

“AT times in Frankfurt I felt proud to be English,” reflects Stephen Thomas, in conversation with the Mirror’s Oliver Holt (“SPORTS JOURNALIST OF THE YEAR – AGAIN”).

Stephen Thomas is over … (read more)

Posted: 14th, June 2006 | In: Back pages | Comment


Speck-ham

“IT was meant to be funny and should not have been taken so seriously.”

It’s back to smile school for Herr Tobias Holtkamp, the journalist at German tabloid Bild who went … (read more)

Posted: 14th, June 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Spitting Mad

FORGET wetting the baby’s head – Angelina Jolie was too busy getting her brother to douse her own head in spittle.

The Enquirer says that Angelina was “intrigued” that in Masai … (read more)

Posted: 14th, June 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment


Grace Goes Too Far

If ever the time was ripe for Grace to leave the house it is now.

Up for eviction – “I knew this was coming, I could feel it in my [bottled] … (read more)

Posted: 14th, June 2006 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Eidur Gone Too

Manchester United are bidding £25m for Atletico Madrid’s Fernando Torres (Star)

Chelsea are interested in a £10m move for Bayern Munich’s left back Philipp Lahm (Mail)

Chelsea’s Shaun Wright-Phillips could … (read more)

Posted: 14th, June 2006 | In: Back pages | Comment