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Muck & Brass

‘WHERE there’s muck, there’s brass. Just ask XXX-rated Internet movie star Parish Hilton who has just splashed out £1.7million on a Tuscan-style property high in the Hollywood Hills. Model, porn … (read more)

Posted: 30th, April 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment

After The Flood

‘EVERY day of every week the Mail thinks up imaginative ways to remind you that life is cruel and you are going to experience pain and die. Here is a … (read more)

Posted: 29th, April 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Putting The Lag In Lager

‘“GOERING. Goering. Gone.” And so another point of Spitfire beer (“The Bottle of Britain”) is poured down the neck of an English patriot. The other is in the Albert Hall … (read more)

Posted: 29th, April 2006 | In: Back pages | Comment

Back To Basics

‘WHY bother with electioneering when all the Opposition need do is sit tight and wait for the Government of the day to implode?At the Royal College of Nursing’s annual conference … (read more)

Posted: 29th, April 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

Down The Pan

‘DAVID Hasselhoff turns round. A gorilla is standing on his right toe. Making London a safer place for swimmers … (read more)

Posted: 28th, April 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Phone Home

‘HERE is news that Brad Pitt might like to consider as he makes his way by huge metal bird from Namibia to Los Angeles: the telephone has been invented. ‘You … (read more)

Posted: 28th, April 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Going Nowhere

‘“IS this the 7:25 service to Waterloo?” asks the woman. The train guard checks his watch. He notes that it is now 8:15. He is about to say yes. But … (read more)

Posted: 28th, April 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

Brown & Out

‘“SHOCK drug photos that prove Doherty should be locked up,” says the Sun on its front page. Heroin makes you a celebrity … (read more)

Posted: 28th, April 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Keep Yer Aaron

‘AARON Spelling, media mogul and creator of hit TV shows, has told his feuding wife and daughter: “Enough is enough. Stop acting like children!” Spelling it out … (read more)

Posted: 28th, April 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment

Racy Tracey

‘“SHE was a maneater and Whitehall was her hunting ground.” So says a pal of Tracey Temple, the woman who works under John Prescott. ‘What d’yer mean should be … (read more)

Posted: 28th, April 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment (1)

Fallen Idol

‘PAULA Abdul, resident cheerleader on American Idol, lies prone on the floor of a Los Angeles nightclub. Did she fall or was she pushed? … (read more)

Posted: 28th, April 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment

The Break Up

‘WHEN you open the Enquirer you half expect to hear the strains of Joe Jackson’s hit song Is She Really Going Out With Him?. ‘Can we stay like this for … (read more)

Posted: 28th, April 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment

Uber Alles

‘“YOU’RE the first in my life/ To make me think/ That we might just go all the way…” And one World Cup … (read more)

Posted: 27th, April 2006 | In: Back pages | Comment

In Her Jeans

‘“SHE said ‘I’m going to call 911, you b**ch!’. As I was bending down to look for the lost jeans she suddenly hit me from behind.” Wot no jeans? … (read more)

Posted: 27th, April 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Undercover Lover

‘CARMEN Electra and her husband Dave Navarro are not crazy sex addicts. Work! Work! Work! “I think … (read more)

Posted: 27th, April 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment

Pigging Out

‘ANYONE interested in bidding for the gown Keira Knightly wore to the Oscars – proceeds from the auction go to drought-ravaged east Africa – should know that it is wafer-thin … (read more)

Posted: 27th, April 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Idiot Box

‘IF you saw a box with nails sticking out of it on the ground by London’s Shepherd’s Bush Tube station, what would you think?Would you scream “Bomb!” and run away … (read more)

Posted: 27th, April 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Mark II

‘KERRY Katona has been tired. She has been emotional. She has been to a clinic in America. And she has been accused of taking cocaine. ‘Why do they stare?’ … (read more)

Posted: 27th, April 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment

Playing Politics

‘HEY kidz! Are you having fun voting in the Y Vote Mock Local Elections 2006? ‘Good disguise Jennings. But any more of your nonsense and you’ll be expelled’ … (read more)

Posted: 27th, April 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

One Step Back

‘“FIVE years on, the pain of Steps’ shock split still cuts deep,” writes OK! in its interview with Faye Tozer. Faye and four others … (read more)

Posted: 27th, April 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment

Two Shags

‘TWO shags is everywhere and nowhere. Et two, John? John Prescott might be at one … (read more)

Posted: 27th, April 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

Away From Holmes

‘WHEN we stop the clock, we realise that Tom Cruise has been pressing flesh for three hours. ‘Your placenta or mine?’ … (read more)

Posted: 26th, April 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Blotting Her Copy Book

‘KAAVYA VISWANATHAN has an ambition to be big in letters. And being a smart kind of girl, before putting pen to paper she did some research. ‘Call me Megan McCafferty’ … (read more)

Posted: 26th, April 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

The Untouchable

‘NOT everything Kevin Costner does flops. The wooden actor who always manages to be Kevin Costner in every performance, has been accused of performing a lewd sex act in front … (read more)

Posted: 26th, April 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Two Timer

‘FIGHTER, Jag owner, integrated transport policymaker, inventor of languages – John Prescott is a man of many talents. And now he is a lover. Has the man no shame? … (read more)

Posted: 26th, April 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment

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