Anorak

- Author Archive

One Fine Day

‘WELCOME to 1926 and all that. Today we hark back to the year Turkey switched to the Gregorian calendar, future Queen Elizabeth II was born and Harry Houdini died of … (read more)

Posted: 28th, March 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

Against All Odds

‘NOT everyone can be as lucky as Prince Albert of Monaco. Sometimes when a rich older man marries a less well off younger woman things don’t work out. Take it … (read more)

Posted: 27th, March 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment

A Better You

‘EVERY day of every week the Mail thinks up imaginative ways to remind you that life is cruel and you are going to experience pain and die. Here is a … (read more)

Posted: 27th, March 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Addicted To Love

‘“WHY on earth did Kate spend the night with Potty Pete?” asks the Mirror on its front page. Is Pete spinning her a line? … (read more)

Posted: 27th, March 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Things Can Only Get Sleazier

‘“I’M bound to say not all the information is out yet, and we’re still looking at it.’ So said Deputy Prime Minister John Prescott in his customary obfuscating manner on … (read more)

Posted: 27th, March 2006 | In: Broadsheets | Comment

Posh & Me

‘“VICTORIA’S BEST FRIEND FINALLY SPEAKS OUT,” says OK!’s cover page. “SHE’S BEEN THROUGH A TERRIBLE TIME.” A friend of Posh … (read more)

Posted: 27th, March 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment

Job For The Boy

‘WHAT we suspected moves one step closer to being proved true. When we heard that Prince Edward, ‘The Weed In Tweed’ (TWIT), had sworn on Australian TV, we wondered if … (read more)

Posted: 27th, March 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment

TWIT Two

‘HEY, Prince Eddie, what yer playing at? No sooner have we compared TWIT to his father than we see a shot of the young rapscallion smooching with a borrowed blonde … (read more)

Posted: 27th, March 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment

Love Letters

‘JORDAN is a smart girl. Those letters after her name – “FF” – have been earned through hard work, dedication and no little skill. And right it is that Jordan … (read more)

Posted: 27th, March 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment

Eviction Notice

‘REMEMBER Makosi? She was the Zimbabwe-born strumpet who paraded acres of quivering flash on Big Brother. She claimed political asylum. She talked about herself in the third person. We’ve seen … (read more)

Posted: 27th, March 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Me, Myself & Ronald McDonald

‘IT was the worst of times, it was the most chavtastic of times… No. Too dated. The write stuffing … (read more)

Posted: 27th, March 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment

A Dog’s Dinner

‘HERE’S a headline that sounds just great: “DOG FOOD HEALTHIER THAN A McDONALD’S”. Suddenly Barry felt full of life and bounce … (read more)

Posted: 27th, March 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Pipes Down

‘SCOTLAND the brave. So brave that the locals think nothing of stepping outside into the driving rain to smoke a cigarette, or a salmon. Oi! You can’t do that in … (read more)

Posted: 27th, March 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

Sight Seaing

‘WAS it the coldest winter on record? Or the wettest? No – hang on – it was the driest since records began. And all the spring flowers are still asleep. … (read more)

Posted: 24th, March 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

Black Balled

‘ARE you Tiger Woods? What about you? You? You? You? Then who the Hell is that black face on the first tee? Call security. Golf club releases picture of man … (read more)

Posted: 24th, March 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

Teachers See Red Over Blue Schoolbook

‘AN Essex schoolboy has declared war on ‘progressive’ education in a pamphlet he believes will ‘fire the imagination of young people everywhere’. But his teachers are less enthusiastic, and … (read more)

Posted: 24th, March 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment

Dumb Shows

‘NINE out of ten times we pay no attention to surveys and the results of scientific research carried out to justify grants. Trisha cam … (read more)

Posted: 24th, March 2006 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Getting His Kicks

‘PETE Doherty’s “F***wit” tour of the nation’s courtrooms is playing to rave reviews. Kicking – the new habit … (read more)

Posted: 24th, March 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Police Lite

‘WE live in worrying times. Some would say they are dangerous. So why did three schoolboys think it was a good idea to take a picture of an official lamp … (read more)

Posted: 24th, March 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Desert Norm

‘IN the pantheon of stories guaranteed to get the Press excited – up there with “Model Takes Drugs”, “Footballer’s Sex Shame” and “Diana Mercedes Found On Moon” – is any … (read more)

Posted: 24th, March 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Olympics Race Row

‘HERE’S a little test for you. We say a name and you try to decode its ethnic origin. Here goes. Oliver Finegold? Is Mr Finegold likely to be a) Muslim, … (read more)

Posted: 23rd, March 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment

Gulps & Phews

‘IN keeping with Chancellor Gordon Brown’s idiosyncratic-style of speech – that guppy-like gasping for air makes it look like even he has trouble swallowing his own argument – the Budget … (read more)

Posted: 23rd, March 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment

Forecourt Is Forewarned

‘THAT drudge might not be supermum Sharon Osbourne, but she is the only mother you have. Roses are red, violets are blue, I saw these tired broken stems and … (read more)

Posted: 23rd, March 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Who’s The Singer In The Black?

‘“ALL across the nation. You can taste the expectation. Finish what we started, England the lionhearted.” Out! … (read more)

Posted: 23rd, March 2006 | In: Back pages | Comment

Horses For Courses

‘IT is a great pity that Camilla Windsor could not add the title of Celebrity Mum of the Year to that of Spouse of the Year. She came close. … (read more)

Posted: 23rd, March 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Contact Us Writers