Anorak

- Author Archive

Standing Room Only

‘FORGET the Commonwealth Games (that was quick!) and know that the real contest if to get a seat on the 8.02am Cambridge to London express. ‘Last one to the seat’s … (read more)

Posted: 22nd, March 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

Return Of The Mummy

‘FIRST she marries Prince Charles and now Camilla has been voted Spouse of the Year “for her strength and conviction in the public eye”. So much for horse-faced Camilla, the … (read more)

Posted: 22nd, March 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Chip & Veil

‘JORDAN and Pete Andre are back doing what they do best. That’s right, they are in the papers telling everyone and anyone how very much in love they are. Their … (read more)

Posted: 22nd, March 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Pink Pounding

‘PINK, that faux punk poptart, is in London for a “secret” show, and one fan has forked out £1,500 for a ticket. And don’t comeback … (read more)

Posted: 22nd, March 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Football Hooligans

‘LOOKING at Wayne Rooney it is hard to believe, but the Mail uses a headline to announce: “Playing football ‘turns children into hooligans’.” He says that unless we let him … (read more)

Posted: 21st, March 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

What’s In A Name?

‘AT last. After months of intrigue, heated pub debate and indecision the papers have reached a consensus – Coleen McLouglin spells her name with one ‘l’ and two ‘es’. Chic … (read more)

Posted: 21st, March 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Tony B’Stard

‘TONY Blair is no longer Bambi, bouncing into the political forest with wet nose and bustling tail – he’s another star of fiction. He’s Alan B’Stard MP, the revolting venal … (read more)

Posted: 21st, March 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

Poles Apart

‘SKIS slung over shoulder. Body covered in black. Face concealed behind a massive pair of dark glasses. Is it..? ‘How am I meant to walk in these?’ … (read more)

Posted: 21st, March 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment

Not Taking The Biscuit

‘EVER since Kelly Osbourne told us that she has lost 2 stone and asked “Can you believe it?” (see Anorak “Go Figure”), we have been wondering how she did it. … (read more)

Posted: 21st, March 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Swatch & Learn

‘WHEN TV home improvement expert Linda Barker entered the I’m A Celebrity jungle she did so with a reputation for being nice and blonde. Can’t see the join … (read more)

Posted: 21st, March 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment

Divine Comedy

‘CAN it really be 11 years since Hugh Grant became forever inextricably linked with Divine Brown? Grant as a bumbling foppish kerb crawler … (read more)

Posted: 21st, March 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment

Mother’s Little Helpers

‘CAREER stalled? Stuck in the same old rut of appearing on reality TV shows and nodding your head on 100 Best TV Socks II? The hole truth … (read more)

Posted: 20th, March 2006 | In: Broadsheets | Comment

The Bloody Prince

‘YOU know it’s a slow news day when Prince Edward is making headlines. You don’t get this in a republic … (read more)

Posted: 20th, March 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Monkey Business

‘HOW long do you suppose it takes two white-fronted marmosets and nine black-eared marmosets to produce Anorak, let alone the Bard’s complete works? You pay peanuts… … (read more)

Posted: 20th, March 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Bubble Trouble

‘WARNING: READING THE DAILY MAIL MAY BE HAZARDOUS TO HEALTH. J’acuzzi A selection of things that … (read more)

Posted: 20th, March 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Lord & Paymaster

”I’M bound to say not all the information is out yet, and we’re still looking at it.’ So says Deputy Prime Minister John Prescott in his customary obfuscating manner. ‘Sold … (read more)

Posted: 20th, March 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

Navy Blue

‘THERE is intelligence and, then again, there is military intelligence. And shining a bright light into the ears of our uniformed supremos is the Sun. ‘This one’s called ‘HMS Torbay’, … (read more)

Posted: 20th, March 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

A Bolt From The Blue

‘NO one gets out of here alive. So goes the message at Spenborough Abattoir, near Huddersfield, West Yorkshire. Escaping the chop … (read more)

Posted: 17th, March 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Donkey Work

‘WHAT drives Lisa B – “MODEL, ACTRESS AND ANIMAL WELFARE CAMPAIGNER” – to cradle naked baby son Oscar into her silk robe? Putting her eeyore in … (read more)

Posted: 17th, March 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment

Getting It Up

‘HE wears it well, a little old fashioned but that was all right. Rod Stewart can get away with having erect hair. He is a rock star, and he can … (read more)

Posted: 17th, March 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Children Of Fortune

‘THE glitzy award season has been and gone. A swathe of the North London populace has returned from Los Angeles, the winners are finding it easier to book tables at … (read more)

Posted: 17th, March 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

In The Drink

‘IF water levels in reservoirs are falling, why doesn’t the Government build more reservoirs? Carry on regardless … (read more)

Posted: 17th, March 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

Mother Of Pearls

‘WORKERS have a car pool. Soap stars and footballers have a swimming pool. The Queen and her extended family have “the royal jewel pool”. … (read more)

Posted: 17th, March 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment

Confession Booth

‘“IT has been once of television’s best-kept secrets,” writes Hello!, and we are engrossed. Stefan gets it off his chest … (read more)

Posted: 17th, March 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment

Pass Marks

‘HANDS up who understands how the education system works. Come on, show yourselves – answers count towards a GCSE in Government education policy. ‘Do you know you’re finished?’ ‘You humm … (read more)

Posted: 16th, March 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

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