Anorak

- Author Archive

Trouble In Store

‘THERE could be any number of reasons why, as the Times reports, Waitrose “is worst for drinks sales to under-18s”. Perhaps the supermarket chain is getting the children of its … (read more)

Posted: 9th, February 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

Pounding The Beat

‘“LICENCE to shoplift,” screams the Mail. Has red-tape Britain become so officious that even our villains are expected to obtain written permission from the local authority in order to carry … (read more)

Posted: 9th, February 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Deacon New

‘“YOU want to spend time with them. You don’t despise them. You’re laughing with, not at them.” So says David Walliams, the straight man in the Little Britain double act. … (read more)

Posted: 9th, February 2006 | In: Celebrities | Comment

False Idols

‘IF you could steal anything, what would you take? Of course you are a law abiding cove. But stretch your mind, mentally pull a stocking over your head and think … (read more)

Posted: 9th, February 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Heroin & Villain

‘IT’S hard to know what will happen when a double act splits up. Do both halves of the once perfect whole make a beeline for daytime TV, before gently sliding … (read more)

Posted: 9th, February 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Off The Hooker

‘SO long as all Muslim extremists dress up as suicide bombers with hooks for hands and one wall-eye, the police should have little trouble spotting them. Hamza making an exhibit … (read more)

Posted: 8th, February 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Road Rage

‘“OUTRAGE,” screams the Sun. And, as ever, the paper is in tune with the mood of its readers. “They are the most shocking pictures I’ve seen since MICHAEL JACKSON dangled … (read more)

Posted: 8th, February 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Tin Anniversary

‘THE crabsticks had gone the way of the celebration spam and tapioca wedding cake, but Les Lailey had kept the best til last. Les shows off Beryl’s new bling … (read more)

Posted: 8th, February 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Loony Toons

‘NO national UK paper has yet printed the cartoons of the prophet Muhammad that have sparked some Muslims into fury. Publish and be damned may well be the call from … (read more)

Posted: 8th, February 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

Round ‘Em Up

‘THE Sun says that Tony Blair has issued a “go get ‘em” order to the police. “Blair tells cops to round up riot louts,” runs the paper’s headline. Day 2: … (read more)

Posted: 7th, February 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Opium Of The Masses

‘CAN you scream yourself into a state of ecstasy? The drugs aren’t working We only ask … (read more)

Posted: 7th, February 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Pitt Village

‘AN insight now into the Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie romance. Nowt as queer as folk … (read more)

Posted: 7th, February 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

No Yolk

‘THE Muslim fundamentalists who paraded outside the Danish embassy in London talked of beheading, killing, slaughtering and just about anything else that brings death to the enemy. Take one … (read more)

Posted: 7th, February 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

In Your Box

‘WARNING: READING THE DAILY MAIL MAY BE HAZARDOUS TO HEALTH.A selection of things that will kill you and yours from this week’s paper…MONDAY“TICK HERE TO END YOUR LIFE” – No, … (read more)

Posted: 6th, February 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

She’s Every Woman

‘POSH pouts like a trout. Kerry McPadding-Katona has new hair extensions, and is as refreshingly normal and down to earth as a toilet that won’t flush. Jordan has exposed her … (read more)

Posted: 6th, February 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment

Reality Life

‘BEFORE Chantelle there was Claire Sweeney. Claire appeared on the first ever edition of Celebrity Big Brother back in 2001. All Kler … (read more)

Posted: 6th, February 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment

Kiss ‘N’ Chantelle

‘ON Monday, we heard a tapping sound. Tap! Tap! Tap! It was the sound of those bureaucrats at the EU chipping away at our British way of life.Already they’ve taken … (read more)

Posted: 6th, February 2006 | In: Broadsheets | Comment

Political Suicide

‘WITH Kate Moss been and gone, the Sun spots a new Enemy No. 1. “NICK HIM,” orders the paper’s front-page headline. PC Smythe goes deep undercover … (read more)

Posted: 6th, February 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Bun & Flames

‘CONGRATULATIONS to the Sun for winning the Press’s weekly contest to see which publication can be first to utter the phrase “political correctness gone mad”. Death to the bun! … (read more)

Posted: 6th, February 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

The Hooligan Element

‘SWAP the black and white chequered scarves for brown and red ones. Replace the black bandanas with Burberry baseball caps. Alter the slogan from “MASSACRE THOSE WHO INSULT ISLAM” to … (read more)

Posted: 6th, February 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

A Forest Of Talent

‘HOLLYOAKS. For those of you not familiar with this TV soap opera, it’s like Grange Hill with STDs. And it’s staffed by a forest of young actors who could double … (read more)

Posted: 6th, February 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment

Choc-ed Arteries

‘THOSE Muslim fundamentalists passing the time by burning the Danish flag should know the full extent of Western decadence. (Since every story has a Muslim angle, why not this one?)The … (read more)

Posted: 6th, February 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Hacking Into Anorak

‘Speaking from Pattaya, where Young Old Mr Anorak is taking the national Thai women’s ping pong team through their winter training camp, our patron was struck by an article in … (read more)

Posted: 3rd, February 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment

Comic Book Heroes

‘TRYING to make sense of the outrage sparked by a series of pretty dreadful heavy-handed cartoons originally published in a Danish newspaper is occupying the Telegraph’s mind. ‘So, I says … (read more)

Posted: 3rd, February 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

Phone Bank

‘ONE man’s pornography is another man’s advert for feminine hair removal. Sex with cashback But we … (read more)

Posted: 3rd, February 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

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