Foreign Bodies

‘THE good news is that you are now less likely than you were to pick up the MRSA superbug on a hospital ward.The bad news is that this has nothing … (read more)

Posted: 19th, January 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

Heroes & Villains

‘WOULD it surprise you to learn that the Father 4 Justice group has, what the Sun terms, a lunatic fringe?According to the groups website, F4J is a new civil rights … (read more)

Posted: 18th, January 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Baby Bouncers

‘PAPERS! demands the boader guard. The traveller stares ahead, unblinking. Papers! Still no movement. Then a small crease forms around the potential terrorists eyes. She starts to turn pink. Then … (read more)

Posted: 18th, January 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Kerbing The Problem

‘IF you were a prostitute and the police arrested you for plying the worlds oldest trade and you were ordered to pay a fine, how would you go about getting … (read more)

Posted: 18th, January 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

Bill & Coo

‘YOU cant trust a parrot. They will always talk.Take the Suns story of an African grey called Ziggy. Ziggy is a talented bird. He cant play guitar but he can … (read more)

Posted: 17th, January 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Up With The Jailbirds

‘MOST of us will never enjoy a stay at Her Majestys pleasure. Until binge drinking, smoking and using mobile phones in public places become criminal offences punishable by a spell … (read more)

Posted: 17th, January 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Music Boxes

‘HOW do you categorise your music collection? Is it a simple A to Z of hits and albums? Or are you in tune with your inner muso, categorising your library … (read more)

Posted: 17th, January 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

Head In The Sands

‘IF you went missing from work, would anyone notice? If you popped out for a cigarette and never returned, would your colleagues wonder what had happened to you? We ask … (read more)

Posted: 16th, January 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

Slings & Arrows

‘HOW do you stop London winning the right to host the Olympic Games in 2012? With pink icing? A chocolate fondant? A rich orange cream with five marzipan rings? On … (read more)

Posted: 16th, January 2006 | In: Broadsheets | Comment

Breasts Of British

‘BEING a Page 3 stunna is about so much more than possessing a fine brain, political acumen and the ability to summarise the days key news story in a single … (read more)

Posted: 16th, January 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

The Law’s A Drunk With A Cow

‘TIMES change. And the law of the land changes to reflect the changing times.But sometimes the old laws remain on the stature books. As the Express reports, more than 2,000 … (read more)

Posted: 16th, January 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Free House

‘JOHN Prescott does not do things by halves. He does things in twos. He does two fingers. He does two jabs. And, famously, he does two Jags.Unkind critics might even … (read more)

Posted: 13th, January 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Bacon Flashers

‘YOU all know the problem. You stumble to the kitchen in the morning, yank open the fridge door and find the little yellow light out of action.Nonetheless, you plough on, … (read more)

Posted: 13th, January 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

Break For The Border

‘PSSST! Wanna earn a few grand and get a free holiday into the bargain. Its easy. Pop along to your local immigration detention centre and wait a short while.As the … (read more)

Posted: 13th, January 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

Time & Motion

‘CIGARETTE smokers puffing away in the freezing cold are to be envied. Sure, smoking increases the risk of them contracting a range of nasty diseases, and thats if the hypothermia … (read more)

Posted: 13th, January 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment

The F-Word

‘GREETINGS rat fans. Are you ready for some more news from the world of Kevin Federline?Well, here goes. But before we go on, please send all minors from the room. … (read more)

Posted: 12th, January 2006 | In: Reviews | Comment

Five O’Clock Shadow

‘AND so to the waking dream that is teatime telly. And news of what TV types in square-rimmed glasses call the vital battle for the coveted 5pm slot.There are Richard … (read more)

Posted: 12th, January 2006 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Doubles All Round

‘IS beer good for the brain? Its just that weve been watching the British Darts Organisation World Championship and have yet to see any of the dartists fail to calculate … (read more)

Posted: 12th, January 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

The Brain Drain

‘SCREW your thinking hats on. There now follows a sample new-look GCSE chemistry question. Q: Ali likes potatoes. He knows potatoes can be cooked by frying them or boiling them. … (read more)

Posted: 12th, January 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

A Slippery Slope

‘MOST of us will never meet a lion in the wild, lick the back of an hallucinogenic toad or see Antarctica first hand. For most of us the wild exists … (read more)

Posted: 12th, January 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

Go Figure

‘THE National Audit Office is good with numbers. It produces so many of them that its hard to know where one ends and another begins. Doubtless some auditor in HQ … (read more)

Posted: 11th, January 2006 | In: Uncategorized | Comment

Civil Service

‘EVER hear of the Local Authorities Coordinators of Regulatory Services?Indeed, it does sound like the kind of body peopled by colourless men with oiled hair and thick breath that hints … (read more)

Posted: 11th, January 2006 | In: Tabloids | Comment

All Bar Hats

‘THE hat is not for the street: it will never be democratised. But there are certain houses that one cannot enter without a hat. And one must always wear a … (read more)