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Real Love

‘HAS she not fragrance? Well, no – Posh’s toilet water has yet to hit the shelves. She might not have a range of cosmetics, but she does have Day-vid. And … (read more)

Posted: 18th, October 2005 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Shed Loads

‘DON’T worry about trying to make sense of the artwork shortlisted for this year’s Turner Prize. Just step back and enjoy it. Is it a boat? Is it art? … (read more)

Posted: 18th, October 2005 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Derby & Moan

‘TSK! Isn’t it just awful. Just look at the state of them. It might be “JUST ANOTHER GIRLS NIGHT OUT” to Bianca and Jade, but to the right-minded Mail reader … (read more)

Posted: 18th, October 2005 | In: Tabloids | Comment


National Disgrace

‘YOU play the National Lottery because you want to give money to good causes. Just as you wear a football top to show that you’re an active member of the … (read more)

Posted: 18th, October 2005 | In: Uncategorized | Comment


Of Dogs And Men

‘PUTTING the news in perspective so often depends on which end of a pint glass you’re looking at it through. Looking down, staring into their pints, readers on Monday saw … (read more)

Posted: 17th, October 2005 | In: Broadsheets | Comment


No Pain No Gain

‘IF the stories surrounding the Tory Party leadership contest are any guide, a vote for David Cameron is a vote for a return to the days when politicians were interesting … (read more)

Posted: 17th, October 2005 | In: Uncategorized | Comment


Celebrity Excreta

‘“WELCOME to Celebrity Ouija Board, with your host Anthea Turner. Sweating on her comeback Tonight we will … (read more)

Posted: 17th, October 2005 | In: Celebrities | Comment


Di A Thousand Deaths

‘LIKE the Express – which leads with a shot of Princess Di and the headline “DIANA’S DRIVER WAS NOT DRUNK” – Paul Burrell cannot leave the woman’s corpse alone. ‘I’m … (read more)

Posted: 17th, October 2005 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Small Minded

‘EACH week the papers scour the land for signs of “political correctness gone mad”. And today the Sun comes up trumps. Special needs individual … (read more)

Posted: 17th, October 2005 | In: Tabloids | Comment


A Wing And A Prayer

‘“BIRD FLU WILL HIT BRITAIN AND KILL 50,000,” promises the front page of the Mail. It’s the chief medial officer’s “chilling prediction”. ‘Add some more curry sauce and they’ll … (read more)

Posted: 17th, October 2005 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Man Overboard

‘THEY’RE back! Katie Price, her sun-kissed Jordans and pop acorn Peter Andre are returned from their honeymoon in the Maldives. Katie and her lifesavers … (read more)

Posted: 14th, October 2005 | In: Reviews | Comment


All White On The Night

‘THE Moore-Kutcher wedding was just great. But what about the important thing: what did they wear? ‘Stephanotis floribunda.’ Bless you … (read more)

Posted: 14th, October 2005 | In: Reviews | Comment


Eternally Ours

‘WHAT Peter and Jordan did in garish technicolour, Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher did in black and white. May their love echo throughout the ages … (read more)

Posted: 14th, October 2005 | In: Reviews | Comment


Quake, Rattle & Roll

‘SHHH!! We can hear a tapping sound. It’s coming from beneath that pile of rubble in Pakistan. And there’s a voice. It sounds like a name is being called. Yes, … (read more)

Posted: 14th, October 2005 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Sitting Ducks

‘ANYONE got a pet duck? A goose? A turkey? If you have, best leave the room – you may find what we have to tell you upsetting. Fly, Waggles. … (read more)

Posted: 14th, October 2005 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Shaky Ground

‘WHAT is the correct way to stave off questions as to whether you’ve ever smoked cannabis? David Cameron thinks he knows. A straight up kind of guy … (read more)

Posted: 14th, October 2005 | In: Uncategorized | Comment


Spot The Dog

‘SPOT the dog. Go on, have a try. It’s not exactly the hardest thing to do, given that for most of the week Spot the dalmation puppy has been all … (read more)

Posted: 14th, October 2005 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Tweeters & Woofers

‘THE Sun’s Page 3 stunna du jour Nicola T is backing the paper’s campaign to end animal abuse. Jordan tries to pick up Terry Wogan … (read more)

Posted: 13th, October 2005 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Pet Hates

‘NEXT time Fido brings you the morning paper in his drooling chops, take a look at the corners. Are they slightly torn, as if, perhaps, a small, licked paw has … (read more)

Posted: 13th, October 2005 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Shop Til You Drop

‘DID you know that the average Briton spends eight days of their life in a shopping centre every year? That’s a long time – you only get seven days inside … (read more)

Posted: 13th, October 2005 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Free Time

‘HAS the European Court’s ruling that prisoners must be afforded the right to vote in elections already re-directed political policy? Burgle a house and get this bling-tastic state-of-the-art ankle bracelet … (read more)

Posted: 13th, October 2005 | In: Uncategorized | Comment


Ravy Davy

‘THE question of whether or not Tory leadership hopeful David Cameron has ever taken illegal drugs features in the Telegraph While William Hague ordered ten pints, Ken wooed the yoof … (read more)

Posted: 13th, October 2005 | In: Uncategorized | Comment


Dead Heat

‘HE may have scored highest on the Tory conference clapometer, but Sir Malcolm Rifkind is the first donkey in the Conservative leadership race to pull up lame.The Telegraph says that … (read more)

Posted: 12th, October 2005 | In: Uncategorized | Comment


Defence Of The Realm

‘OI! You! Yes you. The one in new Chelsea football shirt, with the label still attached. How many members of the Chelsea team can you name?That’s a simple enough question. … (read more)

Posted: 12th, October 2005 | In: Tabloids | Comment


Licence To Print Money

‘ANYONE who’s ever seen the BBC show Two Pints of Lager And a Packet to Crisps will have wondered how much value they’re getting for their TV licence fee.Not that … (read more)

Posted: 12th, October 2005 | In: Tabloids | Comment