Anorak

Back pages | Anorak - Part 44

Back pages Category

Premier League news. Stories from the newspapers and BBC sport – sports news from tabloids Daily Mail, Daily Express, Daily Star, the Guardian, Daily Mirror, the times, daily telegraph

Lewis Hamilton Stands Up At The Italian Grand Prix

OVERHEARD on TV: It’s the Italian Grand Prix and Lewis Hamilton is go… Go… Go!!!!

“Would the real Lewis Hamilton please stand up”James Allen, ITV

But how will his feet reach the pedals..?

Posted: 14th, September 2008 | In: Back pages, TV & Radio | Comments (3)


Paul Gascoigne’s Last Words And Testament

PAUL Gascoigne is unwell. And rumours of his impeding death are exaggerated.

As the Star leads: “GAZZA LEAVE ME ALONE TO DIE.”

At once we see a mental image of Paul Gascoigne lying on his death bed, his head raised as a team of men in white try to squirt a jet of elixir into his flapping maw.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 13th, September 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comments (5)


British Invested Baseball And Decided Not To Play It

THE Times reports that the British invested baseball and then decided not to play it:

Historians in Surrey have documentary proof that the game was being played in the UK before America. A diary entry which talks about a game played in Guildford, Surrey in 1755 has been verified as authentic by the Surrey History Centre.

The Surrey History Centre, where highlights include The Philip Bradley Fairground Collection and Dennis Specialist Vehicles.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 12th, September 2008 | In: Back pages, Broadsheets, Strange But True | Comments (10)


Overheard On TV: Clare Balding Straddles The BBC’s Red Button

Overheard on TV: The BBC’s Steve Cram at the Paralympics:

“As I said Clare will be back on the red button very, very shortly – Steve Cram.

Back in the saddle for our Clare Balding…

Posted: 11th, September 2008 | In: Back pages, TV & Radio | Comment


Great Sporting Injuries: Fabian Espindola’s Own Goal

GREAT SPORTING INJURIES: Fabian Espindola, of Us soccer ball team Real Salt Lake, sis out for at least a month, thanks to a bad ankle sprain suffered when he did a backflip after a goal against David Beckham’s LA Galaxy on Saturday.

Update: A disallowed goal.

Posted: 10th, September 2008 | In: Back pages, Celebrities | Comment (1)


Wayne Rooney’s Non-Sequitur Of The Day

WAYNE Rooney, we and readers of the News of the World learn, is “at it five times a night”.

It turns out to be “playing FIFA ’08”, a video game that features a picture of Wayne in full rant on the cover.

After that coincidence (surely shameless plug? – ed), the NOTW then delivers one of the best non-sequiturs ever:

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 9th, September 2008 | In: Back pages, Online-PR, Tabloids | Comments (6)


Big Brother: How To Be A Strumpet, With Sara Folino

WANT to know about Big Brother Sara Folino’s “DRUGS, LESBIAN ROMPS & SEX TAPES”?

Star readers do. And so should you.

Sara Folino is featured on the paper’s front page wearing bra and knickers (matching and clean) and shouldering a whip.

Star readers are aghast. Sara – dear, dear, Sara – do you not know that the whip accompanies the saucy jodhpurs shot, possibly with a suck on a straw of hay?

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 8th, September 2008 | In: Back pages | Comments (3)


Seriously Cheaper Credit Crunch Savings

NOW that’s seriously chepaer!

Spotter: Frank

Posted: 7th, September 2008 | In: Back pages | Comment


Sarah Palin Picture Of The Day: The Name’s Piper

SARAH Palin picture of the day – a lovely image or Sarah, John and Piper…

Spotter: Karen Hawtry

Posted: 5th, September 2008 | In: Back pages, Politicians | Comments (31)


Three Fans React With Fury As Kevin Keegan Resigns

THREE days ago Anorak told you: “Kevin Keegan Sacked As Newcastle United Manager”

No chance, said the papers. King Kev was on his throne. He was lovin it, just lovin’ it at Newcastle.

Now three days on the media rushes to show the world that King Kev has abdicated and that the lachrymose Geordie fans are a-weepin’ and a-wailin’ more than usual.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 5th, September 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comments (4)


Joey Barton Fails To See Red

“WHO does Joey Barton think he is?” asks the Mirror’s front-page headline.

Given the haircut and the Scouse accent, we’d say George Harrison. But did Beatle George ever kick someone in the head and stub out a cigar out on a lad’s eyeball?

Before we can guess again, the Mirror says Barton has been seen committing the heinous act of driving in the bus lane. Scum, is a word that springs to mind.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 5th, September 2008 | In: Back pages | Comments (8)


Nodding Heads: Sporting Insight On Sky Sports

SPORTING insight of the day, with John Solako, on Sky Sports:

“Still no goals, it’s 1-0 to Blackpool.”

More in-the-know punditry to follow…

Posted: 5th, September 2008 | In: Back pages, TV & Radio | Comment (1)


Manchester City: Robinho Introduces The MAGs

MANCHESTER City’s new player Robinho is pictured in the Mirror, topless and in the arms of a woman.

Anorak is unfamiliar with Mr Robinho’s life.

And on viewing the image, Old Mr Anorak supposed Robinho was being portrayed with his wet nurse or an older lover, an impression not unaided by her circling resting on his right nipple.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 4th, September 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comment


Al Sugar’s 54-A-Side Manchester City

“SHEIKH YOU BOOTY,” screams the Sun’s front-page headline, as “Arab sheikhs” (are their any other?) buy Manchester City and set about buying every single footballer on the planet.

The Sun says Dr Sulaiman Al Fahim, aka Al Sugar, intends to “grab” Cristiano Ronaldo from Manchester United and demand that he pays the ransom for his victim of a red hot £134million.

Such is the way of football business…

Also on Al Sugar’s shopping list are Cesc Fabregas (£60m), Fernando Torres (£70m), Kaka (£80m) and Dimitar Berbatov for £60m.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 3rd, September 2008 | In: Back pages, Money, Tabloids | Comments (3)


Kevin Keegan Sacked As Newcastle United Manager

KING Kevin Keegan of Newcastle United. Goodbye.

Dennis Wise poised…

Posted: 2nd, September 2008 | In: Back pages | Comments (3)


Arab Alan Sugar Buys Manchester City

MANCHESTER City have been sold to Abu Dhabi United Group for Development and Investment, Make Wonderful Sexy Football For You and My Family, Please.

The Sun says the group is worth between £650billion and £800billion, give or take a few hundred billion either way.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 2nd, September 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comment


What’s My Byline: Geoffrey Boycott Explains

“THESE days half the writers need six quotes before they can write a piece,” says Geoffrey Boycott, God of Yorkshire.

“When you’ve got byline, it should be your words.”

Yeah, quotes are for losers.

So says HRH Boycott, whose Telegraph column is touched up and edited by one Simon Briggs…

Posted: 1st, September 2008 | In: Back pages, Broadsheets | Comment


Amy Winehouse Injured Training For 2012 Olympics Drugs Marathon

HATS off to Amy Winehouse who has prepared for the London 2012 Drugs Olympics with what the Sun is calling a “POT MARATHON”.

And that’s not all.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 1st, September 2008 | In: Back pages, Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (5)


Australia Bans Gymnastics AS Olympic Fall Out Continues

DID you notice that Australia finished below the UK in the Olympics medal table?

Now we learn that Belgian Gardens State School has decreed that performing a cartwheel on the playground is an offence that should result in suspension.

The school has banned all forms of gymnastics during breaks, including handstands and somersaults – even the humble forward roll has been given the flick.

Is this ban rooted in the fear of being seen by crowing British children, who may mock when the Australian tumble fails to meet the required level of expertise?

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 28th, August 2008 | In: Back pages | Comments (3)


Tabloids Differ Over Rebecca Adlington’s Right To Choos

THE Mirror spots Rebecca Adlington, the country’s Olympic heroine and woman most likely to be the new Sharron Davis.

She’s holding a pair of Jimmy Choos shoes, as fashioned by London’s leading Malaysian cobbler.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 27th, August 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comments (2)


Kenyan Marathon Runner Sammy Wanjiru Limbers Up

KENYAN Marathon Runner Sammy Wanjiru Limbers Up at the Olympics – on the BBC:

Spotter: Karen Strike. (Send in your spots.)

Posted: 26th, August 2008 | In: Back pages, Photojournalism | Comment (1)


London 2012: Toddler Shoots Baby Brother

“BABY SHOT BY GIRL 5.”

So says the Sun on its over page. We are ashamed and appalled.

Do you people learn nothing? Are we so pig ignorant? You need to be aged 18 to enter the Olympic pistol shooting contests, and with the London Games in four years time, all five-year-olds should lay down their arms.

Better they take up gymnastics, or a knife like all the other kidz.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 26th, August 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comment


Outrage As Manchester’s Myra Hindley Promotes London Olympics

“HINDELY CRASHES OLYMPIC PARY,” says the Mirror. Myra Hindley is at the London Olympics.

Is Team GB so desperate for gold medals we are including not only drugs contests but utilising the very worst to be the very best?

To go with child killing, is crying in public to be an Olympic Sport (Diana would have wanted it that way). What about medals awarded for paedo spotting, weather talking and media demonising, the contest in which the world’s hacks, assembled for the great sporting occasion, are incited to think up a scare story?

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 25th, August 2008 | In: Back pages | Comments (8)


Big Brother: Gazza, Nicole And Rex

BIG Brother 9 Watch: Anorak’s looks at Big Brother news in the media…

IT’S “Big Brother Nicole”. She wants to tell us about: “COCAINE, GAZZA AND ME.”

Given the PR dive to make whiny Nicole appear interesting, Cocaine, Gazza and Me may well turn out to be the names of three Yorkshire terriers she once encountered on Hamstead Heath.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 25th, August 2008 | In: Back pages, Celebrities, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comment


Los Angeles Residents Welcome You To London 2012 Olympics

DAVID Beckham and Leona Lewis welcome you to the London Olympics, says the Star.

Becks lives in Los Angeles, so does Leona. But what the hell, they were born in London and that will do.

The Times leads with pictures of Londoners who live in London, and a load of tourists, celebrating the arrival of the fearsomely expensive sporting event in four years time They are waving flags beating the Olympics logo – that picture of Lisa Simpson felating on an unknown IOC member.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 25th, August 2008 | In: Back pages, Broadsheets, Celebrities, Politicians, Tabloids | Comments (3)