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Premier League news. Stories from the newspapers and BBC sport – sports news from tabloids Daily Mail, Daily Express, Daily Star, the Guardian, Daily Mirror, the times, daily telegraph

Air Rage Attacks Up In Time For 2012 Games

“AIR RAGE ATTACKS BY BINGE BRITONS SOARING.”

Good to know that even topped up on duty free, the Mail’s headline writers can craft a decent pun.

Of course the pun isn’t the only element that makes this story newsworthy. Really, it is not.

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Posted: 19th, August 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comments (11)


Olympoc Balls: EU Wins Olympics

AMERICA wins. China wins. Now the EU wins. We’re all winning all of the time…

Source

Posted: 18th, August 2008 | In: Back pages, Politicians | Comments (4)


How To Be A Great British Briton

“GREAT TO BE BRITISH,” says the Daily Mail.

And it is as good a slogan for the paper, and the country, as any. But what does being British mean in today’s confused world?

Anorak investigates:

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Posted: 18th, August 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comment


Olympic Balls: Michael Phelps Is A Greek God In Roman Times

MICHAEL Phelps has won seven gold medals… No eight… Now nine… And so on. Can you win too many gold medals?

In the Guardian Kate Rew is contemplating swimming with the Gods:

In the Olympics in Ancient Rome, the powerfully built swimmers (nude, like all the sportsmen, so the crowds could better appreciate the mastery of the human body) swam in the rolling currents of the Tiber.

Those ancient Greek Romans. Now they really good swim…

Posted: 17th, August 2008 | In: Back pages, Broadsheets | Comments (4)


The Eyes Have It: Spanish Tennis Players Tribute To Slitty-Eyed China

AFTER the Spanish basketball players’ tribute to China, Spanish women tennis players adopt the slitty-eyed tribute pose.

Spain takes on China in the Federation Cup next April.

War is coming

Posted: 17th, August 2008 | In: Back pages, Photojournalism | Comments (11)


Olympic Balls: Plucky Paula Radcliffe Rolls Back The Years

THE Olympics – This is our year.

And amid the “GOLD RUSH” (Express, Independent), “OUR GREATEST OLYMPIC DAY” (People) is the news that plucky Paula Radcliffe, the country’s great marathon runner, DID cry when she lost and DID stop two miles from home, bravely finishing the race in scenes reminiscent of Reach For The Sky.

Just four years ago Radcliffe wowed Olympic crowds in Athens when she failed to complete the course, dropping out of the race she had no hope of winning.

Now to prove that was no fluke, the spirit-of-the-blitz and never-say-die Brit picked up her running spikes and…

Continues in all papers…

Posted: 17th, August 2008 | In: Back pages, Broadsheets, Tabloids | Comments (12)


Green NBC Air Conditions Beijing

NBS is so very green:

NBC Universal will also specifically seek out advertisers with green-friendly messages when it’s selling commercial time on NBC and its other networks this spring.

The company says it isn’t only preaching to others; NBC Universal is installing large solar panels at the company’s movie studios in California, and has eliminated all plastic foam from company cafeterias.

Tied to Earth Day on Tuesday, the special “Green Week” effort is the company’s second in six months. NBC Universal is following the lead of corporate parent General Electric Co., which is among many companies sensing that the public looks kindly on pro-environmental efforts.

How green?

WTHR, the NBC affiliate for Indianapolis, reported from Beijing and described the NBC set used for the network’s two highest rated news broadcasts, “NBC Nightly News” and “Today,” as air conditioned – even though it is outdoors.

“The set is outside, but air conditioning vents make the weather bearable,” Anne Marie Tiernon wrote for WTHR Eyewitness News…

As green as a greenhouse…

Posted: 16th, August 2008 | In: Back pages | Comment


Olympic Balls: More Michael Phelps Fakery

AFTER thisthis, this, this and this, we now have this. Eleven gold medals… Pah! Why Michael Phelps’ shoulders could take hundreds of medals, a light aircraft and 17 runway models…

Aircraft Spotter: Jay

Posted: 15th, August 2008 | In: Back pages | Comment


Olympic Balls: More Fakery In Beijing

THE Wall Street Journal notes mnore fakery oin Beijing. After Michael Phelps was found out, there’s this:

In the Olympic Opening Ceremonies, a procession of children bore a large Chinese flag into the Bird’s Nest stadium, each child wearing a costume representing one of China’s ethnic minorities.

However, the children actually were members of the Han majority, an arts official said in an interview. Yuan Zhifeng, deputy director of Galaxy Children’s Art Troupe, said the children were drawn from the all-Han Chinese troupe. “I assume they think the kids were very natural looking and nice,” Ms. Yuan said …

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Posted: 15th, August 2008 | In: Back pages | Comments (8)


Drugs Olympics 2012: Feel The Wheelie Bin Burn

NO sooner has Anorak championed the 2012 Olympics as the Olympics of Drugs, then we read of a “craze of setting fire to wheelie bins and sniffing the fumes to get a high”.

The BBC reports :

Police believed the craze was behind bin fires in the Athersley and New Lodge areas of Barnsley.

Indeed, dear reader, fair it is that the Olympics should be passed about the land, like the burning torch, or a large spliff.

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Posted: 15th, August 2008 | In: Back pages | Comment


Agent Steve McClaren Was A Dutch Plant

IS former England manager Steve McClaren trying to pretend that he is not who he once was? Or can it be that McClaren was Agenct McClaren, a Dutch national sent to destroy the English game from within?

McClaren is now weaving his magic in Holland – his native Holland. Listen up:

Posted: 15th, August 2008 | In: Back pages | Comments (5)


Britain Gears Up For 2012 Drugs Olympics

WE’RE “OUT OF OUR HEADS,” screams the Sun.

“Drugs epidemic wrecking Britain.” For Sun readers that’s “broken Britain”, being wrecked, or mashed, as we know it to be. “DRUGS BRITAIN,” advertises the Indy.

The bombshell figures — which reveal 2million adults have taken drugs in the last month — will fuel calls for a crackdown on celebrity drug users like Amy Winehouse and Pete Doherty.

Before Winehouse and Doherty appeared, drugs were an Americanism for pharmaceuticals. Says the Sun: “More than 400 under-16s were admitted last year, compared with 272 in 1997.”

In 1997, Anorak can reveal that the country’s top stars were, in order, Timmy Mallett, Steps and Ally McBeal. Innocent days, indeed.

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Posted: 15th, August 2008 | In: Back pages, Broadsheets, Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment


Olympic Balls: America Wins Even When America Loses

THE Olympics. This is our year, Britain. We will top the medal tables and all will be right. But what medals are worth most: gold, silver, bronze, Anorak’s “Olympic Heroes” Medal Collection (100 to collect in a leatherette coin purse)?

As these charts show, knowing what medal is worth the most is hard, but we’d put our bet on all American medals being worth 1.34 Chinese medals.

 

GB medals are – as ever – worth their weight in gold, or steroids, which ever is the the dearer…

* The Olympics traditionally list winner in terms of gold medals won.

Posted: 15th, August 2008 | In: Back pages, Photojournalism | Comments (4)


Olympic Balls: Phelps Can’t Swim And Chinese Gymnast He Is A She

NO small shock to learn that Michael Phelps, the “greatest ever Olympia” (all papers), can’t swim.

With his big ears and massive snaggle tooth, Phelps was too untelegenic for Beijing and was replaced by one Maurice Maurice, a French Canadian life guard and part-time catalogue model.

Now after that, the non-singing girl who proved that not ALL Chinese people look the same, and the non-firing fireworks, we find out more Olympic shock news, chiefly that teenaged He is a teenged she.

How old is He? The Associated Press notes:

Just nine months before the Beijing Olympics, the Chinese government’s news agency, Xinhua, reported that gymnast He Kexin was 13.

It turns out that this not only makes He a truly remarkable athlete, who can beat the best the rest of the world has to offer at just 13 years of age, but also make He illegile for combat.

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Posted: 14th, August 2008 | In: Back pages | Comments (12)


Olympic Balls, With Catherine Deveney

WRITES Catherine Deveny of her Olympic viewing in The Age:

I’m not into sport. Unless you call competition swearing a sport. But, I’m ashamed to admit, I do get into the Olympics. I know, I should be reading Noam Chomsky and meditating. But the Olympics are not all about sport, particularly if you have kids.

And on uniforms- and, mind, Deveney real person, not the work of a parodist:

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Posted: 14th, August 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comments (7)


George Bush Lol Medal

GEORGE Bush Lol medal…

Posted: 14th, August 2008 | In: Back pages, Politicians | Comments (2)


Letizia Filippi’s Return Flight Of Fancy

CRISTIANO Ronaldo has transferred to Letizia Filippi. But for reasons inexplicable she has yet to go topless on a beach.

With no sign of Ms Filippi’s chest, the Sun is stuck on how best to feature her and so file its daily Ronaldo exclusive.

Normally the paper would stick in a photo of Nereida Gallardo, the footballer’s former topless stunna. But instead it opts to feature Filippi saying how she would like to get on a private jet with her man and “do it”.

Just what she told Star readers on July 24th… It’s another Ronaldo sensation!

Posted: 12th, August 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comment (1)


Blake Aldridge’s Olympic Challenge

BLAKE Aldridge. Do you know who he is? Have a guess. Is he:

a) The Banker on Deal Or No Deal?
b) John Edwards’ love child?
c) A British Olympic athlete?

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Posted: 12th, August 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comments (18)


Olympic Balls: Football In Beijing

OLYMPIC Balls – Anorak’s look at football at the Olympics

It was a swimming race like no other the Olympics has seen, the aquatic equivalent of Manchester United defeating Bayern Munich in 1999, or Padraig Harrington coming from nowhere to win the US PGA… But it wasn’t Phelps who did it. Rather, the Ole Gunnar Solskjaer of the American party was… – Jim White, Daily Telegraph

Continues for the duration of the Olympic Games…

Posted: 12th, August 2008 | In: Back pages, Broadsheets | Comment


Lin Hao’s Short Walk To Infamy

DID you 9-year-old earthquake survivor Lin Hao (short) walking in the Bird’s Nest paprade with Yao Ming (not short).

Lin Hao escaped from his collapsed school building. In is arms he carried an unconscious classmate. He then went back and rescued another child out with him.

The lad can do no wrong. Only, look at his flag.

An upside down flag is a signal of distress. Xinhua, the Chinese news agency sent out an alert: “This photograph has been withdrawn. Please do not use.”

You can see it on the, er, Xinhua website.

To the plastic mines with the young rebel…

Posted: 11th, August 2008 | In: Back pages, Photojournalism | Comment


Daily Mirror And Arsenal Support Gun Crime

GOOD news indeed that Arsenal football club have joined the Mirror’s anti-knife campaign.

The paper features pictures of Arsenal footballers Theo Walcott, William Gallas and Cesc Fabregas in anti-knife crime T-shirts.

The Mirror is against glamorising violence and last months brought news of how weaponry had been appearing on a T-shirt on open sale in London’s Oxford Street.

The paper was appalled and the offending items were removed from public view at the Selfridge’s department store.

For readers not au fait with Arsenal FC, they are nicknamed “The Gunners” and were founded by workers at armaments manufacturer in London.

That’s their club crest on the left – the one with the cannon symbol. It should be banned…

Posted: 11th, August 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comments (5)


Nazi Olympic Fakes In China

YOU can buy anything in China. It might not be the genuine artilce, but it can be yours.

On sale in Macau – flags of fall the nations…

What did you do in the Olympics, papa..?

Spotter

Posted: 10th, August 2008 | In: Back pages, Money | Comments (10)


The Great British Ginsters Snail Race

IN the food Olympics what food-style product would Team GB enter?

Anorak considers the alternatives and answering the criteria of higher, faster, stronger, Anorak advocates the Ginsters slice.

But fast food has a slow after taste as Simon Enticknap, from Basingstoke, Hampshire, bites into his mid-morning livener and encounters a snail.

Mr Enticknbap takes up the tale:

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Posted: 10th, August 2008 | In: Back pages, Strange But True | Comments (7)


Paul Gascoigne Leaves Shezza For Jizza

“IT’S ME OR HIM,” vows the Sunday Mirror’s front-page pledge.

“She’s distraught as he walks out to be with old pal Jimmy Five Bellies.”

Poor Sheryl Gascoigne, for it is she, and Paul Gascoigne, for it is he. What woman cannot sympathise with Shezza?

But are we not the least bit titillated, intrigued that Gazza has left his lover to spend quality time with the gut-busting Jimmy Gardner?

What future for Gazza and, dare it go unsaid, Jizza..?

Posted: 10th, August 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comments (9)


China Will Fall In 2017

CHINA is doomed. It’s the Olympics:

It is proven that all socialist powers fall 9 years after hosting an Olympiad. Despite any misgivings at the time….

It is written in the destruction of socialist destiny that Commie China will fall in 2017; 9 years after hosting the Olympics.

National Socialist Germany fell in 1945; 9 years after the ‘36 Olympics.

Socialist Soviet Union’s rotten murderous core collapsed in 89… NINE years after the Moscow Olympics.

Source

Posted: 9th, August 2008 | In: Back pages, Politicians | Comments (5)