Back pages | Anorak - Part 47

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Premier League news. Stories from the newspapers and BBC sport – sports news from tabloids Daily Mail, Daily Express, Daily Star, the Guardian, Daily Mirror, the times, daily telegraph

George Bush Lol Medal

GEORGE Bush Lol medal…

Posted: 14th, August 2008 | In: Back pages, Politicians | Comments (2)

Letizia Filippi’s Return Flight Of Fancy

CRISTIANO Ronaldo has transferred to Letizia Filippi. But for reasons inexplicable she has yet to go topless on a beach.

With no sign of Ms Filippi’s chest, the Sun is stuck on how best to feature her and so file its daily Ronaldo exclusive.

Normally the paper would stick in a photo of Nereida Gallardo, the footballer’s former topless stunna. But instead it opts to feature Filippi saying how she would like to get on a private jet with her man and “do it”.

Just what she told Star readers on July 24th… It’s another Ronaldo sensation!

Posted: 12th, August 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comment (1)

Blake Aldridge’s Olympic Challenge

BLAKE Aldridge. Do you know who he is? Have a guess. Is he:

a) The Banker on Deal Or No Deal?
b) John Edwards’ love child?
c) A British Olympic athlete?

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 12th, August 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comments (18)

Olympic Balls: Football In Beijing

OLYMPIC Balls – Anorak’s look at football at the Olympics

It was a swimming race like no other the Olympics has seen, the aquatic equivalent of Manchester United defeating Bayern Munich in 1999, or Padraig Harrington coming from nowhere to win the US PGA… But it wasn’t Phelps who did it. Rather, the Ole Gunnar Solskjaer of the American party was… – Jim White, Daily Telegraph

Continues for the duration of the Olympic Games…

Posted: 12th, August 2008 | In: Back pages, Broadsheets | Comment

Lin Hao’s Short Walk To Infamy

DID you 9-year-old earthquake survivor Lin Hao (short) walking in the Bird’s Nest paprade with Yao Ming (not short).

Lin Hao escaped from his collapsed school building. In is arms he carried an unconscious classmate. He then went back and rescued another child out with him.

The lad can do no wrong. Only, look at his flag.

An upside down flag is a signal of distress. Xinhua, the Chinese news agency sent out an alert: “This photograph has been withdrawn. Please do not use.”

You can see it on the, er, Xinhua website.

To the plastic mines with the young rebel…

Posted: 11th, August 2008 | In: Back pages, Photojournalism | Comment

Daily Mirror And Arsenal Support Gun Crime

GOOD news indeed that Arsenal football club have joined the Mirror’s anti-knife campaign.

The paper features pictures of Arsenal footballers Theo Walcott, William Gallas and Cesc Fabregas in anti-knife crime T-shirts.

The Mirror is against glamorising violence and last months brought news of how weaponry had been appearing on a T-shirt on open sale in London’s Oxford Street.

The paper was appalled and the offending items were removed from public view at the Selfridge’s department store.

For readers not au fait with Arsenal FC, they are nicknamed “The Gunners” and were founded by workers at armaments manufacturer in London.

That’s their club crest on the left – the one with the cannon symbol. It should be banned…

Posted: 11th, August 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comments (5)

Nazi Olympic Fakes In China

YOU can buy anything in China. It might not be the genuine artilce, but it can be yours.

On sale in Macau – flags of fall the nations…

What did you do in the Olympics, papa..?


Posted: 10th, August 2008 | In: Back pages, Money | Comments (10)

The Great British Ginsters Snail Race

IN the food Olympics what food-style product would Team GB enter?

Anorak considers the alternatives and answering the criteria of higher, faster, stronger, Anorak advocates the Ginsters slice.

But fast food has a slow after taste as Simon Enticknap, from Basingstoke, Hampshire, bites into his mid-morning livener and encounters a snail.

Mr Enticknbap takes up the tale:

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 10th, August 2008 | In: Back pages, Strange But True | Comments (7)

Paul Gascoigne Leaves Shezza For Jizza

“IT’S ME OR HIM,” vows the Sunday Mirror’s front-page pledge.

“She’s distraught as he walks out to be with old pal Jimmy Five Bellies.”

Poor Sheryl Gascoigne, for it is she, and Paul Gascoigne, for it is he. What woman cannot sympathise with Shezza?

But are we not the least bit titillated, intrigued that Gazza has left his lover to spend quality time with the gut-busting Jimmy Gardner?

What future for Gazza and, dare it go unsaid, Jizza..?

Posted: 10th, August 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comments (9)

China Will Fall In 2017

CHINA is doomed. It’s the Olympics:

It is proven that all socialist powers fall 9 years after hosting an Olympiad. Despite any misgivings at the time….

It is written in the destruction of socialist destiny that Commie China will fall in 2017; 9 years after hosting the Olympics.

National Socialist Germany fell in 1945; 9 years after the ‘36 Olympics.

Socialist Soviet Union’s rotten murderous core collapsed in 89… NINE years after the Moscow Olympics.


Posted: 9th, August 2008 | In: Back pages, Politicians | Comments (5)

Let’s Hear It For Drugs At The Olympics

MORE drugs at the Olympcs. Make this the Olympics of drugs:

Posted: 9th, August 2008 | In: Back pages | Comments (5)

Russia Takes Advantage Of The Olympic Smogscreen

While the world was watching Beijing and the Olympic opening ceremonies yesterday a war broke out in the former USSR.
It tempting to call it a Civil War but the nations have been neighbours after the break up of the Soviets states.

The Independent’s view of the Georgia flare-up. As different as ever, it shows the true horror of war. As tanks roll in, women and children flee on foot. Already 1,400 are dead and the toll is rising.

The outbreak has already driven the Olympics from the Page One Lead slots in many of the UK newspapers and the happenings are likely to overshadow Beijing in the same way as the murder and cross-fire killings of the Israelis ruined Munich’s Olympic bash.

It was a calculated and vicious manoeuvre to quell the South Georgian breakaway state of of South Ossetia, while world leaders were distracted elsewhere and has brought Russia and Georgia to the brink of of all-out war.

As Georgia launched a major offensive to retake the region, Russian tanks rolled south towards the South Ossetian capital Tskhinvali.

The BBC’s chartlet of the region

Over 1,400 are thought to have been killed in the worst hostilities since the province won a shaky and disputed independence in a war during 1992. Tskhinvali is said to be devastated.

The fighting broke out as much of the world’s attention was focused on the start of the Olympic Games and many leaders, including Russia’s Prime Minister Vladimir Putin and US President George Bush, were in Beijing.

The 41-year-old Georgian President Mikhail Saakashvili, above, may have been counting on surprise to fulfil a pledge to win back control of South Ossetia – a key to his hold on power. He was swept into office after street fighting and chaos in the Georgian State.

Mr Saakashvili agreed the timing was deliberate but accused Russia of being the aggressor. He says the countries are at war.

I report this coverage here because some Anorakians were seeking a diversion away from the Olympics…well you’ve got it.
Russia does not take kindly to having its beard pulled and it would be as well to remember the national heritage, nature, and character-set of the Georgians…the Soviet State which produced one Joseph Stalin, apart from the Spanish ‘flu pandemic, probably the most prolific killer the world has ever known.

Just one mean-minded thought… if you think gas is expensive now…wait till Russia cuts the gas supply lines to get the Western European nations on message and on-side.

Gordon Brown will no doubt feel their (and our) pain.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 9th, August 2008 | In: Back pages, Politicians | Comments (5)

Beijing Olympics Quote Of the Day: Huw Edwards’ Burning Footprints

2008 Chinese drummers are calling up the ancestors on BBC TV. Live!

They are drumming on Arks of the Covenant. The terracotta army will come to life and kill us all.

Fireworks. More smoke. Or smog, as we must call it.

Fireworks creating “burning footprints“.

Burning carbon footprints.

Posted: 8th, August 2008 | In: Back pages, TV & Radio | Comments (3)

Two Clubs Gerry Sutcliffe Takes On Kate Ellis’s Kit

IT’S not a jolly, honest. Being a sports minister is serious stuff. If anyone can pull of supporting two teams, it’s our Gerry Sutcliffe:

A pair of leading political figures have dragged Anglo-Australian hostilities back into the sporting limelight with a bet and a boast in Beijing. Gerry Sutcliffe, the Sports Minister, and Kate Ellis, his counterpart Down Under, indulged in a spate of sledging that reopened old wounds and led to a string of gibes.

The sparring moved from the sporting fields to the corridors of power as the pair agreed that the minister of the country that finishes lower in the Olympic medal table will have to wear its rival’s national colours at the next big sporting event between the two countries. Sutcliffe, a Manchester United season ticket-holder, said: “It might mean me having to wear an Australian rugby league shirt at Old Trafford, which could be dangerous, but it’s all healthy fun.”

Note: No United fan will give a sh*t what some plonker in the expensive seats is wearing…

Posted: 8th, August 2008 | In: Back pages, Politicians | Comment (1)

Beijing Olympics: Seven Names To Watch

ABINUWA Endurance : Nigeria- Athletics (Not in the marathon, more’s the pity, but the 4x400m)

KAMAKAZI: Australia Cycling – BMX

ALBUQUERQUE Carolina: Brazil – Volleyball (Beats Brooklyn)

ANDRIAMANJATOARIMANANA Tojohanitra Tokin’ Aina: Madagascar- Swimming (Give me an “A”…)

WANG Qiang: China – Wrestling

WU You: China -Rowing (Knock, knock…)

MIAO Miao: Australia – Table Tennis

Posted: 8th, August 2008 | In: Back pages | Comment

Watching The Beijing Olympics On The Radio

SUCH is the density of smog, the Beijing Games might be the first Olympiad that is best viewed on the radio.

Olympic fans can recreate the glory of the Beijing games by locking themselves in a small, stuffy room – the downstairs loo is our tip, or a wheelie bin – lighting a pack of fags, spritzing the place with athletes’ foot power and eating a steaming hot plate of sweet and sour duck fat.

Says the Times on its front page: “Beijing Games to begin in smog of controversy.”

All day yesterday Beijing was obscured by thick grey air, a phenomenon known in the Chinese state media as “overcast and hazy skies”, and described by the rest of the world as smog.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 8th, August 2008 | In: Back pages, Broadsheets | Comments (2)

China Clamps Down On Smog Makers

SMOG in Beijing. China finds the culprits:

Posted: 7th, August 2008 | In: Back pages, Photojournalism | Comments (4)

Lovable Olympic Losers: John Stephen Ahkwari

JOHN Stephen Ahkwari:

Posted: 7th, August 2008 | In: Back pages | Comment

Britain Goes For Gold

AS The Croydonian points out: “From the wonderful people who had a fire sale of gold reserves, this:

[Sports minister Gerry] Sutcliffe, in Macao to visit the Team GB preparation camp, said competitors needed to come home with 41 medals and show the British public that the country’s £500 million investment into elite sport was “value for money

A little digging discloses that an Olympic Gold medal weighs around 250 grammes.

He calculates the gold being worth £4,461.82.

A small start, but it’s a start…

Image: Gordon’s smog mask

Posted: 7th, August 2008 | In: Back pages, Money, Politicians | Comments (2)

Peta’s Amanda Beard Would Rather Go Naked Than Not

AMANDA Beard, US Olympic swimming champion and Playboy cover girl, is campaigning for Peta by taking her clothes off. Says she:

Seeing animals slaughtered to be worn as fashion is awful to me, so I’m definitely against wearing fur … I’d much rather go naked than ever put a dead animal on my body.”

Yuck! Says Beard, on her biking:

“You don’t take 50% off the leather jacket you use to ride on your motorcycle. When you’re skidding across the highway you want something that fits.”

Leather is a by-product of the trade in human skin…


Posted: 6th, August 2008 | In: Back pages | Comments (5)

Taking The Piss In Denver: In The Democrat’s Protest Zone

POTESTORS at the green Democract convention are advised to remain in the Protest Zone. No kidding. Really..:

Denver officials announced today that the protest zone for Invesco Field where Sen. Barack Obama will deliver his nomination acceptance speech will be in the parking lot. The lot will be fenced.

The fenced-in area will be about 53,000 square feet in Lot J. Delegates entering the convention will pass by the area from between 200 and 400 feet away after they are dropped off for the night’s speech by Sen. Barack Obama.

Protesters will be allowed to use bullhorns, and the city will provide a stage, amplification equipment, and at least two speakers that will be located outside the zone and pointing toward Invesco Field at Mile High.

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Posted: 5th, August 2008 | In: Back pages | Comments (4)

Sun Exclusive: Kevin Pietersen Knows A Footballer

MEET Kevin Pietersen, captain of England’s First XI.

Sun readers get to see Kevin holding a large wooden object with menace. Whoah! Kevin’s no braker of broken Britain. Kevin plays cricket. Yeah, the game with the sticks, stones and name calling.

Kevin is not a fooballer – for shame! – but he did once get a lover to chant his name during coitus, and he has been out with footballer Frank Lampard (pictured).

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 5th, August 2008 | In: Back pages | Comments (4)

Why Men Cry

MICHAEL Vaughan has resigned his post as England cricket captain. He cried.

John Terry, England’s sometime football captain, cried when he lost.

Kevin Pietersen, the new England cricket captain, used to be a top-class swimmer.

Posted: 4th, August 2008 | In: Back pages | Comments (6)

When Politicians Play Sport: Wen Jiabao Comes Up Short

CHINA’S Henan Business Daily prints the photo of China’s Premier Wen Jiabao jumping up to shoot a basketball. He is the latest politician to toil at the sports-politics interface.

Politicians cannot resist looking sporty. Tony Blair played headers; Gordon Brown hit a tennis ball; even Ted Heath messed about in boats, although who didn’t think that a euphemism?

In China, Jiabao is promoting not only the Olympics but so too sporting prowess – although one basket from five suggests the basket was too small and basket maker 65567980b should be shot.

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Posted: 4th, August 2008 | In: Back pages, Politicians | Comment

Yahoo Olympics Site Celebrates The Tiananman Square Massacre

THE Chinese Government likes to control what its citizens can view over the internet.

And Yahoo! has taken notice, and publishes this picture on its Olympics website. Think it’s Ok? Fingers crossed in Tiananmen Square…


Posted: 4th, August 2008 | In: Back pages, Photojournalism | Comment