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Premier League news. Stories from the newspapers and BBC sport – sports news from tabloids Daily Mail, Daily Express, Daily Star, the Guardian, Daily Mirror, the times, daily telegraph

Mountain Golf Stupidity

A MAN. A golf club. A mountain. Wind. Brainless. What happens next?

Posted: 4th, August 2008 | In: Back pages | Comments (2)


Al Qaeda Targets Prince Harry’s Virgins In The Tin Cauldron

PRINCE Harry, leader of the Ronald McDonald Army, has been targeted by an Al-Qaeda cell, reports the News of the World.

What better person than Harry for a thrusting jihadi blade to befriend if he is to immerse himself in British life before blowing himself into enough bits to satisfy so many virgins?

To Boujis in a baseball cap! Tally-ban!

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Posted: 3rd, August 2008 | In: Back pages | Comments (6)


Inside China’s Forbidden Olympic Village

IN the forbidden Olympic village, China is making hacks do their research the old fashioned way:

(Picture: Beau Bo D’Or Website)

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Posted: 2nd, August 2008 | In: Back pages | Comments (2)


Wrist Watch: Nereida Gallardo Flicks Off Ronaldo

CRISTIANO Ronaldo has finally transferred from Nereida Gallardo.

But it’s as hard for Gallardo to move on as it is for the Star and the Sun which both focus on the topless stunna as she parades her box-fresh floatation aides on a beach.

While the tabloids zoom in, Sun readers note the initial “CR” etched on Gallardo’s wrist.

In moments of quiet reflection, Gallardo can consider her wrist and wonder what might have been. She may even care to flaunt her wrist at a football match in which Ronaldo is playing in a time-honoured manner favoured by many a football fan.

And her future lovers can also consider her wrist and wonder what will be…

Posted: 1st, August 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comments (3)


Sports Quote Of The Day: Steve Cram’s Olympics

SPORTS Quote of the day: BBC athletics nodding head Steve Cram

“Martyn Rooney is always sometimes guilty of not committing occasionally”

And he’s off…

Posted: 1st, August 2008 | In: Back pages, TV & Radio | Comment


Special Olympics

THE Special Olympics… Dyslexic scrabbale. And they’re opp…

Posted: 1st, August 2008 | In: Back pages, Photojournalism | Comments (4)


Arab Flies Lamborghini To Britain For An Oil Change

THE Sun brings front-page news of an Arab who sent his Lamborghini Murcielago LP640 on a 6,500 round trip to be serviced in London.

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Posted: 31st, July 2008 | In: Back pages | Comments (6)


Rémi Gaillard’s One-Man Olympics

Rémi Gaillard‘s one-man Olympic Games:



Via

Posted: 29th, July 2008 | In: Back pages | Comment (1)


Ian Wright’s Football Insight

FOOTBALL insight of the day:

My old Arsenal team-mate David Rocastle would be turning into his grave right now if he looked at what is happing to the Gunners – Ian Wright in the Sun

Can you get cable telly down there?

Posted: 29th, July 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comments (3)


Cristiano Ronaldo Is Good Enough To Eat

WHOLE Foods Market – “motto: “Whole Foods, Whole People, Whole Planet” – has produced a Cristiano Ronaldo tribute food.

Can you guess what it is?

Is it:

a) An edible food varnish
b) A gingerbread man you can dunk into your tea (surely dive in? – Ed)
c) An organic tan-as-you-shave gel (the special strip deposits a layer of fair trade tanning substance in your opened pores)
d) Linseed oil
e) An eclair

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Posted: 29th, July 2008 | In: Back pages, Money | Comments (3)


Do The Time: More Countdown Auditions, With Joey Barton

MORE auditions for Carol Vorderman’s former job as the nation’s favourite brain box, featuring Joey Barton…

STEVE WILSON (Telegraph)

Barton was bought from Manchester City just a year ago for £5 million and is on wages that amount to around £70,000 a week.

ROB STEWART (Telegraph)

Newcastle midfielder Joey Barton will refuse to accept a cut in his £55,000-per-week basic wages when he meets the club’s hierarchy for crucial talks on Tyneside following his release from prison.

PATRICK MULCHRONE (Mirror):

Three in five want the £60,000- a-week former England player sacked, a poll has shown. The row has seen some refuse to renew season tickets.

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Posted: 29th, July 2008 | In: Back pages, Money, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comment


Gazza Hazza Shazza: Paul Gascoigne Back With Sheryl

“GAZZA GOES ON TRIAL,” screams the Star from its front page.

A test of endurance – gonad munching and bikini showering – for the nation’s top footballer daughter, Bianca Gascoigne, on I’m A Celebrity?

Or news that Sheryl Gascoigne says she will only marry her footballer, Paul Gasconge, if he passes a test?

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Posted: 28th, July 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comment (1)


America Clamps Down On Beckham And Soccer Players

DAVID Beckham has his work cut out…

Spotter: George K.

Posted: 28th, July 2008 | In: Back pages, Celebrities, Photojournalism | Comment


Barack Obama, David Cameron And A Dead Cat

OBAMANIA Watch – Anorak’s look at Barack Obama in the news

BARACK Obama and David Cameron have been chatting. And – guess what? – they thought they were talking off the record and the massive fuzzy boom mike held by ABC News’ man on the scene was just a ball of fluff, a sleeping cat, Obama halo buffer, an elephant’s ear bud, a French tourist, Noel Edmonds…

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Posted: 27th, July 2008 | In: Back pages | Comments (3)


Nuts For Dimitar Berbatov

WANT to know what The Spurs footballer gets up to on a night in and out? Its nuts!

Tottenham striker Dimitar Berbatov never goes to nightclubs and says he prefers to stay at home and feed squirrels from his balcony.

Another BBC scoop

Posted: 27th, July 2008 | In: Back pages | Comments (3)


The Sun Mishears Max Mosley’s Trigger Word

WHAT would Sir Oswald Mosley, veteran of the Battle of Cable Street, have made of the news that his son, one Max Mosley, needed to pay someone to be beaten up?

One imagines he would have felt a deep and lasting red-cheeked shame.

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Posted: 25th, July 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comments (2)


Cristiano Ronaldo Gets A Roasting

THE summer football season has been a flurry of inactivity for Crisitano Ronaldo.

But now with his transfer from Nereida Gallardo complete (pictured in the Star canoodling on a beach with one Jose Cuneca), he can focus his energy on the matter in hand: roasting.

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Posted: 25th, July 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comments (8)


Do Not Throw Chairs Into The Ring

AND you thought wrestling was fixed. Tsk:


http://view.break.com/539758 – Watch more free videos

What happened to the towels?

Posted: 23rd, July 2008 | In: Back pages | Comments (4)


West Ham Fans Disgrace Football And The English Language

TO the United States, where fans of West Ham United are watching their team take on the might of The Columbus Crew.

The Star sees members of the Hammers’ Inter-City Firm unveil a banner and start a bout of fisticuffs with the local Hudson Street Hooligans, “a mob who model themselves on the east Londoners”, by eating goat burgers, talking in an 18th century Dutch patois and holidaying in Soviet Central Asia.

The argy-bargy is all too terrible. But things are about to get really nasty.

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Posted: 22nd, July 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comments (12)


Cristiano Ronaldo’s Four Play

MORE news on Cristiano Ronaldo, the want-away Manchester United winger.

The Mirror leads with “RON THE ROMEO”, telling readers that since “splitting” with Nereida Galardo the player has been on dates with four girls in four days.

It’s front-page news.

The girls are not named, but the Star must be hoping one of them has posed topless and that it can finally end its daily exclusive that Ronaldo’s is dating one, er, topless Nereida Gallardo…

Posted: 21st, July 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comments (16)


Police Log: Flowerpot Bomber And Mokey Woman

POLICE LOG: Anorak’s look at crime in the news…

It’s Me Or The Monkey:

A southwest Missouri woman has sued Wal-Mart, local health officials and Cox Health Systems, claiming they discriminated against her and her monkey named Richard.

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Posted: 18th, July 2008 | In: Back pages | Comments (3)


Will The Real Sven Goran Eriksson Please Add Up

WHAT happens to an impersonator when their muse retires from frontline life?

The real Sven Goran Eriksson, slipped back hair, Cuban heels, look of man trying on new glasses in an outlet of Boots, is the new manager of the Mexico national side.

Also in Mexico is Svens look-alike, Derek Williams. News is that Mr Williams has been given a tour of Club Universidad Nacional’s stadium.

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Posted: 18th, July 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comments (2)


Mick Hume And Johnathan Pearce On Cristiano Ronaldo’s Slave Labour

JOHNATHAN Pearce looks at Cristiano Ronaldo’s slave labour, and Mick Hume’s reaction:

But the recent comments that Ronaldo’s contract amounts to a form of slavery is stretching the use of language to breaking point, contrary to what Mick Hume, a self-described “red” both in political and sporting terms, says. If a person signs a contract to work for a bank or football team for a minimum of say, four years, he must serve that contract out, unless there was any clear proof that he signed under conditions of duress. A footballer who signs terms with a club binding him into a four-year contract is not selling himself into slavery. It is not as if Mr Ronaldo was kidnapped, frogmarched into the club and forced to play. It is not even as though he was starving, and so desperate for a job that he was prepared to do anything to get a job. Marxists of old like Mr Hume used to argue that workers, who had no reserves of cash to live off, were “coerced” into signing work contracts and hence exploited, an argument that might have just about held water in the early 19th century when thousands of people were living on the edge of starvation, but hardly applies now.

He can always withdraw his labour, or play badly and see how Ferguson treats him then…

Posted: 17th, July 2008 | In: Back pages, Money | Comment


That Cristiano Transfer News In Full

THE story so far: Cristiano Ronaldo’s onoffonon transfer from Nereida Gallardo is occupying minds. Now read on.

Says the Star:

“But Cristiano proved his love to Nereida by snubbing Hollywood beauty Paris [Hilton]”

Says a source at a club in LA: “He just sipped vodka soda in the corner of the club”.

Says the Mirror:

“As the night wore on Ronaldo ordered more bottles of champagne before trying to dance.”

Nereida Gallardo has been “Dumped” in the Mirror…

More transfer news as it breaks…

Posted: 17th, July 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comment


Paris Hilton Bids For Cristiano Ronaldo

MORE Cristiano Ronaldo transfer news as the Manchester United footballer fends off a late approach from Los Angles scout Paris Hilton.

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Posted: 17th, July 2008 | In: Back pages, Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment