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Premier League news. Stories from the newspapers and BBC sport – sports news from tabloids Daily Mail, Daily Express, Daily Star, the Guardian, Daily Mirror, the times, daily telegraph

America Clamps Down On Beckham And Soccer Players

DAVID Beckham has his work cut out…

Spotter: George K.

Posted: 28th, July 2008 | In: Back pages, Celebrities, Photojournalism | Comment

Barack Obama, David Cameron And A Dead Cat

OBAMANIA Watch – Anorak’s look at Barack Obama in the news

BARACK Obama and David Cameron have been chatting. And – guess what? – they thought they were talking off the record and the massive fuzzy boom mike held by ABC News’ man on the scene was just a ball of fluff, a sleeping cat, Obama halo buffer, an elephant’s ear bud, a French tourist, Noel Edmonds…

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Posted: 27th, July 2008 | In: Back pages | Comments (3)

Nuts For Dimitar Berbatov

WANT to know what The Spurs footballer gets up to on a night in and out? Its nuts!

Tottenham striker Dimitar Berbatov never goes to nightclubs and says he prefers to stay at home and feed squirrels from his balcony.

Another BBC scoop

Posted: 27th, July 2008 | In: Back pages | Comments (3)

The Sun Mishears Max Mosley’s Trigger Word

WHAT would Sir Oswald Mosley, veteran of the Battle of Cable Street, have made of the news that his son, one Max Mosley, needed to pay someone to be beaten up?

One imagines he would have felt a deep and lasting red-cheeked shame.

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Posted: 25th, July 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comments (2)

Cristiano Ronaldo Gets A Roasting

THE summer football season has been a flurry of inactivity for Crisitano Ronaldo.

But now with his transfer from Nereida Gallardo complete (pictured in the Star canoodling on a beach with one Jose Cuneca), he can focus his energy on the matter in hand: roasting.

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Posted: 25th, July 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comments (8)

Do Not Throw Chairs Into The Ring

AND you thought wrestling was fixed. Tsk: – Watch more free videos

What happened to the towels?

Posted: 23rd, July 2008 | In: Back pages | Comments (4)

West Ham Fans Disgrace Football And The English Language

TO the United States, where fans of West Ham United are watching their team take on the might of The Columbus Crew.

The Star sees members of the Hammers’ Inter-City Firm unveil a banner and start a bout of fisticuffs with the local Hudson Street Hooligans, “a mob who model themselves on the east Londoners”, by eating goat burgers, talking in an 18th century Dutch patois and holidaying in Soviet Central Asia.

The argy-bargy is all too terrible. But things are about to get really nasty.

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Posted: 22nd, July 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comments (12)

Cristiano Ronaldo’s Four Play

MORE news on Cristiano Ronaldo, the want-away Manchester United winger.

The Mirror leads with “RON THE ROMEO”, telling readers that since “splitting” with Nereida Galardo the player has been on dates with four girls in four days.

It’s front-page news.

The girls are not named, but the Star must be hoping one of them has posed topless and that it can finally end its daily exclusive that Ronaldo’s is dating one, er, topless Nereida Gallardo…

Posted: 21st, July 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comments (16)

Police Log: Flowerpot Bomber And Mokey Woman

POLICE LOG: Anorak’s look at crime in the news…

It’s Me Or The Monkey:

A southwest Missouri woman has sued Wal-Mart, local health officials and Cox Health Systems, claiming they discriminated against her and her monkey named Richard.

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Posted: 18th, July 2008 | In: Back pages | Comments (3)

Will The Real Sven Goran Eriksson Please Add Up

WHAT happens to an impersonator when their muse retires from frontline life?

The real Sven Goran Eriksson, slipped back hair, Cuban heels, look of man trying on new glasses in an outlet of Boots, is the new manager of the Mexico national side.

Also in Mexico is Svens look-alike, Derek Williams. News is that Mr Williams has been given a tour of Club Universidad Nacional’s stadium.

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Posted: 18th, July 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comments (2)

Mick Hume And Johnathan Pearce On Cristiano Ronaldo’s Slave Labour

JOHNATHAN Pearce looks at Cristiano Ronaldo’s slave labour, and Mick Hume’s reaction:

But the recent comments that Ronaldo’s contract amounts to a form of slavery is stretching the use of language to breaking point, contrary to what Mick Hume, a self-described “red” both in political and sporting terms, says. If a person signs a contract to work for a bank or football team for a minimum of say, four years, he must serve that contract out, unless there was any clear proof that he signed under conditions of duress. A footballer who signs terms with a club binding him into a four-year contract is not selling himself into slavery. It is not as if Mr Ronaldo was kidnapped, frogmarched into the club and forced to play. It is not even as though he was starving, and so desperate for a job that he was prepared to do anything to get a job. Marxists of old like Mr Hume used to argue that workers, who had no reserves of cash to live off, were “coerced” into signing work contracts and hence exploited, an argument that might have just about held water in the early 19th century when thousands of people were living on the edge of starvation, but hardly applies now.

He can always withdraw his labour, or play badly and see how Ferguson treats him then…

Posted: 17th, July 2008 | In: Back pages, Money | Comment

That Cristiano Transfer News In Full

THE story so far: Cristiano Ronaldo’s onoffonon transfer from Nereida Gallardo is occupying minds. Now read on.

Says the Star:

“But Cristiano proved his love to Nereida by snubbing Hollywood beauty Paris [Hilton]”

Says a source at a club in LA: “He just sipped vodka soda in the corner of the club”.

Says the Mirror:

“As the night wore on Ronaldo ordered more bottles of champagne before trying to dance.”

Nereida Gallardo has been “Dumped” in the Mirror…

More transfer news as it breaks…

Posted: 17th, July 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comment

Paris Hilton Bids For Cristiano Ronaldo

MORE Cristiano Ronaldo transfer news as the Manchester United footballer fends off a late approach from Los Angles scout Paris Hilton.

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Posted: 17th, July 2008 | In: Back pages, Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment

Cristiano Ronaldo’s Transfer Is On

CRISTIANO Ronaldo’s transfer is back on after being back off earlier this morning.

Says the Sun:

“Spanish beauty Nereida Gallardo looked sick as a parrot yesterday after getting the red card from soccer ace Cristiano Ronaldo”

Asked if she wanted to comment, she commented: “No.”

She’s a slave to love…

Posted: 16th, July 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comments (8)

Cristiano Ronaldo’s Transfer Is Off

YESTERDAY the transfer of Manchester United’s Cristiano Ronaldo was very much on. Today it is off.

The Star reports that he IS staying with Nereida Gallardo and will NOT be transferring his affections to a new Page 3 stunna.

Says Nereida from her parents’ home in Mallorca: “We are still very much in love… We are still very much together.”

Says a source: “He’s a slave to love…”

Posted: 16th, July 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comments (2)

Cristiano Ronaldo Gets Nereida Off His Chest

DAILY STAR readers may wonder which of the Big Brother housemates Ronaldo is, and if he has ditched “HIS ‘TOO SEXY’ LOVER” to hook up with Lisa, Rex or Maysoon?

Its turns out that for the first time in weeks the Star leads with non-Big Brother news and readers learn that Cristiano Ronaldo is a footballer who has broken off his beach-side frolick with Nereida Gallardo.

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Posted: 15th, July 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comments (5)

Only Olympic Judo Winners Get Paid

A SURVEY by the Sunday Herald Sun, Australia, says Britain pays nothing to Olympic champions, except those who triumph in judo.

Given the recent headlines on youth crime and the Jeunesse D’ore’s favoured hobby of kebab-shop-stabbing, the British taxpayers’ money is safe when it comes to awarding trials of unarmed combat.

But why should any Olympic athlete get paid anything? Do you get paid to run about, hopping and swimming all day?

Posted: 13th, July 2008 | In: Back pages, Money, Tabloids | Comment (1)

Good Lourdes: Ingrid Betancourt And Liz Jones

THE Observer leads with a picture of Ingrid Betancourt giving thanks for her release from captivity at the Catholic shrine of Lourdes.

Observer readers may not be aware that Betancourt looks very much like Liz Jones, the Mail’s fashion expert. Cold they be related. And what odds that the Colombia’s Alvaro Uribe got the wrong woman.

Picture (via) shows Betancourt at a squalid camp, although the image is widely thought to be a fake…

Posted: 13th, July 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comment (1)

Sepp Blatter And Why Cristiano Ronaldo Is No Darren Ferguson

SEPP Blatter, the FIFA president, is musing on Cristiano Ronaldo’s move from Manchester United to Real Madrid:

“I think in football there’s too much modern slavery in transferring players or buying players here and there, and putting them somewhere.”

The Sun is outraged and in “Sepptic Blatter” says the FIFA boss is a “disgrace”.

“To say that [Alex] Ferguson has treated the pampered multi-millionaire Ronaldo as a slave is a disgusting insult. Sir Alex has treated Ronaldo almost like a son…”

Almost, but not quite.

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Posted: 11th, July 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comments (18)

Gazza 2008: Bianca Gascoigne’s Tribute To Paul

GAZZA 2008 might be over, but the tabloids are still talking about the big summer footy battle, and now its got its first Wag.

Step forward and drop your shorts, Bianca Gascoigne. Says the Star’s front-page headline: “BIANCA – I love dad and he’s doing brilliant.”

Anorak readers versed in the highs and lows of the Gascoigne career, will realise that Bianca’s exposed backside is a tribute to her dad’s dropping of fellow England player Paul Ince’s shorts; her chest might be the same chest Gazza strapped on in his pomp; her over the shoulder look ape’s the filial glance Gazza gave Vinny Jones all those moons ago.

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Posted: 11th, July 2008 | In: Back pages, Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (3)

Fernando Torres Is On A Hat-Trick

THE Star says that Spain and Liverpool striker Fernando Torres is “addicted” to the number 3.

Torres is turns out does every thing three times, everything three times, everything three times.

Torres has three sets of shorts, tops and socks laid out before each game. He recites the Frankie Howerd mantra “Nay, nay and thrice nay” three times before meals.

He envies England players with their three lions on their chests.

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Posted: 11th, July 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comments (3)

London Olympics Torch Protest

THE London Olympics sets the capital ablaze…

Image: Monkeon

Posted: 10th, July 2008 | In: Back pages, Photojournalism | Comment

Football Referee Too Drunk To Whistle

TO a Belarusian Premier League match between FC Naftan and FC Vitebsk.

The half-time whistle blows and FIFA appointed referee Sergey Shmolik heads to his room for a restorative.

The second half gets underway and Shmolik is drunk.

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Posted: 10th, July 2008 | In: Back pages | Comments (12)

Mad About English: A Film About China

THe Olympics are coming to China and the locals are getting ready. Mad About English is a 60 minutes documentary by local production house Journey Pictures. It’s going to be a hit.

File under: Humanising the Chinese

Posted: 9th, July 2008 | In: Back pages | Comment (1)

A Free Sausage With Every Daily Star

THE Daily Star has been at the vanguard of building site-newspaper relation for years.

Not for nothing has it been the official building site paper.

And today Star readers are offered a “FREE CUMBERLAND SAUSAGE BUTTY”.

The Cumberland sausage is the meat product that when overcooked looks not enough unlike a joke shop doggy doo-doo.

It is delicious, and very possibly the most patriotic and British of sausages, rivalled by the Lincolnshire, the princely Saveloy (batted and smooth) and the Rennet.

Vegetarians are offered the alternative pork pie…

Posted: 9th, July 2008 | In: Back pages | Comments (2)