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Back pages | Anorak - Part 51

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Premier League news. Stories from the newspapers and BBC sport – sports news from tabloids Daily Mail, Daily Express, Daily Star, the Guardian, Daily Mirror, the times, daily telegraph

Euro2008: Those Results In Full

gazza-2008.jpgIT’S Gazza2008 and the papers are going cray-zee for footy.

Next season’s Premier League football fixtures are in and so too are the scores:

Daily Mirror 8 pages – Sun 3 pages.

Daily Star 4 pages – Daily Express 4 pages

Says “tormented “Paul Gascoigne in the Mirror: “I’M SORRY I BEAT YOU – tearful Gazza tells ex of guilt.”

Such is his sportsmanship, which is sorely lacking on today’s modern footballers…

Posted: 17th, June 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comments (3)


Beijing Olympics: No Middle Name, No Ticket

Middle name? No tickets for you: The WSJ’s China Journal blog reports:

The online application forms requested only first and last names. But when foreigners showed up to claim their tickets, using passports for identification, bank staff refused to hand over tickets to people whose passports also included a middle name. (It’s a non-issue for most Chinese, who use family names and given names but not separate “middle” names.)

Mr Smith…

Posted: 16th, June 2008 | In: Back pages | Comment (1)


Austria V Germany

BBC broadcast Austria v Germany in 2008. Cue Gary Lineker:.

Germany annexed Austria in 1938…

Lest we forget…

Posted: 16th, June 2008 | In: Back pages, TV & Radio | Comments (2)


Euro 2008: With The Tabloid Nazi Hunters In Austria

croatia-nazis.jpgOTHER than football, paedos and telly, the tabloids’ next favourite story is of Nazis.

True enough the Taliban hold away, being as they are the modern equivalent of the German mob. But while they can create the “Talibin” rubbish police, Nazis give tabloids so much for flexibility and scope: Bin Nazis; Traffic Nazis, Page 3 Nazis and so on.

Today the Sun leads with: “We find wanted Nazi at Euro 2008.”

That old man is Milivoj Asner, “no ordinary supporter welcoming his national side Croatia to his adopted Austrian town”.

Finding an old Nazi in Austria is just matter of pointing at any local who looks to be in their 80s or older and screaming “Der weiße Engel”.

But the Sun thinks it has got its man – the man who lives under the cunning alias of Dr Georg Aschner in the Croatian part of Klagenfurt. He’s the man one local says is “an SS man”. He’s the man the police and Nazi hunters know lives there but the Austrians say is too poorly to stand trial.

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Posted: 16th, June 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comments (2)


Swear It Again: Wayne Rooney Serenades Coleen

wayne_rooney.jpgWAYNE Rooney is spending another summer leading the celebrity frontline, scoring a magazine deal and taking the silverware, gold forks, taffeta, electric toaster and plutonium lapdance pole (thanks, Rio).

And hark, you can hear him singing his victory songs via the Mirror’s front page, where “WAYNE TUNEY” is joining Westlife in a “romantic serenade to wife Coleen”.

Anorak was going to leaf through the Westlife back catalogue, and then we saw this:

He stunned guests and the four band members by joining them for a note-perfect rendition of their hit Swear It Again.

Sing along if you know the words. Take her away, Wayne…

By Jesus swore Rooney, I f*** it so well,
I think I’ll get up and I’ll **** it again,
So Paddy got up and he ****** it again,
Over and over and over again…

Repeat til police are called…

Posted: 14th, June 2008 | In: Back pages, Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment


Golden Rein At The Olympic World Mind Sports Games

nuns-urinal.jpgIN China preparations are underway for the Olympic Games and:

China will test bridge and chess players for performance-enhancing drugs at the first World Mind Sports Games in Beijing in October. The games comprise four mind sports — including checkers and Go — and about 3,000 participants from about 100 countries will compete for 35 gold medals in the inaugural Games, Oct. 3-18, a few weeks after the Olympic Games in Beijing.

Bridge players being tested for drugs, banned substances that include gin, tonic and lemon wedges.

The World Mind Sports Games follow the Paralympics, which follow the Olympic Games. When all the data is in, gold medals will be awarded to the contry’s with the best urine.

Faster, Longer, Straighter – as they say at the Olympic urinals…

Posted: 13th, June 2008 | In: Back pages | Comments (2)


Tiger Woods Photoshop Shot

TAKE a look at this picture of Tigers Woods and Phil Mickelson playing golf. Look at the caption that featured on page 15  (this huge pdf) of the Washington Post…

tiger-woods-golf-photoshop.jpg

Spotter 

Posted: 13th, June 2008 | In: Back pages, Photojournalism | Comments (4)


Euro2008 England Theme Song

EURO 2008 – England’s staying home..

Posted: 13th, June 2008 | In: Back pages | Comments (2)


Olympic Torch Update: London’s Burning

olympic-torch.jpgAFTER the Olympic Torch relay through London – who can forget the tableau of Konnie Huq fans being kept at bay by a team of hired Chinese goons? – things quietened down.

Now by way of an apology Chinese authorities have revisited London and with a deep nod to our rich history put the Olympic torch to good use – as these exlsuive CCTV picures prove…

Click the image…

Picture

Posted: 12th, June 2008 | In: Back pages, Photojournalism | Comment (1)


Chinese Children Named Olympic Games

BEATS Wembley: “More than 4,000 children in China have been given the name Aoyun, meaning Olympic Games, in the past 15 years.”

Posted: 11th, June 2008 | In: Back pages | Comments (4)


Robert Dee Says He Is Not World’s Worst Tennis Player

bad-tennis.jpgNOT all British sportsmen are happy to be hapless losers. Eddie The Eagle does not play tennis:

Lawyers representing a British tennis player yesterday began libel proceedings against three media organisations following the publication of stories claiming that the 21-year-old was the world’s worst professional in his sport.

Libel writs have been lodged at London’s high court against Daily Mail publisher Associated Newspapers, news agency Reuters and Independent News and Media, owner of the Independent titles.

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Posted: 11th, June 2008 | In: Back pages, Broadsheets, Tabloids | Comment (1)


Luiz Felipe Scolari At Chelsea

CHELSEA have named Luiz Felipe Scolari as their new manager.

Here’s what the papers said this morning:

Chelsea are set to receive a second snub from AC Milan boss Carlo Ancelotti, who they want as their new manager. (Daily Mirror)

But Portugal manager Luiz Felipe Scolari has hinted that he may be ready to ‘live and work in another country’, increasing speculation he could be about to join Chelsea. (Daily Mail).

1-0

Posted: 11th, June 2008 | In: Back pages | Comments (26)


Euro 2008: The News In Full

euro20082.jpgIT’S Euro2008 and the Sun is celebrating with a cavalcade of footy news:

“I ROO – Wayne & Coleen get ready to wed.”

“SELL RONALDO? I’LL EAT MY HAT” – Manchester United boos Alex Ferguson is on a sun lounger talking on a mobile phone. “Bread devil… boss scoffs toastie.”

“Snore away..Sir Alex nods off”

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Posted: 10th, June 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comments (7)


Gemma Atkinson’s Kebab Fillers

gemma-atkinson-kebab.jpgHAS the Sun written the line that best sums up tabloid reporting? Your views please:

BOOZED-UP telly babe Gemma Atkinson has stunned customers in a kebab shop – by bragging she turned down £8MILLION to show off her boobs.

For those of you interested in the full tableau, the Sun journeys to the First Base kebab shop in Bury, Greater Manchester where a lad is asking a surgically enhanced Atkinson: “Get your t*ts out!”

Says Gemma, in the company of her footballer Marcus Bent: “You are being rude. I have turned down showing my breasts for f***ing £8million.”

Anorak is uncertain of the going rate for breasts, but believes a pair can be bought for less than that sum, although what with the add-ons and optional extras, costs can mount up…

Posted: 9th, June 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comments (4)


The Polish Tabloids Are Coming

polish-tabloids.jpgTHE Sun is in Polish but does Poland need the Sun?

To the pages of Poland’s Express newspaper and its pictures of Poland’s Dutch coach, Leo Beenhakker, clutching the bloodied heads of German footballers Michael Ballack and Joachim Löw.

Katarzyna Kopacz, editor of UK Polish website goniec.com, says: “They’ve taken the journalist who ran our internet portal and they also have three journalists from Polish Express.”

Might the Polski Sun be a belated attempt to compete with Polish organs which show signs of beating the British tablids at their own game?

Posted: 7th, June 2008 | In: Back pages, Photojournalism, Tabloids | Comment


Euro 2008: Geoff Hurst’s Guide To German Fans

geoff-hurst.jpgEURO 2008 kicks off today and having sportingly stepped aside to allow the lesser nations get used to our game, Britishers are being encouraged to teach the foreigners how to be a fan.

Today the Sun focuses on Geoff Hurst, that tabloid totem who appears at each international tournament to show us his World Cup winner’s medal.

Make that Geoff Herrst, who is pictured wearing the black, red and yellow of Germany and saying who he vill be cheering on zer Hun this zummer.

“Come on you Germans,” says Geoff. “A few people may raise their eyebrows, but you’ve got to fancy them, haven’t you? Their record in World Cups and European Championships is fantastic.”

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Posted: 7th, June 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comment


The Polski Sun In English

miss-poland-2008.jpgTHE Sun has published an issue in Polish. The Polski Sun’s arrival coincides with Euro2008.

The Sun will win over the Polish community with tales of Page 3 stunskis, Skyski satellite dishes and Germans.

The front page features a blonde woman draped in red and white and a headline that surely translates to “COME ON YOU POLES”.

All is written in Polish, but what with it being the Sun English readers may not realise and think Sun columnists like Jeremy Clarkson and John Gaunt are being ironic…

Posted: 7th, June 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comments (2)


Gazza 2008: Sheryl’s Shoulder, Tough Love, And George Best

euro20081.jpgWITH no British teams in Euro 2008, the tabloids’ summer of football focuses on Paul Gascoigne’s troubles.

It’s early days in Gazza 2008, and over in the Sun, Alex Best, ex-wife of resting footballer George Best, is invited to say: “It’s a mirror image of George.” (Best ended his days looking like the mirror image of television’s Grandpa Simpson.)

Ever since George Best died the Sun has been looking for a new famous footballer to pity and plead with not to die lest it have one less thing to write about.

But can Gazza last the summer? The Mirror hopes so and watches “SAVIOUR SHERYL – Gazza ex-wife rushes to help him beat crisis.”

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Posted: 5th, June 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comment


China Bans Six Types Of Foreigner During Beijing Olympics

THE Olympics are coming and the Beijing Olympic Organizing Committee (BOCOG) duly issued a set of “legal guidelines” for foreigners visiting China during the Games.

Please note the list of six types of foreigners that are not welcome.

beijing-2008.gif

(Picture: Beau Bo D’Or Website)

Writes the Shanghai Daily:

OVERSEAS visitors suspected of working in the sex trade, of smuggling drugs or belonging to a terrorist organization will not be allowed to enter China during the 2008 Beijing Olympics, organizers of the Games said today.

Foreigners with mental or epidemic diseases, including tuberculosis and leprosy, will also not be issued visas to visit China…

BOCOG has had to apologise for a training manual for using “inappropriate language” of people with disabilities:

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Posted: 4th, June 2008 | In: Back pages, Politicians | Comments (2)


Don’t Die Paul Gascoigne

euro2008.jpgPAUL Gascoigne, don’t die!

That’s the tabloids’ cri de coeur this morning as the Mirror (“GAZZA LOCKED UP FOR HIS WON SAFETY”), Sun (“QUIT BOOZE OR YOU’LL DIE GAZZA”) and Star (“GAZZA LOCKED UP IN ASYLUM FOR 3 MONTHS”), lead with news of the “troubled” (all papers) former England footballer.

It’s usually the job of columnists to lament the tragic decline of the footballing “genius” who rarely if ever spoke a sentient word, but life after the game is tough, and there is no shortage of former players lining up to kick start their media careers with a few words about poor Gazza.

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Posted: 4th, June 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comments (5)


Those Euro 2008 News Updates In Full

euro-2008-george-sampson.pngIT promises to be a footy-tastic summer for Britishers on the sofas and playas as they break off a game against the Waiters XI and cheer on the Germans.

The BBC TV trail for the big summer of football wonders what team you’ll be pumping for. As a guide, the Beeb’s Richard Bacon is gunning for Greece because he likes feta cheese and the Greek’s zero-tolerance policy on drugs.

BBC Five Live voice Shelagh Fogarty opts for Spain because she’s been there and as Sylvia Vrethammar’s No.1 fan knows all the words to Y Viva Espana (“I’d like to shag a matador”) ; and Simon Mayo is rooting and a tootin’ for the Dutch because they are – get this – “very entertaining people”, for whom the  cheap drugs and rented sex are just the warm-up acts.

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Posted: 3rd, June 2008 | In: Back pages, TV & Radio | Comments (4)


Watching Paul Gascoigne

gazzabreasts.jpgSO concerned is the Star for Paul Gascoigne that once more it shines a flash light on his “troubled” head and hints that he might be dead before too long.

“GAZZA: THE END,” says the headline, words writ in funereal jet black ink. “Sectioned yet again & drunk for a month. Yesterday he gives up.”

“Save our Gazza,” says the Mirror, the Sun’s “troubled England clown”.

“PLEASE SAVE HIM,” pleads the Sun’s front-page headline. “Dazed and confused … Paul Gascoigne slumps in chair,” says the caption to a picture of Gascoigne sitting in a hairdresser’s chair.

Were this chair a dentist’s chair Gazza would be tipped back and liquor poured down his neck by a bevy of topless footballers.

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Posted: 3rd, June 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comments (5)


The Baseball Cap Bandits: Profiting From The Proceeds Of Crime Act

baseball-caps.jpgMUSA Mohammed, 20, of Southfields, London, has pleaded guilty at Kingston Crown Court to four counts of possession with intent to supply Class A substances (heroin and cocaine) and one count under POCA legislation.

That’s his mugshot on the left. It’s one for the album. You will observe the lack of head paraphernalia.

Under the terms of the Proceeds of Crime Act, Mohammed’s “collection” of thirty baseball caps and trainers were nick-nicked.

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Posted: 2nd, June 2008 | In: Back pages | Comments (2)


Best Football Message Of The Season

THE best football message of the season so far – over the Tannoy:

“Can the people trying to break into the boardroom please be aware you are on CCTV.”

At Mansfield.

Posted: 2nd, June 2008 | In: Back pages | Comments (2)


Celebrity Headline Of The Day: The Crisp Cheryl Cole

dorito-cheryl-cole.jpgCELEBRITY HEADLINE of the day: “Cheryl Cole rubbishes weight worries and tucks into crisps”

The Mirror brings news of Cheryl Cole, wife to vomitous footballer Ashley Cole and singer with the Girls Aloud cabaret act:

Finally. Cheryl Cole proves Girls are Aloud to eat – by tucking into a big bag of Doritos all on her own.

Surely dipping in? – Ed…

Posted: 2nd, June 2008 | In: Back pages, Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment