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Back pages | Anorak - Part 58

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Premier League news. Stories from the newspapers and BBC sport – sports news from tabloids Daily Mail, Daily Express, Daily Star, the Guardian, Daily Mirror, the times, daily telegraph

The Top 25 Cricket Catches

Posted: 2nd, February 2008 | In: Back pages | Comment


Shantha Sreesanth On Sreesanth

SPORTSMEN talking in the third person is always a treat. Alan Shearer will always do what is right for Alan Shearer.  
Indian cricketer Shantha Sreesanth will remain Sreesanth:

“I love the spotlight. The Aussies should be worried I am coming,” says Sreesanth.

“Sreesanth’s way is to be aggressive. Sreesanth will always remain Sreesanth.”

In the Australia v India 20-20 match, Sreeanth was out first ball…
Via

Posted: 1st, February 2008 | In: Back pages | Comment


Cheryl Cole And Ashley’s 18-Month Itch

itching.jpgHAS Cheryl Cole developed the 18-month itch?

Right now Cheryl is deciding what to do about her footballer, Ashley Cole.

It’s hard to know what to do for the best, what with Polly Hudson in the Mirror advising one thing and the GMTV team yet to make a united judgement.

And what of the itching? In “CHERLY: SEX TEST FEAR OVER ASHLEY”, Star readers learn “PRAY BITCH DIDN’T LEAVE YOU AN ITCH”.

It turns out that “DEVASTATED” Cheryl Cole “fears for her sexual health”. This after the news that one Aimee Walton says she slept with Cole’s

footballer, a claim echoed by mod-el Brooke Healy, who added that sex with said footballer was unprotected (although she claims the footballer’s

people paid her a sum of hush money by way of security).

Meanwhile, Cherly is, as reported, losing weight. The Sun says the singer has not eaten for a week. This is not some plan to get Cheryl in shape

for her next pop video, rather a reaction to her husband’s alleged philandering.

Nor is Cheryl to emabrk on her Itch Away The XTra Inch DVD workout. Although, Sceintists at the Michigan School of Dieting And Scratchology say itching can burn off more calories than sex…

Posted: 31st, January 2008 | In: Back pages, Caption Competition, Tabloids | Comments (6)


Maradona Does Not Say Sorry

DIEGO Maradona is on the front page of the Sun.

“22 YEARS AFTER THAT INFAMOUS HAND OF GOD GOAL, FINALLY.. Maradona says sorry”.

Well, not sorry, not exactly. In fact, you could say he doesn’t say sorry for scoring a goal with his hand against England at the 1986 World Cup Finals.

Says Maradona: “If I could apologise and go back and change history I would go. But the goal is still a goal, Argentina became world champions and I was the best player in the world.”

If he could says sorry, he would. But he can’t just now…

Posted: 31st, January 2008 | In: Back pages | Comments (3)


The Worst Year In British History

luddites.jpg“THUGS terrorising the streets; the economy in freefall, a deeply unpopular war and a government in permanent crisis.”

We know. We know.We know…

“No, not 2008…”

Oh?

“…but 1812 – the year that’s been named the worst in British history.”

So says the Mail. But what of the global warming?

What of MRSA, bendy buses, Rogarians and battery chickens? What else do we need to be No.1.

Is it time to being back (gulp!) Anthea Turner..?

The 100 Worst Years In British History (Volume 1) premiers this weekend on Channel 4

Posted: 30th, January 2008 | In: Back pages | Comments (4)


Chery Cole And Ashley Walk The Talk

ashley-cole.jpg“CHERYL WALKS,” announces the Mirror’s front page.

Nothing epitomses Cheryl Cole’s career to date so much as her departure, and the Sun leads with news that she walks and talks.

But these are early days in a celebrity career. And it turns out that Cheryl does her walking by car and allows her agent to talk on her behalf. He tells us: “They are definitely still together. There is obviously lots of stuff going on at the moment and Cheryl has gone away for a break to clear her head for a few days.”

Readers may wonder if Ashley Cole is to carry on playing football for Chelsea by electing a paid representative to kick balls for him, leaving him free to engage in more meaningful pursuits and further enjoy his elevated status?

But if Cheryl and Ashley aren’t doing much – although the papers say the singer (that’s her) spent yeasterday sobbing – others are happy to talk on their behalf.

GMTV viewers were yesterday treated to the sight of Lizzie Cundy, wife of former Spurs footballer Jason Cundy, wailing against kiss ‘n’ tell girls. She was going chest-to-chest with the penumatic Alicia Douvall, who blasted “cheating rat” Ashley. The debate became heated and Douvall poured tea over Cundy.

That is how much Cheryl and Ashley mean to us. And if Cheryl is still undecided what to do next, the columnists are happy to chip in.

“You always said you’d dump him Cheryl…so do it,” says Jane Moore in the Sun. Moore recalls Cheryl making the prediction that if her man cheated, the marriage was “kaput, finito, sooo over”.

As any good columnist and nodding head knows, you have to stand by your forecasts, or else hope they are forgotten in the welter of news.

“Only she can decide whether its worth hanging on to her flawed marriage,” says the Mirror’s Sue Carroll. Should Cheryl dump that “chancer” Cole? Up to you, Cheryl, the “Crown Princess of Wags” (Allison Pearson, Mail).

Moore’s colleague Polly Hudson is not so circumspect. “At last I can say the words I’ve been dying to since last Friday,” says Polly. “HAPPY WEDNESDAY!” Or rather, “YAY CHERYL… It can’t have been easy to face the fact Prince charming is nothing but a slimy toad with a ‘not very big’ appendage.”

But now the facts have been faced, Cheryl can make her move. She can walk. She was talk. And one day, when the healing is done, she will be ready to do both at once…

Posted: 30th, January 2008 | In: Back pages, Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (5)


Celebrity Headline Of The Day, On Danielle Lloyd

naked.jpgJERMAIN Defoe is the “grovelling football star” telling mo-del Danielle Lloyd he has never cheated on her.

Things have been said about Jermain’s romantic life. And again.

And the headline: “My J would never do naked handstands.”

Says Danielle, dresed in bubbles and skin Jermain can shave in: “I don’t know why some people would do this to. First us, then poor Cherly and Ashley Cole.”

A lack of class, we imagine… 

Posted: 29th, January 2008 | In: Back pages, Celebrities | Comments (2)


Cheryl Cole Gives Ashley Her Rules Of The Game

ashley-cole-cheryl-tweedy.jpgLET’S have a heated debate about Cheryl Cole, wife to Ashley Cole.

The Star says Cheryl wants to speak with Aimee Walton, the hairdresser who claims to have slept with the vomitous footballer.

Chances are any meeting will be captured on a camera phone.

Cheryl may also care to meet with Brooke Healey, a glamour model, who tells the Sun of Ashley: “He said he didn’t do protection and not to worry because everything would be cool…Luckily I didn’t get pregnant – but for weeks I was worried I might be.”

Cheryl may care to meet with both women and in Cheryl Cole Meets… invite fans to suggest questions via a website. The three can then talk about how none of them have been impregnated by Cole and if athletic support wear is safe.

Rules Of Engagement 

Over in the Mirror, readers learn of Cheryl’s “five rules for cheating Ashley”. No, not that Ashley must not get caught, although that may well be the Golden Rule.

CASHLEY MUST:
1. “Produce at least one romantic gesture every fortnight” – and if he can produce camera phone footage as proof, so much the better

2. Spend more ‘quality time’ with me – and less time on the computer and his PlayStation” – euphemisms, perhaps, for Walton and Healey, although in which order is uncertain

3. Stay away from your male friend – or anyone likely to lead you “astray” – Ashley Cole is as straight as they come

4. Keep in constant contact so “I can keep track on where you are” – A satnav device implanted into Ashley’s jockstrap will suffice

5. “Avoid alcohol and big nights out for the next two months” – Detox
But the Mirror’s Polly Hudson has just one rule: “Don’t let me down, Cherly..ditch him.”

This is Polly’s “URGENT MESSAGE FOR MRS COLE”. She concludes her editorial: “Take a deep breath, be brave and show that disloyal loser the door. Make us all proud again. Please.”

A nation waits…

Posted: 29th, January 2008 | In: Back pages, Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (2)


Two Clubs: Gerry Sutcliffe Is Twice The Sports Minister

gerry-sutcliffe.gifHAVE you met Gerry Sutcliffe, the sports minister?

He replaces Richard Caborn in the job, that sports nut who in a 2001 radio spot failed to answer a single one of five quiz sports questions put to him.

Mr Sutcliffe will make a better fist of it. He’s a real sports fan. He’s a football fan. On the subject of ticket prices, he tells us: “But if you look at the example of my own club, Bradford City, who nearly went out of existence, they’re still suffering.

“Bradford City have kept the same ticket prices whereas my other club, Man United, have put up their season tickets by 13% and made people pay for Carling Cup and European games.”

That’s right, Mr Sutcliff has two clubs. He is Gerry ‘Two Clubs’ Sutcliffe.

Of course, some football fans may think one team is enough and anyone with an allegiance to two clubs is an opportunist who understands football about as well as, well, a sports minister…

Posted: 28th, January 2008 | In: Back pages, Politicians | Comment


Totty Hot Spur: Jermain Defoe Can Stand It

jermain_defoe.jpg“SPURS ace Jermain Defoe rolls off the busty mistress he has kept secret for an astonishing SEVEN YEARS… and plants the cups of her giant 36GG bra on his head.”

The News of the World goes on:

“For all these years I’ve clung to a belief that we might be together one day—but all he wants me for is sex,” sighs Stephanie Moule.

“He’s obsessed with my 36GG boobs. He loves it that he can fit his head into one of my bra cups—and he’s happy just sitting there in my bedroom like that, with my bra on his head.

“Immediately after he climaxes he wants to go again. So he does naked handstands up against the wall because he believes it helps speed things up.

“He’s continued to meet up with me for sex despite being engaged to David Beckham’s sister and then Charlotte Mears. And it’s been no different since he’s been with Danielle Lloyd.”

Anorak resists the urge to file this under “beyond parody”. But it’s a true challenge…

Posted: 27th, January 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comment


Cole To Newcastle’s Cheryl: Ashley Is Kicked Into Touch

cole-cheryl-tattoo.jpg“SOBBING Cheryl Cole was ‘inconsolable’ yesterday after discovering love rat hubby Ashley had humiliated her by sleeping with a hairdresser”

Yesterday the Sun led with “ASHLEY CHEATS ON CHERYL”, words that any football fan can chant whenever Cole turns out for Chelsea or England.

A source says the furious Girls Aloud singer, a Newcastle native, yelled at her husband: “How could you humiliate me like this in front of everyone?”

Sun readers cup their ears and lean in. “Get out. It’s over – you’ve ruined it all.”

“Should Cheryl dump Ashley for good?” asks the Sun.

YES:0906 654 ****

NO: 0906 654 ****

Cherlyl awaits your call. She can’t answer them all, and may need her mum to operate the ‘YES’ and ‘NO ‘lines during busy times.

Should the hammer fall on “NO”, Ashley and Cherly can renew their wedding vows in OK!, or perhaps in a bid not to revist old ground by move on, Hello!.

If it is “YES”, then Cheryl may need to grow her hair long or find another Mr Cole to marry, as the charming tattoo on the back of her neck demands.

Happily, Ashley is teammates with one Joe Cole, a single footballer who may well step up to the mark…

Aimee Helps Poor Cheryl Cole Understand Sick, Cheating Ashley

Posted: 26th, January 2008 | In: Back pages, Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (5)


Aimee Helps Poor Cheryl Cole Understand Sick, Cheating Ashley

coles.jpgNEWS that footballer Ashley Cole has cheated on his singer wife Cheryl with one Aimee Walton occupies all our minds.

This is “Cole’s sex with blonde hairdresser,” says the Sun. It is Cole’s “booze-fuelled night of lust”.

Over two pages blonde Aimee tells us all. “It was a big mistake,” says Aimee, a hand placed on her hip, her eyes looking into the lens, a smile playing on her lips. “I feel so sorry for Cheryl.”

But Cheryl would appreciate knowing the truth. Aimee understands that. Aimee also knows that if we can all hear of her sex with married Ashley then we can all help poor Cheryl recover and make some sense of her now hollow and shambolic life.

As Aimee says: “I feel so sorry for Cheryl… Now I feel really guilty. She should know that he’s really like.”

So here are the facts we need to help poor Cheryl. Print them out and keep them handy in case you should happen upon poor Cheryl and want to converse with her.

ASHLEY COLE:

SLAPPED her bottom so hard his platinum wedding ring left a mark”
VOMITED in a girl’s car – then claimed she should feel ‘privileged’”
CLAIMED Girls Aloud singer Cheryl ‘didn’t mind’ him cheating as long as he kept it a secret”
INTERRUPTED their sex session to be sick again”

Says Aimee: “He’s wild – really rude in bed. He knew exactly what he was doing and was pretty good, despite not being very big.”

Ashley Cole is around five feet seven inches high.

Sick! Sick! Sick!

Says Aimee:

“As we were walking out of the club I asked Ashley about Cheryl but he clammed up. I remember thinking I was going home with a married man and that his wife was one of the most famous singers in the country. I asked him if he would get in trouble with Cheryl and he just said, absurdly, ‘She knows what I do. I just can’t get found out’. I was really shocked by that — it showed he couldn’t care less about breaking his marriage vows.”

Some people, eh. They have such low standards. Tsk! Go on, Aimee:

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 25th, January 2008 | In: Back pages, Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (49)


A Posh Wag’s Extra Half Inches

nicola-mclean.jpg“CONFESSIONS OF A WAG – Nicola McLean reveals all.”

So begins the Star’s front-page. And there is Ms McLean, a woman whom the Anorak met some year’s back and found to be less pneumatic than she is now.

Ms McLean’s growth spurt means she can only be accommodated on the paper’s centre pages, although she does gamely try to contain herself within a black basque and then a maroon bra. Nicola seems to have been poured into her underwear and forgotten when to say ‘When’.

Thanks to the Star’s publishing talents there is some room for a few words and we learn that Nicola has been dating a footballer. He’s Tommy Williams. He, of course, plays for Peterborough FC.

That’s the club nicknamed The Posh. And we can see where this is going.

Nicola says she is just like other mums but does everything “looking glamorous”. She then offers style tips, including: “No man wants you to jump into be with hairy legs, do they? So shave them every day!”

Nicola’s words sold like an rejected bon mots from Victoria Beckham’s tome That Extra Half an Inch. Only, Nicola seems to have read the book backwards and put the inch on…

Posted: 24th, January 2008 | In: Back pages | Comment (1)


Wayne Rooney Shows Ugly Face Of The Once Beautiful Game

rooney1.jpgHOW Wayne Rooney must wish he’d been playing in the 1970s, when footballers had chest hair, sat in oversized muddy baths and performed squat thrusts on Superstars.

Now you have to be less hirsute than a dolphin, bring to market an eponymous scent that isn’t a blend of linament, blood and rash, and live with a girlfriend with her own range of DVD fitness videos.

Wayne is a throwback. And voters of one online poll, as reported in the Sun, think Wayne harks back to a more distant past than when Norman Hunter stalked the Earth.
As the Sun reports: “Girls have voted Wayne Rooney No1 – in a poll of the world’s UGLIEST footballers.”

How the pollsters ensured all voters were girls is unclear, it being easy to be what you are not online. But while their is contention, there is is also hope: “But a fifth of girls said they would go out with an ugly footballer just for their money.”
A brighter side, then, for young Rooney…

The People’s Club Has Spoken 

And there is a curiosity. The poll was conducted by the utilitarian The People’s Club.

Having selected the kind of motto normally reserved for struggling Division 2 outfits, the People’s Club offers YOU the chance to pay money be a “successful owner manager of a real football club”.

If the plan comes off, you and 39,999 others can be part of the “exclusive” club. Indeed, it is very much like My Football Club, the other The People’s Club that plans to allow its members to control a club and with it other people’s lives and livelihoods at the click of a button.

The curiosity is that the Top 10 Ugliest footballers look like this:

1. Wayne Rooney, 2. Ronaldinho, 3. Carlos Tevez, 4. Peter Crouch, 5. Ronaldo, 6. Luke Chadwick, 7. Robbie Fowler, 8. Darren Fletcher, 9. Rio Ferdinand, 10. Ruud Van Nistelrooy.

No fewer than eight of the Top Ten play or have played for Manchester United. And this with no mention of Phil Neville.

While it is true that Manchester United players find it hard to breathe with their mouths closed, are they really the ugliest team? Are they ugly at all?

Or might it be that the survey is a little skewed, perhaps to mask the disappointment of The People’s Club being unable to find the £800m necessary to purchase the Red Devils?

Posted: 22nd, January 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comments (4)


Cristiano Ronaldo And the Brass From Brass-il

ronaldo1.jpgCRISTIANO Ronaldo “hails Tevez as his perfect partner,” says the Sun.

But Manchester United winger Ronaldo has another partner, available at far less than the £30million Carlos Tevez demands for services rendered.

For a knock down bargain bucket £400 an hour, Ronaldo has been scoring (geddit?) with Brazilian Gabriela De Freitas, allegedly.

Gabriela says she slept with Ronaldo at a Rome hotel room. She is interviwed and encouraged by the Sun to dress in her underwear. To get her in the mood, the Sun calls her “podgy faced”, a “minger”, “ropey” and the “hooker…ain’t much of a looker”.

It’s the kind of dirty talk that might work for the Sun, which despite the challenge produces some “sexy” snaps of Gabriela. “Let’s just hope Ron asked for change from his £400,” it notes.

And that she made up for the shortfall when the Sun hired her…

Posted: 19th, January 2008 | In: Back pages | Comments (3)


This Time It’s The Kevin Keegan Brand

keegan.jpgKEVIN Keegan is returned to Newcastle United football club.

Keegan’s name harks back to another era in which footballers would appear in Shoot! magazine to tell us what their favourite colour was and how their wife Ann works as a nurse. They would then lean on their new Ford Capri.

When he wasn’t doing sit ups on Superstars, Keegan was advertising a scent, the proletariat Brut 33. “Good workout today, ‘Enry!” said Kevin to Henry Cooper… “And after a good workout … “said Henry “… nothing beats the good smell of Brut!” said Kevin.”
“Brut 33 – the deodorant with muscle!” The Hai Karate gig always eluded Keegan. But he refused to dwell on it.

In those days male grooming was simple. No men’s fragrance. This was aftershave. A wash with cold water, a tug and pull with a soap on a rope before a manly drenching in Brut.

Keegan did venture into pop music. Head Over Heels in Love, written by Chris Norman and Pete Spencer, was released on 9 June 1979, and peaked at number 31 in the UK charts. He released a second single, England, on his return to England from Germany, but it failed to chart.

Keegan also sang on This Time (We’ll Get it Right), which was the Official England World Cup Squad in 1982. The song did better than the football team as it reached number 2 in the charts.

But the songs were novelty, a bit of fun, and not serious attempts at celebrity. Now he’s returned to a club that bought into the Keegan dream, the Keegan brand. Only it’s looking dated and desperate, the hero coming back for last hurrah…

Posted: 17th, January 2008 | In: Back pages | Comments (32)


The Headline Is The News: Cristiano Ronaldo On Tarts

The Headline Is the News – Anorak looks at headlines written before the story.

Headline: “Ron: I love tarts.”

Story: Cristiano Ronaldo says in the Sun, “I like the English cake shop”

Posted: 16th, January 2008 | In: Back pages | Comment


London Olympics Good For Bad Sports

olympics-2012.pngTHE London Olympics 2012. You’ve seen the logo (Lisa Simpson’s oral relief) and now brace yourself for the bill. The Times reports:

Britain faces a £1 billion black hole after the 2012 Olympics because of “ludicrous” property price projections backed by ministers, it emerged last night…

Ken Livingstone, the Mayor of London, and Tessa Jowell, the Olympics Minister, signed a memorandum of understanding last year stating that at least £1.8 billion would be raised in land sales after the Games. The LDA now fears that this figure, based on a 16 per cent per annum increase in land prices in Stratford, East London, over the next 15 to 20 years, is too optimistic.

Given that property prices have been on the up and up, it might be an idea to hold the Olympics in a starter home. Indeed, if Livingstone and Jowell can be persuade to cut back on the gold medals and use recyclable medals from dead London Olympians (and medals engraved “Bravo! 1954 London” are ideal) money can be saved.

Alas, our politicians have a stubborn streak. They simply will not listen. Accordingly, we will lumbered with new medals and a new stadium that lacks provision for even the most rudimentary dog racing track.

Of course, the Olympics are turning into good sport, with politicians already pointing fingers and screaming “You cannot be serous” and “Cheat!”.

As George Orwell wrote: “Serious sport has nothing to do with fair play. It is bound up with hatred, jealousy, boastfulness, disregard of the rules and sadistic pleasure in witnessing violence; in other words, it is war minus the shooting.”

And we haven’t even lit the ice-cap melting torch yet…

Posted: 15th, January 2008 | In: Back pages | Comment


Danielle Lloyd’s A Liver Bird

liver.jpg“DANI – I’ll show you my arts,” says Danielle Lloyd on the Star’s cover page.

Danielle hails from Liverpool, which just happens to be Europe’s Capital of Culture (one year only!).

“I’m so proud of my home city – it’s the best in the world,” says Danielle, who spends most of her life in Essex and London.

As for Danielle’ arts, they are manifest in a painting, a vision of orange and orangey-browns daubed onto what passes for her own body in what some reviewers are calling “a paean to Titian” and others “a post modern indictment of the ready-cooked chicken industry”…

Posted: 15th, January 2008 | In: Back pages, Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (2)


Technology Wins: Blade Runner Amputee Barred From Olympics

bladerunner.jpgOSCAR Pistorius has no legs. How does he run? Fast.

The International Association of Athletics Federations has ruled that Pistorius’s state-of-the-art carbon fiber prosthetics “should be considered as technical aids which give him an advantage over other athletes not using them.”

[German professor Gert-Peter] Brueggemann found that Pistorius was able to run at the same speed as able bodied runners on about a quarter less energy. He found that once the runners hit a certain stride, athletes with artificial limbs needed less additional energy than other athletes.

The professor found that the returned energy ”from the prosthetic blade is close to three times higher than with the human ankle joint in maximum sprinting.”…

Pistorius was born without fibulas — the long, thin outer bone between the knee and ankle — and was 11 months old when his legs were amputated below the knee.

Is this an unfair advantage? Or is it just that technology is better then nature?

Posted: 14th, January 2008 | In: Back pages | Comments (7)


Charlotte Mears Gets Her Extension

jermaine-defoe-meares.jpgLAST week Anorak’s Media Centre (Brent X) tuned into Channel 4’s A MILLION POUND PLACE, in which “England international Jermain Defoe and his fiancée, model Charlotte Meares” go holiday home hunting.

In truth, Jermain stayed at home, leaving Charlotte and her mum to check out the spare bedrooms.
When Jermain did feature it was to talk over the phone to Charlotte, who called him “babes”, put on a silly girly voice when money was mentioned (“It’s 1.8, Babes”) and addressed the phone in TV manner – holding the handset in front of your face and looking at it.

Sadly, things were not meant to be. The show was punctuated by the sad news that Jermain and Charlotte had split up. That phone call was omitted.
But now Mears, as the Sun bills her, plans to win back her footballer, who is now dating Danielle Lloyd.

At some point, the Anorak will plot footballers’ careers since they dated Ms Lloyd: Sheringham, Teddy is now turns out for Colchester United; Marcus Bent is on loan at Wigan; and Defoe is as popular at Spurs as last season’s lasagne.

But Mears has a plan. As the headline trills:” I’ll get boobs like Dani to win back Jermain.”

It is genius. Forget the house, Jermain can stay at home and make do with an extension…

Posted: 14th, January 2008 | In: Back pages, TV & Radio | Comments (4)


Venus Williams Moves Into Fashion

SAYS Venus Williams, the tennis player in the FT: “Fashion designer. Extraordinairrrrrre! Hahaha. I’ll be able to get an entry position getting coffee for hopefully Anna Wintour.”

You can smell the testosterone…

Posted: 13th, January 2008 | In: Back pages | Comment


Ronaldo Is ‘Stuck Up’ With A Hooker In Rome

ronaldo.jpgSAYS the News of the World: “PROSTITUTE loving soccer ace Cristiano Ronaldo has been up to his old tricks again—jetting off for a sleazy orgy with TWO Rome vice girls.”

Ronaldo proud of hat-trick,” says Sky Sports. “Ronaldo inspires Reds romp,” says IC Wales. “Gill: Ronaldo not for sale,” says the Press Association. Ronaldo shoots and he scores!

The NOTW’s investigators visited the Divafutura club; investigating, possibly dressed in a macintosh and dark glasses.

One girl was, reportedly, called Nikki, naturally. The other was called Nicole.

Nicole whispered: “Do you have a hotel? We can go there and have sex. We can have a party with my friend and your friend. If you want we can swap over. I will charge £200.”

She added: “We have lots of famous people who come here. Ronaldo the football player was here a few days ago—but I didn’t like him. He was a bit, how you say, stuck-up.”

We can say no more to that…

Note: Has anyone ever seen Ronaldo actually out with a woman? 

Posted: 13th, January 2008 | In: Back pages | Comments (8)


Biggest Russian Ice Hockey Fight

VIOLENCE in sport. After the cricket sledging this fight during a Russian ice hockey match beween Ak Bars vs. Traktor seems more honest:

Posted: 11th, January 2008 | In: Back pages | Comment (1)


The Indian Cricket Mutiny

THE Indian-Australian cricket row boils on:

i-am-mark-benson.jpg

Source

Posted: 11th, January 2008 | In: Back pages | Comment