Back pages | Anorak - Part 93

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Premier League news. Stories from the newspapers and BBC sport – sports news from tabloids Daily Mail, Daily Express, Daily Star, the Guardian, Daily Mirror, the times, daily telegraph

Rules Are For Changing

‘IT is hard to know who to feel most sorry for at the end of a magnificent Open golf championship – Thomas Bjorn or Mark Roe.

‘What about swapping wives?’

Standing on the 15th tee, Bjorn had the famous claret jug in his grasp only to let it slip by dropping four shots in three holes.

How he must wish this morning that he could be back on the 16th tee and could play those closing holes again!

But at least Bjorn lost his chance of winning on the golf course – Roe lost what chance he had after a freak infringement of the rules.

The 40-year-old would have started the final round only two shots off the lead.

It is highly unlikely that he would have won (although no more unlikely than eventual winner Ben Curtis), but he was certainly deprived of an experience he will probably never have again.

That said, the reaction in many parts has been absurd and completely out of proportion with talk of players’ boycotts and the like.

The fact remains that both Roe and Jesper Parnevik broke the rules in failing to swap cards – and both players accepted that that was the case.

Golf depends on players observing the rules – they both knew the rules and they both knew the penalties for transgression.

You cannot change the rules midway through a tournament – but you can change them afterwards.

And it is surely now time to move away from the antiquated system whereby professional golfers are responsible for their own and their partner’s score.

Too many incidents like the one on Saturday have happened and in the longer term they undermine the credibility of the game.

Padraig Harrington was disqualified from the 2001 Benson & Hedges while leading the tournament by five shots simply because he had failed to sign his first-round card.

There was no question of any advantage being sought or any advantage being gained; it was quite simply a clerical error. As it was with Roe and Parnevik.

It is akin to a footballer having a goal disallowed because the name on the back of his shirt was spelt wrong.

And you can imagine how that would go down in the semi-finals of the World Cup.

Posted: 21st, July 2003 | In: Back pages | Comment

Monty’s Thumbs-Down

‘COLIN Montgomerie dramatically pulled out of golf’s British Open championship yesterday after injuring his thumb over breakfast.

Ian Woosnam was finally found alive and well in the rough by the 1st hole

However, reports that the burly Scot mistook it for a sausage and tried to eat it are – like Tiger Woods’ first drive – very wide of the mark.

Monty did at least find his thumb, which is more than Tiger could do with his golf ball as he started his quest for a second Open title in disastrous fashion yesterday.

The World No.1 blasted his opening tee-shot 20 yards right of the fairway at Royal St George’s and that was the last he saw of it – until now.

The Sun proudly shows off the ball, which was eventually recovered by course marshal Terry Bennet who trod on it as he walked through the knee-high grass half an hour later.

It does allow the paper to reproduce one of its most famous headlines – ‘Gotcha’ – although readers might be wondering why that is considered the leading sports story of the day.

What with Monty’s sore thumb and Tiger’s errant ball, we have to delve inside the papers before we learn what actually went on in the tournament itself.

And the answer is that the wind blew, making life very difficult for the late starters, although not as difficult as some made it look.

The Express, for instance, takes great delight in recounting (and re-counting) every shot American Jerry Kelly took at the first hole – all 11 of them.

‘It was as cruel as it was compelling,’ the paper says, ‘providing proof to all amateurs that nowhere is there a greater leveller of talent than the golf course.’

In fact, so many shots did Kelly take that it seems to have had an effect on the Express’ maths as the paper claims the score was the highest on the first hole of an Open Championship since 1983 when Bobby Clampett opened up with an, er, eight.

All of which leaves but a little space in which to mourn, along we’re sure with the rest of the country, the news that Alex Ferguson’s pre-season plans are in chaos.

The Star says the Manchester United boss is ready to pull the plug on the Ronaldinho deal unless the Brazilian puts pen to paper tonight.

And Chelsea have pulled out of a move to bring Juan Sebastian Veron to Stamford Bridge. Oh dear!

Posted: 18th, July 2003 | In: Back pages | Comment

Black And Blue

‘YOU’VE got to laugh at Chelsea fans. Well, the Chelsea fans who sit in the whites-only areas of Stamford Bridge.

When in Chelsea, do as the Roman does

The fans who made monkey noises last year at a black Chelsea fan who dared to wear the kit on match day and sit among them.

You can laugh at them. They, after all, are there to be laughed at.

The trouble for these true Blues began a few seasons back when the Chelsea gangsters had a black dreadlocked Dutchman installed as their manager.

Ruud Gullit was a shock at first but was soon put in the bracket of ‘all right black bastard’ by the Chelsea traditionalists.

After all, Ruud played football for Holland, and that means he’s all right. The Dutch love a tear-up on match day. So Ruud was all right, really.

Still, though, the Blues made the monkey noises at other black players. Like albino gibbons they jumped around behind the goal.

And when Spurs came to play at the Bridge, they had a right old time.

‘Spurs are on their way to Auschwitz, Adolf’s going to gas them again,’ sing the good old boys.

The sound of what they imagine to be gas is then emitted from their thin lips. Up go the raised arms.

At least these boys don’t deny the Holocaust, even if they do celebrate it.

And now – guess what – Chelsea’ new boss, the man who leads them into a bright new dawn is a Jew. He’s a yiddo. How funny is that!

The fans that love all things white and pure right down to their yellowy teeth and fingernails now have an Italian manager and a Jewish owner.

The only thing that stops us all having the last laugh at Chelsea is that they also have more money than God and are in the process of constructing an enviable team.

And that’s the thing. As soon as the team wins things – if they win things – will we still hear the sound of the gas ovens from the Chelsea boys?

Or will Roman Abramovich now be put in the box for Yids who are all right – the ones who aren’t like the others?

The only thing missing from the Chelsea melting pot is an Asian footballer, and – Ho! Ho! – one who can take a great corner kick would be an added bonus.

Sadly, the sight of an Asian footballer at the Bridge – or at any professional ground – is a long way from becoming a reality.

Posted: 18th, July 2003 | In: Back pages | Comment

Class Must Out

‘ENGLAND’S cricket selectors will announce the squad to face the South Africans in the first Test of the five-match series next week.

Goughie stakes his claim

And the big question will be whether there is room for two of the old guard, Graham Thorpe and Darren Gough.

Opinions vary on the validity of both claims, one because of attitude, the other because of fitness – and both because of age.

No-one doubts that Thorpe is one of the best batsmen, if not the best batsman, in England, but recent personal problems have done great damage to his standing in the Test arena.

His late withdrawal from last winter’s tour, for instance, is not something the selectors can ignore.

However, he has come back this season seemingly rejuvenated, is in good form with the bat and seems to have his personal life back on an even keel.

Additionally, at 33 he has still potentially got a few years left in him.

With a batting order that contains 35-year-old Nasser Hussain and 40-year-old Alec Stewart, England may be glad of Thorpe as the older statesman in a year or so’s time.

As for the young pretenders, Robert Key has had ample opportunity to stake a claim. The fact that Thorpe’s return is being mooted shows that he hasn’t taken it.

As for the others, it is up to them to show that they are better than Thorpe, which none of them have done.

With Hussain and Stewart nearing retirement age, places will open up in the side anyway for them to fill.

As for Gough, the situation is a lot trickier as no-one really knows how his knee will hold up in a five-day match.

However, no-one really will know until he tries, so I would select him with James Anderson and probably Steve Harmison ahead of Richard Johnson.

It looks a pretty decent line-up to me: Vaughan, Trescothick, Butcher, Hussain, Thorpe, Stewart, Flintoff, Giles, Gough, Harmison, Anderson.

Unfair it may be on Anthony McGrath, who has passed 50 on both his Test innings so far, but as an all-rounder Andrew Flintoff is in a higher class. ‘

Posted: 17th, July 2003 | In: Back pages | Comment

Rose Blooms

‘ARSENE Wenger is ‘positive’ that Patrick Vieira will sign a new deal to stay at Arsenal, says the Sun.

‘They call me Leopard…because I’ve still got spots’

Meanwhile, the player is being linked with moves to Real Madrid, Chelsea, Manchester United and Spurs.

Okay, not Spurs – that would be too ridiculous even in this summer of Beckham hype and Chelski madness.

But the most bizarre story so far produced in this non-footballing summer is found in the Sun.

There, lurking on page 74, with no forewarning or advice to avert innocent eyes, is a shot of Michael Owen with a beard.

What happened to the fresh-faced boy from Wales? His cheeks are now covered in a fine down of brown fluff.

At least one thing never alters – football remains the main stock in trade of sports talk.

Even The Open, the apogee of golf, becomes just another excuse to talk about football in the Express’ hands.

The story is that David Beckham (remember him?) ‘could’ be getting golfing lessons from Spanish golfer Sergio Garcia. Why? Because Garcia is a fan of Real Madrid. It’s obvious really.

Meanwhile the Mail is the only tabloid to lead with a story about the 132nd Open Championship from Royal St George’s. News is that Justin Rose, 22, thinks he can win the tournament.

But the real big guns are profiled inside the paper, where South African Ernie Els and American Tiger Woods are threatening to turn the event into a ‘showdown’.

‘Tiger is the best player in the world,’ says Els, the reigning Open champ. ‘But as I begin my defence, I think it’s time for me to look Tiger in the eye a bit more. Maybe it is time for me to look at him…and say: ‘OK, Tiger, let’s get it on.”

The Mirror says that whatever the debate, Woods remains the bookies’ favourite to win, having been cut from odds of 7-2 to 9-4.

Woods have been the favourite to win every Major event he’s played in since the 1997 US Masters, which he won.

That is some record. Of course if he played football, he’d be odds-on to attract a bid from Chelsea.

Perhaps Ian Dowie could teach him how to play?

Posted: 17th, July 2003 | In: Back pages | Comment

20-20 Vision

‘CHELSEA have agreed a £7m deal to take Wayne Bridge from Southampton to Stamford Bridge. That’s in the Sun, and in the Mirror, the Blues have just bid £20m to make Patrick Vieira another Chelsea player.

Tiger keeps crowds at bay with his 9-iron

Chelsea clearly fancy their chances in making the great Frenchman one of their own, and have apparently given Arsenal a 22-day deadline to make up the minds or lose the deal.

And the answer would be pretty conclusive ‘Non!’, especially since the Sun says that United have bid the same £20m and thrown in Fabien Barthez.

Not that you can see Arsenal taking the option of losing their captain to their main rivals and then taking on a goalkeeper of questionable confidence.

As footballers jostle for position, British sports fans get too close to Tiger Woods.

The Express watches as Woods leaves the 18th green after finishing his practice round at Royal St George’s and is mobbed by fans.

Indeed the enthusiastic ones probably pose more of a threat to Woods that the man the Mail says he’ll play with in the first two rounds of The Open.

A 25-year-old from Hemel Hempstead by the name of Luke Donald will share tee times with the world’s No.1.

And he is full of confidence. ‘To become the best player in the world and have no limelight would be my ideal scenario,’ he tells the Mail.

That’s about as likely to happen as, well, Donald becoming the world’s No.1. But we wish him the best of luck this Thursday.

The other big event of the weekend, says the Star, is the British Grand Prix.

Two things can be guaranteed by its presence – first, a Schumacher will win the race; secondly, it will rain heavily.

It’s hard to know which is more depressing…

Posted: 16th, July 2003 | In: Back pages | Comment

Kiss Of Death

‘PATRICK Vieira has been a good player for Arsenal. He’s been given the captain’s armband of late and has relished the experience.

Vieira winces at the propect of leaving his beloved Arsenal

And now he says that unless his employers pay him what he and his agent think he’s worth, he’ll see out his contract and walk away on a Bosman free at the end of next season.

All Arsenal fans should be saying to this is: ‘Bye-bye, Pat. Best of luck. Hand your shirt in on the way out.’

The arrogance of saying that you are effectively bigger than the club who helped make you leaves a sour taste.

The vote of confidence that used to come from the chairman’s office immediately before his manager was sacked has been replaced by the player kissing the club’s badge.

They have all done it. It’s a nice gesture, showing that you are honoured to wear the club’s crest. It is also, save for a few individuals, a complete con.

Vieira would love to stay at Arsenal, he says. He would like to finish his career there.

And if the board could just break their pay structure and tell him how marvellous he is, then he might just stay.

Cheers. Thank you. Perhaps, rather than cheering the next time the players come out, we should tug our forelocks and thank the kind sirs for turning up.

Rio loves West Ham. Teddy loves Spurs. Day-vid loves Manchester. Rio loves Leeds. And they all love money.

And if you’ve got the money, they will love you.

The truth is that no single player is bigger than any club.

The most telling comment of last year came from Arsenal chairman Peter Hill-Wood.

When Vieira moaned that the team were not performing in Europe, Hill-Wood offered the advice that, since the Frenchman was on the pitch, he was pretty well placed to do something about it.

Football fans who go to matches know what’s what. What you see is what you get.

It’s just that the marketing drones who seek to run today’s game only want us to see the veneer, the shiny film that disguises the whole picture.

Sky TV invented it, and it’s being exported to all corners of the ground…

Posted: 16th, July 2003 | In: Back pages | Comment

Buy Buy Football

‘THE Express says that Real Madrid’s golden boy, Raul, has fallen out with the club’s president, Florentino Perez. So bad is the row that Raul is now on the transfer list.

Off to the Bridge

The Spanish club are desperate to rid themselves of the man who is said to be upset by the arrival of David Beckham.

For this reason they are offering to sell the striker for the giveaway fee of £70m.

It’s the kind of story that is only of interest because it allows the Express to mention Roman Abramovich, the new Chelsea owner.

That job done, the Mail says that Arsenal are ready to fall apart and crumble to so much dust.

Patrick Vieira, the club’s captain, has set a deadline of one month for the club to agree to his wage demands.

The French midfielder wants £100,000 a week or he’ll walk away.

And if he does leave, the Mirror says Arsene Wenger, the Arsenal manager will also go, the fans will revolt, the earth will be stained a rich shade of red and there will be much wailing and gnashing of teeth in the land of Highbury.

To avoid meltdown, poor Arsenal could be forced, as the Mail supposes, to sell their prized asset for a derisory £50m to Chelsea.

But the Gunners had best be quick, because the paper says that the Blues are on course to buy Inter Milan’s Christian Vieri for £25m.

The Blues will then swoop for a host of other players whose names are too big to fit on the screen and become the best team in the world – ever!

And the only person who can stop them taking over the sports pages is you know whom. We never thought we’d say it, but bring back David Beckham – all is forgiven.

Posted: 15th, July 2003 | In: Back pages | Comment

Tiger & Scorcher

‘THE British Open golf championship gets under way on Thursday with Tiger Woods as usual the focus of all attention.

Tiger misses yet again from 190 yards out

For the first time in a number of years, the World No.1 does not have any of the game’s four major trophies in his cabinet – and the more ignorant of the pundits are talking about a loss of form.

This despite the fact that Woods’ win-loss record for the year is actually better entering this tournament than it was in 2000, his annus mirabilis.

For instance, yesterday in the Times, Mark Chapman (apparently a presenter on BBC radio’s 6-0-6) tipped Ernie Els to win ‘because Tiger is out of form’.

Had he had a clue what he was talking about, he would have known that Tiger won his last tournament, the Western Open, by a country mile.

He would also have known that Woods has won in four of his 10 starts on the PGA Tour this year, finished in the Top 5 on a further two occasions and never finished out of the Top 20.

Make no mistake, the other players don’t believe any of this rubbish about a slump – they know that Woods is the player to beat this week.

That said, there are a lot of players (besides Els) who will fancy their chances this week on a links course.

It is probably no coincidence that the British Open is the only major championship that Woods has won only once, his solitary success coming at St Andrew’s three years ago.

Links golf is very different from what most of the players, especially the American players, are used to – and it takes a while to adapt.

Luck, in terms of the weather and in good or bad bounces, plays a bigger part at the seaside than it does on inland courses.

But so does imagination – and that is really what makes links golf and this championship in particular so special.

So for Woods to win, he not only needs to be in control of his game over the four days, but he also needs Lady Luck to smile on him.

If he doesn’t win, however, can we not hear any more absurd talk about the game’s greatest player being in a slump…

Posted: 15th, July 2003 | In: Back pages | Comment

The Holy Roman Empire

‘WE must begin by thanking Roman Abramovich for arriving on these shores, buying Chelsea and, in threatening to buy just about every footballer in the world, drive David Beckham from the backpages.

‘Hmmm – it’ll make a great site for luxury flats’

Abramovich, a confirmed Zionist, is every inch the Messiah. Thank God for him.

And so to today’s Chelsea news, and the Sun’s story of how the Blues are ready to buy Manchester United’s Mekon man, Juan Sebastian Veron, for £14m.

The paper says that the deal is done and the Argentine is on his way to London.

This is good news for Chelsea who have been labouring under the false impression that Frank Lampard will deliver the midfield skill to win championship medals.

Meanwhile, the Mail reminds its suspicious readership that Veron once played under Sven Goran Eriksson at Lazio. Put two and two together and you have an England manager who could leave his post to take over at the Bridge.

The only trouble with this story is that Eriksson has issued a statement saying he is committed to England.

But, with this being the Mail and Sven being foreign, the FA are advised by the paper to summon their manager home from Sweden immediately.

Another man who could be on the move is West Ham’s Joe Cole. The Sun says that Cole could be off to Barcelona for £20m. Or he could just stay at home with his mum in Romford.

If sports fans want to see athletes who really travel they should look to the Express and the Tour de France.

The Tour is a great spectacle, taking in dramatic scenery, edge-of-the-seat racing and French people determined to get run over.

But the man to watch is Lance Armstrong, competing to win his fifth straight title. The Express reports that the Texan now leads the Tour, having taken over the yellow jersey from Frenchman Richard Virenque.

Armstrong is keen to do well and says that he is flattered by the Chelsea offer, but must wait until the race is over before considering his options…

Posted: 14th, July 2003 | In: Back pages | Comment

The Weight Of Expectation

‘POOR, deluded Michael Vaughan, what has he done? The English paying public can always be called upon to give the new boy a few games to settle in, excusing him some crushing defeats at the outset.

Michael Vaughan now really has his hands full

But now the England captain has shown us how good he and his team can be, we’ll be expecting more of the same.

Happily for Vaughan, the next one-day series is in Bangladesh, where the greatest threat to English dominance is climate and something unpleasant in the local water.

England should win that series and then move onto the more difficult trial when they take on Sri Lanka in Dambulla and Colombo.

But England should not worry since they are now the third best one-day team in the world, having moved up from No.7. You have to go back to the mid-1980s to find the last time the boys in blue held so lofty a position.

Back then, Australia were a pretty tired-looking bunch. The Green and Golds are now, without doubt, the world’s best side by some margin.

The Australians’ rise to the top has been a masterclass to all in just what careful planning, patient training and good captaincy can achieve.

That South Africa are currently ranked No.2 in the ICC order can only give England an added shot of confidence.

And England are getting things right. South Africa did not play well in the NatWest series final at Lords.

The tourists’ dismissal in just 32.1 overs for a measly 107 runs cannot all be attributed to fine England bowling, of which there was plenty.

South Africa clearly have problems in their team. But more should be made of England.

‘It’s wonderful to have performed like that in front of 30,000 people when the pressure is on,’ said Vaughan after Saturday’s win. ‘We fully expect to best South Africa in the Test series.’

The new skipper’s learning curve is surely heading for a steep rise. Hasn’t he studied the captains that have gone before him?

The rule is a simple one: always talk up the other team. Saying how you’re going to beat them makes you sound uncouth, brash, confident – Australian.

Vaughan is delivering a sense of expectation to the England faithful.

If he carries on leading winning teams – although the Test side remains Hussain’s domain – we will soon expect victory.

And if England can sort out their middle order, the thing is, we just might get what we wish for…

Posted: 14th, July 2003 | In: Back pages | Comment

Blues Bottle

‘SVEN Goran Eriksson is surely not the only one embarrassed at being caught having secret talks with new Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich.

What turnip will follow the Swede?

The London club would no doubt prefer Claudio Ranieri not to have found out in such dramatic fashion that he is not their first choice to take charge of the club next season.

And the FA, which has pinned so much faith on Eriksson, must be disturbed by the Swede’s lack of loyalty.

However, calls to sack Eriksson for this lack of judgement, are premature and should be resisted.

So far, Eriksson has done nothing more than have discussions with a club – discussions which may have had more to do with his future after his England contract runs out.

Even if the Swede was contemplating jumping ship sooner than that, for instance after the European Championships in 2004, what would be gained by getting rid of him now?

Apart from the enormous expense that removing Eriksson would entail, there is no obvious replacement.

And the timing is such that England would be forced to enter the vital period of their qualification either with a new manager or a caretaker manager.

The jury are still out on Eriksson as an international coach, although his record in competitive fixtures is highly impressive.

It would be in everyone’s interests to wait until next summer before making a decision on the future.

By that time and if England do not perform as we believe they should, then it may be possible to effect an amicable separation.

One can understand why Eriksson is tempted by a return to club management and, after four years in charge, it may be the time for him to go.

The FA will also have had another year in which to groom a successor.

And judging by events this week, it is a task they should be focussing on as a matter of some urgency.

Posted: 11th, July 2003 | In: Back pages | Comment

Roman Legion

‘WHAT would the papers have done had Roman Abramovich not decided to kill a boring afternoon by buying a football club?

Roman was surprised by how much shorter and less talented Thierry ‘Glenn’ Henry looked in the flesh

David Beckham was safely ensconced in Madrid and, try as they might, no-one was much interested in where Ronaldinho will be breaking mirrors next season.

But along came the Russian billionaire and suddenly the hacks could pick a Fantasy XI for Chelsea and pretend that it was real news.

The Sun looks forward to ‘the biggest cash splash in football history’ after ‘Red Rom’ made offers worth £48m in 48 hours.

All very impressive, but the only thing the Blues have to show for it so far is Glenn Johnson, West Ham’s England Under-21 right-back who arrived for £6m.

If they want Christian Vieri to leave Inter Milan and come to Stamford Bridge, the Mail says they will have to raise their £20m offer.

A bid is also in for Real Madrid midfielder Geremi, with the Sun claiming the Blues are favourites to land the player.

The Mirror suggests that Abramovich has also made an official approach for £17m-rated Blackburn winger Damien Duff.

And the Express thinks that Andrei Shevchenko and Edgar Davids are also on the club’s shopping list.

To cricket and England are gearing up to take on South Africa in tomorrow’s final of the NatWest Series, with Jonty Rhodes tipping a victory for the visitors.

England’s batting, he warns, is too reliant on one of two players, notably Michael Vaughan and Marcus Trescothick and the bowling often depends on James Anderson.

‘The possible fly in the ointment for South Africa is Andy Flintoff,’ he concedes.

‘In one-day cricket, one man can turn a game and Flintoff has it in his armoury to alter the course of any match.’

Let’s hope he does just that tomorrow…

Posted: 11th, July 2003 | In: Back pages | Comment

Bad Delivery

‘EVER since he first cocked his arm on the international cricket stage, Pakistani fast bowler Shoaib Akhtar has been a controversial figure.

Akhtar is on the front foot

It’s not allegations for throwing the ball that have landed the bowler in trouble this time but comments he made in interview with the Guardian newspaper.

In this world shrunken by the media, a man in Pakistan read the interview and took offence. He claims that criticisms made by Akhtar against other Pakistani players were defamatory to the reputation of the entire Pakistan nation.

It’s as good a time as any now to review the offending comments.

‘Wasim [Akram] and Waqar [Younis] are in decline,’ said Akhtar. ‘I have to make it all happen. There is so much pressure on me.’ Akhtar went on to say that his job might be made easier had he been born in Australia.

As a collection of comments these stand right up there with other statements of the bleeding obvious, like how England selectors favour players from Surrey and that Ian Botham should go and live in Australia.

For his part, Akhtar is far from contrite. ‘It’s some kind of cheeky fella trying to get famous – I’m not too bothered about it,’ he says.

But he is bothered, or he should be. Criticising players who have performed for longer than you and at a consistently high level is a brave move for any player, especially one whose bowling action is often called into question.

Indeed Younis, a revered figure in his homeland, is unimpressed, and has instructed his critic to ‘shut up and bowl’.

The Guardian has reminded its readers that earlier this year Younis was accused of inflicting ‘mental torture’ on a Pakistani litigant by appearing in a drink advert in India.

That issue was made more comical by the fact that the target of the campaign denies having ever been in such a commercial.

The one thing for certain is that cricket in this region of Asia is big news. Perhaps it’s the only place on earth where its stars get more press and cause a greater stir than David Beckham’s knickers.

Posted: 10th, July 2003 | In: Back pages | Comment

Mashing The Swede

‘FOR those sports hacks like Jeff Powell who have never forgiven Sven Goran Eriksson for not being English, the pictures of him apparently in discussions about taking on the Chelsea job are the final straw.

Sweden’s Mary Archer

But should the FA have expected anything different?

After all, it is well-known that lying and cheating are a way of life in the big country called Abroad, which is from where Eriksson hails.

‘Dispatch the blackguard back to the Swedish vegetable patch whence he came,’ screams Powell in the Mail after this latest perfidy.

‘England is not to be treated like sad old Mary Archer by her Lord Jeffrey Lothario. Nor like Nancy Dell’Olio, come to that.

‘This is our England, our pride and joy. Sometimes she is our despair but still she is ours and woe betide any man who trifles with her favours.

‘Cuckolding the England team is a treacherous offence, no less.’

With tears welling in our eyes and hatred in our hearts for Abba, Volvos and Tiger Woods’ girlfriend (hint to picture editor), we get ready to hear the other side of the argument.

And that is provided by Steve Curry, who argues that the FA could not afford to sack the England coach, especially with no obvious replacement.

‘There is an old saying that even when you have chosen your meal, there is nothing wrong in looking at the menu,’ he says – and a veteran of a great many menus he looks too.

Meanwhile, all talk in the papers is how Leeds are accusing Liverpool of ripping them off over the deal to take Harry Kewell to Anfield.

The Elland Road club claim they will get only £3m from the sale of the Aussie star – less than the player himself will pocket.

‘Kops And Robbers,’ says the Mirror, which claims that Kewell had threatened to sit out the remaining year of his contract with Leeds if he wasn’t allowed to leave.

One person who won’t be moving clubs this summer is Thierry Henry, with the Gunners telling Chelsea that their star player is not at sale, even for £70m.

‘It’s only money after all and we are trying to build a team here at Arsenal, not destroy one,’ chairman Peter Hill-Wood tells the Express.

England’s cricketers have done a pretty good job of destroying the opposition this summer – and South Africa will have to fight back without the services of Nicky Boje, who broke his leg during Tuesday’s match.

Also absent is Lance Klusener, who (says the Express) is to take legal action against the South African Cricket Board for leaving him out of the tour party.

The hard-hitting all-rounder is claiming unfair dismissal in a case that could have interesting repercussions for the rest of the sporting world.

Posted: 10th, July 2003 | In: Back pages | Comment

Freddie Is Ready

‘ENGLAND’S victory over South Africa in yesterday’s one-day international may have made little difference to the triangular tournament.

Freddie – the bedrock of the England middle order

Both sides are already through to contest the final at the weekend and yesterday’s match was only really about confidence ahead of that match.

But it is England who will have taken the most out of the game and not just for the fact that they won by four wickets with 11 overs to spare.

The English bowling attack again caused problems for the batting side, but this time on a pitch that was generally reckoned to be a decent surface.

The fielding was, for the most part, outstanding with some excellent catching.

And, despite the continuing frailties at the top of the order, the batting held firm when it might have crumbled.

However, the best thing to happen to England in their one-day matches this summer is the emergence of Andrew Flintoff as a player around whom England can build their side.

Yesterday, he not only helped rescue England in partnership with Michael Vaughan (as he had done against Zimbabwe on Sunday), but he took a stunning slip catch to dismiss Jacques Kallis and chipped in with a wicket in his nine overs.

While Vaughan has rightly been receiving the plaudits in the last 12 months as England’s top batsman and James Anderson has been hogging the bowling headlines, Flintoff has been working hard on his game.

He is now an integral part of the England team in both forms of cricket and should be able to assume the all-rounder mantle in the Test side when Alec Stewart retires.

Arguments rage about where Flintoff should bat in one-day cricket, but in Test matches England would love for him to be able to come in at No.6.

That would allow Chris Read (or James Foster) to bat at No.7, followed by the four bowlers.

It was the balance of the side when, dare we mention his name, Ian Botham was in his prime – and it served England well.

Flintoff will never be as good a bowler as Botham was in his prime, but he does have the potential to be as good a batsman.

And, as we saw yesterday, he also has the knack of taking blinding catches…

Posted: 9th, July 2003 | In: Back pages | Comment

Catch Wins Match

‘IF England cricket is known for one thing it is not ‘brilliant catching’. But those are the words used by the Telegraph in connection with their win over South Africa.

An eyecatching display

The paper watches with what one imagines to be an expression of slack-jawed disbelief as Andy Flintoff pulls of an ‘exceptional catch’ to stop Jacques Kallis’ hopes of big innings.

The effect of sharp fielding and solid batting – with captain Michael Vaughan knocking up his highest one-day score for England at 83 runs – led England to victory after just 39 overs of their allotted 50.

Any more performances like this and English cricket could finally be the summer’s biggest sport. In the meantime we have to make do with the game of football transfer rumour speculation.

The Times gets the ball rolling – or not – by starting at the top.

News is that Sven Goran Eriksson, the England manager, has been meeting and talking with Chelsea’s new chairman Roman Abramovich.

The paper says that Sven is ’embarrassed’ at being spotted at the meeting, which included agent Pini Zahavi, and has issued a statement.

He says that he has known Zahavi for many years and Mr Abramovich for several months. He also says that he accepts that his meeting ‘may create unfortunate speculation’.

He then goes onto commit his future to the England cause, and tells the world how he is ‘thoroughly enjoying’ the European Championship qualifying campaign.

Other transfer speculation is found in the Guardian, where the papers say the balance of power has shifted away from ‘cash-strapped’ Arsenal towards Chelsea.

As yet, none of Arsenal’s stars have taken the Chelsea bait and signed on for the Blues, but the paper hints that moves for Robert Pires and Patrick Vieira might be in the offing.

But with so much in football being speculation and hype, it might be all a load of hogwash. It really is too hard to tell.

So let’s have some more cricket instead.

Posted: 9th, July 2003 | In: Back pages | Comment

Getting Becks’ Number

‘WANT to know the real reason why David Beckham now wears No.23 on his back? The Guardian tells us that it’s because Posh told him to.

‘Come on, Day-vid, let’s try again – 20, 21, 22 and…’

Originally, the England captain had been offered the No.4 shirt of departing Real Madrid captain Fernando Hierro, and the now famous 23.

Neither David nor the club could reach a decision – until Mrs Beckham popped her skinny neck round the door and made her thoughts known.

And so it is that David Beckham now wears the No.23 in Spain.

Such a story does little to scotch rumours that Posh leads David by the nose. But in football rumour is part and parcel of the game.

Mindful of that, and in the interests of science, the Times produces the ‘Footski Index’, a graph showing how likely it is that Chelsea will buy the players they are rumoured to want.

Ranging from ‘You’ve lost your roubles’ to ‘Perestroika!’, the man most likely to be wearing Chelsea blue next season is… well, take a look at the list of hopefuls and make your guess.

The men wanted by the Roman Abramovich regime are: Thierry Henry, Joe Cole, Harry Kewell, Wayne Rooney, Ronaldinho, David Beckham and Scott Parker.

The winner is… yes, Scott Parker. You can already hear the fans at the Bridge let out long sigh at that one.

Another thing that might never actually happen is a London 2012 Olympic Games. The Independent leads its sports coverage with news of the London bid.

The paper hears Jacques Rogge, president of the International Olympic Committee, emerge from a meeting with Tony Blair, in which the pair discussed how London can win the day.

And the key concern is security. ‘If you look at what I’d say were essential elements in a bid, I would put security first,’ says Rogge.

This is, apparently, good news for London, which can call upon the services of Peter Ryan, an ex-Metropolitan Police officer who co-ordinated security at the Sydney and Salt Lake City Games.

Which is a fillip to the London bid, and bad news for anyone who wants to park near the stadium.

Posted: 8th, July 2003 | In: Back pages | Comment

Wiping The Slaters Clean

‘SEEING how Tim Henman has affected EastEnders’ output, it was spiriting to see two of the Slater sisters being allowed to work the Wimbledon crowd.

Kat among the pigeons?

Not being a fan of that soap opera, I am unsure who or what Lucy Rusedski and Oonagh have slept with and the position they occupy in the great morning bathroom line-up.

They are, though, Slaters to the core, right down to the assisted hair colour, the inch-think layer of slap and the way they can make an audience cringe.

Other lasting memories of this year’s Wimbledon are few, but a couple do linger in the memory as far as today.

The pick of the bunch has to be Tim Henman’s shot against David Nalbandian. The ball had bounced twice, but Tim, tigerish to the last, was so keen to hit it back he forgot to count.

Should we give Henman the benefit of the doubt? Did he know the ball had bounced twice?

Is it as easy to count from the stands and the sofa as it is when you are an outstretched arm away from the ball?

Let’s just call it Henman’s fighting spirit, rather than outright cheating.

It’s a similar tenacious approach to the game that saw Greg Rusedski, the player married to one of those Slater girls, deliver his best volley in ages, albeit one of abuse.

Here were the British players showing their mettle. The foreigners cheat (only they didn’t), so why don’t we? The foreigners swear and curse (only they didn’t), so why don’t we?

After years of waiting, British tennis was finally ready to fight dirty.

Meanwhile, the rest had moved on. The Williams girls, who conduct themselves with grace and poise in the face of much unwarranted criticism, were unstoppable.

Mark Philippoussis, a shy man off the court and on it, fought a final with the quiet, modest Swiss, Roger Federer.

There was no swearing. There were no histrionics. It was all very much in keeping with the best traditions of Wimbledon.

Perhaps Greg and Tim can learn from the foreign stars and less from EastEnders…

Posted: 8th, July 2003 | In: Back pages | Comment

Roger And Out

‘NO, Tim Henman has not had cosmetic surgery, grown his hair long and adopted the look of a winner. That man holding the racket and Wimbledon trophy on the cover of the Independent’s sport section is Roger Federer.

Swiss ace

Roger is the first Swiss man to win at Wimbledon, or to win any tennis Grand Slam event for that matter. And he did it by beating Australian Mark Philippoussis in straight sets.

Of course, the paper’s tennis ace, John Roberts, knew Federer would win all along. In a section entitled ‘You read it here first’, Roberts takes out his trumpet and gives it a hearty blow.

‘He will have to overcome his suspect mental strength over the course of the championship,’ said Roberts of the now champion in the run-up to Wimbledon. ‘If he does, he will make a splendid champion.’

Nothing like a good ‘told yer so’ to make someone feel important, even if it is blackened by a big ‘if’ and masked by thousands of words about all the other players and a certain Tiger Tim.

The other major tennis story is found in the Guardian, where Martina Navratilova is seen winning her 20th Wimbledon trophy, 30 years after winning her first.

She tied Billie Jean King’s record of a score of Wimbledon titles by winning the mixed doubles contest with her partner Leander Paes.

At 46-years-old, the durable player is now the oldest person to be a Wimbledon champion – a fact that means Tim Henman has years to go before he can call it a day.

Meanwhile, the Formula One motor racing procession is still going on. Yesterday, Ralf Schumacher won the French Grand Prix, beating Juan Pablo Montoya and brother Michael into second and third places respectively.

The Telegraph says that Williams, for whom Ralf Schumacher drives, is ‘running hot again’.

We simply say, ‘Told you so’. We told you Schumacher would win the race. And we’ll tell you now that if he drives better than everybody else, he’ll win the drivers’ title.

You heard it here first…

Posted: 7th, July 2003 | In: Back pages | Comment

Balls To Henmania

‘YESTERDAY, Wimbledon got a worthy champion in Roger Federer, the fourth seed who at last lived up to his undoubted promise to claim his first Grand Slam title.

Federer kneels before image of Henman

In his matches against Andy Roddick and Mark Philippoussis he showed just what a great player he is and led us all to believe that this title will be the first of many.

While Roddick relies exclusively on power, the 21-year-old Swiss brilliantly varies the pace and angle of his shots.

And the fact that in both matches, he served more aces than his opponent shows that he is no slouch in the power game himself.

The final may not have been a great match in terms of drama but, as an exhibition of shot-making, it was spectacular.

It was a fitting climax to a tournament that had been for too long overshadowed by the British obsession with Tim Henman.

One can understand the British desperation for their first men’s champion in three-quarters of a century, but Henmania has got totally out of hand.

And the chief culprits are not the sad people with their face paint and their Union Jack hats, but the BBC and the print media who are only too happy to pour petrol on the flames.

Until Henman is knocked out of the tournament, which this year did not happen until the second Thursday, it is to all intents and purposes a one-man event.

Only after his obituary has been written do we discover that a whole tennis tournament has been going on without our knowledge.

The rest of the players – and the British tennis public – deserve a lot better than that.

Certainly, Roger Federer who played some of the most sublime tennis Centre Court has ever seen deserves better than to be a sideshow to a man whose chances of ever winning the tournament decline with each passing year. ‘

Posted: 7th, July 2003 | In: Back pages | Comment

Time Out For Tim

‘SO now Tim Henman is free to concentrate on the league, or whatever it is tennis players do when they’ve crashed out of the knock-out events.

‘There’s always someone who leaves early to miss the traffic…’

Henman is good enough to be the best British player in a sport, but is unlucky to have chosen the sport of tennis.

Even his most die-hard fans, the menopausal Henmaniacs who ooh and aaahh with each volley and lob, have no idea what he does for the other 50 weeks and three or four days of the year beyond Wimbledon fortnight.

Do his parents travel the world watching young Tim? Does his mum, Jane, pack up her range of tennis clothing and open her car boot in Madrid, Manila and other tennis spots?

Does Tim’s dad, Tony, sit there impassive as a stuffed turbot at the other Grand Slam events, as he does at Wimbledon?

There was a story that someone saw Tim’s dad move. But on further examination it proved to be wind.

And if you wonder how Motionless Tony gets to his Centre Court seat, we hear that it’s partly down to the magic of Wimbledon and part Stena technology.

(Tony never leaves the seat, but just descends into a cavity beneath the stands where he waits for the first union Jack of summer.)

Tim’s wife Lucy can’t be expected to travel the world in pursuit of her man – the pair have a child, and uprooting the little ‘un is not easy.

Besides, having your children see you at work is nice once but who’d want them there every day?

So with few witnesses, we can only guess what Tim does beyond Wimbledon.

Some cable TV station follows the ATP Tour, on which Tim is, apparently, a player, but if they can mock up the 1969 moon landings in a TV studio in Teddington, they can make Tim play tennis in Dubai.

So, farewell, Tim, it is time to get back into your box.

Next year you will be one year older, and we will be a year wiser. You might win Wimbledon; you might not.

The only thing for certain is that in 2004 Henman will still be the British No.1 by a country mile, and that tennis will still be something that goes well with Pimm’s.

Although a cucumber sandwich is a close second…

Posted: 4th, July 2003 | In: Back pages | Comment

Grrroans All Round

‘WIMBLEDON came to a sudden and abrupt halt yesterday when Tim Henman was knocked out and we all realised we didn’t know who on earth was left in.

‘I hope you lose in the semis and your family are killed in a horrible accident’

The Tiger growled his way to the second week for the eighth time – a record only matched by ‘Pistol’ Pete Sampas and ‘Jimbo’ Jimmy Connors.

But much to the dismay of the misfits, miscreants and Miss Bromwich 1997s who constitute his fan base, he lost out at the quarter-final stage to Sebastien Grosjean.

The Telegraph says ‘the feeling of despair and emptiness…was gruesomely evident’ when Henman hit his final return into the net, although it’s unclear whether this despair refers to Henman himself, his fans or the media.

The latter certainly has had to turn to their programmes and find out who else is involved in the tournament.

Not that it would be such a hard guess in the ladies’ singles, where the Williams sisters will use Centre Court to settle their domestic squabble.

In the men’s, Mark Philippoussis beat Alexander Popp (a British passport holder when he was two sets to nil up; a German now he’s lost) to set up a semi-final with Grosjean, while Andy Roddick and Roger Federer will fight it out for the other final place.

Not that the rest of the sports news makes good reading – South Africa easily beat England in the one-dayer at Old Trafford and Bowdoin Rowing Association (US) beat Durham University by one length in the Henley Royal Pooh-Sticks Regatta.

So back to Tim – and stand up and take a bow, wherever you are, Martin Collins a supermarket manager from Watford when the Times caught up with him.

‘Dressed in tennis whites, with a Union Jack thrown across his shoulders and his face painted to resemble a tiger, he laid out his ‘I love Henman’ tablecloth and toasted the British No.1 with a large beaker of sparkling wine.’

Ignore the cynics, Martin – it is people like you who put the Grrrr into Grrrrreat Britain…

Posted: 4th, July 2003 | In: Back pages | Comment

Reign In Spain

‘TIM Henman might be as charismatic as a stuffed shirt, but he is the master of suspense.

Tiger or a drowned cat?

Yesterday the rain fell and broke Henman’s match with Sebastien Grosjean into four.

The fifth, and what we hope will be the final part of the Wimbledon quarter-final, will be played today.

The Times says that the schizophrenic weather – rain, then sun, then rain, then sun, then rain again – was in keeping with Henman’s performance, which says everything about ‘why he is loved, why he is feared, why he is despised’.

We know the Tiger has his fans and his critics, but despised is surely too strong a word to ever use in the context of the British No.1.

Just tell the Henmaniacs that someone hates their man and watch them tear the villain to pieces.

Which is pretty much what the baying mob that went to see David Beckham in Madrid would have done to their new idol had a large wire fence not separated them.

One boy did manage to wriggle under the divide, and the Telegraph watches as he dashes up to the England captain and wraps his arm around him.

Given the furore over the Prince William birthday bash, you’d be unsurprised if the papers immediately began speculating over what would have happened if the boy had been a bomb or was a terrorist on a mission of evil.

Of course, as with the Prince and the comedy terrorist incident, it’s all good publicity, and Beckham was keen to play the good guy, giving the new arrival his spare No.23 shirt and a few friendly pats on the head.

And get used to number 23 being the new number to have. As the Guardian says, this number has magical qualities.

We learn that American basketball legend Michael Jordan wore the number in the pomp.

And if that’s not enough to turn your head, know that the number is also worn at club level by Sol Campbell, Christian Ziege, Carlo Cudicini and Jamie Carragher.

It was also the number being worn by Deportivo La Coruna’s midfielder Aldo Duscher when he broke a bone in Beckham’s foot.

Which is very, very interesting…

Posted: 3rd, July 2003 | In: Back pages | Comment

The Real Story

‘IF anyone had any doubts that Real Madrid’s interest in David Beckham was based solely on his ability as a footballer, yesterday’s press conference will surely have dispelled them.

‘And when do I get to wear this shirt?’

It is certainly no accident that Beckham has been given the No.23 shirt – the same number as that worn by basketball legend Michael Jordan.

And the words from the club and the player were chosen to try to counter the view, particularly in Spain, that this is purely a commercial decision.

Beckham himself felt the need to stress how important football is to him, something that is taken for granted with any other player.

‘Of course I love my family,’ he said. ‘I have a wonderful life, but football is everything to me and joining Real Madrid is a dream come true.’

Real president Florentino Perez also stressed that the club believe in Beckham as a footballer.

But he also made it clear that Beckham’s contribution to Real Madrid will not be confined to the pitch.

‘He is a man of our times and a symbol of modern-day stardom and what is certain is Real have signed Beckham because he’s a great footballer and a very dedicated professional,’ Perez said.

‘His team spirit is unsurpassed and he is one of the best English players of all-time and if only because of that he is with us.

‘We love Beckham because he makes us the best team on and off the pitch.’

However, the test will be how Beckham goes down with Real fans. They care little for the club’s profile in Asia or for its merchandising reach – they only care that it wins.

There is not a side in the world that would not want to have Beckham in its squad, but it is now up to the man to prove himself on the pitch.

Only if he does that will Perez be right in his prediction that Beckham ‘is a great player who is going to become part of the club’s great history’.

Posted: 3rd, July 2003 | In: Back pages | Comment