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OK! | Anorak - Part 3

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OK! magazine’s weekly look at celebrity, featuring you know who, what’s his name and her from EastEnders

Gareth Gates Says I Do

GARETH GATES has got married in a castle.

Not a Hardcastle, although on hearing the news Old Mr Anorak did say that his average age is nine-nine-nine-ninety.

Gareth Gate is getting married in Belvoir Castle…

Hey, it wasn’t us that mentioned Gareth’s stammer, but OK which says: “How on earth would the young prince ever muster the courage to speak to a woman?”

Gates is not a prince, and if he was then Will Yonug, who beat him to the Pop Idol crown, would be king, and a gay king would never do, not since you know who was on the throne. Gay princes, on the other hand, remain de rigueur.

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Posted: 31st, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, OK! | Comment


Celebrity Quote Of The Day: Jessica Alba’s Zen-Like Birth

ACTRESS Jessica Alba is talking to OK! about the birth of her daughter Honor:

“The labor was more like meditation. I did yoga breathing. I was focused. I didn’t scream. It was really Zen.”

And Zen she screamed..?

Posted: 16th, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, OK! | Comment (1)


Sienna Miller’s War

SIENNA Miller is in convensation with OK!

OK! Do you feel you are being treated unfairly by the media?

“But at the end of the day it’s not a big deal. I mean there’s a war on, people are starving, we live on a little island and it’s not important…

Hopefully, eventually, that [work] will supersede the other less meaningful aspects of my life, but it’s a process, you know. It’s a battle.”

Posted: 11th, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, OK! | Comments (3)


Matthew McConaughey And Camila Alves’ Sell Son Levi To OK!

BABY vborn. Baby sold:

The endless race for the latest set of exclusive celebrity photos wraps another round, with OK! reportedly snapping up the first pictures of Matthew McConaughey and Camila Alves’ son Levi Alves

Source

Posted: 9th, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, OK! | Comment


Not Wayne and Coleen’s Wedding Reception

wayne-coleen.jpgCAN you copyright Wayne Rooney and Coleen McLoughlin’s wedding, as OK! claims on its front page?

Fearful of falling foul of the OK! legal eagles who have so handsomely tipped the waiter at the Raj Poot Curry House and TAN-dori Spa, Anorak’s relives the do on the Italian Riviera, a location as far removed from the actual event as possible.

Rather than have Wayne say his usual “F** yoos you c***”, we have instead: “Coleen, I love you more than words can say – you’re my life.”

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Posted: 24th, June 2008 | In: Back pages, OK! | Comments (10)


Coleen And Wayne Rooney’s Britney Spears Theme Wedding

THE wedding of Wayne Rooney and his Coleen, and a question for OK! readers:

Who would have thought that two 16 year olds who met on the streets of Liverpool, went to an Austin Powers movie, and got engaged on a petrol station forecourt , would six years later be getting married in the most glamorous and talked-about wedding of the decade?”

Well, not OK! which would surely have secured the rights to the wedding snaps for something more akin to a Family pack of Revels and a quick feel by the crisps, rather then £3million.

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Posted: 18th, June 2008 | In: Back pages, OK! | Comments (2)


Mary Kate And Ashley Olsen’s Prune Juice

mary-kate-and-ashley-olsen-prune.jpgMORE inside tips from the world of celebrity as a source close to acting twins Mary Kate Olsen and her sister Ashley tells OK! magazine:

“Every time they pose and smile, they say the word ‘prune’.”

Another source tells us:

“It could be true (that they say prune) but unfortunately I can’t say — they like to keep their personal lives personal. They do care about their smiles though. Mary-Kate has slightly thinner lips and more of a playful grin, while Ashley tends to go for a full-on pout. It has been the obv(ious) way to tell them apart for years.”

More celebrity insight throughout the day…

Posted: 13th, June 2008 | In: Celebrities, OK! | Comment (1)


Coleen McLoughlin Flees To New York

wedding-dress.jpegPANIC! Coleen McLoughlin has had to make an emergency dash to New York just two weeks before her wedding to Wayne Rooney.

So says the Mail. But why? Because, dear readers, her £100,000 Marchesa dress no longer fits.

A source says Coleen had to “sneak out” of the country and into New York, possibly under the cloak of darkness and disguised as an Islamic fundamentalist to avoid arousing suspicion. She may have worn an oversized baseball cap to fit in, with a W and C entwined on the front, or some other logo that she’s working on.

But some how the press got wind of it, and the entire mad-cap drama threatens to steal the thunder from her £3 million OK!-sponsored wedding.

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Posted: 28th, May 2008 | In: Back pages, OK!, Tabloids | Comments (2)


Mariah Carey’s Secret 9 Carat Gold Tattoo

carey_cannon.jpgYOU join us on the roof of Mariah Carey’s building where Nick Cannon, Tommy Cannon’s youngest, is asking Carey to marry him.

A yes. Another yes. And Mariah is on the phone to her father, George Carey. Can he get Westminster Abbey? It would seem not.

And so Mariah is forced into a beach wedding in the Bahamas, such as those featured on TV’s Weddings From Hell and in the pages of self-medicating women’s magazines.

What occurs next is, says OK!, Mariah “secret wedding”.

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Posted: 15th, May 2008 | In: Celebrities, OK! | Comments (7)


Kerry Katona On Those Lies

kerrykatona.jpgFOR those of you heard the “lies” about Kerry Katona being trapped with Mark Croft and wishing she’d never married him; for those of you who’ve read that she’s “depressed” and “suffering fresh doubts” about her marriage, forget it.

Those stories about her being trapped in a marriage with Mark Croft, about her suffering fresh doubts and being depressed are “lies”.

Get over them. And get over yourself.

This is Kerry Katona’s OK! Diary, OK, and she knows what’s what.

Okay!?

Posted: 7th, May 2008 | In: Celebrities, OK! | Comments (6)


Private Moments With Harry Kewell And Sheree Murphy

kewell.jpg“WHAT’s stopped you thrusting yourselves into the limelight, like the Beckhams?”

That question to Sheree Murphy and occasional Liverpool footballer Harry Kewell, who features on the front cover of OK! magazine.

“It’s their decision,” says Sheree, who says that she and her footballer got loads of offers but Harry “stayed private”.

Liverpool fans may well nod. They’ve seen little of Harry Kewell in this time at the club, and rumours abound that he not so much shuns the limelight as the light itself.

But here is Harry, at home in his wooden kitchen, with son Taylor dangling round his neck, daughter Ruby sat on the granite worktop and newborn baby Matilda in Sheree’s arms, which stay quite thin (“a lot of it was water”).

These are private moments with the Kewells.

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Posted: 7th, May 2008 | In: Back pages, Celebrities, OK! | Comments (6)


Taking The Piss With Jordan And Peter

peter-andre-urine.jpgPETER Andre leaves urine on the toilet seat.

Given Peter’s careful appearance, we imagine this urine is left on the rim in a hand-blown, crystal-studded glass vial tied with a pink bow.

In turn, Jordan gives her husband a vial of her eponymous perfume, for him to pour lovingly down the pan after said urine.

But what of the rumours about this and that and the other things?

Peter tells OK! readers of his “inner circle”, which is very possibly a euphemism, and says: “Sometimes we’re a bit too trusting and we tell people things we shouldn’t.”

The urine, right? “A lot of stories are false anyway.”

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Posted: 29th, April 2008 | In: Celebrities, OK! | Comment (1)


Eva Longoria And Victoria Beckham: A Parody

beckham-longoria.jpg“IT’S CRAZY HOW FUNNY SHE IS – SHE’S SO FRICKIN’ FUNNY,” says either Eva Longoria or Victoria Beckham, who are in audience with OK!” magazine.

Both might have provided the headline quote, given that they are best of best friends. On further investigation, though, it turns out that Eva is talking of Posh who is funny because she “just has that British sense of humour.”

Not that spite-filled English sense of humour that seeks out a victim to ridicule and destroy, injecting the assault with a jocular “only joking, pal” when the victim looks on the point of tears or violence.

Posh, allegedly, is possessed of that self-depricating, irony-laden British sense of humour.

Posh is, apparently, really funny. So funny is she that we would not be surprised to learn that being Victoria Beckham is all a comedy act, a merciless and clever skit on the shallowness of talentless celebrities.

And Eva has picked up the subtleties, posing with a Magnum ice cream alongside an image of her advertising Magnum ice creams. She then stands before a plate on which a lobster’s severed head languishes beside some asparagus.

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Posted: 16th, April 2008 | In: Celebrities, OK! | Comment (1)


Kerry Katona On Max And Drugs

kerry-katona.jpgSAYS KERRY Katona in OK! magazine: “I DON’T HAVE TO WEAN MY BABY OFF COCAINE.”

No, that what celebrity mums’ nurses are for, say you. But you’d be wrong.

Kerry does not have to wean her baby off cocaine because her baby is going to be a star and it’s good to get a taste for narcotics early and be one step ahead of the pack.

No, that’s not it either.

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Posted: 16th, April 2008 | In: Celebrities, OK! | Comment (1)


Sarah Harding And Tom Crane: Discuss

harding.jpg“SARAH HARDING And TOM CRANE.”

OK! magazine begins in customary fashion, screaming the names of its star turns. Those readers taking Anorak’s GCSE in OK! Studies may look for the ensuing “Compare and contrast”, “Discuss” or “Explain”.

But none is forthcoming. “SARAH HARDING and TOM CRANE” is the whole story.

And inside the magazine we get to see them being SARAH HARDING and TOM CRANE in their converted Victoria school building.

Sat on a sofa that could fill a primary school playground, we see Sarah in a silvery dress. She is lying on Crane. Her eyes are to the camera. Crane is trying to read a book.

It’s a look slightly less natural and sinister than Robert Kilroy Silk’s tan line (if you see Robert, let us know.)

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Posted: 10th, April 2008 | In: Celebrities, OK! | Comments (7)


The Celebrity Diet: Cheryl Cole’s Fruit Yawns

cheryl-cole-diet.jpgOK!’s “25 best diet tips ever” features a picture of Cheryl Cole at No.1.

Runs the explainer: “Make like Cheryl Cole and blend your own fruit smoothies to help meet the five-a-day fruit and vegetable intake guidelines”.

Take care not to exceed the guidelines lest you become brim-full and overspill in a car, say, or in a romantic interlude with an insignificant other.

Keep taking the carrots, Ashley

Posted: 26th, March 2008 | In: Celebrities, OK! | Comment


Jennifer Lopez And The Baby Nurses

jlo-marc-anthony-twins.pngJENNIFER Lopez is presenting twins Max and Emme to OK! readers.

Which one is named after the TV awards do and which is named after a cola-based drink is not immediately apparent.

What is noticeable is that one child looks about three times older than the other and about twice the size. The smaller child has its eyes closed, and the bigger one its eyes open.

You can almost hear them communicating.

Of course, the real question is which gets the mother’s buttocks and which the husband’s face?

The hope is that Emme gets the former and Max the latter. But life can be cruel and while a man with a ripe pumpkin–sized backside will attract attention, a girl with a whispy goatee and skin tones that would see a lesser man hospitalised may retreat into her shell.

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Posted: 26th, March 2008 | In: Celebrities, OK! | Comment


Psychic Sally Sees EastEnders

psychic-1.jpgOK! Magazine’s “PSYCHIC SALLY” is in conversation with EastEnders’ Joe Swash.

Dim the lights…

Sally: You play your character in EastEnders relly well, as as far as the public is concerned, you are Mickey. But you have a burning need to do something else. Would I be right?

Joe: Yes, you would be.

As reported on Anorak on February 25, Joe has been written out of the EastEnders cast.

Spooky…

Posted: 13th, March 2008 | In: Celebrities, OK!, TV & Radio | Comment (1)


Celebrity Quote Of The Day: Kerry Katona

kerrykatona.jpgKERRY Katona in her OK! column:

“They’re making news out of nothing and it’s doing my head in.”

More of her customary insight next week…

Posted: 12th, March 2008 | In: Celebrities, OK! | Comments (2)


Kerry Katona’s Migrating Boobs

KERRY Katona writes in her OK! Diary:

“One of the many headlines last week was Kerry: ‘I want my old boobs back’ – well I guess that’s partly true. My boobs used to be alright back in the day, but they’ve gone a bit south now!

To Dubai, on a weekend break with Danielle Lloyd, we’d wager…

Posted: 6th, March 2008 | In: Celebrities, OK! | Comment (1)


Coleen McLoughlin And The Liverpool Pack Visit The Hairdressers

coleen-hair.jpgCOLEEN McLOUGHLIN stands before a mirror, offering us a view of her front and a reflected view of her back.

Coleen McLoughlin is the complete woman.

Says OK!: “While all eyes have been on London recently for assorted swanky events like the BAFTAS and BRITS, the capital doesn’t have the monopoly on star-studded bashes.”

And to prove it OK! joins Coleen, Lauren Blake and Justine Mills at the opening of a hairdressers up north.

Also there are Evie Lavin, Sinead Moynihan, Emma Rigby, Katy O’Grady and Liverpool’s most eligible bachelor Stilt Walkers…

Posted: 5th, March 2008 | In: Back pages, Celebrities, OK! | Comment


Victoria Beckham On David’s Baby Skin Ground Force

beckhams.jpgIN OK! magazine, Victoria Beckham says of her Day-vid: “A lot of people think he’s a bit dim, but when you get to know him he’s actually quit deep.”

Such is the insight of Victoria Beckham.

Anorak has been reviewing Phil Shaw’s The Book of Football Quotations. Here’s few more bon mots from Victoria:

  • “He walks around the kitchen going: ‘I’m a gay icon, I’m a gay icon.’ When I say, ‘So am I’, he just goes, ‘But they love me more.’”
  • “He’s a really intelligent person. He’s really deep, which I like.”
  • “David is an animal in bed. Some woman asked me in an interview: “Are you so thin because you shag all day?” And I said: “Actually, yes.”
  • “I’ve read it cover to cover. It’s got some nice pictures.” (On a biography of her husband.)
  • “I’m sure there are lots of people who’d love to feel how soft his skin is. His skin is like our baby’s.”
  • “Me and David have always been very compatible. We’re going to get old together. We have a laugh. We got into bed together the other night, he put on the TV and what’s he watching? Ground Force. I said to him: “But I heard you’re really into porn.”

Victoria Beckham is singer-model-desinger-Wag-sex-just-like-you-and-me-talented…

Posted: 5th, March 2008 | In: Celebrities, OK! | Comment (1)


What Katie Price Picked Up Next

katie-price.jpgSAY the Jordan-inspired headline: “I WANT TO ADOPT ANOTHER DISABLED KID ON MY NEXT DAY OFF.”

It’s front-page news in OK!.

And it’s good news for disabled kids. But hold the fake bake. And as you were with the extra name vowels.

Jordan doesn’t tell OK! readers when her next day off is. It could be today. It could be tomorrow. Or for  Jordan – ‘the hardest working chest in showbiz’ – it could be in ten years time.

On the bright side, disabled kids will continue to live in hope, and Jordan’s team of disabled kid scouts will have time to find the right one…

Posted: 28th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities, OK! | Comment (1)


The Spice Kids As They Really Are

spice-faces.pngODD indeed that OK! should feature the Spice Gilrs on stage and not airbrush faces onto their odd-looking children.

But the magazine aims for authenticity and truth in all that it does, so we see the blurry outlines and smudged features of Brooklyn, Romeo and Cruz Beckham.

This facial tick has afflicted all Spice Kids, and Bluebell Halliwell, Beau Bunton and Angel Brown all have no features, just a facial smudge.

Anorak has employed our computer wizards to transfer suitable faces on all the children in the hope that when they next take to the stage they will not be judged too harshly…

Posted: 28th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities, OK! | Comment


Coleen McLoughlin Takes In A Wag Shower

baby-brand.jpgCOLEEN McLoughlin has been busy.

Much of the McLouhglin week is condensed into a single page in Closer magazine. The highlights:

“I wore this outfit when I went to a hair salon in Liverpool to have my extensions tightened”

“I really like shirt with jeans and I think the look is smart but casual”

“I had such a lovely holiday in Barbados”

“I bought a Matthew Williamson scarf… it’s pastel coloured with a map on it”

Phew!

Now Coleen hot foots it OK!, where she appears on the cover with the Wagtastic Alex Curran and Sheree Kewell.

The conversation inevitably moves on from plate tectonics to Cheryl and Ashley Cole, whom Sheree hopes can “move on”.

The other topic of chatter is Sheree’s baby shower.

There are baby Dior outfits, designer berets and diamond-encrusted dummies. Says Sheree: “I have nothing left to buy.”

How they must have roared with laughter at Sheree’s little joke. More on that next week…

Posted: 21st, February 2008 | In: Back pages, Celebrities, OK! | Comment (1)