Anorak

OK! | Anorak - Part 5

OK! Category

OK! magazine’s weekly look at celebrity, featuring you know who, what’s his name and her from EastEnders

This Ol Winehouse: Last Orders For Amy’s Alma Mater

amy-winehouse-2.jpgAMY Winehouse takes time out from rehab to open her heart to rock ‘n’ roll magazine OK!.

Looking like a cross between Bette Midler (when thin) and Alma Cogan (when alive), Winehouse is met by the line: “Lots of people talk about your drinking…”

“Yes,” replies Winehouse, “bored people.”

Instead of that boring chat, Winehouse tells us that when she goes “training” she is “lovely to be around”.

Training for popstars, one imagines, consists of putting in the hard yards between bars and drug dens. But Winehouse is a rebel of her age and for her training means going to the gym. To exercise.

“But then there’s the other days like I had to go to work and I said to my manager’s assistant: ‘Can you get me some mini Jack Daniel’s please, I just want three or four then I’ll be sweet as a nut.’”

Not the litre bottle? Right… Can we talk about..?

“I wasn’t even crying, I was like: ‘Listen, if you want to have a nice day, please got me some alcohol.’ By two bottles done I was like yes!”

Back to your life. There was the reha..

“I’ve had phases in my life where I wake up and all I want to do is drink alcohol, but that was…”

But aside from the drinking there’s…

“Normal people spend time thinking, what am I going to do with my life? I spend time drinking.”

And talking about drinking…

Posted: 5th, September 2007 | In: OK! | Comments (6)


A Posh Do: Big Brother’s Wedding Of The Year

posh-becks.jpg“BIG Brother stars Chanelle & Ziggy’s Posh Wedding.”

No time to waste. Fame’s clock counts down not up, ending not with the sound of detonating hopes and smashed dreams but silence as the phone stops ringing and a muffled yawn.

The minutes are ticking by and here are Ziggy and Chanelle tying the knot.

OK! is there to see all. It invites us inside their “DREAM CASTLE WEDDING”.
Ziggy is dressed as all OK! grooms must be in white, how one imagines the Pillsbury Doughboy would dress for his big day in court.

To his right sits Chanelle. Like her idol Victoria Beckham, Chanelle is sat on a throne. It might be the very throne Her Poshness sat upon.

Inside the castle and Ziggy and Chanelle are sharing an intimate moment. He is pushing his nose into her right eye. She is looking enraptured.

Then they are in the garden, reprising the moment when Day-vid dressed in Little Jimmy Osmond’s cast offs and went down on both knees.

Chanelle then puts on a tiara that seems to be made from the wire from atop the champagne cork.

They cut a cake with a sword. The blade looks rusty. As do the couple who though sat by an altar, and Ziggy is reading a prayer book, fail to actually marry.

And we realise that what we are watching is not the wedding of Chanelle and Ziggy but a visual echo from Posh and Becks’ prototype do.

And now the couple are crossing a bridge in New York…

Posted: 5th, September 2007 | In: OK! | Comment


Kerry Katona’s Dogs, Stags And Kids

kerry_mcfadden.jpgKERRY Katona is at Chester Zoo.

Forgoing Iceland, her favoured hang out, for so many lions and tigers, Katona is with her three daughters, Eenie, Meenie and Mo.

“Now, you don’t see Kerry Katona emerging from a tortoise shell every day of your life,” says OK!. And OK! is, as ever, right on the money. “But it was just one of the family’s exploits on a day trip to Chester zoo.”

Kerry is animal crackers at the zoo. And on the matter of furry creatures, she has this to say: “For him to compare having children to getting a dog are just cruel.” Kerry is making mention of how ex-husband Brian, father to the two eldest children, compared childhood and dog ownership.

Indeed, you can need a licence to own a dog. Although what with so many paraded and presented pedigree children with interesting names, OK! can resemble the Crufts dog show.

“I can’t believe Britain could be so callous and cruel,” says Kerry. “Our children were born out of love. I’m gutted he has dismissed it as a sham.”

Britain, who cheated on Kerry with a lap dancer on his stag night, says he and his beloved never even say each other on their wedding night.

Said Brian: “It wasn’t a real wedding. We were getting married to have a big party and get loads of money for it – and to appear showbiz. The day my marriage ended was on the stag night. That was the time I felt, this is not supposed to be.”

Kerry has moved on, thankfully, with a new daughter, a new man and new marriage photospread in OK!…

Posted: 12th, April 2007 | In: Celebrities, OK! | Comment (1)


Jungle Mums – Kerry Katona & Jordan

untitled.jpgAND so it comes to this. After years of creating celebrity ice dancers, pig tossers and bigots, the final reckoning: JORDAN V KERRY.

OK! traces the feud back to is roots in the I’m A Celebrity jungle, where Kerry is weeping for her then husband Brian McPadding and Jordan is dallying with pop acorn Peter Andre.

Things are good. Life is easy. Cockroaches are plentiful.

And then Kerry gets divorced. And Kerry marries Mark Croft. And Jordan, now married to the acorn, says: “I think he’s taking advantage of how fragile she is. I’m worried about her being the next Anna Nicole Smith.”

Mark is not a petrified Texas billionaire; Mark is a cabbie from Warrington with a low-rent past. But Kerry is blonde-ish. And that’s enough for Jordan.

But Kerry says Jordan is wrong. Kerry says Jordan is “harsh”. Kerry says Jordan should not judge a person on what she reads in the magazines. Kerry – stunning, talented and blonde, it says here – is out to set the record straight.

Kerry: I am really p****ed off with the things you’ve said recently. I was really hurt!
Jordan: But Kerry, you are still my friend…”

It soon becomes apparent that this tête-à-tête has been recorded before Kerry’s marriage to Mark. Kerry is pregnant, and Jordan, also pregnant, seems to be still bathed in the deep orangey glow of her marriage to the aforesaid acorn.

The girls put rollers in their hair. Kerry picks up a pillow. Jordan wants to know if Kerry has taken drugs. “I have not taken any drugs,” says Kerry. “I do not drink and I haven’t left my house. The last time I had a drink was on January 6. I had a Baileys.”

Katie: You shouldn’t have to justify yourself.
Kerry: [Stating to cy] No, I shouldn’t…

Kerry goes on to tell Jordan how she smoked all through her pregnancy. She is “too trusting”.

Jordan wants to know how Kerry copes with the pressure, the stress, the trials and tribulations of being reality TV royalty (Kerry won I’m A Celebrity and became the jungle queen)? Says Kerry: “I put a big front on, don’t I.”

And finally, after the rift, Jordan and Kerry are on common ground…

Posted: 27th, March 2007 | In: Celebrities, OK! | Comment


Kerry Katona’s Oven Ready Chicken

kerry-katonas-oven-ready-chicken.jpg“MY baby’s like a frozen chicken from Iceland,” says Kerry Katona, now Kerry Croft.

Kerry is on the cover of OK!.

Pictured with her baby, new husband Mark Croft, we can neither confirm nor deny her claim that he looks like a plucked and gutted bird. Granted, the fuzzy scalp and dipping pointy beak give him the look of a newborn chick, but until we see the legs and feet, the jury is out.

Inside, the matter is cleaned up as Kerry uses her OK! Diary to tell us that the featherless fowl is not husband Mark but baby Heidi Elizabeth.

Kerry recalls how newborn Heidi was defrosted a little early when waters broke six weeks before the due date.

As ever in matters of showbiz births, the celebrity is forced to endure an emergency Caesarean.

But all went well. Heidi was to come out the oven early, a little underdone but if put on a hot incubator tray, left under lights and injected with some water this poussin would be done to a turn.

Just look at her. Says Kerry: “Unfortunately she looks like Mark with his chin and cheeks, but at least she’s got mine and Lilly’s ski-jump nose.”

While we pass on Heidi’s nose (geddit?), Kerry relives the full ordeal of birth.

We begin the event with Mark.

Mark: I thought Kerry had wet the bed when I woke up because I was lying next to a big wet patch.

Kerry’s problems with tears, drink and drugs have been well documented.

Kerry: Screaming. “No, I bleedin’ haven’t – my waters have broken.”

Kerry runs around like “a headless chicken”.

Mark: “I’m dead queasy when it comes to blood, so I nearly passed out at the birth!”

Well, Heidi was a little underdone. And if Big Brother has taught us anything, it is that chickens should be thoroughly devoid of bloody bits…

Posted: 28th, February 2007 | In: Celebrities, OK! | Comment