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Alex James’s Cheese Is Comedy Gold: Blur Band Member Does Brass Eye

ALEX James, once famous for being in Blur, is now Alex Jamas famous for hanging out with David Cameron and making cheese and cheese adverts for Asda. He has three cheese strings to his bow:

James Calls Them: Cheddar Mozzarella Blankets
You Call Them: Cheese Slices

Alex has put the emphasis on delicious everyday comfort food you can share with the family – and what better than cheese on toast.
“Everyone loves cheese on toast,” says Alex. He’s created something unique for the range – bread-shaped slices of cheese that cover the toast perfectly.

The cheese blankets are great and easy to use for kids. They come in three flavours – Cheddar and Mozzarella, Cheddar and Tomato Ketchup, and Cheddar and Salad Cream.

You might say: But I want to do my own ketchup, mum.

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Posted: 19th, September 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (2)


Gifs Of The Week: The Best Magic Trick Ever

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Posted: 18th, September 2011 | In: Gifs, Key Posts | Comment


Suicidal Sinead O’Connor Gives It Up The Arse

FOLLOWING her earlier invitation for anal sex with a yam named Brian, priest Sinead O’Connor haas been talking about suicide.

Note: her advert for love now includes the element: “Must provide me with Fry’s chocolate cream bars (NOT a euphemism for anal sex).”

D-listed on his blog says Sinead is crazy. She is not. She is a brilliant writer, utterly captivating, warm, charming and readable. She is the antidote to the PR-fed bullshit that passes for copy in the tabloid press, in which pop mucus is traduced to Cheryl Cole’s warm heart and Lady Gaga’s beef curtains.

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Posted: 18th, September 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment


Kate Middleton’s Tattoo Causes Confusion In Edinburgh

KATE Middleton has a tattoo. No, no that Kate Middleton – another one. Do we pity the person whose name is hijacked by a bigger name? Was there an Elvis Presley before there was Elvis Presley. Do John Lennons call themselves by another name when booking hotel rooms in New York? Does Bill CLinton wish that William Jefferson Blythe had not changed his name? Is Sarah Ferguson bitter?

This Kate Middleton has a tattoo on her thigh. The tattoo was not finished when its designer, Karolina Randakova, was sacked by Dragonheart Tattoo UK in Portobello, Edinburgh. Another artist finished it off.

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Posted: 18th, September 2011 | In: Key Posts, The Consumer | Comment


The 2011 Oktoberfest Fest In Photos: Babes In Dirndls And Big Sausages

THE Bavarian “Oktoberfest” beer festival has kicked off in Munich, southern Germany. It is the world’s largest beer festival. The pictures of the pints, the girls in the low-cut dirndls, the boys getting smashed, the girls getting pie-eyed, the Top Spinn fair ground ride and the sausages are here:

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A young woman poses with a beer mug in the Hofbraeuhaus-tent after the opening of the famous Bavarian "Oktoberfest" beer festival in a beer tent in Munich, southern Germany, on Saturday, Sept.17, 2011. The world's largest beer festival, to be held from Sept. 17 to Oct. 3, 2011 will see some millions visitors. (AP Photo/Matthias Schrader)

Posted: 17th, September 2011 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comment


Amelia Hill Will Beat The Corrupt Metropolitan Police And The Civil Servants: Remember Sally Murrer

WHO grassed up the police? Who told the Guardian’s reporters Amelia Hill and Nick Davies that the Metropolitan Police were up to their wallets  in dealings with News International and other tabloids? The Met knew Milly Dowler’s phone had been hacked. But they never told. They made no arrests. Scotland Yard sat on the news and counted the cash.

And if The Yard knew, what civil servants also knew? The mandarins in Whitehall with their gilded pensions are not immune in this story of greed and lies.

Now the Metropolitan Police are using the Terror Acts to make the Guardian tell all. This is shameful. The police have lost their way. Their case may well be thrown out by the High Court’s Judges …it depends on the lottery of judge selection. Sir Michael George Tugendhat would be the one The Guardian briefs will be hoping for.

The police Operation Weeting investigation into phone hacking is soiled by their own duplicity.

Amelia Hill must be helped. Article 10 of the Human Rights Act says Hall does not need to reveal her sources. She is exercising her freedom of expression. Her news is not  a matter of national security. Also, she has not paid for the information. She has not handed over cash to, say, a policemen. No crime has been committed.

Readers may not recall the name Sally Murrer. But the police should.

In 2008, Murrer, a part-time reporter on the Milton Keynes Citizen newspaper, was booked to appear in the dock Kingston Crown Court. Her apparent crime was to have received information from Thames Valley police detective sergeant, Mark Kearney.

The police pursued her with relish. They put her in a cell, strip searched her and subjected her to interrogation. She said:

“I just lost my ability to think coherently. My brain went to cotton wool.”

She was charged with three counts of obtaining police information illegally and aiding and abetting misconduct in a public office. She pleaded not guilty. Police had made secret recordings of her talking to Kearney.

And then judge Richard Southwell stepped in. He said that under European laws any information gathered by the police using the bug should be excluded. The rights of journalists and their sources was more important. The journalists’ rights to freedom of expression were protected from interference by the state. Murrer did not win. She just did not lose her liberty. But the police made her suffer. Said she:

“This is a victory, not simply for me, but for all journalists. My legal team have been absolutely superb and they have fought for all of us. It’s been a very long, horrible, nasty and vindictive case and we are all exhausted. We have done all emotions over the last 19 months, now it’s just about survival.”

Interestingly the case also featured a private detective – yep, like Glenn Mulcaire: former police officer Derek Webb, 53, from Hertfordshire, was charged with five offences of aiding and abetting misconduct in a public office. He denied them all. He too was cleared. His clients, reportedly, have included the News of the World.

Murrer’s solicitor, Louis Charalambous of Simons Muirhead and Burton, told media:

“Sally Murrer should never have been prosecuted. The safeguards enshrined in law for the protection of journalists have been trampled upon by Thames Valley Police – both at the outset and when they chose to bug Sally’s conversations under a warrant that failed to mention that she was a journalist and later when she was arrested and brought to a police station, where, following a strip search and a night in the cells, she faced a gruelling interrogation – while her home and office were searched, and all of her notebooks seized.

“Had the case against Sally gone ahead, it would have signalled a lurch towards a police state, a situation which is abhorrent in the minds of right thinking people.”

Jeremy Dear, the NUJ general secretary, added:

“This is a major victory, not just for Sally but for all journalists. This case was yet another example of members of the police force believing they were above the law, able to trample over well-established journalistic rights and freedoms. Let’s be clear, this was an attempt to make a criminal out of a journalist for receiving information that the state didn’t want to get out. It was a misguided prosecution that sought to punish Sally for simply doing her job.

“This judgment sends a clear message to the authorities: they must recognise the importance of free and open journalism. Hard questions must now be asked of the police and CPS as to why these costly proceedings were allowed to get so far.”

Thames Valley police replied:

“The leaking of sensitive information is a serious matter which can jeopardise police investigations, put officers and members of the public at risk and lead to criminal and misconduct charges. The public has a right to expect that officers and police staff who have access to sensitive information can be trusted to handle the material appropriately.”

If the Guardian had not shown the highest degrees of quality investigative journalism there would be no Operation Weeting. What act of Terror has been committed to allow an in-line operation Superintendent WoodenTop to cudgel a journalist with a bizarre interpretation of the disparate 4 and 5 sections of the Terror Act?

The Guardian’s sister organ, the Observor, Leader is worth a glance.

It concludes.
“The issues beyond this extraordinary Yard move couldn’t be starker. Journalists have a duty to defend their sources. The Human Rights Act (and Strasbourg beyond it) makes that clear. The use of the Official Secrets Act, which lacks any public interest defence, is imaginative going on ludicrous; just as its prospective use against police officers on the Weeting team is misjudged. In effect, Scotland Yard, which muffed the scandal first time round, appears bent on muffing the task one more time in a welter of hyperactive zeal.

“At least there are several more hurdles this weird initiative must yet clear before its catches fire: an Old Bailey hearing on Friday, decisions from the attorney general and Crown Prosecution Service further down the line. But even at first glance, commissioner Hogan-Howe must see the quicksands he’s stumbling into, pursuing newspaper sources where the public isn’t just interested, but incensed. Tinker Tailor Soldier and Plainly Intelligent Copper? Let us hope so, for everyone’s sake – including the Yard’s.”

Given that Hill and the Guardian never hacked a phone, the sight of the police harassing she and her innocent newspaper is revolting.

The Metropolitan Police may now be planting its size 14 flat feet on another crumbling cliff edge and UK Premier David Cameron teeters on the brink of the chasm of ridicule along with the Plods.

There could be a gentle irony in it all, an unelected Premier Cameron being dragged down by the unrepresentative Met. .. and all the while the advising Civil Servants twitch the odd lip and shuffle folders in readiness to control the new leader. Same Old, Same Old.

Meanwhile, sensitive, caring and sharing, police install CCTV in Whitehall’s office corridors in a bid to plug the leaks.

Posted: 17th, September 2011 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comments (2)


Arsenal Fans Have Never Had It So Good Under Wenger: The Delicious Pain Of Being Spanked

OH, happy days, Arsenal fans. Who would have believed that as early as September the emotions would be high. Nothing beats a thrashing – and Arsenal are getting a darned good one. Disappointingly, defeat to Blackburn Rovers will not earn the Gunners travelling support a refund, as it did when the Londoners were spanked at Manchester United. The benchmark has been set: you need to lose by six to get your money back; and Blackburn, even with two Arsenal own goals, were never up to it.

Nonetheless, the pall of gloom hanging over Arsenal is delicious. Against Blackburn, Arsenal looked good. They were on the cusp of a return to might. But an off-side goal and those two owns goals helped conjure defeat from routine victory against Blackburn, who going into the game were bottom of the table. This was pain with a kink. Arsenal fans were being salved with honeyed words and unguents when the nipple clamps went on.

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Posted: 17th, September 2011 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comment (1)


Bullingdon Britain: Where Political Looters And Paedophiles Escape And Rioters Are Made To Pay

NICHOLAS Robinson was handed a 6 months’ prison sentence for rioting. He admitted to being “ashamed of his actions“. The water retails at £3.50. Anderson Fernandes, 21, stole two scoops of ice-cream in a cone and handling a stolen vacuum cleaner. He was given a 16-months prison sentence.

Around that time, Lord Hanningfield was relieved from prison, where he served 9 week of a 9 months sentence for nicking £14,000 in a a fraudulent parliamentary expenses. Says Hanningfield: “I did nothing wrong.”

This kind of thing is rife (do write in with your own examples or money in low places):

That’s Rich:

COUNCIL chief executive Steve Robinson received an extra £13,000 for acting as returning officer at last year’s General Election, despite a fiasco which saw voters denied their right to vote… The council’s accounts show Mr Robinson’s benefits in kind, including his car allowance, rose from £1,000 to £2,000 last year and his employer’s pension contribution rose from £37,000 to £40,000 resulting in an overall £17,000 rise in his financial package of £235,000 compared to the previous year. Ellesmere Port Pioneer

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Posted: 17th, September 2011 | In: Key Posts, Politicians | Comments (2)


Horrible Food Photos: Shredded Children With Herpes Soup

FOOD. Can you be tempted by our menu of delicacies? What about the cock mints? The herpes soup – it’s a Saudi delicacy. Would sir like the shredded children? A range of hearty soaps for madam?…

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Posted: 17th, September 2011 | In: Key Posts, The Consumer | Comment


Photos Of The Day: Mega Clitz For Jesus

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Posted: 17th, September 2011 | In: Key Posts, Photojournalism | Comment


Tulisa’s X Factor Sex Session Shames Shagging Simon Cowell And Cocaine Taking Gary Barlow

DOUBTLESS inspired by Simon Cowell’s three-in-a-bed sex session, four budding bands have been booted off the X Factor.

Eight bands went with Tulisa to a her “Judges’ Houses sing-off” in Mykonos, Greece. The Daily Star reports on its front page:

But after just 48 hours on the island she hit the roof after discovering that some of the singers have been using their time abroad for raunchy sex sessions.

Says Tulisa, 23:

“If they’re just mucking about for fun to have a shag when they should be rehearsing, then I’m not into that at all.” The morning after, word leaked when some of the bands started gossiping and blabbed to the Daily Star about it.

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Posted: 17th, September 2011 | In: Key Posts, TV & Radio | Comment


Kweku Adoboli: What Was It He Actually Did?

WHAT did “rogue trader” Kweku Adoboli actually do? Well, other than lose UBS a couple of billion that is?

At this point our real problem is that we don’t in fact know what is was that he did wrong in order to get into this mess: but something stupid almost certainly. In a little bit of a surprise for those like me who think that the lefties at The Guardian are entirely ignorant not just of finance but of basic numeracy, their reporting today is rather better than that of the Telegraph’s.

Anyway, let me try to put together a guide to some of the jargon for you. All that ETF, Delta-1, futures, options, market making and the like. And let’s stick with something simple, gold, to use as our explanation.

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Posted: 16th, September 2011 | In: Key Posts, Money | Comment


World’s Most Pierced Man: Rolf Buchholz In Photos

ROLF Buchholz is the 52-year-old from Dortmund, Germany, with 453 studs stuck into his flesh. He is the world’s most pierced man. He has 278 piercing in his genitals. And Velcro flies on his Y fronts…
(Rolf is available as a wall hanging).

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Posted: 16th, September 2011 | In: Key Posts, Strange But True | Comments (2)


Joan Collins On The Rise Of Yob Culture And Swearing At Old Cows

JOAN Collins has been plugging her book The World According To Joan in the Daily Mail.

Never one to mince her words, Joan Collins uses her brilliantly incendiary new book, The World According To Joan, to unleash her rage at the state of modern Britain. Here, in our second exclusive extract, Joan rails against the rise of yob culture and the loss of the good manners that once defined us as a nation.

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Posted: 16th, September 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment


AIDS Drugs Makes Man Grow Breasts: Photos

JOSEPH Mkanada has grown breasts as a result of his AIDS medication. He and other men were being given anti-retroviral (ARV) drugs.

Says Mr Mkanda from his home in Mtwara, Tanzania:

“I feel very much ashamed to go out of my house, because I have developed breasts like a woman. I fear that other people would laugh at me.

“I went to one of the medical doctors in my village, who told me that such signs were normal for people suffering from AIDS who have been taking the drugs for a long time. At the moment, I don’t know what to do or where to go.”

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Posted: 16th, September 2011 | In: Key Posts, Strange But True | Comment (1)


John Scarlett, The MI6, Dodgy Dossiers, The Times And Statoi Oil In Iraq: How Power Works

SIR John Mcleod Scarlett is on the board of Times Newspapers Ltd, part of News International. He’s held the post since January. Before that he was Director General of the British Secret Intelligence Service – MI6 – and chair of the Cabinet Office Joint Intelligence Committee.

He drew up the dodgy dossier of September 2002. In 2009, the spy told the Iraq war inquiry that the dodgy dossier that suggested that Saddam Hussein’s Weapons of Mass Destruction could be unleashed within 45 minutes was produced with “no conscious intention” to mislead Westminster and the people:

“There was absolutely no conscious intention to manipulate the language or to obfuscate or to create a misunderstanding as to what this might refer to.”

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Posted: 15th, September 2011 | In: Key Posts, Politicians | Comment


Fantastic Gifs Of Children’s Epic Fails And Wins

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Posted: 15th, September 2011 | In: Gifs, Key Posts | Comment


Celebrities At New York Fashion Week: The Photos

NEW York Fashion Week – the inedible  in pursuit of the free, starring: Nicki Minaj, Sting and Bono, Beyonce Knowles, Solange Knowles, Kim Kardashian and…

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Singer Nicki Minaj, left, and designer Betsey Johnson pose backstage before the Betsey Johnson Spring 2012 collection show during Fashion Week, Monday, Sept. 12, 2011, in New York. (AP Photo/Jason DeCrow)

Posted: 14th, September 2011 | In: Key Posts, The Consumer | Comment (1)


Kerry Katona On Sex With Charlie Sheen And Love For Lucien Laviscount

LIKE you, we were surprised to realise that the Daily Star might have been making up names to feature on Big Brother – either that or else Charlie Sheen, Snoop Dogg and Chelsy Davy were always just out out of shot.

Happily, the Star has OK! to race to its aid and assure us that brother-sister-like stars Kerry Katona and Lucien Laviscount are A-listers who can fall in love and make beautiful fly-in-the-ketchup reality TV shows.

And so it is that this week’s OK! tells us:

“LUCIEN & KERRY IT’S LOVE.”

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Posted: 14th, September 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment


Most Frightening Mug Shot Ever: Hell’s Caius Veiovis Wears Under Skin Bike Helmet (Photos)

MUG Shot Of The Day features the face of Meet Caius Veiovis, a 31-year-old from Massachusetts arrested in connection with the murder and kidnap of three men: David Glasser, Edward Frampton and Robert Chadwell.

His co-defendent are Adam Halll and David Chalue.

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Posted: 14th, September 2011 | In: Key Posts, Strange But True | Comment


Want to Grow the Economy? Abolish Immigration Restrictions

WANT to grow the economy? Then abolish immigration restrictions.

No, not abolish immigration, this isn’t the BNP newsletter. Rather, the one big thing, the biggest thing in fact, that we could do to grow the world economy is to abandon all immigration restrictions.

That’s the outcome of a new research paper at least. In economic terms the argument is sound and beguiling. A very large part of how much you earn, how much you can produce, what your labour is worth (all, roughly, synonyms for each other) comes from where you had the good or ill fortune to be born.

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Posted: 13th, September 2011 | In: Key Posts, Money | Comments (4)


Signs – WTF

SIGNS can tell you something… about the signwriter…

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Posted: 13th, September 2011 | In: Key Posts, Strange But True | Comment


Rihanna Models Winter Weight Leather Armani Bikini: Photos

RIHANNA is modelling for Giorgio Armani. For the Italian’s autumn/winter collection, Rihanna wears both bra AND knickers. Her leather bikini forecasts a mild winter. It;s what all teh cool kids will be wearing at Christmas in Rhyl…

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Posted: 13th, September 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (3)


David Tebbutt And Judith Tebbutt: What Really Happened At Kenya’s Kiwayu Safari Village

DAVID Tebbutt, 58, has been shot dead in Kenya. His wife Judith, 56, has been kidnapped. The couple from Bishop’s Stortford, Hertfordshire, were holidaying at the Kiwayu Safari Village luxury resort, near the border with Somalia.

The media reacts:

The Telegraph says Mrs Tebbutt is deaf. She has only 30-40% hearing and wears a double hearing aid.

There are growing fears that Judith Tebbutt, 56, has been taken across the nearby border into lawless Somalia after she was seized by six gunmen who broke into the couple’s £560-a-night beach hut at Kiwayu Safari Village in the early hours of Sunday morning.

Sky News adds the obligatory celebrity angle:

The attack happened at the remote beach resort, reportedly favoured by artist Tracey Emin, actress Imelda Staunton and Sir Mick Jagger.

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Posted: 13th, September 2011 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comment


George Osborne Proves Hanging About With Drugs-Dealing Prostitutes Does Not Harm Your Career

ABC has news on phone hacking, George Osborne and a prostitute. Rachael Brown writes:

Of all the mysteries surrounding the British phone hacking scandal, it is the claims from a dominatrix linking Britain’s now chancellor George Osborne to drug use, prostitution and political subterfuge that may be the most intriguing.

Where is the News of The World when you need it, eh?

Mr Osborne, 41, is a close friend of prime minister David Cameron from university and is currently Britain’s chancellor of the exchequer. He lives next door to Mr Cameron at 11 Downing Street.

You’ve got to like the “lives next door” part. It’s the well-appointed company house. Brown is over-egging her pudding. She also mentions the part that Osbourne is a former member of the Bullingdon Club, the pot-smoking, pot-tossing, rabble rousers whose graduates include shagging London Mayor Boris Johnson and reformed illegal cannabis puffer Prime Minister David Cameron.

We meet Natalie Rowe, “former madam of the Black Beauties escort agency“. She is also known as Jennifer Shackleton, “Miss Whiplash” or “Mistress Pain”.

Her boyfriend at the time was William Sinclair – a friend of Mr Osborne, and the descendent of one of the biggest landowners in the UK. The pair were members of Oxford University’s Bullingdon Club

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Posted: 12th, September 2011 | In: Key Posts, Politicians | Comment (1)