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Key Posts | Anorak - Part 230

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David Beckham’s La Galaxy AC Milan Career In Quotes

DAVID Beckham loves Los Angeles Galaxy. Yaaaay! David Beckham moves to AC Milan after year with his beloved LA Galaxy. Scorechio! Anrosk takes look at BEckhgams’ LA Galxay career (pictures):

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Posted: 5th, February 2009 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comments (3)


Jade Goody’s Cancer Embodies The White Working Class

JADE Goody has “only weeks to live” advertises the Star’s front page.

“Doc gives Jade miracle drug,” says the Sun on its front page.

“My last chance,” says Jade on the Mirror’s front page. “She’ll fight on for sake of the boys.”

Here’s hoping that cancer can be shouted down or glassed in the face or if, say, Jade’s love Jack Tweed steps in, smashed about the person with a golf club. Fight!

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Posted: 5th, February 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (57)


John Terry’s Transsexual Secret, Revealed!

ANORAK applauds Chelsea’s extremely heterosexual captain for having the balls to go public with his secret (until now) transsexual identity – Mr JT is perhaps the last baller we would expect this of.

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Posted: 5th, February 2009 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comments (11)


Queen Endorses Golliwogs As Carol Thatcher Says “Golly Good Show, Andy Murray”

TO a gift shop on the Queen’s Sandringham Estate in Norfolk, and a order for golliwog toys.

Carol Thatcher is elevated from the living hell of BBC TV’s pisspoor The One Show after referring to tennis playerAndy Murray as a “golliwog” and the UK goes bonkers for the golli.

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Posted: 5th, February 2009 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comments (19)


Christian Bale Versus Bill O’Reilly Smack Down

BATMAN actor Christian Bale is effing and blinding on the scene of Terminator Salvation when director of photography Shane Hurlbut strays into shot.

Bale unleashes a string of sarcasm and swearing as he calls a colleague, er, unprofessional. Show some f*****g respect you ***o.

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Posted: 4th, February 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (4)


Mars Merkaba Baptized In The Twitty Milk

TWITTY Milk is back on the celebrioty name rollerdex. Erykah Badu has named her newborn baby girl Mars Merkaba.

When baby appeared, mum and dad, one Jay Electronica, took one look at said “Twitty Milk“. They twittered it. And a world rejoiced that Puma Rose and Seven Sirius could finally laugh at someone else.

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Posted: 4th, February 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment


Jade Goody’s International Celebrity Cancer

JADE Goody has rarely been more popular, now that she’s ill.

“Jade: My cancer has spread,” announces the Sun on its front page.

Cynics might point out that its spread from being a private matter between Jade and Indian telly viewers to the tabloids’ front page.

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Posted: 4th, February 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (30)


Carol Thatcher Follows Jonathan Ross Out As BBC Purges Speech Impediments

THATCHER. Thatcher. Thatcher. Out! Out! Out! It’s Carol Thatcher being ousted from the BBC for using the world golliwog in a non-ironical fashion.

Carol, better known as Cawol, follows Jonathan Ross (Woss) down the BBC rubbish chute.

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Posted: 4th, February 2009 | In: Key Posts, Photojournalism, Reviews | Comments (17)


An Exclusive Chat With Cheryl Cole And Victoria Beckham

CHERYL Cole says Victoria Beckham is “AN INCREDIBLE WOMAN”.

Cheryl Cole tells OK! readers that “THERE’S NO FEUD.”

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Posted: 4th, February 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment


Britney Spears’s Wet Cheeto Show

BRITNEY Spears is rehearsing for her new world tour by throwing tantrums and locking herself in her room.

It all promises to be an improvement on her usual performances, in which Britney mimes and dry humps the microphone while dancers flit around her like flies about a wet Cheeto.

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Posted: 4th, February 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (3)


Badminton For Change: Obama Sends Shuttlecock To Iran

WHILE Old Mr Anorak coaches his Thai Ladies ping-pong winter training camp, Barack Obama unleashes his badminton team on an unsuspecting Iran.

The Associated Press reports:

The Obama administration is sending a women’s badminton team to Iran this week as part of a broad bid to engage the Iranian people through educational and cultural exchanges.

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Posted: 3rd, February 2009 | In: Key Posts, Politicians | Comment (1)


Outrage As Parent Films Sick Child On Drugs And Posts It On YouTube (Video)

WHAT kind of monster would give a child drugs and make them stupified? What kind of man would film that child and post the video on YouTube? What sick scumbag would then post the video on their site and invite people to respond by saying how sickened they are by so much sickness?

The drugged boy is called David. he has been to see “The Dentist”. Sick:

Dear Daily Mail

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Posted: 3rd, February 2009 | In: Key Posts, Photojournalism, Strange But True | Comments (4)


George Bush’s Legacy Marked In George Clooney Film And Wind Power

BARBRA Streisand says George Bush, whom she had just been kissed by, will be remembered for “the ruination of our country”. And – irony of ironies – “But, he was very disarming…”

Indeed, he was disarming in Iraq and Afghanistan. So Bush is war. Or will Bush be remembered for his environmentalism:

The United States overtook Germany as the biggest producer of wind power last year, new figures showed, and will likely take the lead in solar power this year…

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Posted: 3rd, February 2009 | In: Key Posts, Politicians | Comment (1)


Lily Allen Snowballs: How They Stare At The British Britney Spears

LILY Allen Watch: Lilly is over exposed, like Britney Spears. Says Lily Allen on GMTV.

“I don’t need publicity. It’s difficult as you want people to appreciate you for your music.”

So says Lily Allen, knicker flasher on GMTV (Glastonbury Music TV).

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Posted: 3rd, February 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (3)


Amy Winehouse In Drugs Island, For The Record

AMY Winehouse is on the move. The Sun says Amy is going to Jamaica – “Isle of Druggies”.

The paper says it’s a change of scenery, as Amy swaps the turquoise waters and bougainvillea of St Lucia for a cracked ceiling in Kingston.

Culture Me: Jamaica is “The Caribbean island where illegal drugs are known to be widely available.”

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Posted: 3rd, February 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (36)


Hamster Rodney Stanger Wanted In Connection With Missing Molly Bish

MOLLY Bish is misisng. A hamster called Rodney Stanger is sought in connection with her disappearance:

Posted: 3rd, February 2009 | In: Key Posts, Strange But True | Comments (7)


Shoe Thrown At China’s Wen Jiabao (Video)

THE shoe as a weapon. The shoe as protest. The shoe as thrown at China’s Prime Minister Wen Jiabao as   he speaks at Cambridge University:

FOX News reports:

The protester seated near the back of the auditorium stood up during Wen’s speech and shouted: “How can you listen to this unchallenged?” before throwing the shoe that landed some distance from the premier. Wen was unhurt and police arrested the man.

Culture Me: In China throwing shoe is a sign of good fortune.

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Posted: 2nd, February 2009 | In: Key Posts, Politicians | Comments (3)


Madonna and Jesus Make A Crotch Grab

ASKS the Daily Mail: Madonna poses for yet ANOTHER raunchy album picture, will she still be doing this at 70?

Says 14: “As an avid appreciator of absurdity, I sure hope so!”

Madonna grabbing her crotch is getting to the point where she looks like she fighting incontinence or a pelvis organ prolapse.

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Posted: 2nd, February 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (12)


Manchester United’s Scholes Can Hit A Helmet From 40 Yards

PAUL Scholes is able to land the ball on the “head” of any piss taking Manchester United player. Fact.

Says Alex Ferguson:

“The most amazing thing is Paul Scholes in the morning.”

Paul Scholes morning glory?

“…when a player goes to pee at the side of the training pitch… he fires balls from 40 yards right on the top of their head. He got John O’Shea about two weeks ago.”

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Posted: 2nd, February 2009 | In: Key Posts, Photojournalism, Sports | Comments (5)


Lily Allen Is Violet Elizabeth Bott’s Britney Spears

LILY Allen Watch: Anorak’s at-a-glance look at the UK leading jobbing celebrity. Today, Lily wears a pair of blue knickers on stage and pretends she’s Britney Spears.

Lily Allen is the multi-faceted star of her age, the epitome of celebrity. In today’s instalment of Lily Allen Watch, Lily is “Leggy Allen” on the Sun’s front page and “Frilly Allen” on the cover of the Daily Star.

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Posted: 2nd, February 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (16)


Michael Phelps Dries Out With A Marijuana Bong Fire

MICHAEL Phelps, multiple Olympic gold medalist, is pictured smoking weed from a bong. Marijuana is the secret of Phelps’ success. There is hope of London’s Olympians yet.

And who knew that a man who spends his life face down in chlorine and other people’s wee could have a life outside the pool?

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Posted: 1st, February 2009 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comment (1)


Green Shirt Offer: Save The Planet With The Earth S-Mother

JONATHAN Porritt, chair of the government’s Sustainable Development Commission, says “couples” who have more than two children are being “irresponsible”.

The third child creates “an unbearable burden on the environment”. So the third child has to go, for the good of mankind. Abortion for Mother Earth!

Says Porrrit:

“I think we will work our way towards a position that says that having more than two children is irresponsible. It is the ghost at the table. We have all these big issues that everybody is looking at and then you don’t really hear anyone say the “p” word.”

The P word is of course Baby P. He is the ghost at the table, or one of them.

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Posted: 1st, February 2009 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comment (1)


10 Naked Amy Winehouse Facts

PSST! Wanna see Amy Winehouse naked? Wanna see Amy Winehouse naked an playing scrabble.

If you do rearrange the following letters in the manner of a Rachel Riley conundrum:

E, YES MY

10 Amy Winehouse Facts

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Posted: 1st, February 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment


Madeleine McCann: Facts, Mourn Porn And A Birthday Tea

MADDIE WATCH – Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann, Kate McCann and Gerry McCann

Daily Mirror: “Haunted by Maddy’s disappearance, Kate McCann spends three hours a day trawling files”

She is consumed with the hunt for her daughter. every day she will spend 3 hours reading documents, looking for the vital clue which will answer the question that has tortured her and Gerry for 21 agonising months. Where is our missing Madeleine?

Our Maddy, surely?

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Posted: 31st, January 2009 | In: Key Posts, Madeleine McCann, Reviews | Comments (32)


Israel And Gaza: The UN School Massacre That Never Was

THE Israelis killed the 43 schoolchildren by bombing Ibn Rushd Preparatory School for Boys, run by the United Nations Relief and Works Agency in Gaza. Fact. The Toronto Globe and Mail has been picking though the debris:

Physical evidence and interviews with several eyewitnesses, including a teacher who was in the schoolyard at the time of the shelling, make it clear: While a few people were injured from shrapnel landing inside the white-and-blue-walled UNRWA compound, no one in the compound was killed. The 43 people who died in the incident were all outside, on the street, where all three mortar shells landed….

A terrible loss of life. But the facts are not quite what the media reported at the time:

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Posted: 30th, January 2009 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comments (19)