Money Category
Money in the news and how you are going to pay and pay and pay
Forged Art Show At The Victoria & Albert: Simon Cowell’s Covers Versions In Pictures
AT the Victoria and Albert Museum in London, you can see fake art works by ‘Lowry’ pastels, ‘Barbara Hepworth’ sculptures, paintings by Thomas Moran and graffiti artist Banksy, many by Shaun Greenhalgh from Bolton aka Vincent Van Greenhalgh. In 2007, Greenhalgh was jailed for four years and eight months on account of goings on in his garden shed. The work Amarna Princess, by Greenhalgh, sold for £440,000. so is it a fake. Or is it what Simon Cowell brand of artiste would call a “cover version”?
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Goldman Sachs Staff Paid In Baby Organs And Elements
NEWS that Goldman Sachs’ staff are to reach get a small island each and their own weight in newborn babies’ organs has angered many. Gordon Brown says he is determined that bankers be reigned in, although not those bankers already advising his Government. The other ones.
But how do you pay bankers the money they deserve when they already have it all? You need to give them something else, like babies’ organs, yet-to-be-discovered galaxies and some of the bigger elements. The chairman gets to own oxygen, his PA argon and so on down the chain of command.
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Madonna’s Daughter Lourdes On $110,000 A Week Pocket Money
ANORAK’S man in LA with his nose in an Italian newspaper, says Madonna’s kid Lourdes Leon, is minted, raking in $11k a week.
THE daughter of Madonna and Carlos Leon, has a reputation for having her fingers on the fashion pulse of the tween set. And if an Italian newspaper is to be believed, we now know how she affords to be among the best dressed 13-year-olds in the world.
La Repubblica claims that Lourdes scores an $11,000 a week allowance from Mamadonna.
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Kraft Unveils New Cadbury’s Cheez Egg And Cheez Flake
CADBURY is all set to be bought by US food giant Kraft and the news is full of Britons stood outside Old Ma Cadbury’s chocolate factory saying “Hands Off Our Buttons”. But will it so bad if Kraft takes over the shoppe? Anorak looks at some brands that Americans and with their big belts and labs might bring to market:
Cadbury’s Cheez Egg
Who doesn’t love an original? Since Old Mrs Cadbury created her snack in 1783, Britons have loved the taste of Easter. But now – finally! – things have been brought up to date as the egg is filled with delicious melted cheez. Available in Original and Triple Cheese.
Cheez Flake
Fashioned from the crumbliest, fakiest ™ cheez, the Cheez Flake tastes like chocolate never tasted before! Available in three varieties: Classic Cheddar, Four Cheese and Garlic Herb.
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Posted: 19th, January 2010 | In: Key Posts, Money | Comments (10)
London Property Floats On £1m Houseboat: In Pictures
A SIGN that property prices remain reassuringly high is the £1,000,000, 3 bed boat for sale by London’s Cadogan Pier. For your money you get a water bed, water lounge, water kitchen, a water loo and to a sundeck that gives pretty much everyone else a commanding view of your navel…
Posted: 11th, January 2010 | In: Money | Comments (7)
For Sale: Drowned Bugatti Brescia Rescued From Swiss Lake
SIGNS that the Government’s scrappage scheme are working as a1925 open-top Type 22 Bugatti Brescia that remained submerged in a Swiss lake for 73 years is expected to sell for £85,000 at a Paris auction.
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Posted: 9th, January 2010 | In: Money | Comment (1)
The 10 Men Most Likely To Marry Katie Price
“WHAT’S Katie Price been up to?” you ask. How’s pop acorn Peter Andre? How are the kidzzz? Well, news is that Katie will “REVEAL ALL” in the I’m A Celebrity… Jungle.
What’s that? No, Katie isn’t still in the Australian Bush studio, left behind years after the fray like a Japanese soldier unable to commit Hari Kari because his chest keeps bouncing off his sword. Katie is back. Peter, however is not. He’s gone, lost in Ikea’s lighting section.
So what horror is waiting for our Katie in the ITV jungle? Having squired 1980s popster Peter Andre, is there another one-hit wonder of yesteryear waiting for her? Let’s take a look at the Top Ten next Mr Katie Prices:
Rico Suave - Gerardo
Posted: 6th, January 2010 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts, Money, Strange But True | Comment
Cartoon Of The Decade: Fat Cats And Final Salary Pensions
READER AGW sends us the Cartoon of The Decade. You want to sum up the City banking crisis, fat cats and the fact that if you really want to milk the taxpayer you need to work for the council?
Done…
Posted: 30th, December 2009 | In: Money | Comment (1)
Somali Pirates’ Stimulus Package Nets $100million
IN Somalia, the local stimulus package is helping the pirate collective do pretty, pretty, pretty good:
“We have been given the ransom money, checked it, counted it and shared it among ourselves,” said the self-proclaimed pirate, who gave his name as Ahmed Afweyne.
Somali pirates have been paid more than $100 million in ransom over the last two years.
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British Airways Strikes A Blow For Mickey Mouse Unions
THE British Airways strike has taught us one thing. No, not that Bolshy well-paid union staff can bring down a business and ruin Christmas for the people who pay their wages. Not only that.
The shocker is that trolley dollies have a union: the British Airlines Stewards and Stewardesses Association (Bassa), a branch of the Unite monolith. The head of Bassa is Lizanne Malone, “a senior stewardess and the union’s chairman”.
She “manages to conduct business from 5,500 miles away in the sizzling Californian sunshine”, earning an “estimated £50,000 a year, and is still paid, even though, for at least a year, she has not actually been working on any flights while recovering from osteoporosis in her foot.”
Is 55 degrees in the rain “sizzling”?
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Tiger Woods: Using Gillette Gets You Laid And Other Tiger Woods Endorsements
TIGER Woods has been dropped by Accenture, and Gillette has announced it won’t use Woods’ name for an indefinite period.
Gillette isn’t thinking. Woods advertises shaving products to men for whom shaving is a novelty. Gillette has been cursed of late. Had their brand ambassador Thierry Henry not shaved his palms, Ireland would be going to the World Cup and not the French handball team. There are rumours of Roger Federer, the third Gillette shaving legend, growing a huge beard.
But back to the idea that Gillette is missing a chance.
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Posted: 14th, December 2009 | In: Key Posts, Money | Comments (4)
Tiger Woods: Accenture Ignores Its Own Advice And Sacks Tiger Woods
TIGER WOODS: Accenture has severed all links with Tiger Woods. After six years of lending his image to such meaningful corporate slogans as “It’s not a setback. It’s a test”, “We know what it takes to be a Tiger”, “Go on. Be a Tiger”, “Opportunity isn’t always obvious”, “In every field of endeavor there are the timid. And there are the Tigers” and – oh, the irony – “It’s what you do next that counts”, Accenture has ignored its own advice and sacked the golfer.
“After careful consideration and analysis, the company has determined that he is no longer the right representative for its advertising.”
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Posted: 14th, December 2009 | In: Key Posts, Money | Comment
Tories Rejoice At ‘Agent’ Alistair Darling’s Fine Work
HURRAH for Tory undercover agent Alistair Darling. Hip-hip toodle-pip. Parp! He’s putting the rate of national insurance up by 0.5%. The Tories are cock-a-hoop.
He’s placed the burden on employees in a failing economy. Hurrah!
Better yet – Darling is going to tax bankers’ bonuses. It’s a one-off tax that will tax any bonus over £25,000. Hurrah! Don’t pay them just loan them the money. Or pay the greedy bankers two years bonuses after the window. Hurrah!
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Posted: 10th, December 2009 | In: Money | Comments (3)
In Pictures: Thinnest House In London Could Be Yours For £550,000
ON Goldhawk Road, London, W12 you can buy a six-foot wide compact and bijou house for £549,950. The house boats five-floors, two reception rooms, a dining room, a kitchen in the basement, a bathroom, shower room, two bedrooms, a study but as yet no pole to slide down and rope ladder – although either would increase the living space. Property suits owner with morbid dread of fat people breaking in and stealing bisuits. The pictures:
City Traders And Newspapers Headlines Both Deal In Fantasy
THE Daily Mail leads with news that “£40,000 A FAMILY” was used to “fund the £850bn bank bail out.”
The Telegraph has a different headline figure:
Rescuing the banking system has cost the equivalent of more than £5,500 for every family in the country, an official audit has found.
Neither headlines is true:
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Posted: 4th, December 2009 | In: Money | Comment (1)
Boders Closes Down And Trashes Gift Vouchers
ON the forums, AGW writes on how Borders closing its doors is bad news for anyone who bought one of the firm’s gift vouchers. It wasn’t a voucher – it was an investment, liable to go down in value. You are not a customer – you are an “unsecured creditor”.
YOU may have spotted the Internet and High Street books and the like trader Borders is in administration.
The Times said, on Novemeber 26, the move:
“Puts 1,150 jobs at risk, MCR, the insolvency and restructuring firm, confirmed. Borders, which has 45 stores including a handful that trade as Books Etc, has been struggling to raise cash to trade through Christmas.”
Very nice. But that beautifully-worded press release re-hash misses the important point…the customer. It turns out the Administrator may be on to a very good thing at this time of year. Thousands upon thousands of forward thinkers have bought Borders Gift Vouchers to hand out as Christmas presents.
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Leeds University Advertises For A Lap Dance ‘Research Officer’ For Science Project
LEEDS University is adverting for a “Research Officer” to investigate “The rise and regulation of lap dancing and the place of sexual labour and consumption in the night time economy.”
Replies should be addressed to the Faculty of Education, Social Sciences and Law
School of Sociology and Social Policy.
The job description is gorgeous. Grab a light pen and get ready to take notes:
You will work on an ESRC funded study on the rise and regulation of lap dancing and the place of sexual labour and consumption in the night time economy. The post will involve qualitative and quantitative data collection and analysis. It is based in Leeds, although some travel to other cities may be necessary.
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Posted: 28th, November 2009 | In: Key Posts, Money | Comment (1)
Broke Dubai Moves Closer To Becoming The New Atlantis
DUBAI moves on a stage in its quest to become New Atlantis as it runs out of money.
Dubai wants its banks to grant it a six-month stay on its schedule of debt repayments.
Dubai imports footballers, their orange wives, cheap Indian labour, bitter ex-pats and air conditioning systems to make the place bearable.
It exports a dream of winter sun – only periodically blocked out by the cheap Indian workers walking along the shoreline to and from work and stopping to stare at you – locals rich enough to escape and sand.
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Child Sex Crime Lawyers Use Provactive Minor To Advertise Their Services
HAVE you been accused of being a paedo? Has your name appeared on a child sex websites? Well, if you live in Texas, you need Lindeman, Alvarado & Frye, lawyers specialising in “SOLICITIATION”.
While we at Anorak are prone to the odd typo, we are not advertising our skills in getting you off a child molestation charge, her you might be looking for someone who checks the facts thoroughly.
But this is not the worst of. The law firm, as our picture shows, uses the picture of blonde, pouty-mouthed minor. Is this necessary? Did she trap you? Is this the face of temptation?
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The Parcel Delivery Service Scam, Coming Through A Letterbox Near You
A NEW scam is highlighted by reader Ernie Chivers, as we receive a letter from a Fire Officer at HMPS:
Postal Scam
Can you circulate this around – especially as Christmas is fast approaching – it has been confirmed by Royal Mail.
The Trading Standards Office are making people aware of the following scam:
A card is posted through your door from a company called PDS (Parcel Delivery Service) suggesting that they were unable to deliver a parcel and that you need to contact them on 0906 6611911 0906 6611911 (a premium rate number).
DO NOT call this number, as this is a mail scam originating from Belize. If you call the number and you start to hear a recorded message. You will already have been billed £15 for the phone call.
If you do receive a card with these Details, then please contact Royal Mail Fraud on 02072396655 or ICSTIS the Premium rate service regulator) at www.icstis.org.uk
regards
**** *******
Fire Safety Officer
HMYOI ********
Of course, the other scam is when the parcel deliverer knocks very quietly on your door, slips a note through the letterbox and legs it. You then have to go to fetch the post, which might not be there.
Posted: 24th, November 2009 | In: Money | Comments (5)
New AOL Logo Wants To Be Called The Aol Dot, Period
REMEMBER when those TV adverts told us that America On Line was the way ahead for any Britons wanting to access and harness the wonder of the world wide web?
For a while it worked. And then you realised that AOL was charging you for stuff you could get for free, and that America was not the only country online. AOL begane to decline.
But now there are plans to make it mighty once more. We bring you the new logo for AOL. Ready… Set. Go!
AOL is to be…Aol.
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Advert Of The Day: Get Teeth To Attract Fishermen
EVER wanted fish to attract a fisheman? Well, this one’s for you…
I’m A Celebrity Kangaroos Get Fruit Flavoured Condoms
SO tasty are Condomi’s fruit-flavored condoms – “taste like real fruit” – that your significant other will sink their teeth into your penis in the manner of Katie Price eating a kangaroo’s member on I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here.
Either that or the reassuringly snug Condomi will peel your member like Abu Hamza tugging at an under-ripe satsuma.
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Posted: 16th, November 2009 | In: Money | Comments (2)
Euro Lottery Winners Yet To Pay Back Loan
CONGRATS to Les Scadding and his wife Samantha Peachey-Scadding from Caerleon, south Wales, seen here holding a cheque for 45.5 million, after scooping the prize in Saturday’s Euromillions jackpot.
You lend some people a fiver… Joke. Really. A joke. (They can afford lawyers for a whole week – we need to get the apology in early.)
Peachey by name…
Posted: 10th, November 2009 | In: Money | Comments (3)
Disney’s Snow White Becomes Ho White In Beer Campaign
ANYONE who received the email Snow White virus, and who tempted by the chance to see a fairytale character servicing seven miniature miners and opened it, will be delighted to see this advert for Ho White.
Snow White is pictured in bed, waiting for the little one to roll over, enjoying a post-orgy smoke. The advert for Jamieson’s Raspberry Ale – it’s “anything but sweet” – has not goen down well with Disney. It can’t have its fantasy characters based on other people’s stories smoking.
How white, and Filthy, Smarmy and Randy, will have to go.
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Posted: 16th, October 2009 | In: Money | Comments (2)
