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Money | Anorak - Part 70

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Money in the news and how you are going to pay and pay and pay

Peaches Geldof Is A Un-Provocateur

PEACHES Geldof is the new celebrity arse of Agent Provocateur, the knickers shop. Says a spokesperson for the brand (that’s AP not PG):

“She’s hot, young and of the moment. She’s got an edginess about her and we like the face of the firm to have that hint of danger. We’ve no doubt she’ll be a huge success.”

Danger…!

Posted: 9th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Money | Comments (12)


Spare Change For The Assassination of Geroge Bush

SPARE any change for the assassination of George Bush? It’s the George Bush Death Cult.

Every President and would-be President needs one…

Posted: 9th, September 2008 | In: Money, Photojournalism, Politicians | Comments (7)


Credit Crunch: Too Fairy Cuts Costs And Death By Crunch

CREDIT Crunch news of the day:

“Tooth fairy gives less during credit crunch”

The credit crisis has claimed its latest victim – the tooth fairyDaily Telegraph

The average amount left under a pillow for a tooth has dropped from £1.22 to 87p in the past six months, according to research. Says one fairy: “It’s the transport costs.”

“CREDIT CRUNCH IS KILLING US”

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Posted: 8th, September 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Money, Tabloids | Comments (11)


Yoghurt For Dogs

IT’S yoghurt. It’s for dogs…

Here

Posted: 8th, September 2008 | In: Money | Comments (2)


Amy Winehouse Does The Credit Crunch: Heroin Better Than Whiskey

AMY Winehouse is beating the credit Crunch by buying 48 bottles of Jack Daniels whiskey.

The Sun says organisers of the Bestival were “Stunned” that Amy ordered two cases of the beverage.

Bestival is, we learn, staged on the Isle of White, and the fear is surely that with oil prices surging, the ferry company or airline transporting Winehouse will go bust and Amy will be trapped forever on the rock.

The Sun solicits “a source” to say: “Whiskey is better than heroin – but not 48 bottles of the stuff.”

Indeed, Old Mr Anorak assures us that heroin beats whiskey hands down. Given the option of 48 bottles of imported booze or a bag of good quality British smack, Sun readers can now make more informed choice.

Posted: 5th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Money, Tabloids | Comments (4)


Credit Crunch: Cambodian Rats Bite Back

CREDIT Crunch news of the day: Rat meat in demand as inflation bites.

The price of rat meat has quadrupled in Cambodia this year as inflation has put other meat beyond the reach of poor people, officials said on Wednesday.

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Posted: 4th, September 2008 | In: Money | Comments (9)


Master Kong Con: Chinese Bottled Water Is Polluted Tap

IN China, the Master Kong bottled water is on sale. It’s dee-lish-ooos.

The TV advert says the mineral water, sold in Beijing for 1.5 yuan a bottle, is made of “high-quality water source” (优质水源).

The “high-quality water source” is also known as tap water. But there is a twist: you have to boil the wonder product before it”s safe to drink.

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Posted: 4th, September 2008 | In: Money, Online-PR | Comments (14)


We Sell Tasteless Coffee

MORE ‘tasteless coffee’, sir. And some ‘sick joke tea’ for madam..?

Spotter: Catherine Woody

Posted: 4th, September 2008 | In: Money, Photojournalism | Comment (1)


Credit Crunch: Cats And Dogs Are Cheap Protein

CREDIT Crunch news of the day: Credit Grrrunch:

“Hard–up owner put their pets to sleep to save cash”

In the oven, on 220 degrees C or gas mark 4. You reared your dog, and you need the cheap protein…

Sick cat and dogs are being put down because their credit crunch-hit owners cannot afford the vets’ bills, a survey has found.

Grim news for pets. But not everyone’s a loser:

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Posted: 4th, September 2008 | In: Money, Tabloids | Comments (6)


Al Sugar’s 54-A-Side Manchester City

“SHEIKH YOU BOOTY,” screams the Sun’s front-page headline, as “Arab sheikhs” (are their any other?) buy Manchester City and set about buying every single footballer on the planet.

The Sun says Dr Sulaiman Al Fahim, aka Al Sugar, intends to “grab” Cristiano Ronaldo from Manchester United and demand that he pays the ransom for his victim of a red hot £134million.

Such is the way of football business…

Also on Al Sugar’s shopping list are Cesc Fabregas (£60m), Fernando Torres (£70m), Kaka (£80m) and Dimitar Berbatov for £60m.

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Posted: 3rd, September 2008 | In: Back pages, Money, Tabloids | Comments (3)


Kitten In Gravy And Kitten In Jelly

KITTEN in jelly and Kitten in gravy. What would sir and madam prefer..?

Posted: 3rd, September 2008 | In: Money, Photojournalism | Comments (9)


Credit Crunch Watch: Picking A Blackberry To Order

CREDIT Crunch news of the day: Blackberry picking:

Experts are warning that the traditional pastime of blackberry picking is a dying art, even though the current economic climate makes it the perfect time to plunder nature’s bountiful store cupboard.

CREDIT Crunch Watch: Anorak’s look at credit crunch in the news…

Posted: 3rd, September 2008 | In: Money, Tabloids | Comments (2)


The Palin Jesus Fish Eats Obama’s Messiah

BARACK Obama is the Messiah. Sarah Palin is an armed Christian.

John McCain is a war hero – a Christian soldier.

Buy the T-shirt

Posted: 1st, September 2008 | In: Money, Photojournalism, Politicians | Comments (3)


Gordon Brown’s Party Tips For An Alterantive Edinburgh

Gordon Brown says bring a brick to party.

From an ebay listing for Brown’s ‘Alternative Edinburgh’, penned by Gordon Brown in the early seventies:

“This book was edited by Gordon Brown when he was a student in the 1970s at Edinburgh University. It is entitled Alternative Edinburgh and was penned at the time when Brown was a socialist student leader – it is full of suggestions of how to live in Edinburgh for next to nothing!…my favourite one is how to turn up at a party without bringing a bottle with you – so what do you do… you bring a carrier bag of empty cans and put two half-bricks in the bottom of it to weight it down“.

Spotter

Posted: 28th, August 2008 | In: Money, Politicians | Comments (2)


Rich Man Gives Country Days To Save His Titian Art Collection

“FOUR months to save £300million masterpieces” – Times

“It’s the £100m race to keep Old masters in National Gallery” – Herald

Any reason why the Scottish paper shold focus on the Duke of Sutherland’s offer to sell Titian’s Diana & Actaeon and Diana & Callisto for £50million a piece to the nation at a discount to their £300m market value?

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Posted: 28th, August 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Money | Comment


Hari Puttar And The Porno Harry Potter Law Suits

WARNER Bros is sueing Mumbai based Mirchi Movies over its film: Hari Puttar – A Comedy of Terrors. It’s the name. It’s, apparently, too smiliar in name to Harry Potter.

Other Warner Brother films that spawned aural-a-likes the suits might consider for litigation:

My Bare Lady (My Fair Lady)
Analyze These (Analyse This)
Batman & Throbin (Batman And Robin)
Dial A For Anal (Dial M For Murder)
Rebel without A Condom (Rebel Without A Cause)

And many, many more…

Says a spokesperson for Warner Bros:

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Posted: 25th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Money | Comments (5)


France Pays Angelina Jolie And Brad Pitt To Live In La Belle Epoch

BY now you’ll be wondering what ever happened to Angelina Jolie and Brad Piit.

What are they up to? How are their kids? Well, Anorak has tracked the reclusive and humble couple down to France, and news is that they have struck gold.

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Posted: 25th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Money, Tabloids | Comments (12)


Washington Post Calls For Tax On Information

DUSTY Horwitt writes for the Washington Post. No, not Viz magazine. Horwitt is no f***wit as he writes in a newspaper (and on the web) about there being too much information.

He begins his piece: “Everybody jokes about “TMI” these days.”

TM?

“Too much information.” BP – Beyond Parody.

As we say Horwitt is no F***witt. Unless…

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Posted: 24th, August 2008 | In: Money | Comment


Earth Moves For British Economy

FEEL that seismic shift? That was the British economy coming to a halt.

INDEPENDENT: “British economy grinds to halt.”
FT: “British economy shudders to a halt”.
TELEGRAPH: British economy “shudders to a halt”.

Did you feel it? Did the Earth move for you..?

Posted: 24th, August 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Money, Photojournalism | Comments (4)


Beat The Credit Crunch With Laughing Gas

“WE’LL pay your gas bill for a year,” says the Express

The pledge is illustrated by a picture of a middle-aged woman beaming. Is the gas in questions nitrous oxide?

If it is, we say bring it on.

A flick of the gas taps and a good laugh will warm us up a treat. It’s the Blitz spirit…

Posted: 24th, August 2008 | In: Money, Tabloids | Comments (2)


Infant Girls For Sale By The Bag On CraigsList

BAGS of various size infant girls on sale via the Craig’s List website. A special Anorak investigation:

Posted: 24th, August 2008 | In: Money, Photojournalism | Comments (2)


Pensioners And Under Youth In UK Breeding Programme

GIVEN the level of paedo panic and Gary Glitter’s return, the Telegraph’s front-page picture of an older adult hand holding that of a child sends a shiver of revulsion in reader’s spine.

We examine the bigger hand for signs of stardust, Glitter, if you will, and wonder if anyone out there can identify the claw?

New is that, according to the Office for National Statistics, pensioners now outnumber under 16s.

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Posted: 22nd, August 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Money, Tabloids | Comment


Kerry Katona: That’s Why Mum’s Gone To The High Court

KERRY Katona, aka Kerry McPadding, has been declared bankrupt.

No, in a fiscal sense, you judgemental swine.

The High Court action against Miss Katona, 27, of Wilmslow, Cheshire, followed her failure to pay the final £82,000 of a £417,000 tax bill.

Katona once trilled “That’s why mum’s gone to Iceland.”

She may care to rephrase her bon mots to: “That’s why mum’s gone to Aldi.”

Chin up, tits up, bottoms up and throw up – there’s always work out there…

Posted: 21st, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Money | Comments (3)


Michael Phelps’ All American Diet

MICHAEL Phelps runs on sugar, fat and special sauce:

The public irritation with Michael Phelps gathers steam! Instead of being on the Wheaties box like a real American champion, Phelps has signed on to endorse Frosted Flakes. Yes: Michael Phelps wants your kids to choke down these sugar-encrusted corn scabs rather than the high fiber of Wheaties. The papers already found some doctors to condemn him. Though we shouldn’t be surprised considering Phelps’ addiction to Big Macs, the goofy-ass swimmer really should have been smarter in terms of his image…

Fast food make you fast…

Source

Posted: 20th, August 2008 | In: Back pages, Money | Comments (3)


Jenna Jameson Does Baby Fashion

ODD indeed that Paris Hilton should be so famous when Jenna Jameson has made so many more straight-to-tissue videos, and porn is so mainstream?

What’s more Jenna is blonde and has a child on the way. And that means she either has:

a) Written a children’s book?
b) Been shopping at a Third World orphanage?
c) Starred in the film Three Men Making A Baby?
d) Brought out a range of children’s fashion?

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Posted: 20th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Money | Comment (1)