Politicians Category

Politicans and world leaders making news and in the news, and spouting hot air

War On Terror: George Bush’s Victory Lite

george-bush-victory_lite.jpgQUOTE: “The principle guiding my decisions on troop levels in Iraq is ‘return on success.’” President Bush, speaking to the nation.

Figure of Speech: catachresis (cat-a-KREE-sis), the metaphor gone wild. From the Greek, meaning “misuse.”

Our goal in Iraq is no longer victory; the president didn’t use the word once last night. The goal now seems to be “success” (that word came up ten times). Frankly, that sounds to Figaro like second prize. But wait! Success isn’t really the prize at all. Un-surging Iraq will be a return on a successful investment. Our reward for sticking it out is a withdrawal to troop levels only slightly above last year’s.

Bush pulls off a rhetorical flip with a wildly inappropriate metaphor that turns an inevitable withdrawal into a bonus. We could use the same figure, called a catachresis, to transform the receding flood waters in New Orleans into a “return on success.” Heckuva rhetorical job, Mr. President!

Snappy Answer: “Is ‘return’ a pun?”


Posted: 15th, September 2007 | In: Politicians | Comment

Maggie Thatcher’s Back To The Fuchsia For Gordon Brown’s Tonic

gordon_brown_saatchi_policies.jpgNOT only is Margaret Thatcher alive but her spirit moves Gordon Brown. (Pic: Beau Bo D’Or)

No small thing that Maggie should meet Gordon Brown. The Times says this is one part of Brown’s “double whammy”, words echoing a Tory campaign.

Of course, Gordon Brown does not do spin. Brown does substance. He holidays in Dorset because he wants to. He cancels his holiday in Dorset because the Foot and Mouth outbreak is upon England and he has to sort it out.

Brown’s new advertising campaign, produced by Maggie’s old pals at Saatchi & Saatchi (“Labour Isn’t Working” – 1979) shows a sober looking Brown alongside the headline “Not flash, just Gordon”.

(By the same token, the LibDems’ Ming is about as merciless as blancmange.)

And here is Brown, a straight up kinda guy, shaking hands with Baroness Thatcher on the stops of number 10, once known as Maggie’s Den.

“Brown hijacks Maggie,” says the Express. “Brown has “twisted the knife into the Tories”. It is a “stunt”.

But Brown does not do stunts. “The Browns steal Tories’ thunder (and their ad agency, too),” says the Mail. Gordon is with Maggie and his wife, hereon known as Dennis.

This is a “propaganda coup” for Brown. It has “embarrassed the Tories”.

And Maggie seems oblivious to the games, dressed as she is in a red, or is it cerise (Mail) or fuchsia (Guardian) dress. As the Guardian’s lead picture revels, this dress matches Gordon’s tie. The pair appear to be working in harmony.

“Not since Di upstaged Charles has a lady’s lethal weapon been her wardrobe,” says the Guardian. So it is deliberate. Thatcher is a player. She plots all things, even down to her dress.

Thank goodness for Gordon, who plays it with a straight cricket bat (like his English sporting heroes).

Brown’s tie might just as easily be green or blue. It matters not to him…

Posted: 14th, September 2007 | In: Politicians | Comment

President Bush’ Syncrisis: Bring Home the Troops

bush_teller.jpgQUOTE: “When we begin to draw down troops from Iraq, it will be from a position of strength and success, not from a position of fear and failure.” President Bush, quoted in the New York Times.

Figure of Speech: syncrisis (SIN-crih-sis), the not- that- but- this figure. From the Greek, meaning “to compare.”

You might call the syncrisis the figure of black and white, which is why this bichromatic president uses it more than any other. Include a pair of balanced phrases and throw in a dash of alliteration — “strength and success” versus “fear and failure” — and you got yourself a first-class issue definer.

Snappy Answer: “This isn’t a plan for strength and success. It’s a plan for death and taxes.”


Posted: 11th, September 2007 | In: Politicians | Comment (1)

Boris Watch: Mind The Yawning Gap

boris-yawns.jpgBORIS Johnson is used to illustrate the Guardian’s article that yawning is contagious.

Researchers at the University of Leeds found that people most affected by “contagious yawning” are more empathetic and “have a more developed sense of social awareness”.

This should not be confused with their being suggestible and unable to think for themselves, no more human and free willed than one of Pavlov’s dogs.

Researchers noted that when a plant yawned 10 times, engineering students in the vicinity yawned, on average, 1.5 times while psychology students yawned 5.5 times.

Interestingly, the Times uses its picture of Boris in full gape to enliven the story that “Tories say supermarkets should charge for parking”.

The Conservatives presumably mean those out-of-town supermarkets surrounded by farmland and immersed in a disused cement quarry.

That for later. For now, Boris Johnson is on a Routemaster bus. Johnson says he will consider, if elected as London mayor, reintroducing the London buzzzz…


It’s just that it’s late in the afternoon and you wait all day for a yawning Boris and then two come along at once…

Posted: 11th, September 2007 | In: Politicians | Comments (6)

David Cameron’s Barmy Army: National Citizen Service

david_cameron.jpgIF David Cameron gets in to Number 10, every 16 year old in the land will be “expected” to devote their summer holiday to “patriotic” duties. (Pic: Beau Bo D’Or)

We talk not, of course, of the lads versus the Waiters XI on a Faliraki beach, nor of the Sixth forms annual invasion of Calais and Boulogne.

Cameron, who most likely survived CCF at his public school, stripping off his civilian uniform of a straw boater and tailed suit to wear junior-sized officer fatigues, says youngsters should partake of military training.

There is a war on. And having observed the Russian Nashi scouts training for death or glory in the words and Canadian nippers at Camp Okkuta preparing for war with live grenades (watch and learn), Britain cannot rest on her laurels.

Says Cameron: “This will make people feel proud about themselves and proud about their country”. Hurrah!

“North and south, black and white, rich and poor,” says Cameron, adopting Del Boy Trotter’s common touch, “They will be putting something back into the community”.

And that community is the one close to the Three Peaks, which Dave wants youngsters to climb.

“It will be a way of learning respect for our country and each other, just like national service was.”

The Sun salutes the initiative. “It will be lampooned by Labour as a six-week hug-in for hoodies,” says the paper. “…But hang on – not all youngsters are tearaways looking for someone to mug.”

Indeed not. Some have already found someone to mug. Other are already carrying live ammo for Queen and country. Young Camerons are on a jolly night out on Boujis.

“Mr Cameron has come up with an imaginative and optimistic idea,” readers learn.

What imagination indeed to get children into uniform. And as for optimism, adults will surely be hopeful that having climbed Ben Nevis, Scafell Pike and Snowden in 24 hours, the youth will be too patronised to pull on a hood let alone beat them to a technicolour pulp.

It will be just terrific. And so much better than the Cub Scouts, Boys Brigade, Sea Cadets and all other youth militia groups currently in vogue…

Posted: 6th, September 2007 | In: Politicians, Tabloids | Comment

Plenty Of Room Up Top On Boris Johnson’s Battle Bus

boris_johnson_haircut.gifBoris Watch – Anorak’s look at Boris Johnson, Tory candidate for London mayor. (Pic: Beau Bo D’Or)

DAILY TELEGRAPH: “Boris Why Londoners should vote for me.”

Boris Johnson uses his Telegraph column to outline his vision for the future, a vision, it should be noted, as seen through his trademark custard fringe.

“It is one of the most tragic sights of the London streets. There she is, exhausted, in high heels, weighed down at either hand with heavy shopping,” says Boris.

Boris observes “bus-driver sadism” as the woman, gasping and perspiring like Jane Eyre on the plantation, arrives at the bus door just in time to see the leering driver hiss it shut in her face.

A vote for Boris is a vote for busses waiting for you. A vote of Boris is a vote for sitting on the bus and waiting for the old crone to reach the doors. Boris will alter bus life forever.

Says Boris of the driver: “…They are simply paid to ply the route, and they are paid according to a formula that depends on the number of miles travelled during the day; and so the buses’ real incentive is to whizz around London as fast as possible with as few passengers as possible, and certainly not to linger for a straggler.”

They are not callous swine. They are just doing their jobs.

And of that bus. Boris is aboard.

Says he: “I have just driven a Routemaster bus for the first time, and everything about it is a joy: the riveted aluminium so redolent of Second World War aircraft, the indestructible floor of compressed rubber and cork; the way its flanks heave like a warhorse as it throbs into the life, the efficiency of its engine that can do 11mpg, as opposed to the 3mpg of its heavier successors.”

It’s a thing of beauty. Take her up, Blondie.

“Someone once said that ‘only a ghastly, dehumanised moron would get rid of the Routemaster’, and that someone, of course, was the man * who got rid of it.”

* Ken Livingstone (the overarching reason to vote for Boris).

DAILY MAIL: Keith Waterhouse tells us: “Here’s why I shall back Boris the Card.”

Never before has Waterhouse voted Tory. The peers of his youth believed thinking Tory a capital offence.

But in the London’s mayoral election, Waterhouse will be voting Tory. That’s assuming the other three Tory contenders for the post are turned down.

(In the Times, Boris’ three agonists are billed by Tim Hames as “Mr Neverheardofhim, Ms Neverheardofher and Mr Neverheardofhimeither”.)

Says Waterhouse: “Once or twice in recent years, when spotting a politician who shows signs of not having come from outer space, I have quoted the last paragraphs of Arnold Bennett’s The Card in which he chronicles the audacious rise and rise of Denry Machin to become the youngest mayor ever of the Five Towns.

‘And yet,’ demands one of his embittered rivals, ‘what’s he done? Has he ever done a day’s work in his life? What great cause is he identified with?’ ‘He’s identified,’ comes the reply, ‘with the great cause of cheering us all up.’”

THE TIMES: Tim Hames (see above) says Boris is Spike Milligan.

“For instance, when he was asked by an officer who found him lurking in an ‘inappropriate’ place ‘Milligan? What are you standing there for?’, he replies: ‘Everybody’s got to be standing somewhere, sir.’

“It can be on this logic alone that Boris Johnson is standing for Mayor of London.”

Boris Johnson is not Ken Livingstone.

Posted: 6th, September 2007 | In: Politicians | Comments (4)

It’s Been Emotional: Back To School For Hugs

seals.jpgIT’S back to school time. School children are dusting off iPods and polishing their trainers; teachers are dusting off the bongo drums and learning the value of hugs.

As the Telegraph says, happiness lessons are to be taught to all secondary school children, the Government is expected to announce today.

School days will be the happy days of a child’s life.

As readers learn (and do feel free to smile and even chuckle – it’s what Life Long Learning is all about): “Under the programme, following a concept known as the Social and Emotional Aspects of Learning (Seal), the children were encouraged to talk about their feelings in group assemblies or in one-to-one sessions with a teacher.”

As Mick Hume writes in the Times, “What does it matter if children cannot spell ‘emotional’, so long as they are in touch with their feelings?” Hold hands and discuss over a cup of warm milk.

A happy school force is a productive school force, goes the motto. And what they are producing in the learning factory is joy and goodwill.

Susan Hallam, who led the research for the Institute of Education, says: “Most of the effort in recent years has been on academic work. Seal gives teachers and pupils permission to think about things that are not academic.
It allows them to take time to consider how they think about themselves and others.”

Claps your hands. And honk your noses. Seal is a winner. And we are interested to see if seeking happiness from within will keep today’s children away from euphoria-inducing drugs and rave music. Look out for the school orchestra replacing the hate-filled recorder with yogic humming, lots of clapping and upper body swaying.

Posted: 5th, September 2007 | In: Broadsheets, Politicians | Comment (1)

Free Money For Readers When Tony Blair Resigns On…

blair.jpgWHEN will Tony Blair resign his post as Prime Minister?

Tony Blair will leave Downing Street “well before” the next general election, says Jack Straw.

The Sun reveals that Blair will step down as Labour leader on May 31 next year — exactly ten years and 30 days after becoming PM.

Geoff Hoon says: “Having set the outer limits of how long he is staying, that still leaves questions in the context of the elections in May. A lot of people will be asking if it makes sense to him to carry on through those elections.

Anorak’s hoodie in the Home Office tells us that Tony Blair will revels all on Wednesday May 9.

And you can win a £25 free on that day.

Anorak has partnered with Betfair to offer readers a £25 free bet. Open an account and Betfair will give you £25. Bet on Tony’s departure date and celebrate in style. Tax free!

Posted: 22nd, April 2007 | In: Politicians | Comments (2)