Politicians | Anorak - Part 177

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Politicans and world leaders making news and in the news, and spouting hot air

Plenty Of Room Up Top On Boris Johnson’s Battle Bus

boris_johnson_haircut.gifBoris Watch – Anorak’s look at Boris Johnson, Tory candidate for London mayor. (Pic: Beau Bo D’Or)

DAILY TELEGRAPH: “Boris Why Londoners should vote for me.”

Boris Johnson uses his Telegraph column to outline his vision for the future, a vision, it should be noted, as seen through his trademark custard fringe.

“It is one of the most tragic sights of the London streets. There she is, exhausted, in high heels, weighed down at either hand with heavy shopping,” says Boris.

Boris observes “bus-driver sadism” as the woman, gasping and perspiring like Jane Eyre on the plantation, arrives at the bus door just in time to see the leering driver hiss it shut in her face.

A vote for Boris is a vote for busses waiting for you. A vote of Boris is a vote for sitting on the bus and waiting for the old crone to reach the doors. Boris will alter bus life forever.

Says Boris of the driver: “…They are simply paid to ply the route, and they are paid according to a formula that depends on the number of miles travelled during the day; and so the buses’ real incentive is to whizz around London as fast as possible with as few passengers as possible, and certainly not to linger for a straggler.”

They are not callous swine. They are just doing their jobs.

And of that bus. Boris is aboard.

Says he: “I have just driven a Routemaster bus for the first time, and everything about it is a joy: the riveted aluminium so redolent of Second World War aircraft, the indestructible floor of compressed rubber and cork; the way its flanks heave like a warhorse as it throbs into the life, the efficiency of its engine that can do 11mpg, as opposed to the 3mpg of its heavier successors.”

It’s a thing of beauty. Take her up, Blondie.

“Someone once said that ‘only a ghastly, dehumanised moron would get rid of the Routemaster’, and that someone, of course, was the man * who got rid of it.”

* Ken Livingstone (the overarching reason to vote for Boris).

DAILY MAIL: Keith Waterhouse tells us: “Here’s why I shall back Boris the Card.”

Never before has Waterhouse voted Tory. The peers of his youth believed thinking Tory a capital offence.

But in the London’s mayoral election, Waterhouse will be voting Tory. That’s assuming the other three Tory contenders for the post are turned down.

(In the Times, Boris’ three agonists are billed by Tim Hames as “Mr Neverheardofhim, Ms Neverheardofher and Mr Neverheardofhimeither”.)

Says Waterhouse: “Once or twice in recent years, when spotting a politician who shows signs of not having come from outer space, I have quoted the last paragraphs of Arnold Bennett’s The Card in which he chronicles the audacious rise and rise of Denry Machin to become the youngest mayor ever of the Five Towns.

‘And yet,’ demands one of his embittered rivals, ‘what’s he done? Has he ever done a day’s work in his life? What great cause is he identified with?’ ‘He’s identified,’ comes the reply, ‘with the great cause of cheering us all up.’”

THE TIMES: Tim Hames (see above) says Boris is Spike Milligan.

“For instance, when he was asked by an officer who found him lurking in an ‘inappropriate’ place ‘Milligan? What are you standing there for?’, he replies: ‘Everybody’s got to be standing somewhere, sir.’

“It can be on this logic alone that Boris Johnson is standing for Mayor of London.”

Boris Johnson is not Ken Livingstone.

Posted: 6th, September 2007 | In: Politicians | Comments (4)

It’s Been Emotional: Back To School For Hugs

seals.jpgIT’S back to school time. School children are dusting off iPods and polishing their trainers; teachers are dusting off the bongo drums and learning the value of hugs.

As the Telegraph says, happiness lessons are to be taught to all secondary school children, the Government is expected to announce today.

School days will be the happy days of a child’s life.

As readers learn (and do feel free to smile and even chuckle – it’s what Life Long Learning is all about): “Under the programme, following a concept known as the Social and Emotional Aspects of Learning (Seal), the children were encouraged to talk about their feelings in group assemblies or in one-to-one sessions with a teacher.”

As Mick Hume writes in the Times, “What does it matter if children cannot spell ‘emotional’, so long as they are in touch with their feelings?” Hold hands and discuss over a cup of warm milk.

A happy school force is a productive school force, goes the motto. And what they are producing in the learning factory is joy and goodwill.

Susan Hallam, who led the research for the Institute of Education, says: “Most of the effort in recent years has been on academic work. Seal gives teachers and pupils permission to think about things that are not academic.
It allows them to take time to consider how they think about themselves and others.”

Claps your hands. And honk your noses. Seal is a winner. And we are interested to see if seeking happiness from within will keep today’s children away from euphoria-inducing drugs and rave music. Look out for the school orchestra replacing the hate-filled recorder with yogic humming, lots of clapping and upper body swaying.

Posted: 5th, September 2007 | In: Broadsheets, Politicians | Comment (1)

Free Money For Readers When Tony Blair Resigns On…

blair.jpgWHEN will Tony Blair resign his post as Prime Minister?

Tony Blair will leave Downing Street “well before” the next general election, says Jack Straw.

The Sun reveals that Blair will step down as Labour leader on May 31 next year — exactly ten years and 30 days after becoming PM.

Geoff Hoon says: “Having set the outer limits of how long he is staying, that still leaves questions in the context of the elections in May. A lot of people will be asking if it makes sense to him to carry on through those elections.

Anorak’s hoodie in the Home Office tells us that Tony Blair will revels all on Wednesday May 9.

And you can win a £25 free on that day.

Anorak has partnered with Betfair to offer readers a £25 free bet. Open an account and Betfair will give you £25. Bet on Tony’s departure date and celebrate in style. Tax free!

Posted: 22nd, April 2007 | In: Politicians | Comments (2)

The Ice Man Cometh

‘ON this Budget day, when Gordon Brown will tell us how much he’s got and how he’ll be spending it, it’s useful to see where taxpayers’ money goes.

Antony Gormley

Some of the Treasury’s cash is spent on hospitals. Some is spent on schools. And some is spent on building an ice sculpture that, as the Times says, only a few polar bears will see.

As part of a project called Cape Farewell, which is intended to raise awareness of climate change, Arts Council England paid for artist Antony Gormley to make a life-sized figure from snow.

And there it is, stuck in the frozen wastes of the Arctic, just as the Turner-prize winning sculptor intended it to be.

But Gormley was not alone in his mission to make the world’s costliest snowman, and was accompanied on his trip aboard the Nooderlicht schooner by eleven other artists.

One of the group, the artist Rachael Whitbread, spent her time doing “a lot of walking”. The paper says that Whitbread was concentrating on the “sound and feel of her footsteps on the snow and ice”.

And, like her fellow artists, she’ll be featuring the work inspired by such musing next year – in the freezer section at Asda…

Compiled by Paul Sorene’

Posted: 16th, March 2005 | In: Politicians | Comment