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We don’t just report off-beat news, breaking news and digest the best and worst of the news media analysis and commentary. We give an original take on what happened and why. We add lols, satire, news photos and original content.

Man who washed out swearing, homophobic boy’s mouth with soap sentenced

soap mouth boy“The injured party was playing in the park which is close to his home address,” says Prosecutor Glenda Beck at Sunderland Magistrates’ Court. “The defendant approached him and there was an exchange of words.”

A witness says the injured party, Alfi Forsyth, 6, had called Mr Jospeh Birtwell, 23, “gay boy”.

“Ryan is walking along the road minding his own business. He is a young man who is very affable,” adds Jason Smith for the defence.

“He sees the boy run across to an old gentleman with a stick and tries to kick the stick away. He remonstrates with him to which the boy, who the police, I have to say, accept that he is slightly out of control and perhaps not the best of young individuals, says to Ryan ‘f*ck off’. Ryan says to him to stop swearing and when he doesn’t he says back ‘stop swearing or I will wash your mouth with soap,’something that used to happen in the good old days.”

“The defendant went to a shop and returned with a bar of soap,” Beck continues. “He pinned the injured party down to the floor and pushed the bar of soap into his mouth.”

Birtwell, of Washington, admitted assault and was given a 12-month conditional discharge. He was also ordered to pay £85 court costs and a £15 victim surcharge.

The final word is with the boys’ mother, who ofers: “I admit that my son swore and he got wrong for that, but like I said to the police at the time, kids do that kind of thing. At the end of the day, he is a 23-year-old bloke who has assaulted a six-year-old. The sentence is a joke.”

The age of the old man with the stick is not given.

 

Posted: 10th, July 2015 | In: Reviews | Comment


Karen Danczuk: the topless selfie photo that ‘seduced a salesman’

karen danczuk eating topless Keeping Up With the Danczuks, episode 4: “Karen posed in sexy undies on marital bed.” Come closer. The Sun has news from Danczuk bedroom:

Karen Danczuk cheated on her MP husband with a salesman — whose heart she won by sending a topless selfie… she posed for him in sexy underwear on her marital bed while Labour backbencher Simon was away on parliamentary business.

Karen says she’s never cheated on Simon Danczuk. But Sun readers hear a “source” tell them:

“Karen told this fella she was madly in love and he fell for her big time… She said she didn’t love Simon… Everyone knows Karen is famous for her selfies but she’s never done a topless one — so you can imagine how this bloke felt when she whipped off her bra just for him! It’s a bit of a collector’s item.”

The bra or or the tweet? Can you collect tweets? And isn’t collecting bras a little, you know, creepy?

Yesterday when The Sun invited Karen to discuss the fling, she said simply: “Let me have a think about it.”

Topless pohoto of Simon Danczuk have yet to surface.

 

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Image 1 of 18

 

 

Posted: 10th, July 2015 | In: Celebrities, Reviews | Comment (1)


Mario Testino’s photos of Kate and William at Princess Charlotte’s christening come with a health warning

KING'S LYNN, ENGLAND - JULY 05: (EDITORIAL USE ONLY)   In this handout image supplied by Mario Testino/ Art Partner,  Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge, Prince William, Duke of Cambridge and their children Princess Charlotte of Cambridge and Prince George of Cambridge pose for a photo after the christening of Princess Charlotte of Cambridge at the Sandringham Estate on July 5, 2015 in King's Lynn, England. (Photo by Mario Testino/ Art Partner via Getty Images)  ***Terms of release, which must be included and passed-on to anyone to whom this image is supplied: USE AFTER 10/10/2015 must be cleared by Art Partner. This photograph is for editorial use only. NO commercial use. NO use in calendars, books or supplements. Use on a cover, or for any other purpose, will require approval from Art Partner and the Kensington Palace Press Office. There is no charge for the supply, release or publication of this official photograph. This photograph must not be digitally enhanced, manipulated or modified and must be used substantially uncropped. Picture must be credited: copyright Mario Testino /Art Partner.***

 

What do we think of Mario Testino’s photos of Kate and William in his Princess Charlotte’s christening portrait? Get a load of those big smiles. It’s typical celebrity stuff.

But Jonthan Jones can’t stand it:

 After all, they have plenty to smile about – the free houses, the free money, the free adulation, the fact there’s no chance of their kids ever having to worry about student loans, tax credits or the minimum wage.

But like his bosses at the Guardian, then.

All smiles all the way. But Testino, the world’s most horrible flatterer of wealth and status, makes every smile look phoney. He makes reality itself seem a glib and cynical charade.

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Posted: 10th, July 2015 | In: Reviews, Royal Family | Comment


The best-timed photograph of a frog you will ever see

frog jump photo

 

Wisconsin’s A Regular Tom Sawyer took this great picgture of a frog leaping from a hand.

Previously in fast-moving frogs:

giphy

Spotter: Reddit

Posted: 9th, July 2015 | In: Reviews | Comment


Gamer nut drugs girlfriend so he can keep playing video games

To Germany, where  the Local reports on the a 23-year-old man in the eastern German town who drugged his girlfriend so he could keep playing video games. He tells a court that his live-in lover had returned home after an 10-hour shift at work. She wanted peace and quiet and asked him to stop playing video games. So. He drugged her. He tells a court:

“I only put four or five drops into her tea.”

But when dhe headed to work the next day, the drugs were still working:

“I got up and drove to work although I was nodding off again and again.”

The judge fines the gamer €500 and tells him:

“Your girlfriend slept long and deeply, which didn’t harm her, but this is certainly a premeditated bodily harm.”

The felon is contrite:

“It was stupid, but now I’m on a straight path.”

 

Adding: “But the massive speeding hedgehog keeps attacking me.”

Spotter: News.com.au

Posted: 9th, July 2015 | In: Reviews, Strange But True | Comment


Randy youths get drunk and fight on the beach in Troon Ayreshire: photos

The story of youthful high-jinx in Ayrehire is shocking readers.

The Daily Mirror: “Horde of 5,500 ‘drunk and fornicating’ teens drive shocked families from sun-kissed beach”

Fights broke out on the packed sands of Troon, Ayrshire, while Class A drugs were seized, and families were forced to watch on in horror at youngsters’ activities

Drugs. Tick. Fights. Tick. It’s like the 1960s all over again. But what’s this about families being “forced to watch on in horror at youngsters fornicating in bushes”.

How were the familes forced to watch rutting teenagers?

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Posted: 9th, July 2015 | In: Reviews | Comment


Goddard Inquiry Day 1: therapy for society and Her Majesty’s lawyers coin it in

goddard sex buse inquiry

 

DAY 1: The inquiry into child sex abuse is go. Lowell Goddard has opened the hearing. We’ll be keeping track of the reporting – and of the number of dead people being dug up and beaten with sticks.

The Guardian:

Justice Lowell Goddard’s child sex abuse inquiry will name individuals and organisations it concludes were involved in abuse, and pass on allegations for police to investigate.Victims cannot choose to give evidence in the public hearings. The choice of witnesses will be made by the inquiry. No victim or survivor will be compelled to attend. Their participation will be voluntary.What if the police are one of the named organisations? What if the judiciary is one of the groups implicated? What of a right to reply for the named? What about looking at evidence before you name names in public? What about the dead?

It intends to search for patterns in the repeated failures that allowed serial offenders to exploit organisations working with children and will look at five key areas, including allegations of abuse by prominent people in public life.

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Posted: 9th, July 2015 | In: Reviews | Comment


Transfer Balls: Arsenal’s £43m bid for Higuain that wasn’t

higuain-arsenalTransfer Balls: The Daily Star says Arsenal have made a £43m bid for Goncalo Higuain. He’s the player the Sun says Arsenal bought in July 2o13.

Big money. But what is the Star’s source?

According to the Metro, the Gunners tabled a stunning offer but it has been immediately turned down by the Italian outfit.

Over to the Metro:

Arsenal have reportedly made a £43.3million transfer offer for Napoli’s Gonzalo Higuain. However, Napoli’s president Aurelio De Laurentiis rejected the speculative bid from the Gunners, according to Italian newspaper Corriere dello Sport.

No link to the source. But the Sport does report that De Laurentiis says:

‘Higuain is not for sale.’

And:

Arsenal – 60 million not enough for Higuain

The paper makes not a single mention of Arsenal haviong offered £43m for Higuain. The paper reports that Higuain is not for sale but, er, if he was then the fee would be much more than €60m. The Metro is wrong to say that Arsenal have bid £43m for the player.

The Star and Metro’s reports are utter balls.

Posted: 9th, July 2015 | In: Arsenal, Reviews, Sports | Comment


Judge says AC/DC drummer Phil Rudd is no great loss to music

TAURANGA, NEW ZEALAND - NOVEMBER 26:  AC/DC drummer Phil Rudd gestures to members of the media after leaving Tauranga District Court after appearing in court after being charged with threatening to kill and possession of meth and marijuana at Tauranga District Court on November 26, 2014 in Tauranga, New Zealand.  Phil Rudd was ACDC's drummer from 1975 to 1983.  (Photo by Joel Ford/Getty Images)

 

The judge turned critic at the trial of Phil Rudd, the AC/DC drummer sentenced to eight months’ home detention by a New Zealand court for threatening to kill and possessing drugs.

Judge Tom Ingram responded to defence lawyers’ pleas that without Rudd AC/DC were less, by opining: “Queen replaced Freddie Mercury.”

But perhaps the biggest laugh was scored by Rudd who as he left court told a reporter “to get a f*****g job pal, get a real job”.

So said the drummer…

Posted: 9th, July 2015 | In: Celebrities, Reviews | Comment


Transfer Balls: Liverpool fans branded racist by Raheem Sterling’s people

sterling raheem greedy

 

Time to catch up with Liverpool and England footballer Raheem Sterling. What’s he been up to this summer? How’s the agent? How are the kids and the balloons?

The Sun: “Pack yer bags, Sterling”

LIVERPOOL have told Raheem Sterling he MUST go on the club’s pre-season tour. The Kop rebel missed training yesterday, claiming he was ill, after informing boss Brendan Rodgers he did not want to be considered for the trip to Asia and Australia.

The problem with calling in sick is that if you do it and only secure one day off, you look like a skiver.

Liverpool were set to send a doctor to give Sterling a check-up and the wantaway winger, 20, faces a massive fine if he does not turn up for the four-game trip. He could also be left sweating on a move to Manchester City, who are the only club to make offers for him.

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Posted: 9th, July 2015 | In: Liverpool, Manchester City, Reviews, Sports | Comment


Karen Danzcuk to feature on Celebrity Big Brother as show’s first stop-motion housemate

karen danczuk tv

 

And now for the pay off. Karen Dancuk is to appear on Channel 5’s Celebrity Big Brother. Having recently appeared on Channel 5 news to tell us that her life is private, a “telly source” says:

“In the last week following the break-up of her marriage she has become all the more marketable. CBB is perfect for her — as viewers will see a lot of her famous boobs and she will have more to talk about.”

Given her love of selfies, will Karen become the show’s first stop motion housemate?

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Posted: 9th, July 2015 | In: Celebrities, Reviews, TV & Radio | Comment


Madeleine McCann, the Yorkshire Ripper and date night with Jimmy Savile cops

maddie mccann yorkshire ripper

 

News on the hunt for Madeleine McCann has been thin. But today the Sun has a story:

Ripper’s vile Maddie slur  –  EXCLUSIVE: Serial killer casts doubt on McCanns in Broadmoor letter

The Sun has news of Peter Sutcliffe, the so-called Yorkshire Ripper.

YORKSHIRE Ripper Peter Sutcliffe sickeningly casts doubt on the innocence of Madeleine McCann’s parents in a sensational letter revealed today by The Sun.

Mass murderer and woman hates thinks… It’s not the most auspicious start to a scoop, is it? Why should we care what the killer thinks?

In the note — one of a series he sent from Broadmoor — he tells a pen pal “there’s something not quite right” about three-year-old Madeleine’s disappearance during a 2007 family holiday in Portugal.

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Posted: 8th, July 2015 | In: Key Posts, Madeleine McCann, Reviews | Comment


Playable tortilla records for your turntables

tortilla records

 

Someone at Rapture Records saw the video of someone “playing” a tortilla and created tortillas records.

The tortillas are, of courses, raw. The grooves are laser cut.

 

tortilla records

 

 

Make your own here.

Posted: 8th, July 2015 | In: Music, Reviews, The Consumer | Comment


Press TV: Londoners are living on ‘floating shacks’

“Londoners choose to live on boats over soaring housing costs,” reports Iran’s Press TV.

 

Press TV London boats

 

The story is monumental nonsense.

Private rents in London have risen to cost about half the average salary; therefore, some tenants have turned to inexpensive rooms on boats described by many as “floating shacks.”

Will Iran give refuse to the new boat people?

Miss Tindle, who hopes to be at their destination, Brentford Island Marina, within ten days, before the start of term on September 29, said: ‘It’s so exciting. The boat’s been done up so nicely with ashwood interior.

‘It’s such a luxury and glam place to be and something to be proud of.’

So they say.

Posted: 8th, July 2015 | In: Reviews | Comment


Woman bit boyfriend who refused to have sex with her

sex wife battery grooms

 

Tabathia Lee Grooms, 35, attacked her boyfriend while he was sitting on the couch because he refused to have sex with her.

She scratched him on the face, head and neck, then bit him on the arm. He 911. When deputies arrived at the Atlanta, Georgia house, Grooms threatened to run over a deputy with a baby stroller.

For a bonus, Grooms punched her 66-year-old mother in the eye during the ordeal, according to the incident report.

 

Posted: 8th, July 2015 | In: Reviews | Comment


Man ‘battered ‘ex-wife for cheating on him with a sex toy

sex toy fight

 

Modern Romance calls Florida’s Triston Horne, who is accused of battering his ex-wife after accusing her of cheating on him with a dildo.

Horne, 36, was at his ex-wife Misty Clark’s home when the pair began to quarrel.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 8th, July 2015 | In: Reviews | Comment


The death of Stuart Lubbock: Michael Barrymore sues the police

barrymore sues policeMichael Barrymore is no, “alright”. The former stalwart of light entertainment TV is on the front page of the Mirror. He’s suing police over the matter of Stuart Lubbock’s death.

Father-of-two Stuart Lubbock, 31, died at Barrymore’s then home in Roydon, Essex in March 2001. His body was found in the swimming pool. Forensic reports suggested Mr Lubbock had been sexually assaulted. He had severe internal injuries.

At an inquest, the coroner recorded an open verdict. Pathologists said they could not be certain he had drowned.

No-one has been charged over Stuart Lubbock’s death.

Michael Barrymore was arrested. He was released without charge. The incident damaged his name. And now he’s seeking damages for “the harm to his reputation and money-spinning career which collapsed following the death of Stuart Lubbock”.

The paper harks back:

He had met Barrymore at a nightclub in Harlow, also in Essex, earlier that evening before going back to his house for an all-night party. Barrymore, 63, fled the scene after the death, later claiming he had panicked and wasn’t trying to hide.

The former Strike It Lucky host, who told Jeremy Kyle last year that he once tried to kill himself, controversially refused to answer any questions about the tragedy at an inquest, after taking legal advice.

The inquest heard traces of cocaine, ecstasy and alcohol were in the victim’s body.

In 2002 ITV failed to renew the entertainer’s £2million a year contract.

He moved to New Zealand, filed for bankruptcy after a £1million-plus tax demand and later tried to resurrect his career in Britain by appearing in Celebrity Big Brother in 2006.

Barrymore – whose real name is Michael Parker – was one of four men arrested on suspicion of serious sexual assault and murder in 2008 following a review of the police investigation, but all were later released without charge.

 

lubbock

 

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Posted: 8th, July 2015 | In: Reviews | Comment


The real story of Manchester United’s deal to swap Angel Di Maria for Thomas Muller, Arjen Robben and Cash

Transfer Balls: Are Thomas Muller and Arjen Robben heading to Manchester United? Is Angel Di Maria off to play for Bayern Munich? Are the British newspapers full of bilge?

Let’s see what those papers say:

Daily Telegraph: “Bayern Munich will offer Thomas Muller, Arjen Robben AND CASH in exchange for Manchester United midfielder Angel di Maria. German newspaper Bild suggests Pep Guardiola is ready to sanction the incredible deal to land the 27 year-old as Bayern look to rebuild”

Wow! Muller is a great player. Robben is a supremely skilled irritant. Man United must be delighted. Toss in €20m ‘CASH’ and the chance to get shot of Di Maria you’ve got the deal of the decade.

But can one report be believed? Is Bild correct? What do other sources say?

 

Screen shot 2015-07-07 at 21.56.18

 

BBC: “Bayern Munich are ready to offer Manchester United 25-year-old Thomas Muller, 31-year-old Arjen Robben and cash in exchange for Angel Di Maria – Bild”

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Posted: 7th, July 2015 | In: manchester united, Reviews, Sports | Comment


The ‘horrific’ Elsa from Frozen birthday cake Reddit and the Daily Mail mocked was made for a ‘really sick little girl’

 

Elsa frozen cake terrible

 

Did you see the  “terrible” Elsa from Frozen cake posted on Reddit? Comments were opinionated:

ViciousPuddin:

The sad thing is, as horrific as it looks, someone put serious time into making that cake. Every misshapen blob, every terrifying curve and flourish. There are hours and hours of terrible craftsmanship here.

Fikkia:

I imagine they look at the design concept and then at the horrific one they created over many hours and slowly break into silent tears and shaking sobs as they remember how hopeful they were when they started up their first ever business after quitting their soul-crushing job to finally try to become who they believe they were meant to be.

sidiuzz:

Jesus…2 minutes in & I’m still laughing at it!

And so on.

And be in no doubt that Elsa cake was made by a pro:

 

 

elsa cake charity

 

The Daily Mail even found out the baker’s name: Shawna Mcgreevy.

 

Elsa frozen cake charity

 

Only they were all wrong.

The cake was made by the charity Icing Smiles.

 

elsa frozen cake 1

 

Icing Smiles wrote:

Please note that this has been re-posted out of respect for a request from the family. We hate to lose momentum but it is all about the kids so please help this get the same amount of traction. And thanks you to everyone that has changed their profile. I love to see the Icing Smiles logo going viral…..SUGAR HUGS to all. (Tracy – founder)

This is a very personal post for me. What has happened in the last few days as a result of a popular cake blog has caused me to ride a roller coaster of emotion. Unless you have been in a cave, you know that one of our cakes was unfavorably compared against the INSANELY talented work of McGreevy Cakes. It has gone viral and it broke my heart.

My heart broke for the baker because I know how much of herself she puts into her donations. My heart broke for the family should they come across the posts because it may take from their joy of receiving the gift. It broke for our team whose extraordinary efforts were used in this way. Our Sugar Angel wasn’t commissioned to copy Shawna’s work, she was asked for a Frozen cake for a sick child and she did just that.

I am well aware that all photos we publish are public domain but to use the efforts of volunteers serving medically fragile children as a source of humor is tasteless. I am well aware that my opinions are biased but I see the efforts, stress, tears and passion of our volunteers and I hate to see them lead to ridicule in any forum. In fairness to the original blogger, we do not know if they were aware of the source of the cake and as soon as it was brought to their attention, it was removed. (THANK YOU!)

When I finally got past the initial shock, I fearfully reached out to our Sugar Angel, Lisa to offer my sympathy and boy did she change my attitude. Her facebook page was loaded with comments to which she graciously replied with humor and self-deprecation. She even commented that she knew it wasn’t her best work and maybe Elsa was getting back from rehab. The best part was that she didn’t care because she made a child happy.

Lisa, I have the utmost respect for you. Thank you for all you do to make my vision come to life. I am proud to share this cake and claim it as ours! – Tracy

The cake had been made by Lisa Randolph-Gant, who tells everyhorrificeone via Facebook:

As you most know I am the baker of the other cake . The cake was made for Icing smiles, for a really sick little girl. Yes I know the cake looks a HOT MESS …… BUT here is the back story …I had just lost my grandmother I had been with my Mom all day comforting her, I came back to work on the cake I HAD 2 hours to get it done and delivered, I was so upset I remember asking for prayer on Facebook to get it done.

As I leave to deliver the cake it started raining cat’s and dog’s as I was taking the cake out of the truck the top of the box blows back and the cake get soaking wet . So the photo that was posted was after I had wiped her face with a paper towel . Yes I’ve seen all the really mean comments, some even posted by some of my so called cake friends that know it’s my cake .

At the end of the day, I DIDN’T let that sick baby down l gave it all I had to give, so make fun all me all you guy’s want if that is what you need to do to feel good about yourself.

More cake?

Posted: 7th, July 2015 | In: Reviews | Comment


Sex on the beach couple sentenced to 22 days and 2.5 years

 

Jose Caballero, 40, and Elissa Alvarez, 21, had sex on a Florida beach. The coupling, which lasted for 25 minutes, was carried out in broad daylight in front of small children.

Caballero has been sentenced to 2.5 year chocky:

Alvarez was sentenced to time served in May [she served 22 days inside], but [prosector] Dafonseca said they sought more time for Caballero due to his previous conviction and eight years in prison for cocaine trafficking.

 

Jose Caballero, 40, and Elissa Alvarez

 

Alvarez and Caballero are now registered sex offenders.

 

Posted: 7th, July 2015 | In: Reviews | Comment


Chelsea invade Arsenal and Spurs turf and move to Wembley Stadium

Chelsea have made a move to rent Wembley Stadium. The Blues have offered £11 million a year to use Wembley as a temporary home while Stamford Bridge is rebuilt.

If approved, Chelsea will play home matches at Wembley for two seasons from 2017.

This is bad news for Spurs, who are redeveloping their White Hart Lane ground. They have offered Wembley about £8 million a year.

Spurs’ fans are local to Wembley. That moves makes sense. But Chelsea based in north London is odd? The Blues did petition the Rugby Football Union about using Twickenham, a move that would keep Chelsea in touch with its fanbase. But that ran into problems with local residents, crowd management and council planners.

Of course, it could be argued that Wembley has been a second home for Chelsea in recent years. No longer do the club’s fans need orienteering skills and tissues to stem a nosebleed as they head north on the Metropolitan line. Spurs, however, well at least they have their memories and a ‘Tottingham’ song:

 

Posted: 7th, July 2015 | In: Chelsea, Reviews, Sports, Spurs | Comment


Zion blood is flowing: Lee Scratch Perry’s Vision Of Paradise And Top 10 Songs

lee scratch perry movie

 

Lee Scratch Perry’s Vision Of Paradise is the story of the great music man’s life. German filmmaker Volker Schaner tells Mojo about his film of the great Upsetter:

“There is something so mysterious and sparkling in Lee Perry’s music. I always wanted to understand this man and his cosmos, and to make a film with and about him.”

Perry’s music is a mix of the mystical, spectral and the touchable.

 

These are our top 10 Lee Scratch Perry songs:

 

Roast Fish And Cornbread:

 



Junior Murvin Police & Thieves

 

 

Disco Devil

 

Roast Duck

 

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Posted: 7th, July 2015 | In: Key Posts, Music, Reviews | Comment


A photo of Justin Bieber’s naked bottom

justin bieber naked

 

Justin Bieber took to Instagram and posted a photo of his naked bum. Why? We cannot be certain but Bieber watchers say it might be to prove that he doesn’t look like a lesbian, suffer from nappy rash, is ready for ‘big boys knickers’ and that living under the unrelenting glare of pop stardom has yet to see his arse tanned.

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Posted: 7th, July 2015 | In: Celebrities, Reviews | Comment


Husband says demonic ghost behind wife beating

 

oujia wales“We are being molested by demons,” says Keiron Fry from the family home in New Tredegar, south Wales. “My wife Tracey goes to bed fine, doesn’t feel anything in the night but when she wakes up she’s in agony. I wake up the next day and said: ‘I didn’t do that’. I would never beat my wife.”

Keiron says he captured the violent ghost on camera as it haunted his sons’ bedroom. The phantom resembles a small child in a white gown with a blue face and a tail. This beats told the couple’s three kids: “I’m going to slit your parents’ throats.”

Says Tracey:

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Posted: 7th, July 2015 | In: Reviews, Strange But True | Comment


John Palmer: underworld blamed for murder as corrupt police escape

John Palmer gold

 

It turns out that police have a blind-eye approach to blind justice. The Times reports on the death of villain John Palmer, whose murder by “several” bullets police initially mistook for death by natural causes. It was only after he’d been dead for six days that police noticed the criminal had been shot dead.

Palmer, who is believed to have smelted the gold from the £26 million Brink’s Mat robbery, was secretly described by the Yard’s anti-corruption command as one of the highest-ranking gangsters in the British underworld. His killing with a small-calibre weapon in the garden of his country house near Brentwood in Essex has led to speculation about which of his many lawless contacts around the world ordered the hit.

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Posted: 6th, July 2015 | In: Reviews | Comment