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Royal Family | Anorak - Part 17

Royal Family Category

The Royal Family, the House of Windsor, in the news and on a horse

Prince Harry targeted in Battersea mugging drama

PRINCE Harry has not been mugged. He has, though, been involved in what the Mail calls a “mugging drama”.

The Mail says Prince Harry was on the phone to Thomas van Straubenzee when the man with a name like a prescription upper had his BlackBerry stolen.

The Mail says “police records” confirm the story.

Phew! At least the trusty Mail isn’t hacking Royal phones like the News of The World did. It’s just relying on a police insider to pick up the phone and them everything.

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Posted: 18th, December 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comment


Duchess Camilla meets centaurs at London International Horse Show at Olympia

TO the London International Horse Show at Olympia, where the fabulous Duchess of Cornwall was meeting centaurs. These half man half horse creatures were presented as knights taking part in a finale performance played by Arts Educational Students.

But we know.

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Posted: 16th, December 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comment


Oh Just Look At That Kate Middleton ‘In Crisis’

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BEING a humble fool that rarely looks up from his desk (dining room table) I have to marvel at the work of Lucy Vine over there at Look magazine. This girl sits on the hardest working pair of bum cheeks in all of Fleet Street.

For example, take her Kate Middleton “SECRET CRISIS” story this week. Who am I to laugh and titter or revel in the night when there exists around me such a magnificent masterpiece of Rimmel journalism. No, I am just not worthy.

This week our intrepid Lucy du Look took her imagination over to Buck House for a secret pow-wow with Prince William (she calls him a “source“).

Here’s a few extracts from their ‘conversation’.

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Posted: 11th, December 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comment


Queen Wears Own Fur Coat To Turn Down Heating At Buckingham Palace

GAWD bless Queen Elizabeth II. Her annual pay for 2010-2011 has been slashed to £32.1m. And that will be frozen until 2015. In 1991-02 she received £77.3m.

ABC News duly picks up the phone an expert. And it finds only Ingrid Seward, editor-in-chief of Royal Magazine. She is quoted:

“You don’t really realize, but the queen is going around Buckingham Palace, turning off the lights, having fewer staff, even turning the heating down. She sometimes even writes letters in her very own fur coat.”

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Posted: 6th, December 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comment (1)


The Queen Meets Hayrunnisa’s Turkey Shoot Boots (Photos)

WHEN the President of Turkey Abdullah Gul met the Queen, she brought along his wife, the fragrant Hayrunnisa. And she, having read all about Prince Harry, Sarah Ferguson and assorted ginger goings on, she dyed her hair a flame-red and pulled on her shagging shoes… To ye olde stipper’s pole!

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The Duke of Edinburgh, Turkish President Abdullah Gul, Queen Elizabeth II and Gul's wife Hayrunnisa as they arrive at Buckingham Palace in London as he begins a three day State Visit to the UK.

Posted: 23rd, November 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comment


Prince William And Kate Middleton’s Wedding Photos Leaked: Pictures

ALISON Jackson’s Kate & Wills Up the Aisle: A Right Royal Fairy Tale tells the unseen truth behind the Royal Wedding of Prince William, Kate Middleton and Pippa Middleton’s bum. Anorak politely requests that Jackson sets about leaking the honeymoon video…

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Posted: 17th, November 2011 | In: Key Posts, Royal Family | Comment (1)


Pippa Middleton Is Single: Cue Photos And Much Talk Of Her Bum

PIPPA Middleton is single. She is Pippa Singleton. And that is all…

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Posted: 11th, November 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comment


Charles And Camilla Recapture The Magic In Tanzania

PRINCE Charles and Camilla are in Tanzania, where they have been sniffing nutmeg and dancing…

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Posted: 9th, November 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comment


Prince Charles And Camilla Make Their Own Shiny Beads: Tanzania Tour Photos

THE Prince of Wales and the Duchess of Cornwall, are on your in Tanzania, Africa. As ever, the Prince gives good photo. At once stage they made jewellery from recycled things.

“I’m not designed for this,” said Charles. “Look at my piece of art here,” said Camilla. And we looked. And we thought it somewhat ironic that the former colonial rulers were now the ones taking home beads and grinning broadly…

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The Prince of Wales and the Duchess of Cornwall, are shown how to make jewellery by Otaigo Wairoma (left) during a visit to the Wonder Workshop in Dar es Salaam, Tanzania, Africa, on the second day of a four day tour of the country.

Posted: 7th, November 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comment (1)


Prince Charles And Camilla South African Tour 2011 In Photos

PRINCE Charles and the Duchess of Cornwall are on a five-day tour in South Africa. You see, some Greek and Germans do still have money. We’ve been taking photos…

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The Duchess of Cornwall and the Prince of Wales receive flowers during a visit to Freedom Square in Soweto, South Africa, as part of their five day tour of the country.

Posted: 3rd, November 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comment


Daily Mail Rips Apart Kate Middleton Over A Scar On Her Head

WHEN Kate Middleton, aka the Duchess of Cambridge, hosted a private dinner at Clarence House, London, in aid of the charity In Kind Direct – one of The Prince of Wales’s charities – the Daily Mail told readers she was wearing false hair.

The paper told readers she she was sporting “weft” hair extensions, before launching into a thorough debate on how one side of her head is covered in thicker hair than the other.

An expert told us:

“It looks like the hair extensions have been put in too close to the hairline, where the hair is finer and there is less coverage, therefore the strip is easier to see.”

Glamour magazine concurred, saying “you can see a strip right at her temple there that does look suspiciously like the ‘tape’ at the top of hair extensions“.

The Mail then used those badly deployed hair extensions to make fun of Prince William’s thinning locks.

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Posted: 28th, October 2011 | In: Key Posts, Royal Family | Comments (6)


Is Jessica Donaldson And Prince Harry’s Romance A Publicity Stunt?

JESSICA Donaldson says he did not have sex with Prince Harry. The Sun says:

PRINCE Harry and his Californian cocktail waitress spent the night together in his £80 hotel room… Tattooed Jessica Donaldson, 26, was seen leaving Harry’s suite at 10.30am before getting into a waiting car.

Adding:

Jessica, known as Jes, then went back with Harry to the Courtyard Marriott hotel in Solano Beach, California, after their latest date.

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Posted: 24th, October 2011 | In: Key Posts, Royal Family | Comment (1)


Jessica Donaldson Tells All: Who Is Prince Harry’s Other Women?

JESSICA Donaldson, the American bikini-clad barmaid seen up close with Captain James Hewitt impersonator Prince Harry, has proved less than impossible to track down.

The Mirror hears her explain all about that night with Young Harry Baseball cap:

Says she:

“He’s a real-life Prince Charming.”

Indeed, what fairytale is complete without the dashing Prince waking the Princess by probing his alcohol-soaked tongue into her face? Name one.

But Jessica, 26, says she’s never got off with Harry, and is love with her live-in boyfriend, Brandon Thomason:

“Harry is a real-life Prince Charming. He is so sweet. In fact he was kind of goofy with me. I really like him but I am speaking out now because I want people to know the truth. I am not sleeping with Prince Harry and he has never been anything other than a total gentleman to me.”

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Posted: 23rd, October 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comment


Prince Harry Is Dating Kate Middelton Look Alike Jessica Donaldson: Photos

PRINCE Harry is doing his bit for Anglo-American relations by stepping out with an American named Jessica Donaldson.

She’s 26 and, according to the Sun, is a dead ringer for Kate Middleton.

Is this the real story? Forget those tabloid tales of Harry and Pippa Middleton, it’s the older sister Harry really wants. He’s scoured the world for His Kate, most recently the North Pole and finally found someone who looks just like his sister-in-law living in San Diego.

Granted, Jessica has tattoos, is shorter than Kate, has a more bulbous nose, less luxurious hair, on orangey hue, higher forehead and has never shopped in Jigsaw, but to the Sun’s experts she is a dead ringer for Princess Katherine.

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Posted: 22nd, October 2011 | In: Key Posts, Royal Family | Comments (3)


Queen Meets Constipated Julia Gillard And Graceful Elizabeth Cambage: Photos

DID Australian Prime Minister Julia Gillard bow when she met Her Majesty The Queen at Government House in Canberra? Or does the Republican have constipation? When they first met the Welsh-born Aussie leader failed to curtsy, an oddly churlish move that only makes the grandstanding non-curtsying woman look chippy and sly. Are Republicans just suffering from an inferiority complex?

One subject who did curtsy to the Queen (5ft 4ins) – or stoop – was six foot eight London born Australian basketball star Elizabeth Cambage, 20, who embraced her height by standing atop four-inch heels.

Says Cambage:

“I curtsied, and she shook my hand. She said, ‘You must be a basketball player.’ I said, ‘What gave it away?’ She said, ‘You are very tall – it must be an easy advantage… She was tiny, a little tiny delicate thing. She was sweet. Very queeny. She just carries herself with so much grace and has the time to meet everyone. She is really lovely.”

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Posted: 21st, October 2011 | In: Key Posts, Royal Family | Comment


Kathy Lette Rubbishes Royal Family After Dining Out On Their Hospitality

KATHY Lette is the Australian ex-pat living in London. That’s her at a Buckingham House soiree meeting the Queen. Kathy accepts Her Majesty’s booze and nibbles, says she had a great party and never wanted to go home – and then rubbishes her hosts on the telly. She is having her cake and eating it – literally:

Lette was at a Royal reception for members of the Australian community living in the UK:

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Queen Elizabeth II is impressed by the Corgi in a Crown outfit worn by Kathy Lette in the white drawing room at Buckingham Palace, before a Royal reception for members of the Australian community living in the UK.

 

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Queen Elizabeth II is impressed by the Corgi in a Crown outfit worn by Kathy Lette in the white drawing room at Buckingham Palace, before a Royal reception for members of the Australian community living in the UK.

Posted: 19th, October 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comment


Daily Mail Spots Pippa Middleton’s Arse Gatecrashing Another Daily Mail Story

PIPPA Middleton has backed into another Daily Mail story wrapped about a photo of her backside in a dress.

Charlotte Griffiths tells readers:

Since appearing in THAT dress at her sister’s wedding, Pippa Middleton has been hailed as a global style icon. But…

Butt, surely?

Ignoring the old adage ‘weddings and green should never be seen’ was not Pippa’s only fashion fault, however, as she also wore cross-strapped suede high-heels – and the aristocratic set consider heels unsightly at weddings. Only kitten-heeled shoes are deemed acceptable in the country.

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Posted: 18th, September 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comment


Kate Middleton Is Pregnant With Twins (Sources Say)

HUGE NEWSSSSSSSSS! Kate Middleton is “Pregnant With Twins!”

We know this because Star magazine knows this and tells us what it knows on its front page.

“A BOY AND A GIRL”

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Posted: 7th, September 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comment


Pippa Middleton At 28: Photos And Reader Offer

PIPPA Middleton’s backside is 28 years old today. Happy birthday! Look out for an exhibition of Pippa’s wedding outfit – that dress! those knickers! – at Buckingham Palace. Pippa’s still warm and slightly used souvenirs can bought from HRH Baseball Cap Solutions, Po Box 343 Croatia.

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Posted: 6th, September 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comment


Prince Harry, Two Croatian Models And A Wet Patch: Video Of Hal’s Chicken Dance Cocktail Dive

YOU’VE seen the video and photos of Prince Harry Baseball Cap dancing like a chicken in a dad suit in a Croatian club before falling into a massive cocktail. While royal watchers debate where Harry tumbled into the drink to mask an earlier, er, spill on his smart denims, the Mail tells us that “Really” happened when Harry got pissed and left a club with wannabe models Ana Simovic, 23, and Svetlana Gavrilovic, 28, and his pal Tom Inskip.

Mis Gavrilovic says:

“He was a true gentleman, very nice and polite. He noticed us and came over to say ‘Hi’. I was very surprised by how approachable he was.”

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Posted: 30th, August 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comment


Duchess Of Alba Marries Alfonso Diez: Photos Of Their Love

THE 85-year-old 18th Duchess of Alba is to be married to 61-year-old civil servant Alfonso Diez. Maria del Rosario Cayetana Alfonsa Victoria Eugenia Francisca Fitz-James Stuart y de Silva, to give her her dues, holds no fewer than 44 noble titles and 150 hereditary ones. Legend has it that she walk through Spain while never setting foot on another’s property. She is minted.

What attracted Sernor Diez to the ancient billionairess? We can’t say. But she has sought to counter the cynics by giving her five sons, one daughter and eight grandchildren their inheritance early. Moreover, Diez has signed a document renouncing any claim to his lover’s wealth. She has issued a statement in Hola! magazine:

“None of my friends will attend the marriage due to a lack of space.”

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Posted: 25th, August 2011 | In: Key Posts, Royal Family | Comment (1)


The EnglandVaarders Meet The Non-Nazi Prince Harry: Photos

PRINCE Harry spent the day meeting with members of the Suffolk Foundation and families of participants taking part in the The EnglandVaarders rowing escapade from Holland to the shores of Sizewell, Suffolk. Yep. People row across the North Sea for fun – ok, charity.

Harry met the families of four British men who recreated the epic escape from Nazi-occupied Holland. Anorak can understand why you do it when the Nazis are on your arse, but doing it when you don’t need to is odd. Maybe the thrill was in meeting Harry? And, no, he wasn’t dressed as a Nazi…

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Posted: 24th, August 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comment


Princess Diana And Dodi Fayed Were Engaged – Says German Journalist Who Never Reported It

DID you know that Princess Diana had a “SECRET ENGAGEMENT“.

No, not a meeting with a dress designer last week at her current abode on the fabled sixth floor of Harvey Nichols department story. This secret engagement was to Dodi Fayed.

Given that Diana played out so much of her life in the public eye as a celebrity princess, and that Dodi’s dad, Mohamed Al Fayed has never been reluctant to speak publicly of his family’s links to the royals, the news is a shocker. But, still, this is the Daily Express and its front page is informative:

PRINCESS Diana and Dodi Fayed were already secretly engaged when she was killed, according to explosive new ­evidence.

Evidence?

A German journalist has come forward to tell of a visit to Monte Carlo by Princess Diana and Dodi Fayed – just seven days before the fatal Paris car crash in August 1997.

Yes. A journalist… She should offer a clear account that stick to the facts. So. About that evidence..?

Trixi Chall, who wrote for Germany’s popular Bild ­newspaper for two decades, claims she saw Diana pointing at and picking out a diamond-encrusted ring from an exclusive ­jeweller as they strolled through the resort.

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Posted: 17th, August 2011 | In: Key Posts, Royal Family | Comments (8)


Sophie Winkleman And Zara Phillips Learn Their Lines In Hello!

SOPHIE Winkleman is talking to Hello! about her life married to Lord Freddie Windsor, the minor royal now working s a banker for JP Morgan.

The interview is remarkably dull. The only revelation of any note is:

“…a couple of times we’ve been to visit a friend with a very beautiful little island off Vancouver”.

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Posted: 9th, August 2011 | In: Royal Family | Comment (1)


Princess Beatrice’s Transmits Photos Of Zara Phillips and Mike Tindall’s Wedding

THE wedding of Zara Phillips and Mike Tindall at Canongate Kirk on Edinburgh’s Royal Mile was a big do. The Duchess of Cambridge was there. Ian Balshaw’s face was there – the best man fell of his bike last week, apparently. And then there was Princess Beatrice. Could she follow that hat she wore to the wedding of Kate Middleton and Prince William with another hideous creation that will captivate the mob and cement her growing celebrity? Answer: she tried.

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Posted: 30th, July 2011 | In: Key Posts, Royal Family | Comments (2)